Chapter Text
Sarah had invited them over for Christmas this year - both to celebrate as a family but also to do Ice’s will reading. First Christmas without him came like a sucker punch. The last few years have been a constant whirlwind of doctor appointments, family meetings, and spending as much time as possible together. They were told at the beginning that there was a chance - it gave everyone a false sense of comfort and hope that ultimately left them with a gaping hole in their chest when Sarah and Ice announced that his cancer has turned terminal. Denial and disbelief swept through all of them - Ice has fought and been in remission, he was suppose to be fine in the end. Anger came after, some of them turning to God or whatever they believed in, cursing him, wondering why he was doing his to their family after taking Nick away all those years ago.
When Slider arrived at the house, he noticed everyone’s car parked in their unofficial designated spots in the driveway. Ice’s white Volvo was parked inside the garage, making it seem like he was here, like things were normal. He leaned against his car, trying to delay going inside because of how bad it hurt. His chest felt tight and his eyes stung with tears that were always threatening to fall since they got the phone call. The rumble of Bradley’s bronco brought him out of his head as he swallowed roughly, turning to watch him pull behind his car. He took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together as Bradley stepped out and took one look at him, before locking the Bronco up and heaving him tightly into a hug. Him and Brad were roughly the same size, had been since Bradley turned 17.
He was all of their pride and joy - he was their first kid. After Nick was killed, they all stepped up to the plate to help raise him. Slider had many memories of teaching him baseball and football, going to his games and watching him perfect his sport. He has been there when Brad made the decision that he wanted to go to the academy and become a pilot like the rest of them. Birthdays, graduations, promotions - Slider had been there through all of it. He buried his face in the curly blonde hair as they took comfort in each other. “You okay Sli?” Bradley’s voice was no more than a hoarse whisper but even Ron could hear fear and insecurity brought on by seeing his uncle break down.
He nodded into the mess of curls before gently tugging him towards the door, “Don’t want to keep your aunt waiting do you?” Their arms stayed around each other as they climbed the steps and rang the door bell. It was barely a few moments before the door opened, revealing an exhausted Sarah behind it. Her hair was thrown into a low pony and her eyes were red-rimmed from days of crying. She gave Bradley a quick hug before wrapping Ron in a firm one, burying her face in his shoulder. Bradley walked further into the house, letting them have their moment. Ice’s house hardly ever changed from the last time he was here, Sarah couldn’t bring herself to put anything away and erase Ice’s presence from the house.
He saw Merlin and Sundown in the kitchen, stirring something on the stove while Wood, Wolf, and Cougar were spread among the living room. The tree was up, the lights twinkling as the fireplace crackled. It was peaceful, all things considered. A storage bin was placed on the coffee table, with a folder and photo album on top of it. Cougar was the first one to spot him, getting up from his place on the recliner and giving him a hug. “There’s our gosling. How you been kid?” He shrugged, “Been busy with work and everything. I’m getting ready for another deployment soon, within the next month I would say.” A chuckle came behind him as Wolf slapped him on the back, “I don’t miss those but I am glad you made it Brad.”
Brad pulled away from Cougar to lean down and hug Wood who hadn’t left his spot on the couch, “Back bothering you again?” Wood nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, “This is what you go to look forward to gosling.” Wood smiled before shoving Bradley away, laughing as he pretended to lose his balance. Sarah and Ron entered the living room, breaking the tension. “Does everyone want to eat first or do the reading first?” Sarah asked, as she glanced into the kitchen. “It’s about ready,” Sundown called out, as plates gently clicked against the dinning room table.
They all shuffled in one by one, taking their respective seats they unofficially claimed over the years. Dinner was the ice breaker that they all needed - laughter, sharing stories, memories, catching up, future plans. Ice’s place at the head of the table was painful noticeably empty but nonetheless Sarah serves his portion and set it down on his placemat. Dessert was served soon after everyone finished - everyone taking their time, all with the same thought in mind to delay the inevitable. Wood and Wolf cleared the table, starting on dishes while Bradley and Slider took the trash out and cleaned the rest of the table up. Sarah and the rest of the boys sat in the living room, reflecting and quiet. Merlin could see that Sarah was lost in thought, looking out the window, tears gathering in her eyes. He moved next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder - guiding her head to the junction of his shoulder and neck, gently squeezing her as a calm took over the room.
Once everyone was finished and sitting, Sarah popped the lid off the storage bin and distributed envelopes - all containing letters written from Ice. Per Ice’s immaculate instructions, everything contained within the letter were to remain private and only for the person addressed on the envelope to know. He poured his heart and soul into each letter, knowing that it was the last little something of comfort he could offer all of them. Everyone was in tears by the end, Sarah sat waiting patiently for everyone to finish and take the time they needed. She herself had one that was tucked away in her jewelry box that brought her to knees in tears for hours after she opened it.
“Did we miss some?” Ron asks, voice low and hoarse from tears. Two letter remained in the bin as Sarah stood up, picking one of the last letters up - leaving the other one and placing the bin on the floor. “This one is addressed to all of us. Tom wanted me to read it when everyone was here.” The waiver in her voice was noticeably but no one called her on it. “What about the last one?” Merlin questioned as he leaned to look at the box. Sarah shook her head as she opened the letter:
Boys,
Logically I know it’s not my fault but regardless I’m sorry it ended this way. I hope the letters and things I left behind bring you some comfort after I am gone and just know I’ll be waiting on the other side to hear all the stupid shit you got into these next few decades. I have all the patience I need so don’t come early - they didn’t call me Iceman for nothing. I didn’t plan for this to happen, I guess no one really does but this was the last thing I ever expected to happen. I expected to be around to see the kids, B, and Sweet Pea get married and give us the first set of grandkids. Even just writing this, it hurts to think of everything I will miss out on but everything happens for a reason. The main reason I wrote this was because I needed to confess to something I should have 15 years ago.
I didn’t want to leave this earth without telling anyone the truth and while my health seems to be deteriorating faster then I want it to, this seemed like the most simple way. Sarah already knows what I’m about to tell you so in no way if this her fault for not saying anything - we swore her not to tell anyone. I wasn’t the best big brother I should have been and in saying that I hope that the pieces are falling into place. It has to do with Pete and pulling Brad’s papers - honestly, I kick myself now, knowing that I didn’t say anything all those years before. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was scared or if it was the fact that Mav seemed so sure of himself that keeping it a secret would be best for everyone but I know he will take it to the grave with him and it needs to be said. When Brad told us that Mav pulled his papers, I sat down with him one night to try and understand.
He tried to make excuses for it like what he’s been telling B all these years but I saw through his bullshit and pulled the real answer out of him. In short terms, he honored Carole’s dying wish to make sure Bradley didn’t make it to the academy - she didn’t want him getting hurt or dying like Nick did. She was afraid for him so much she made Mav promise that he would do anything he could to keep him out of the academy. Even though it’s been 15 years, I think we can all agree that Mav is not one to break a promise. He cashed in every favor he’s ever gained in his time of serving to pull his papers - it wasn’t an easy task by any means. He struggled with it for a long time, going back and forth on what he should do because after raising him, the sky was Bradley’s birth right. It tore him taking it from him but if it meant he would be safe, Pete would have done anything for him even taking the blame so Carol’s image wouldn’t be damaged.
He adjusted to life “well” after, I think he had been preparing for it since he made the promise. Pete never does anything half-assed and he’s been self harming as a coping mechanism for a long time - longer than I think even we knew before. His main “habits” are cutting and starvation but I think is another reason why he became a test pilot, all of his benefits are named in Bradley’s name . He wanted something to happen but Nick and Carole never let it. Granted yes, he has had many close calls over the years - one’s we didn’t know about because his NOK is whoever his superior officer is. I had to pull his medical file behind his back. Nick trusted us to look out for him and I trust you guys as well even though it’s been so long. I trust you guys will make the right decisions now that you know the truth. Thinking now, Mother Goose is going to kick my ass when I get up there but it’s deserved to some degree.
I love you guys so much and I will miss you guys so badly, it already hurts. I left Pete’s address and barracks number on the back page as well as his number. He never moved into a place of his own after everything that went down with B.
- Tom
Everyone was openly crying by the time Sarah was done reading. “This last letter is for Pete, he’s suppose to come pick it up next week - he didn’t want to intrude on our traditions and festivities here.” Sarah answered Merlin question, now that the context made sense. Slider was burning red hot, angrily getting up and pacing the length of the living room while everyone else just started at the bin. Wolf and Wood were wrapped around each other while Cougar had his face in his hands. “Call Pete, call him right now.” Slider said, teeth gritting as he struggled to calm himself down. Sundown met Slider half way through his pace, laying a hand on his chest before pulling him into a hug. “You being pissed isn’t going to help with this situation. He hasn’t heard from any of us in 15 years - how like is it that he’s going to answer an unknown number.”
Cougar cleared his throat, “Kid, would you be okay calling him? Let’s see what he’s doing first before one of us ends up flying off the handles.” Bradley nodded as he got up to grab his phone from the dinner room table. He was scrolling through his contacts when Sundown manhandled his largest uncle back into his place on the couch. They waited with a bated breath as the phone rang, the shrill of the dial tone sending goosebumps up their arms. No answer. Not even one second later, a text came though:
Pete Mitchell: One second baby goose, I don’t think I’d be able to hear you over the noise.
Bradley held up the message for everyone to see as they all waited. “Where even is he?” Wolf questioned. Bradley shrugged as he turned to look at Sarah who had her face in her hands. “He does something different every year - sometimes he’ll take a trip but most recently he’s been deployed. He tried to deploy a lot in the early years too when it sunk in that Bradley wasn’t going to be coming home. We would invite him here every year but as Pete would say - he didn’t want to “rock the boat” knowing that everyone was upset with him. Eventually he would come early in the morning for an hour or two but he always left before you guys arrived.” Wood shook his head, “So he’s pretty much been by himself all these years then. No friends or nothing?” Sarah nodded, “I think so, he’s been together with Penny again but I doubt he made plans to spend the holidays with them.” Bradley interjected, “They left a week ago, her and Amelia. I overheard them talking about it when we were at the hanger.”
The phone vibrating on the table silenced everyone as Bradley answered it and put the phone on speaker. They heard music, people talking and shouting in the background, and cars driving.
“Mav?“ Bradley asked, not sure if it was a butt-dial or not.
“Can you hear me baby goose?”
“Yeah, what are you doing?”
“I flew down to the bay to watch the niners play, why what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“No, nothing happened. I just wanted to call and tell you Merry Christmas. “
“Don’t give an old man a scare like that Roo but Merry Christmas to you too baby goose. Did you go to your aunt Sarah’s house?” They could hear the chuckle in his voice.
“Yeah we just finished with dinner, getting ready to open presents.”
“I won’t keep you any longer then, you go enjoy it baby goose.”
“Wait Mav.”
“What’s up?”
“Do you want to have dinner sometime this week, like after you get back and everything?”
“Sure baby goose, ill be back tomorrow so how does Wednesday sound?”
“That’s fine.”
“Alright, I’ll see you then.”
“Okay.”
The call went on for a few more seconds, the background noise getting louder before it finally hung up. “Does he even have any friends? Even if they are outside the navy?” Slider swallowed, “I don’t think he has either.” Rooster nodded, “I think Hondo is the closest thing to a friend he has but that’s just because they have been deployed so many times together.” Sarah knew Tom was the reason that kept Mav and Hondo together, Hondo was the only piece of stability Pete has had in years, not to mention the only one in recent times that hasn’t held Nick’s death or his father’s legacy over his head either. Merlin walked over to the window, “I don’t like ambushing him at dinner but I don’t know how else to address it besides just ripping the bandaid off.” Sarah was biting her thumbnail, deep in thought as everyone pondered over the right thing to do. “I think this way is the best,” Wood shrugged, “because if one of us reaches out to him, it’s going to tip him off and he’ll know something is wrong.”
The energy in the room was nervous, knowing Pete has been alone this whole time - hanging his own death sentence over his head. “He was nervous before around us but now that both Tom and Nick are gone - plus we haven’t spoke in years after our fight, we won’t know how he will react.” Merlin said, picking at the skin of his thumb. “We need to do it, I think it’s our last shot of fixing this.” Everyone thought the same thing, that they all wished Ice was here to fix everything. Ice had always been the fixer, pulling them out of situations that only his four star admiral status and reputation could do. The last 30 minutes have been nothing but ice water being dumped on all of them, they weren’t sure what was more shocking - the fact that it was Carole’s wish that Bradley never be able to fly or that Mav was more then willing to take the blame for all of it.
Bradley was the first to break, he had always been an emotional kid. It had only gotten worse since Carole passed but anger was usually what came out on top. Heartbreaking sobs broke the silence as Sarah and Ron came over, tugging him into a hug and crying with him. Emotions were thick in the air but it was what everyone needed. Once they all pulled themselves together, Merlin reminded them that there were still presents to open - another good ice breaker. Laughter, jokes, quips, and cursing outweighed all the tears they had just shed. They were finally healing as a family and the grief didn’t feel so crushing anymore. Everyone started dropping like flies after all the presents were opened - Wood, Wolf, and Cougar were all curled up on the couch asleep while Sundown was out on the recliner. Brad was curled up in front of the fireplace like a cat while Slider was on trash clean up, stuffing all the wrapping paper into a garbage bag. Sarah walked back into the room with Tom’s cup as she planted herself on loveseat, carefully watching over all the boys sleeping.
Ron caught her glance when he walked back into the room, “Everything will be okay Sarah, we’ll all be okay.”