Archive of Our Own

Three months had passed since Kaveh moved into Alhaitham’s residence though he supposed that it was due time for him to start calling it their house instead.

Because it was their house. Kaveh and Alhaitham were roommates.

Kaveh could deny it as much as he wanted but there was no credence to be gained when contradictory evidence was strewn all over the place.

It was Kaveh’s drawing equipment scattered across Alhaitham’s desk.

That was Alhaitham’s oversized tunic that somehow found its way into Kaveh’s closet.

Those were their coffee mugs sitting in the cupboards of the kitchen.

In the short span of three months, the house had become their home. And, truth be told, Kaveh actually liked referring to the house as ‘theirs’.

He liked the intimacy of sharing his space with the other man, liked the fact that they were privy to each other’s habits and routines in such ways that strangers would never know. Facts like how Kaveh took his coffee in the morning, the secret spices that Alhaitham added to his signature Sabz Meat Stew, all the messages scribbled onto the squares of their shared calendar, etc.

These were all mundane things but they were still ever so precious to Kaveh.

It had only been three months but it felt like enough time for every facet of his soul to be laid bare before Alhaitham in their home. It was a bold statement to make but it was true all the same.

Afterall, Alhaitham and Kaveh have known each other for much longer than they’ve been living together. A friendship as established as theirs was comfortable, and that comfort lent itself to many other things too.

For instance, the pair could be as frank and forthright when communicating with each other as they wished. Sometimes Kaveh thought that Alhaitham could stand to be a touch more delicate with the delivery of his words but he couldn’t fault the man for his honesty. It was never meant unkindly and Alhaitham was never as cruel as his caustic tone would lead one to believe.

The comfort and honesty present in their relationship had a further implication: the inference that there were no secrets between them.

This was true, for the most part.

It was no secret that Kaveh was frustrated by his roommate’s tendency to leave books all over the living room. Kaveh wasn’t oblivious to how Alhaitham felt about his foolish idealism and naïve generosity either.

But it also wasn’t a secret that Kaveh greatly appreciated the glass of water and freshly cut Zaytun peaches on his bedside table after a late night at Lambad’s tavern, nor was it a secret that Alhaitham was always pleased to come home to a warm dinner after a long day at work.

The grievances and appreciation in their domestic household were never kept private so yes, one could say that there were no secrets between the two of them.

One would be a liar though, because there was in fact a single secret that Kaveh guarded closely to his heart—a secret that Kaveh would sooner take to his grave before ever admitting it to anyone aloud.

Kaveh harboured secret feelings for his roommate.

This wasn’t a recent discovery. It wasn’t a blossoming affection that had newly bloomed. Kaveh had been in love with Alhaitham for years now and every day spent in Alhaitham’s presence only deepened Kaveh’s feelings to the extent that he could no longer ignore them.

But if Kaveh shut his eyes tightly enough then perhaps he could deceive himself, become lost between the planes of denial and delusion while pretending that his feelings weren’t genuine.

There was an alternative explanation for everything.

Kaveh could attribute the fluttering of his heart to a strange illness and not the way Alhaitham’s smile was always fonder in the evening after a nice meal.

The blush on Kaveh’s cheeks was a symptom of heatstroke and not the result of Alhaitham leaning a touch too close when brushing past him in the hallways of their home.

His giddiness—that rush of lightheaded euphoria singing through his body—was just the strength of the wine in his chalice and not from catching Alhaitham’s tender gaze from across the table at Lambad’s.

Kaveh could bury his feelings; he could continue ascribing them to arbitrary factors and dismiss any romantic connotations in his own mind but whether he could keep hiding them from Alhaitham was another problem entirely.

The Scribe was an incredibly astute individual. So observant and analytical that Kaveh was unsure if the other man hadn’t already caught onto his feelings and was just feigning ignorance to preserve their friendship.

Kaveh grimaced. That was egregiously humiliating at best and wretchedly heartbreaking at worst.

In the comfort of his bedroom, Kaveh couldn’t help but privately contemplate the pros and cons of confessing to his roommate.

The results were demoralising.

It seemed like there were immeasurable cons against the limited pros. What’s more, even the slimmest chance of Alhaitham reciprocating was crushed by the daunting consequences attached to rejection.

Kaveh knew that Alhaitham would never be so cruel as to kick him out for having unrequited feelings. It would just be too awkward for Kaveh to function, therein laid the problem.

He could never sacrifice the ease and normalcy of their current arrangements. No matter how badly Kaveh yearned to lean into Alhaitham’s arms and taste the coffee on his lips, or to gaze into his gorgeous eyes and count the lashes framing those orbs of crimson and teal—he just couldn’t do it.

It would be impossible to live together while navigating the aftermath of rejection.

Also, and forgive him for adding this as an afterthought, it would completely shatter Kaveh’s heart if Alhaitham rejected him. Fractured into a million shards; he’d spend the rest of his life cutting his hands while picking up the pieces.

Kaveh’s mouth went dry.

Were his hands trembling?

He wasn’t sure.

Kaveh just knew that he could do with a nice glass of wine right about now. One glass for the tremors to subside, a second glass to soothe the ache in his chest. Perhaps a third to finally silence the din in his brain.

The blond would be well and truly drunk by that point but it was fine—ideal, even, considering he felt much too sober for this level of pathetic pining.

Kaveh reached for the bottle and chalice that he kept in his room for nights like this. He poured a generous amount into his cup, the red liquid sloshing around as its fragrant aroma permeated through the room.

A sweet scent filled Kaveh’s nostrils; it was enticing enough that he tipped the glass back and downed his drink in one.

First the flavour spread over his tongue, then the richness travelled down his throat. It was an expensive wine and Kaveh savoured every drop as a familiar warmth washed over his body. He’d been teased in the past for how quickly his face would redden after his first glass but it was an insignificant side-effect that he easily endured.

Kaveh poured a second glass of wine and quickly downed that too.

There was another rather unfortunate side-effect of being in an inebriated state: it tended to loosen Kaveh’s tongue.

Unlike his brutally blunt roommate, Kaveh preferred to speak with a little more tact. Depending on the circumstances he’d soften his tone or perhaps omit a few choice words that would otherwise colour his speech distastefully.

Moreover, alcohol had yet another side-effect of forcing Kaveh to become a fountain of truth. One glass too many and the blond would spill all his secrets if he wasn’t careful.

His loose tongue had gotten him into trouble before. Just last week he’d gotten a little too drunk and confessed to Cyno that he saw Tighnari accidentally drop one of his precious TCG cards into a bowl of Minty Bean Soup.

That had been incredibly awkward for everyone, especially when Kaveh then turned to Tighnari to inform him of the time that Cyno mistook a batch of Tighnari’s favourite mushrooms for compost and promptly disposed of them into a worm-bin, but he digressed.

The point was: drunk Kaveh was much more free with his speech than sober Kave and liquid courage was a phenomenon that he could personally attest.

In fact, Kaveh was feeling courageous enough that he could storm into Alhaitham’s room right now! It would only take a minute to barge through the door and loudly profess his love right then and there, before the alcohol left his system and the sense returned to his body.

But alas, Alhaitham was not home. The Scribe was on a desert expedition and not expected to return until early tomorrow morning.

One could not confess to another who was not currently present.

Kaveh’s shoulders drooped in disappointment. Desolate, he stretched his arm to pour a third glass of wine but picked up a quill instead as a lightbulb went off in his head.

His mind was clouded by alcohol but the wine had also blessed him with the brilliant idea of writing a passionate love letter. It was a stroke of genius. If he couldn’t verbally confess his feelings then he’d take pen to paper and do it that way.

Kaveh already knew that alcohol loosened his tongue but he’d now discovered that it also slackened his grip on his quill too.

The blond scrawled the letter hastily with none of the usual elegance or penmanship of his usual writing. He squinted at the parchment dubiously. It seemed legible enough, at least to the comprehension of his highly intoxicated self.

Oh, to hell with it—if he could read it while piss-drunk then Alhaitham could surely read it while sober.

Dear Alhaitham,

Miss you and your stupid face

Wanna kiss your stupid face so bad

Not yours, but oh fuck I wish I was

Kaveh

Succinct. Sweet. Sincere.

It was the perfect confession. Alhaitham was going to love it.

Maybe he was being bias but Kaveh kinda thought that the love letter read a little bit like a poem. It was short with a single stanza—and he’d crossed out most of the last line in sheer embarrassment—but it was a poem all the same.

Now he just had to deliver it to Alhaitham’s room.

In all his drunken glory, Kaveh stumbled towards his roommate’s bedroom. He fumbled with the doorknob for a second but otherwise had no trouble slipping into the unlit space.

It was a little difficult to see in the dark but Kaveh was familiar with the room’s layout enough to place the letter on Alhaitham’s desk. The piece of parchment was in such a conspicuous place that Alhaitham was sure to see it when he returned.

Satisfied with his work, the blond nodded to himself and turned to exit.

Kaveh had only meant to drop the letter onto Alhaitham’s desk before promptly leaving but of course, things could never be so easy.

It was dark and Kaveh was still drunk. Consequently, it was that much easier for him to lose his footing and trip over whatever books were still strewn across Alhaitham’s floor.

Kaveh lost his balance.

“Fuck!” He cursed as he fell forwards.

Mercifully, the blond found himself sprawled over Alhaitham’s bedsheets instead of the hard floor.

Come to think of it, was this the first time that he’d laid on Alhaitham’s bed? That was a shame if it was, because it was a very nice bed and Alhaitham should consider sharing it with him more often.

Kaveh’s eyelids drooped. His eyes were heavy and so were his limbs; it seemed that the wine had finally fatigued him.

The last thoughts that crossed Kaveh’s mind as his face met the cool silk of Alhaitham’s pillow was how nice the other man smelled and how—if Celestia could grant him just this one wish—he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in this bed every night for the rest of his life.

Kaveh was roused awake by the sweet birdsong that soundtracked mid-mornings in Sumeru City. It would’ve been a lovely way to wake up if Kaveh wasn’t nursing a hangover.

Moreover, the birdsong was an unfortunate signifier that Alhaitham was definitely already home…and probably knew that Kaveh had snuck into his room last night.

Kaveh cursed his luck and slipped out of Alhaitham’s bed as quietly as possible.

He’d been tucked into the bed which was strange because Kaveh was sure that he’d passed out on top of the covers and not under them. As previously discussed, wine had a great many effects on Kaveh but a failing memory was not one of them.

That was the least of Kaveh’s problems.

First he had to devise a plan to sneak back into his own bedroom, unnoticed. Then he’d have to quickly pack his bags with only the essentials because he really wouldn’t have much time before Alhaitham came looking for him. Then, Kaveh would have to run to Gandharva Ville and beg Tighnari to take him on as a spare forest ranger.

If Kaveh sprinted all the way without breaks then he would surely make it to Gandharva Ville before sundown.

Unfortunately, that would be the easiest part of his plan. Kaveh would then have to explain his pitiful situation to Tighnari and condemn himself to his friend’s exasperated lecture.

There was a chance that Tighnari would just send him straight back to Sumeru City but maybe if Kaveh grovelled enough, the Forest Watcher would let him linger in the forest until everyone forgot about his existence.

Maybe he could put his architectural expertise to use and make pretty birdhouses for the local dusk birds in the area. Or he could build more housing for the forest rangers and their families.

It would be fulfilling work. Perhaps not the life Kaveh had envisioned for himself as a child but it was infinitely better than the alternative of staying here after being rejected by the man he loved.

He briefly shut his eyes to pray: Please Celestia, let Alhaitham be magnanimous today. May Alhaitham spare Kaveh his shredded dignity and allow him to keep the tatters of it.

Somehow, Kaveh felt more pathetic now than he did last night.

Sighing, Kaveh resolved to step into the living room. He intended to march straight past Alhaitham, ignoring whatever the man could possibly say to him.

Predictably, his plans were immediately thwarted the second Kaveh stepped into Alhaitham’s view.

The grey-haired man was casually leaning against the kitchen counter, almost like he was waiting for Kaveh to make his appearance.

Kaveh pressed his lips together crossly. Knowing Alhaitham—the fucking jerk—he probably was waiting for him. So Kaveh stuck his chin into the air and marched through the living room as confidently as he could.

With his sideswept bangs and impossibly cool demeanour, Alhaitham was as effortlessly gorgeous as always. Kaveh self-consciously raked a hand through his own tangled blond locks and wondered if he should’ve tidied his dishevelled appearance before stomping into the room.

It was too late though. Alhaitham was already watching from his place in the kitchen, coffee in hand and amusement dancing in his turquoise eyes as Kaveh moved past him.

The other man was suspiciously silent while Kaveh walked, ostensibly content to idly watch him move.

Kaveh’s heart swelled with hope. Was there a chance that he hadn’t seen Kaveh emerge from his room?

Not two seconds later did Alhaitham speak and thus burst Kaveh’s bubble, shattering all of his hopes and dreams in the process.

“So, do you often end up in my bed while I’m away or was last night just a special occasion?” The Scribe spoke in a teasing drawl like he knew that the answer wasn’t important.

It could’ve been the first time, it could’ve been the hundredth time. The fact that it happened once was enough for Kaveh to die from the sheer mortification.

Sinkholes were not a phenomenon seen in Sumeru but Kaveh still found himself wishing that one would swallow him up from the beneath the ground anyway.

There was one last hope that Kaveh desperately clung to: Alhaitham still hadn’t mentioned the love letter.

But Celestia must’ve had a vendetta against him because again, Kaveh’s hopes and dreams were swiftly crushed in the next second when Alhaitham asked a damning question.

“You really think my face is stupid?” The amusement twinkling in Alhaitham’s bright eyes also lifted his tone as he referenced Kaveh’s love letter.

“The stupidest.” Kaveh snapped back. There was no real heat behind his words, just flustered indignation from being mocked so casually.

“But you still want to kiss me.” Alhaitham’s tone was gentle yet teasing.

Archons it made Kaveh’s knees weak to hear Alhaitham speak so tenderly. The blond knew that he had to run now, before he did something stupid like impulsively ask Alhaitham to marry him.

Sensing his roommate’s intention to flee, Alhaitham slowly pushed another mug—Kaveh’s mug—across the counter and towards him.

A peace offering or perhaps a caffeinated bribe?

Incredibly smart play. Hungover Kaveh would indeed stay for a cup of coffee.

Still, that amused glint in Alhaitham’s eyes hadn’t faded. If anything, it was becoming even more pronounced, suggesting that Alhaitham was growing more amused as he waited for Kaveh to reply.

Kaveh scowled; he refused to give Alhaitham the satisfaction.

He stiffly walked to the kitchen counter and shyly muttered his thanks while taking the mug from Alhaitham’s hands.

Their hands brushed for the briefest moment but it was enough to send a shock of electricity through Kaveh’s body.

Kaveh gasped with a jolt. He would’ve dropped the mug if Alhaitham hadn’t reached out to cover his hands, enveloping them and fixing his grasp on the cup until Kaveh was ready to hold it on his own.

“Careful, love.” Alhaitham murmured with a quiet chuckle.

There was a gentle smile playing on Alhaitham’s lips that softened his sharp eyes—softened Alhaitham’s entire face, really, like he was looking at something precious and not his mess of a roommate.

It made Kaveh’s heart race but he couldn’t allow himself to be optimistic.

Kaveh rushed out of the kitchen as carefully as he could; he didn’t want to spill hot coffee all over their carpets or his clothes. Embarrassingly, his face felt warmer than the coffee in his mug.

Naturally, this only made his cheeks burn a brighter red. He sincerely hoped that Alhaitham wasn’t watching.

Kaveh quickly entered his room. He shut his door for peace of mind before sitting at his desk and hiding his face in his hands. The blond’s face still felt so hot. He was almost worried that his complexion would be stuck like this forever, a crimson red creeping up his ears and disappearing past his collarbones.

It had been a mortifying morning, truly one for the ages.

Judging from Alhaitham’s words, the other man had clearly read Kaveh’s letter but he hadn’t offered any response. Kaveh sunk his teeth into his bottom lip; it was troubling.

At the very least Alhaitham didn’t seem angry or disgusted. He seemed…oddly happy, actually. What’s more, the Scribe had even called him “love” too.

Maybe Kaveh could be a little bit optimistic. Maybe there was hope for the two of them yet.

Kaveh bit back his gleeful smile as he sipped on his coffee. It was the perfect milk to coffee ratio with just the right amount of sugar too. He took another sip and let the beverage warm his heart; Alhaitham knew him so well.

There was no repressing Kaveh’s joy when he recalled the other events that had just transpired though.

Alhaitham’s tender tone. His kind eyes. The murmured “Careful, love” still reverberating in his mind.

Kaveh loved Alhaitham so much that it hurt.

Distracted by the memory of his roommate’s handsome smile, Kaveh almost failed to notice the neatly written letter sitting on his own desk. He nearly fell out of his chair when he did see it though.

Kaveh calmed his stuttering heart and gingerly pick up the letter with shaking hands.

Scarlet eyes widened as they read the letter’s contents. Was this—? Kaveh read it once more, and a third time for good measure, just to confirm that he wasn’t hallucinating yet another far-fetched fantasy.

Then he hastily dropped the letter onto his bed; he didn’t need to read it a fourth time.

Feeling lighter than he had in years, Kaveh ran back into the kitchen to throw himself into Alhaitham’s waiting arms.

Dear Kaveh,

I want to kiss your stupid face too.

Yours,

Alhaitham

(P.S. Missed you more and I wish you were mine too.)