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Buck doesn't talk to his parents much.
They have a better relationship than when he was a kid. They did a few therapy appointments with him and even got their own therapist back in Hershey (after a crazy amount of convincing). They call more often and they visit every once in a while.
Still, sometimes Buck goes months without hearing a peep. He sends Christmas cards and gets one in return, and occasionally he calls them on a holiday or two, but that's the extent of it.
It's as he writes his new address with Eddie and Chris on the back of a postcard with a family picture that he comes to a horrible realization: he never freaking told his parents that he has a daughter or that he adopted another kid. Or that he started dating Eddie. Or that he moved in. God, it's been months since any of that began.
He softly sets his pen down and folds his hands on the table in front of him. He does it so quietly that Eddie doesn't so much as look up from his own postcard to his parents, head bobbing along to Shakira. Eventually, though, Eddie says, "You haven't said anything in a while." Which, fair. Buck typically can't keep his damn mouth shut, which has been the nail in the coffin of probably half a dozen potential relationships, but Eddie seems to like him well enough anyway.
"I, uh."
Eddie finally looks up when Buck stops. His brow furrows. "Everything okay?"
"I haven't talked to my parents in months," Buck says. "Not since my mom's birthday in April."
"Not even for your birthday?"
"They didn't call," he replies evenly. "Eddie, I haven't talked to them in, like, eight months."
He sees the wheels turning in Eddie's head for a long moment before Eddie goes, "Oh."
"Yeah."
"Okay, so they don't know about any of this," Eddie says with a wave of his hands.
"Right."
"So what are you going to do?"
Buck's leg bounces under the table. "Have you told your parents?"
He fully expects it when Eddie says, "Not about us or the adoption."
Buck knows very little about Eddie's youth, but he knows he grew up Catholic in a house that stressed "traditional" gender norms and relationships. Eddie's parents even pressured him to get married to a woman he got pregnant, for God's sake! Learning their son was in a committed queer relationship helping raise a kid that wasn't his would probably give them both heart attacks. So, yeah, he didn't think Eddie would have told them.
Eddie takes Buck by surprise, though, when he says, "I told them that you have Sage."
And now he feels even worse, because the Diazes know about Sage but the Buckleys don't. He massages his temples.
"Hey, it's okay," Eddie says.
Buck buries his face in his hands. "God, I don't even know if I should tell them at this point. Just not send a Christmas card."
"But you want them to be a part of your life."
"Well, yeah, I guess."
"And they'll figure it out eventually," Eddie says softly, the voice of reason. "They come to visit sometimes and you can't expect Maddie to keep all of this a secret."
"I know!" he groans.
"And the longer you wait the harder it'll be."
"Eddie." He stares desperately. He's already upset enough with himself; he doesn't need his partner to spell it out.
Eddie's knee presses to his under the table. "Sorry. Whatever happens, we'll handle it."
Buck nods and lays his head on his forearms on the table. "How could I forget? I mean, you chose not to tell your parents, right? And I just forgot."
"You don't talk to them that often."
"I'll… I'll call them today."
He feels Eddie's hand land on the back of his head and scratch gently at his scalp.
—
He doesn't call them that day.
He waits until the next day on shift so he can make an easy excuse to bail if he needs to. He sits on one of the benches of the locker room, eyes on Bobby and Eddie as they talk on the other side of the engine bay.
He takes a deep breath and presses call.
"Evan!" his mom says chipperly. She holds the phone too close to her face and off center as all parents do.
"Hey, Mom," he says instead of correcting her. He learned a while ago to accept that his parents still call him Evan most of the time. There are so many other things that they've worked on, so his name seems like a small deal. Obviously name changes matter a lot more to a lot of people, but for him it's… He can handle it. "How are you and Dad?"
"Oh, we're doing fine," she says. "How are you?" She waves a hand off-screen and shakes her phone wildly in the process. His dad appears, and Margaret props the phone up on something and winds up too far away when she sits.
"Good, good." Buck glances up, hoping that Eddie or Bobby will be beckoning him over, but no luck. Eddie has disappeared somewhere, but Bobby is standing dutifully with his arms crossed, eyes trained on Buck. He raises an eyebrow in question and Buck replies with a shaky thumbs-up.
"We haven't gotten your Christmas card yet," Phillip says. Buck hadn't sent any for years, but once he settled in L.A. he started to, and they seem to have gotten used to it.
Buck clears his throat. "Yeah, I, uh. I wanted to give you guys a heads-up about that."
Margaret's face tightens slightly, like she's already steeling herself for bad news. "What about?"
He scratches his neck and decides to start small. "Well, I moved for one thing."
"Oh." Margaret relaxes slightly. "That's not bad."
"Did you finally get a bedroom?" Phillip asks.
"Or a second bedroom," Margaret says. "So you can meet a nice girl and settle down."
"Uh." Buck stares down at his lap and picks off a speck of lint. "Well, I kind of already met someone. Moved in."
Margaret claps her hands together. "Oh, wonderful. What's her name?"
Buck takes a long time to reply. He feels more than one set of eyes on him and glances up to see the entire team watching him from the other side of the glass. The sight startles him so much he flinches, and Hen grabs Chim and Ravi to pull them away. "It's, uh. His name's Eddie. I think you've met, actually."
A long silence. Buck refuses to look at the screen. Instead, he keeps his eyes trained on Eddie, who watches him right back with a soft expression. Then, Phillip says, "Your coworker?"
"Yeah."
"The firefighter."
"Yeah."
"And that's allowed?"
Buck finally looks back at the screen. His mom's lips are pursed and she looks like she's about to start crying, and his dad just looks incredulous. "Yeah, we worked it out with our captain."
"But you…" Margaret says. "We thought we'd get more grandchildren. Maddie's unlikely to have more at her age, and-"
"Gonna stop you right there," Buck says tersely, because he'll be damned if he lets his parents bad-mouth his sister even unintentionally. "She can have more kids if she wants, okay, even if it's adoption or-"
"But those wouldn't really be hers," Phillip says.
Right. Okay. So they won't respect his guardianship of Chris. Screw them. "I adopted Eddie's son," he bites. "In case you care."
Margaret starts to cry a little and Phillip gets even more surprised. "You did what?" Phillip asks.
"Adopted his son," Buck repeats.
Silence. Buck wonders if the screen froze.
"My ex showed up with a baby, too," he says. "She's fourteen months. Eddie and I are raising her together."
His parents hang up.
He's not surprised, exactly. Everyone in the Buckley family has a flair for the dramatic. Hell, he's walked out on his parents several times in his life, and they hung up halfway through their first therapy session with him. The thing is, though, that he kind of expected them to yell at him first.
He really expected them to yell. Or be passive-aggressive. Something.
He sort of doesn't know what to do with himself at the moment.
Eventually he gets up, and as if he couldn't see them the entire time, the team spins around and tries to act casual as he leaves the locker room. Ravi picks up an empty garbage can and walks away. Bobby scratches his chin and points at the ambulance, saying something about cleaning it. Chim literally shoves his hands in his pockets and whistles.
Hen, though, tilts her head. "How we doing, Buck?"
Buck shrugs. "Could have gone worse."
Eddie reaches out and runs a hand down Buck's bicep, squeezes his elbow, and lets go. "What did they say?"
"Oh, you know." Buck shrugs. "Just that adoption isn't being a real parent. And they clearly don't approve of us, Eddie. And I don't even know how they feel about Sage because they hung up."
The others have stopped being casual and turn their attention fully to Buck. "I'm sorry, kid," Bobby says.
"Whatever." He heads up the stairs but only gets halfway before the alarm blares, and he can't help but curse it for waiting this long. He could have used some divine intervention.
—
Buck debates for a few hours after the call whether he should send his parents a Christmas card at all. They'd probably throw it out considering their blatant disapproval of the entire family dynamic in the photo, but hey, he's not petty enough to cut them out over one bad conversation.
Or maybe he's just petty enough to send them a card they'll hate.
He sends the card.
Things calm down for a few days. He and Eddie take Sage to daycare and Chris to school, and then they get back home after long shifts to Carla watching the kids. Chris's winter vacation starts, which means a little vacation from daycare, too.
It's four o'clock on a Sunday and Buck walks around the house slowly. Sage stands on his feet with her hands in his, giggling at the sensation of walking around. Eddie has a puzzle out on the coffee table and the windows are open to let the cool winter air breeze through the house. If he weren't superstitious, Buck might describe the afternoon with the q-word.
Sage has taken to calling Buck "Dada" and Eddie "Dee-Dee," which nearly bowled Buck over with the cuteness the first time it happened.
"Dee-Dee!" Sage squeals.
Eddie looks up with this soft smile on his face, bright and beautiful. "Yes, goose?"
Sage twists and flings her body around, still grinning. Buck keeps a secure grip on her. "Dada!"
"Yeah, Dada's helping you walk," Eddie replies.
"Dee-Dee," she says again, and yanks one hand out of Buck's grip to point at Eddie.
Eddie stands obediently and makes his way over. He's about to grab hold of Sage when the doorbell rings. He looks at Buck, confused. "You expecting someone?"
"No." Buck turns his head to look at the closed blinds even as Sage bounces on his feet, whining to start moving again. People who come over usually text or call first. Sure, when he lived alone people would drop by unannounced sometimes, but now that he lives in a household of four, people know to give them some warning. They need to make sure it's a good time for Sage, or even that Eddie and Buck aren't taking a well-deserved nap. Buck picks up Sage. "Sorry, baby girl. Dee-Dee's gotta answer the door."
"Da," Sage repeats.
"That's right. Door."
Eddie boops Sage on the nose and steps past Buck, trailing his hand along Buck's jaw. He opens the door.
And, see, Buck has known Eddie for long enough to know all of his body language. For example, in that instant Eddie adopts his "polite but wary" stance. Usually it's reserved for Eddie's parents, so for a moment that's who Buck thinks it is. Until Eddie says, "Come in," with a barely controlled sigh and a smile only Buck would be able to peg as tense.
"Is Evan here?"
It's… It's not Eddie's parents. It's Buck's .
They step inside, done up and put together as if they didn't just get off a flight, which they must have. They're not the type to drive long distances; they did during Maddie's pregnancy because they had no other choice.
Margaret spots him in an instant, face carefully impassive. Her eyes widen for a split second, though, when she sees Sage, who has wrapped herself fully around Buck's arm at the sudden intrusion. "Hello, Evan," she says.
Phillip holds a hand out to Eddie. "I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten your name." Which, no, he hasn't. It's been less than a week since the phone call where Buck specifically said Eddie's name.
"Eddie," Eddie says politely. "Nice to see you again."
He's playing it safe, Buck realizes. He's taking his cues from Buck, going with however Buck wants to play this.
Buck nods in Margaret's direction, his free hand rubbing gentle circles around Sage's back. "Hi, Mom. Dad. Didn't know you were coming."
"We had to come meet our granddaughter," Margaret says, holding her hands out. Sage doesn't move.
"And we wanted to see where you were living," Phillip adds. "It's smaller than I thought."
"Especially with two kids running around."
Eddie begins to circle around the Buckleys to stand by Buck's side. "Neither of them run around that much."
Buck leans closer to Eddie, taking comfort in his presence. "It works for now."
Margaret hums, eyes sweeping the space. She wanders farther into the living room but slows when she looks toward the open curtain to what used to be the dining room but now serves as Buck and Eddie's bedroom. "You're sleeping in the dining room," she says flatly.
"Do you need help?" Phillip asks. "We helped Maddie with the down payment on her house. We could-"
"We're fine," Buck interrupts.
"We don't want our son living like this," Margaret says.
"I'm fine," Buck repeats.
"Evan-"
"Would you two like something to drink?" Eddie cuts in. "Water? Coffee?"
The Buckleys stare for a moment until Phillip says, "Coffee is fine."
"Have a seat. Buck, can you help me in the kitchen?" Eddie emphasizes Buck's name, and Buck thinks he sees Margaret flinch.
"Sure." He follows Eddie toward the kitchen, and as soon as the door closes Sage starts asking questions in her little baby way. "That was your, uh, your grandma and grandpa."
Sage stares at him and shows her few teeth, and Buck opens the freezer to get her a cold teething ring.
"How do you want to do this?" Eddie asks softly as he starts the coffee machine.
Buck scrubs a hand down his face. "I don't know. I doubt Maddie even knows they're here."
"You want to call her?"
He shakes his head. "No, she shouldn't have to deal with the stress."
Eddie tilts his head. "Neither should you."
"I'll be fine."
Eddie presses a hand to Buck's cheek and caresses his thumb along his cheekbone. Buck leans into it, revels in it. He revels in the comfort and love that Eddie gives to him without reservation.
It's like…
Abby was more conservative with her affection. She had a lot going on and a different way of showing love, and Buck doesn't blame her for it for a second. He can see in hindsight that her leaving was for the best, that their relationship, while better than anything he'd had before, wasn't what he needed in the long run. It was a stepping stone.
Ali was never around, and when she was their relationship was about sex and physical gratification. He doesn't think he truly loved her or vice versa.
Taylor was also physical, but in a demanding, self-satisfying way. Buck knows she loved him, but they weren't right, either.
And Natalia… Natalia was softer, gentler. Closer to the physical and emotional reassurance and care that Buck craves.
But Eddie? God, Eddie is perfect.
A friend first, intent on strengthening himself and their relationship. Always working on it, always putting in effort like Buck does. Their partnership is truly fifty-fifty, split down the middle. Sure, sometimes the line shifts to one side or the other depending on whether one of them has higher needs at the time. They both have their bad days and their good, but Buck never has to worry about if he's giving or taking too much.
It's more than he ever hoped for.
Eddie kisses Sage on the forehead and then Buck on the cheek before he pulls away, and Buck watches him return to the counter and gather cream and sugar to carry out to Buck's parents.
Buck carries Sage back out to the living room, where his parents very conspicuously stop whispering to each other once he's in earshot. Sage cuddles up to Buck, quiet and still, which is weird for her. Most of the time she's talkative and excited to meet new people. Maybe she's picking up on Buck and Eddie's apprehension.
Margaret takes the carefully poured mug of coffee from Eddie and reaches for the sugar. "Eddie," she says, "we understand you have a son."
"Yeah, Christopher." Eddie sits in one of the chairs and Buck in the other since the Buckleys have the couch. "He's at a friend's."
"How old?"
"Fourteen."
Both of Buck's parents look at Buck wide-eyed. "You… A fourteen-year-old?" Phillip asks.
"Yeah," Buck says as he situates Sage on his lap. "You've met him." Briefly, after the lightning. Eddie and Chris had come over on a Saturday and had run into Buck's parents before Maddie could convince them to leave. Buck didn't want them to meet, and the apartment felt way too small with five adults and a kid.
The house feels small, too.
"Have we?"
Eddie leans forward, elbows on knees. "At Buck's old place."
Margaret shakes her head. "I don't recall."
"I brought him over. Maddie took you to dinner."
"Oh."
There's a tense silence. Buck tries not to squirm even as Sage does. He helps her slide down until she stands between his legs. Margaret and Phillip watch her intently. She tips her head back and says, "Dada?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Buck watches his parents stiffen. He ignores them. "Yes, baby?" Sage points at his parents. "Those are your grandma and grandpa."
She looks back at him, tiny little baby eyebrows drawn. "Buh-buh?"
Bobby. That's her word for Bobby. "Yeah, he is, too," Buck says softly.
Sage huffs and looks at the Buckleys again.
Phillip clears his throat. "Who's the mother?"
"My ex, Natalia."
"And you're not with her because…" Phillip says.
Buck resists the urge to roll his eyes. "We weren't good together."
"She's the mother of your child," Margaret says.
"Which I didn't know at the time."
Margaret waves a hand. "And now you dragged you coworker into-"
"Stop," Eddie says firmly. Even Sage stills where she's been wiggling between Buck's knees. "Buck didn't drag me into anything. We're partners in every way, and I offered to help raise Sage, just like he's helped raise Chris."
Eddie has this tendency to become still when he's upset. Obviously he's not as ADHD as Buck and doesn't move around as much even on a good day, but when he's confronting someone about something, he turns stony. He squares his shoulders, looks his target in the eye. Buck has unfortunately been on the receiving end of that look, and he's gotta say: not fun.
His parents seem to feel the same, because they stare at Eddie with wide eyes. "But you can't live like this," Margaret protests.
"We can," Eddie replies. "I understand that you're concerned about your son-"
"You shouldn't have to clean up his mess," Phillip says.
Eddie's face goes from stony to angry, and Buck isn't ready for the full-on fight he knows is brewing.
But Eddie turns to Buck, then his eyes drop down to Sage, and he takes a breath so deep Buck sees his chest rise and fall. "I'm not cleaning up anything. This is a partnership."
"He could have had a partnership with the mother," Margaret says.
Buck flinches. "Even if she'd given me a chance to win her back, I wouldn't. I broke up with her for a reason."
"Why would you break up with a perfectly fine woman?"
"Who you never met," Buck counters. "She wasn't good for me. Trust me on that."
Phillip scoffs. "And a single father is better?"
"Not single anymore," Eddie says.
"You're not this child's father," Phillip says, pointing at Sage. "And Evan isn't your son's father, either."
"Legally, yes, we are," Buck snaps. "Now either you figure yourselves out or you can leave. We were having a nice day until you showed up."
They look at him much the same as when he blew up at them last time, before therapy and Jee-Yun and the lightning. They stare as if they can't believe he's standing up for himself, as if they haven't seen it before. As if they weren't there for multiple appointments with Dr. Copeland as a mediator.
It took him a long time to build up the self-confidence and self-worth to do so, and now he has Eddie, Chris, and Sage to protect, too, not just himself and Maddie. He has a whole family that his parents have decided to undermine, and he's not going to let them.
Margaret sputters. "You… We don't want you messing up your life."
"I'm not," Buck says. "So accept this or leave."
After a long moment, Phillip mutters, "I can't watch this," into Margaret's ear, and they stand.
Buck sighs. "Does Maddie know you're here?"
"No. We were going to see her next," Phillip says.
"Fair warning; I'm going to call her when you guys leave."
"We'd prefer if you didn't."
He rolls his eyes. "I'll see you around. Drive safe."
And with that, Eddie walks them out and locks the door behind them. He turns back and sits on the coffee table in front of Buck and Sage, completely ignoring the mugs and cream and sugar left there. He already has Buck's phone in hand, Maddie's number pulled up. He doesn't ask if Buck's okay, because it's obvious he's not. Buck's hands shake a little, even as he takes a deep breath. He takes the phone and presses call.
"Ose," Sage says. "Ose. Ose."
"Eddie, have you seen her horse?" Buck asks while the phone rings.
Eddie stands. "I'll check her room."
"Thanks."
The call clicks as Eddie disappears through the archway to the bedrooms. Maddie speaks softly. "Hey, Buck. What's going on?"
"Hey," Buck replies. He catches one of Sage's hands to help her toddle to the table. He has to push a hot mug farther from the edge so she doesn't touch it. "Mom and Dad are on their way to you."
"What?" Maddie squeaks. "They're here?"
Buck runs a hand down his face. "Yeah, you know how I called them last week about… Everything?"
"Yeah," she says slowly.
"Well I sent them a Christmas card and they came here, gave me a bunch of flack for the way my life turned out and my choices, told me that I dragged Eddie and Chris into my mess, and then I told them to leave so they're coming to you."
Maddie says nothing for a long moment. "Okay. I'm sorry they said all of those things. Thanks for the heads-up. I'll handle them."
"You didn't know they were coming, right?"
"No! I would have told you."
"Yeah, I know. Sorry."
"No need to apologize. What did they say about Sage?"
Buck sighs. "Just that… Okay, so first Mom said she wanted to meet her granddaughter, but after that she didn't say anything about her. Just that Natalia left me with a mess and I should have stayed with her."
"You broke up with her for a reason."
"That's what I said. And they said Eddie wasn't her dad and I'm not Chris's dad."
"I'm definitely going to talk to them," Maddie says icily.
There's nothing else Buck can say to talk her down and he's not sure he'd want to even if he could. He only wishes he could be there to watch it.
He bids her goodbye as Eddie returns with Sage's horse in hand, and Sage bounces up and down while chanting, "Ose, ose, ose." She snatches it from his hand and bites its head.
Eddie gathers up as many dishes as he can carry. "How'd it go?"
"Maddie's going to yell at them probably," Buck says, leaning back. He pulls at the front of his shirt. "They'll blame me for it."
"You know what? Screw them."
Buck stares at Eddie's anger. He's never sure what to do when Eddie gets mad. The self-destructive part of him kind of wants to shift Eddie's anger to himself, because then maybe he can do something to alleviate it.
"They don't know us or our family," Eddie continues, gesturing wildly despite the mug of coffee in his hand. "They barely know you."
"Yeah, I should call them more-"
"No, because they should put in effort, too." Eddie sets the mug and dishes down and sits on the coffee table again. God, the table's never going to get cleared at this rate. "And if they're going to insult you and your choices all the time, they don't deserve you."
Buck smiles shakily and stands to press a quick kiss to Eddie's lips.
Who needs the Buckley parents, anyway?
—
The Diazes are a whole other story.
They agreed to come visit for the first time since Eddie's graduation. It took a hell of a lot of convincing until Sophia and Adriana said they wanted to take their kids on vacation and what better place than L.A? Besides, they said, it was easier for them to get time off of work than Eddie, and Helena and Ramon had both retired. Pepa had space and anyone who didn't fit in her house could either get a hotel room or stay with Eddie.
Which was all fine, except Eddie doesn't have space.
Buck watches Eddie spiral the day before his family is set to visit, cleaning up and moving furniture so that an air mattress might fit in the living room. Buck and Eddie might have to sleep in Sage's room while someone else takes the bed.
Buck catches his attention without touching him; he sometimes gets jumpy when overwhelmed. "Eddie. Eddie, relax."
"I can't relax," Eddie replies, voice tight. "I know I said I was going to tell my family about all this," he says with a wave of his hand, "but it's actually happening."
Buck gets it, obviously. His parents are still in town staying with Maddie and there's a very real chance that the two sides of the family might meet, and that's terrifying. They'd probably agree that all of this is a mistake and pressure for a breakup, and then he and Eddie would have to either give in or cut them out. Both options are daunting.
Or maybe they'll be in a constant struggle for the rest of their lives. Also a horrible prospect.
But Buck can't panic right now, not when Eddie keeps pacing back and forth fluffing the same pillows for the sixth time. "Yes, it's happening," Buck says. "But what did you tell me the other day? Whatever happens, we'll get through it. Together."
Eddie nods and relaxes his shoulders, eyes closed. He circles his hand in a "keep talking" gesture and Buck happily obliges.
"And we have a shift tomorrow, so your parents aren't going to drop in any time soon. Sophia said she and Adriana were going to keep them distracted today."
Eddie nods. "Yeah."
Encouraged, Buck soldiers on. "Julie's coming back from medical leave," he says. She broke her foot on shift a few months back and was finally cleared for duty, so, in true 118 fashion, there would be a party. "We'll have to leave early to get the cake."
"Albertson's," Eddie confirms.
Buck smiles. "You know they make the best cakes."
"They made the ladder truck after the lighting."
"And Chim's head after the rebar, but that was before your time."
Eddie's eyebrows scrunch. "That guy is really unlucky to get impaled twice."
"You don't believe in luck," Buck reminds him with a smirk.
"Don't get all cocky."
Buck lets Eddie bully him up against the wall, more than happy to take it even though he could easily fend him off. He'd clearly been successful getting his partner out of his own head, and that was enough of a win. "You love when I get cocky," he says.
Eddie lifts a finger. "You-"
"Dad! Buck!"
Buck bangs his head against the wall in the same instant Eddie drops his forehead to Buck's shoulder. "Why is he calling both of us?"
"I don't know," Eddie sighs. He pushes away and heads down the hall, Buck following close behind.
—
The reason Chris called them over, apparently, is that Helena and Ramon were on the phone.
It's not like Buck and Eddie asked Chris to keep their recent life developments a secret; they'd never put that kind of pressure on him. Still, they're definitely not ready for the Diazes to figure it out.
When has the universe ever given them time to prepare?
Sophia and Adriana fail to keep the Diazes away, and within twenty minutes Buck has a recently-awoken and violently tearful Sage in his arms while Eddie gets ambushed in the other room. He shushes Sage as best he can, patting her back and plying her fruitlessly with toys.
"Your coworker?" Helena shrieks in the other room. "And who is the baby?"
"That's our daughter, Sage," Eddie says, quieter but noticeably strained. Buck almost smiles at the fact that Eddie immediately claimed her, too. That he really isn't in this alone.
"Yours?" Ramon rebutts. "You have your coworker move in and then, what, you adopt a child? Without telling us?"
"I don't have to tell you everything."
Chris walks into Sage's room, closes the door, and sits in the padded rocking chair in the corner where Eddie's treadmill used to be. "I don't like when they fight," he says softly.
"Me neither," Buck says. "Especially when it's my fault." Sage screams again, and Buck sets her down on the changing table to check her tummy again for constipation.
"It's not your fault. They can just never agree on anything."
Buck works his jaw. The voices are muffled now that the door is shut but Sage's cries echo off the walls. She might be hungry, actually, now that he listens more closely, but he's afraid of leaving the room and getting closer to the fight.
"Can I hold her?" Chris asks.
Buck sighs and picks Sage up. "Yeah, but she's fussy right now." She's stronger than people expect, too. There have been a few times that Buck or Eddie have barely kept her from toppling off their laps when she makes a sudden move.
"I won't let her fall," Chris promises.
Buck sets her gently by Chris's side, sort of wedged against the arm of the chair and only halfway on his thigh. Chris wraps his arm around her and ducks his head down. "Are they scaring you?" he whispers.
Buck kneels on the rug and watches them. This is probably the most yelling she's heard in her life.
"I don't like it, either," Chris continues. "We're okay, though. Dad's going to take care of it. He always does."
Sage sniffles and looks up at him with watery eyes, but her cries turn more into whines, which is good. She leans against his side, sticks out her tongue, and starts talking.
She only has a few words- Dada, Dee-Dee, and Ose for horse among them, but that doesn't stop her from trying to talk. Her pediatrician says that's good, that she's learning to communicate verbally even if she doesn't quite have the vocabulary yet. She also says that Sage might take a little longer to build up her vocabulary in either English or Spanish since they've decided to raise her bilingual, but that her development is right on track.
Buck, Eddie, and Chris all pretend like they can understand her and talk back. They have full conversations. It's good.
Chris tells Sage about growing up in Texas, how Eddie and his parents would argue a lot. He tells her about Shannon's feuds with the Diazes, too. Sage says… Well, she says something. Several somethings. Chris nods along the whole time.
By the time they both fall into silence the shouting has stopped. There's a knock on the door and then it swings open, Eddie's hand on the knob. He leans in. "I think they're ready to meet her."
Sage looks at him, still red in the face, and reaches out. "Dee-Dee."
He scoops her up without hesitation and lifts her high in the air before settling her on his hip. "Yes, goose?"
She blows a snot bubble that he wipes away with his fingers.
"Gross," Chris says.
Buck stands and gets a wipe from the changing table to clean both Eddie's fingers and Sage's face, and the four of them exit the room as a family.
Sometimes he thinks about what they look like to other people: a ragtag collection of misfits with rough starts. At first glance, none of them look related. People have assumed that Eddie and Buck adopted two kids together, and only after explaining the situation have people gone, "Oh, yeah, I see it now."
Walking out of the hallway? Helena and Ramon know everything, and they still rake their eyes over them. Buck feels the scrape, one hand on Chris's shoulder for comfort.
"Mom, Dad," Eddie begins, bouncing Sage lightly, "this is Sage, Buck's and my daughter. And Buck, who's my partner now."
"We've met," Helena says flatly.
Buck reaches out, hoping to shake hands, but neither parent moves. "Uh, nice t-to see you a-again."
Ramon sighs. "You're sure about this, Edmundo?"
"Yes, Papá."
Helena and Ramon look at each other and seem to have a whole conversation. Then they turn back to the Buckley-Diazes. "Okay," Helena says. "Another granddaughter."
A surprised breath ghosts out of Buck unbidden at her casual tone. She almost sounds like she's accepted it.
Then she gestures at Eddie. "Can I hold her?"
Eddie looks at Buck, and then it's their turn to have a conversation with just their eyes.
Eddie: What do you think?
Buck: I'm fine if you're fine.
Eddie: I have no idea what's going on.
Buck: Hand her over to your mom. I think we're good.
Eddie nods and says to Sage, "These are my mommy and daddy, your Abuela and Abuelo. You want to meet them?"
Sage pouts her lips and seems to consider this, then says, "Ya."
Everybody falls in love with Sage the instant they hold her. Helena and Ramon are no exception. Their faces light up and they move to the couch. Ramon picks up a toy and offers it to Sage. "Time to play?"
Buck leans into Eddie to steady himself. "Is this going better than expected? I feel like it is."
Eddie shakes his head but rubs Buck's back. "You didn't hear the yelling."
"Yeah, we did."
Eddie's head whips around. He takes in Buck first, then Chris. "Oh."
"It's okay, Dad," Chris says. "We know you won."
Looking at Helena and Ramon, immediately enamored with Sage? Yeah, they definitely won.
—
The Buckleys are harder to crack.
Maddie and Chim agree to host a dinner the next day they all have time. It's a mess: six adults, a teenager, a toddler, and a baby all under the same roof at the same time. It feels crowded mostly because of the palpable tension. Margaret and Phillip keep their distance for most of the night, tossing over glances ranging from concerned to annoyed.
Sage doesn't help. She apparently decides that none of Jee's toys are good enough and whines until Buck takes pity on her and holds her in his lap at the table. Trying to keep his plate far enough away that she can't dip her grubby little baby fingers into his mashed potatoes is a struggle to say the least.
"Here," Eddie says. He pulls Buck's plate over next to his, which puts it at a weird angle with the way Buck's perched on his chair.
"Thanks," he says anyway.
Eddie spears a piece of pork tenderloin and holds it out, and Buck eats it. He lets Eddie feed him in front of his whole family. He freezes halfway through chewing.
"What?" Eddie says calmly.
Buck finds the nerve to look at his mom, whose fork is halfway to her mouth. His dad, too, has gone still.
Eddie keeps moving, this time to bring a tiny spoonful of mashed potatoes to Sage. Sage loves it. She practically attacks the spoon in her excitement.
"Oh, this is ridiculous," Phillip snaps.
All eyes turn to him, even Sage's. Maddie tilts her head, lips pursed. "What is?"
"This!" Phillip waves a hand to Buck's side of the table. "Your brother has his coworker playing housewife-"
"Stop," Maddie says. She stands up, leaning forward. "You defended him when he decided to be a sperm donor, but this is where you draw the line? At your son being happy? He has a family, even if it's not what you want. Because guess what? You don't control us. You don't control him or me or any of the people we care about." She points at their parents accusingly. "For nearly a week you've been moping around my house mumbling about what a mess Buck's life has become. Well you're the only ones who think so. Everyone else has been supportive, so why can't you?"
Buck flashes back to the time he snapped at their parents like this, back when Maddie was pregnant. He's not proud of how he acted. Sure, his anger was justified, but then he'd left Maddie and Chimney alone with the Buckleys. That's the part he regrets.
He's trying to be better. He doesn't want to teach Chris or Sage to run away from their problems and he knows Eddie feels the same. He's trying to confront his demons head-on and solve things.
But some problems don't want to be solved.
"Clearly we're the only sane ones here," Phillip says after a long moment.
"Sure," Chim says. "Everyone's wrong except you."
Silence falls. The tension is suffocating.
Until Buck moves closer to his parents. "Just hold her for a second."
His parents look skeptical but eventually they agree, probably because even Chris and Jee are watching intently. Buck sets Sage on Margaret's lap first. "Say hi, Sage," he implores.
Sage twists and waves a hand. She babbles for a few seconds and then looks at Margaret expectantly.
Margaret's eyebrows skyrocket. "Oh. Hello."
Sage turns back to the table and leans back against Margaret's stomach. Margaret remains stiff for a long moment, then lowers her arms.
The only baby Buck has ever seen her hold was Jee. He's not even sure how often she held him as a baby. But she'd been better, been kinder and more understanding of him over the past few years.
And, like, he gets it. They feel like he shut them out by not telling them about all these huge life changes and they're taking it out on him. They're apprehensive about supporting something they feel they should have been included in. It doesn't help that they spent the majority of his life thinking he was a failure and they're backsliding.
Eventually, though, Sage giggles at something Jee says, and Margaret smiles down at her. Buck thinks, Okay. Progress.
Over the next half hour or so, Margaret relaxes further, even going so far as to place a hand on Sage's shoulder. She passes her off to Phillip, who has her for a while before giving her back to Buck, and they don't even complain.
When everyone finally gets up to leave, Buck pauses at the door to say goodbye to everyone. Jee yells an enthusiastic, "Bye-bye!"
Buck smiles as Sage waves and attempts to say it back, then he hugs Maddie with his free arm. "Thanks for having us. Sorry again for the drama."
Maddie pulls back and smiles sadly. "You didn't bring the drama. They did."
She hugs Eddie next, and Buck bounces Sage higher on his hip and steers Chris out the open door.
"Wait."
Buck turns back to find his parents standing nervously halfway between him and the couch. "Yeah?"
Margaret moves closer, one hand reaching out. "It was… It was good to see you. Thank you for coming."
Buck takes her hand with his free one. "Look, I know my life didn't turn out the way you wanted, but I'm happy. Really. And I have a family that I love and a life I love. Please." He doesn't know what he's begging for: understanding, support, a freaking break from the judgment.
Margaret squeezes. "We'll stop by again before we leave."
Buck flashes a tiny smile. They've already said they're going to fly back to Hershey before Christmas. "Call first?"
"Come on, cowboy," Eddie says softly as he touches Buck's back.
"See you around," Buck says.
Sage waves goodbye, and Margaret and Phillip look almost endeared by her.
It makes no sense. Buck fell in love with this baby the second he laid eyes on her. Eddie held her and immediately offered to co-parent. Even the Diazes took one look to get on board, and yet the Buckleys still seem apprehensive.
But the Diazes have always been fond of kids as far as Buck knows. They cared for Chris and love Eddie's nieces and nephews. The Buckleys haven't liked kids for as long as Buck's been alive.
Eddie drives home and Buck sits back in his seat staring at the bright Christmas lights out the window, Eddie's hand on his knee. In the back, Chris keeps Sage entertained with a little rubber toy.
"Can I ask you how you're feeling?" Eddie asks lowly.
Buck presses his lips together and shakes his head. "Not yet."
"Okay," Eddie says easily. He squeezes Buck's knee.
Maybe later. Maybe after a good night's sleep or after their parents have left and they have time to breathe. Maybe after the holidays or in the new year. Maybe once Buck figures out how he's feeling. He has this tangle of emotions all bottled up and choking, suffocating. He needs to dissect it.
But one thing's for sure: no matter what his parents or Eddie's parents or anyone else says, he has a family, and a damn good one. There are two happy kids in the back and a partner in everything beside him, and that is never going to change.