Work Text:
“Everything alright?” Stede asked as he knocked on their bedroom door, only to open it anyway. He found Edward laying face down in their bed, his leather trousers caught at the curve of his ass.
“I’m stuck,” Edward mumbled into the mattress.
“No shit,” Stede said, pulling Edward’s trousers off with relative ease, “you haven’t worn your leathers in a year.”
“But how’ll the kids recognize me?” Edward joked as he turned himself over, revealing he was at least able to buckle the bottom of his jacket.
“They’ll recognize you,” Stede played along, tongue firmly (and literally) in cheek.
“Good point.” Edward pushed himself up from the bed. “Doubt they’d forget my face in a week.”
Sunday dinners had become a tradition with the crew of the New Revenge, especially over the slow winter months. It was a nice way for everyone to take a break from the horrors of the world, if only for a day. Most everything for the meal was already prepped, stewing away, or cooling off. All Edward and Stede had to do now was freshen up before people arrived. Stede had his outfit picked out days ago (a pink linen shirt and cream-colored trousers, oh! and his gold earrings). Edward had to finagle a Plan B since Plan A fell through. He grabbed a few shirts, a couple of trousers, and some light silk robes from the wardrobe. He pressed contending options against himself, ultimately settling on a pair of dark trousers and equally dark shirt, along with a richly colored floral robe. But before he could put on the winning outfit, he needed to take off his leather jacket.
“Fuck, that feels better,” Edward sighed in relief as he unbuckled the jacket, letting his stomach relax as the the garment slumped to the floor. Edward then slipped off his old purple undershirt, leaving him stark naked in front of the bedroom mirror. He really changed in the last year, didn't he? His hair was lighter for one. Longer too, straddling his elbows. He’d opted for a mustache some months ago, a compromise between not being clean shaven and not irritating Stede’s inner thighs. Edward had also gained about three stone, which he wore nicely around his hips, his bum, and his belly…okay, so most of the weight went to his belly. It felt lovely regardless, being plush, supple…
Soft.
Edward couldn’t get over how soft he was now. It was driving him mad, but in a good way? No, it wasn’t driving him mad. It made him feel…hmm…what did it make him feel?
“Ed?” Stede placed his hands on Edward’s shoulders to get his attention. “Are you getting dressed or not? I don’t mind either way, but our guests might.”
“Uuuuh yeah.” Edward grabbed his trousers from the bed, slipped them on. He pulled the shirt over his head and draped the robe on, but the outfit was still missing something. Edward then eyed his chain necklaces, his pearls, and a pair of silver earrings Jim gifted him from a recent raid.
“There we go,” Edward said as he put his earrings in. Stede, of all moments, chose this one to hug Edward from behind.
“You know what?” Stede’s hands snaked down Edward’s torso.
“What?” Edward asked.
“You’re beautiful,” Stede said, giving Edward’s belly a playful squeeze.
“Shut up,” Edward playfully swatted at him.
And of course the doorbell rang then. The crew was here early.
“Get that, will you?” Edward swatted Stede's ass. “I’ll...I’ll be right behind.”
Stede snuck a kiss on Edward's cheek before leaving the room. Now it was just Edward and the mirror. He took a moment to style his hair, tying it into a loose bun. Edward took a step back, examined himself one last time. Something about the way he looked, it felt…it felt–
“Hey.” It was Jim at the door. “Stede said you’re feeling out of it?”
“I’m…” Edward wanted to roll his eyes, not at Jim but at Stede, “...I’m okay. Thank you.”
“Come join us,” Jim tilted their head in the direction of the living room.
“Yeah, alright,” and with that, Edward followed Jim out.
~~~
Crew members made themselves comfortable on any and all surfaces in the living room (including those not intended for sitting). Stede and Edward put out snacks and offered beverages.
“We have tea, coffee, water,” Stede was listing their options. “We also have brandy–”
Multiple hands shot up at the offer of brandy.
“Alright then,” Stede clapped his hands together before he started pouring and passing out glasses.
Edward took this moment to dip into the kitchen to put a kettle on for tea (he’d stopped drinking alcohol not long after opening the inn) and to check if the coconut cake was cool enough for decorating. He pressed his finger into the sponge. Yup, still too warm. Damn.
Edward returned to the living room, walking in as Jim wrapped making some sort of announcement.
“What’s going on now?” Edward asked, settling next to Jim.
“Getting these lobbed off tomorrow,” Jim said, gesturing at their breasts.
“They’d be gone sooner if you listened to my medical advice,” Roach said.
“I listen!” Jim retorted, about to drink their brandy when Roach snatched the drink from them, dangling the glass above their head.
“Then you know alcohol is bad before surgery,” Roach wagged his finger at Jim.
“Dude, what the fuck–”
“You want your tits gone or not?” Roach took this moment to drink Jim’s brandy right in their face.
“Roach, give Jim their drink back,” Edward said, “before they kill you.”
“If I kill him, I’m stuck with these,” Jim gestured at their chest.
“I’ll take ‘em then,” Edward said absently, not realizing the thought left his lips.
“Cool. They’re yours,” Jim said.
“That’s not how that works,” Roach noted.
“Not how what wor–oh shit.” Edward gulped. “Excuse me.”
He stood from his seat, made his way to the kitchen. Edward’s face felt red hot, his ears like they were full of cotton. His body tingled, his hands shook and fuck Edward needed to do literally anything with his hands. He checked the temperature on the cake still too warm for decorating but fuck it he had a lot of anxious energy that needed channeling and frosting a cake seemed like a pretty good way of doing that and how long had the kettle been screaming at him—
“Honey, are you okay?” Stede was in the kitchen now. He took the kettle off the fire, poured the water into the cup of tea leaves Edward set out for himself.
“I’m fine,” Edward said, hurriedly globbing frosting and toasted coconut shavings onto the cake.
“Darling, talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“That tone says otherwise–”
“Babe,” Edward stepped away from the cake, cupping Stede’s face in his hands, “I’m okay. I need you to trust that.”
Stede nodded.
“Now could you be a dear and help me, please?” Edward let go of Stede’s face, then started fixing his tea how he liked. “I want the cake sliced and served.”
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“Before dinner?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Right.”
Stede went straight into plating cake slices and transferring them to a tray. Edward took a sip of his tea, then snatched up whatever was on the tray and flew into the living room.
“Cake!” Edward’s voice cracked. “Who wants cake?”
“Sure?” Roach tried a slice. “Oh, you’ve gotten better.”
“Cake?” Edward slipped a plate towards Jim like a bribe.
“I’m good,” Jim declined.
“Suit yourself,” Edward claimed the slice and took a bite. “Shit, this is actually edible.”
~~~
The rest of the visit went smoothly enough. Dinner was eaten, dishes washed and put away, games played, bets on those games won and lost. Now everyone was winding down for the evening.
“You’re all welcome to stay the night,” Stede generously offered.
“Business that bad?” Frenchie asked.
“No! No, no, no…” Stede insisted, only for Edward to slowly nod at Frenchie. “Darling, what the fuck?”
Edward was about to make a quip about how the books were looking, but stopped himself when he spotted Jim. They were in the doorway of the room they were sharing with Oluwande, Archie, and Zheng.
“Can I steal Jim a moment?” Edward asked Jim’s partners.
“Steal away,” Archie said.
Edward led Jim to where the hallway met the living room. He took a breath in, then out.
“I want to apologize,” he said.
“For what?” Jim wasn’t sure what Edward was getting at.
“Earlier,” Edward said.
It took Jim a moment to think of what Edward was referring to. And then they remembered.
“Oh that? Ed, we’re good,” they laughed. “Water under the bridge.”
“Right,” Edward sighed, then clapped his hand against Jim’s back. “Got a big day tomorrow, yeah? Get some sleep.”
“You, too,” Jim gave Edward’s arm a tender squeeze before returning to their room.
Edward felt Stede’s fingers lace into his. “Bed, dear?”
“Yup,” Edward nodded, then followed Stede to bed.
~~~
Tea and cake before dinner was a mistake. How else would Edward be this restless? So, he decided to do what he always did when he was restless: go out to the porch, sit in his rocking chair, and listen to the waves until his mind quieted enough for sleep. Except when he went outside, he was greeted by another restless soul (sitting in Stede’s rocking chair, the bastard). That, and the sting of weed in his nostrils.
“Jim?” Edward perked.
“Yeah,” Jim sighed, defeated. "Couldn't sleep."
"Me neither," Edward said as he settled into his rocking chair.
Jim offered him their joint. “You can say ‘no’.”
Edward reached toward the joint, pulled his hand back, then reached for the joint again.
“Fuck it.” Edward snatched the joint from Jim’s hand and took a long drag. Too long maybe. Or not long enough. It left him in a coughing fit regardless.
“Easy, old timer,” Jim teased, taking the joint back from Edward before taking a hit themself.
“Fuck you,” Edward said as lovingly as he could manage through coughing fits. “Christ, you’re probably thinking, ‘the fuck happened to Blackbeard? He used to be all cool and shit. Now he’s a chubby housewife, baking cakes and balancing books.’ Well, I’ll tell you what happened to Blackbeard. He got his shit together, ditched the whole pirate thing to...get to know himself better.”
“How’s that been?” Jim asked, passing Edward the joint.
“Interesting.” Edward took another hit, handling it better this time. Still coughed. “It’s the little things that get me, you know? Realized I like making stuff. Food, conversation. Making folks laugh, making them happy. I also like laughing, and I like being happy. I like swimming on cold mornings and taking naps on hot afternoons. I like going for walks, especially with Stede. I love holding his hand. I love kissing him. I love it when he rubs my tum, strokes my hair, tells me how beautiful I am…”
Edward’s voice trailed off, though he didn’t know why.
“You good?” Jim asked.
“Think it’s the weed?” Edward guessed. “Been a while.”
“More for me then,” Jim took full advantage, taking a deep inhale, blowing out gorgeous smoke rings. They made it look easy. They made a lot of shit look easy.
Jim made being themself look easy.
“Hey,” Edward pipped to get their attention.
“Hmm?”
Edward took a shaky breath in, and a shakier breath out. God, he didn’t think he’d be so nervous. And with Jim of all people.
“What’s up?” Jim asked.
“When did you know?”
“Know what?”
“That you were…like…you know… you?”
“Honestly, I’m still figuring it out,” Jim let out a quiet laugh. “It’s funny, I remember when I was little, I knew…no, I was told I was a girl. And I was told when girls grow up, they become women. So, it’s my fifteenth birthday and I didn’t feel like a woman. Didn't feel like a man, either. I just…I felt like me, you know? So I thought ‘okay, I don’t feel like a woman yet, but maybe I will next year.’ Sixteenth birthday rolls around and…I don’t feel any different. Older, yeah, but not different different. I was so frustrated! Like I was doing something wrong? Fuck, I don’t know how to explain it, it felt–”
“Like you had to earn it,” Edward said.
“Yeah,” Jim nodded.
Edward knew the feeling all too well.
“My dad wasn’t a good man.” A memory of Edward’s bubbled up to the surface. “There was one night–-fuck, he so drunk-–he told my mum, ‘make our boy any softer, you’ll turn him into a girl.’ Spent the next thirty some-odd years trying to prove him wrong. I made myself into the perfect man. And it fucking killed me.”
Jim sulked in their seat, “Is it too late to apologize for–”
“Water under the bridge,” Edward said, reaching his hand across to give Jim’s shoulder a tender squeeze. “Besides, joke’s on both of us, my dad and me, because...” Edward gripped the arms of the chair, palms sweaty. He felt a lump forming in his throat, hot, heavy, tight. Was it bile? No, something else was trapped there. It felt like a thought? An idea?
No. A confession.
“...I don’t…I don’t think I’m a man, mate,” Edward said. “Not a lady either. Probably. I…I think I’m like you? Dunno yet. Guess I’m still figuring it out.”
Now it was Jim giving Edward’s shoulder a tender squeeze.
“Figuring it out is a good place to be,” Jim said.
Edward smiled. His admission–-that he was neither woman nor man, but something he didn’t quite understand yet-–was sheepish, especially for him. Yet he felt better after saying that. It meant he could just be Edward now. And that felt pretty damn good.
“You know,” Edward placed his hand on Jim’s. “I looked at myself in the mirror earlier? Looked at my tum, my arse, my...not-tits—”
“The offer still stands,” Jim quipped.
Edward went into a full body laugh, rocking his chair back and forth.
“You looked at yourself in the mirror,” Jim tried to get their conversation back on track.
“Yes,” a smile grew across Edward’s face, “I did. And–” he sniffled, curled his lip back, bit it. “–for the first time in my life, I saw me looking back.” Tears welled in his eyes. “I was beautiful.”
Edward gave himself a moment to let the tears flow, to cry a bit. He wasn’t sad, far from it. If anything, Edward felt joy. A quiet joy, but joy nonetheless.
Suddenly, whatever feelings of joy Edward had were replaced with panic.
“Fuck,” Edward said under his breath.
“You good?” Jim asked.
“Will Stede still love me?”
“Ed–”
“What if he gets mad?”
“Ed–”
“And he leaves me?”
“He won’t.”
“He’s left before–”
“Ay dios mío–”
“Everything alright?” Neither Jim nor Edward said that.
“Sweetness?” It was Stede. “You okay?” Even in his half-asleep stupor, Stede sounded so concerned…until he took a strong sniff of the air around him. “The hell? Is that grass?”
“Want some?” Edward offered.
“I’m good,” Stede said.
“You’re no fun,” Edward patted his lap for Stede to sit there.
“Shut up.” Stede shimmied into Edward’s lap. “I’m loads of fun.”
“I’m right here,” Jim reminded them.
But Edward and Stede prattled on like Jim didn’t exist. Typical.
“You should be in bed, babe,” Edward twirled a finger through Stede’s hair.
Stede thumbed Edward’s tear-damp cheek, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I am,” Edward nodded. “Jim and I are shooting the shit, and…” he let out a shaky breath. “...I’m probably not a…guy…man…look I’m still working it out–”
Stede kissed him.
“Wait.” Edward was confused. “You’re not mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because…” Edward shrugged, “...because.”
“Ed.” Stede laced his hand into Edward’s. “I love you. Nothing changes that.”
“Not even me,” Edward chuckled.
Stede snorted a laugh out, “God, you’re such a prick.”
Now Edward kissed Stede.
“Aaaaand I’m definitely not sleeping tonight,” Jim started rolling another joint.
“So you’re filling your lungs with smoke?” Stede sassed.
“Unless Roach figures out this ‘ether’ shit, this is as close to happy-knock-out gas as I’m gonna get.”
Edward furrowed his brow. “Roach say anything about taking a bath before surgery?”
“Already took one,” Jim sighed. “Though I will need to bathe again before the procedure.”
“Which is when again?” Edward asked.
“Morning. So…oh shit, couple hours," Jim said.
“Let’s draw you a bath, then,” Edward offered. “You can use the tub in our ensuite, won’t wake your partners that way. We got some yummy lavender soap you can use, too. Helps ease the nerves. So even if you can't sleep, you can still be restful."
"And not fill your lungs with smoke," Stede tacked on.
"Or, I get stoned in the bath," Jim chuckled.
"Love that," Edward said.
"But the room will smell," Stede hissed into Edward's ear.
"We'll open the windows," Edward grumbled back.
Stede hopped out of Edward's lap, then turned toward Jim, "We'll get that bath drawn for you then.”
"Thank you," Jim said, pushing themself from their seat.
"Course, mate," Edward said, placing a hand on Jim's shoulder as they all made their way back inside.
~~~
“This is nice,” Stede said as he burrowed himself into Edward. The two of them had been back in bed for some time now, opting to cuddle instead of sleep.
“Right?” Edward took a hit of Jim’s joint. Jim had fallen asleep in the bath, and Edward didn’t want their handiwork going to waste.
“Should we wake them?” Stede asked, creeping his hand toward the joint in Edward’s hand.
“Nah, leave ‘em be.” Edward handed Stede the joint. “You know you can just ask, right?”
“About your recent self discovery?” Stede took a hit.
“About wanting a smoke,” Edward chuckled, “though you’re welcome to ask about the recent self discovery.”
Stede took another hit, a pensive look crossing his face.
“How does it feel?” Stede asked. “Being you?”
“Dunno yet, ” Edward admitted, “but I think it feels…good? Yeah, it feels good.” Edward nodded. “Like I’m becoming more myself.”
“You’ve always been yourself,” Stede said, passing the joint back to Edward.
“Not on my terms.” Edward took a hit.
“Well, I look forward to meeting that Edward,” Stede said, tracing the battleship tattoo on Edward’s chest, “the Edward after he becomes more himself.”
Something about Stede’s wording irked Edward. But before Edward could express why, there was a knock on their bedroom door.
“Is Jim in here?” Oluwande peeked his head through the door, only to squeeze his eyes shut when he saw the position Edward and Stede were in. “Oh fuck, sorry–”
“You’re good mate, it’s fine,” Edward said, then tilted his head in the direction of the ensuite. “And yeah, Jim’s in our bath, they dozed off.”
“Need help getting them out?” Stede asked Oluwande.
“No, I got ‘em,” Oluwande said as he dipped into the ensuite. He gently nudged Jim awake.
“Shit,” Jim shook their head awake. “I feel like lead.”
“Try wrapping your arm around me,” Oluwande said as he assisted Jim out of the bath. “That’s it. Are you good to stand–and that’s a ‘no.’” Oluwande scooped Jim up. “This alright? Okay, good. Let’s get you to bed.”
“I’m so fucking pathetic,” Jim managed.
“Yeah, a bit,” Oluwande nodded as he carried Jim towards the door, “and there's nothing wrong with that.”
Edward and Stede watched as Oluwande and Jim left their room.
“God, they’re so cute,” Stede said as he took the joint from Edward, taking the last hit.
“You little shit,” Edward scoffed.
“I’m your little shit.” Stede then pressed the roach into the trinket dish on his nightstand.
Edward thought back to what Stede said, before they were interrupted.
I look forward to meeting that Edward. The Edward after he becomes more himself.
“Don’t think it's before or after, babe,” Edward said.
“Hmm?”
“I’m not before or after,” Edward clarified. “Whatever this is, whatever I am is more…fluid...ongoing.”
“Ah, so you're on a journey?” Stede said plainly.
“A fucking long one at that, but–” Edward shifted. “–I set the pace.” Edward pulled Stede in closer. “And I won’t be alone.”
“Glad I can keep you company,” Stede smiled into the crook of Edward’s neck.
Edward pressed a kiss into the crown of Stede's head. “We should sleep.”
“Yeah,” Stede yawned, stretching his arms. “Let’s talk more when it’s daylight.”
“I love that,” Edward tapped Stede’s nose, then kissed it. “And you know what else?”
“What?” Stede curled back into Edward like a cat.
“I love you.”