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If he had been born in a place like Withergate, Leviathan thought, his life would have been much easier.
It’s not that the Great City wasn’t tolerant, of course; on the contrary, it was one of the most racially diversified places in the entirety of Four Regions. Leviathan was grateful he had been facing a lesser amount of animosity while living there, lesser than he did as an orphaned offspring of a demon in a conservative, human village, at least. The thing which he couldn’t escape his whole life, however, was curiosity — and even in a community as kind and friendly as Sun Haven, people couldn’t help but be naturally curious.
The part of his anatomy which was the quickest to catch attention were usually his wings. Thankfully, too; his thin tail was often perceived as “rodent-like” and “disgusting”, his horns were thought to be a sign of violence, and because of his ashy skin he had been compared to a corpse more than once; his wings, however, were always beautiful.
*
The first one to inquire was Anne.
“I thought I’ve already seen everything on my travels,” she said just as she was about to leave his farm that very first morning, “but I’d never seen feathered wings as purple as yours, before. Are they natural?”
“My mother’s wings were blue, and my father’s horns were red,” Leviathan replied. “It’s only natural I came out purple.”
Anne laughed uncertainly. “You know, I actually can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
Leviathan didn’t answer.
*
Few days after he’d moved into the farm, as he was reading the commission board next to the general store, he felt somebody’s hands graze his left wing. The unexpected touch made him jerk in surprise, and behind him he heard a gasp.
He turned around to see a green-haired boy staring at him with a mix of trepidation and fascination.
“I’m sorry, mister,” the boy said, “I couldn’t help myself. Your feathers are so shiny, and soft!”
“Well, of course they are,” Leviathan said. “I take good care of them.”
“What do you mean, take good care?”
Leviathan shrugged. “Normally, I suppose, just how you take care of your hair and skin.”
The boy frowned. “You’re supposed to take care of your hair and skin?”
“Of course you are supposed to, Pod.” A women with hair of an identical shade of green approached the boy, putting an arm over his shoulder. “Don’t I tell you to wash your face every day?”
The boy seemed at a loss for an answer, but the women wasn’t waiting for one, her attention now focused on Leviathan.
“I apologize for him,” she said. “It’s impossible to keep an eye on him, sometimes. You’re the new farmer, aren’t you? My name is Kara, and this little rascal here is Pod.”
“Leviathan,” he said, reaching out his hand with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Kara didn’t hesitate to take his hand; and although it took only one glance at the laugh lines around her eyes to know she was a kind soul, he could see her gaze inevitably wander towards his horns.
She made no comments.
“It’s great someone’s taking over that old farm,” was all she said. “It’s been abandoned for far too long.”
*
The first time he stopped at Liam’s bakery to get some fresh bread, the two of his sisters were watching him closely from the very moment he had walked through the door. He could feel their gaze on his back as he stood at the counter and waited for Liam to pack his food. As he paid and turned to leave, one of the girls — Emma or Elizabeth, he couldn’t tell — spoke to him.
“Farmer Leviathan,” she said, “can I ask you a question?”
“Of course,” he said, hoping his voice was friendly enough after barely speaking to anyone for the past few days while he was managing his farm.
“Does your tail waggle when you’re happy?”
“Emma!” Liam gasped from over his oven, shooting her a rebuking look, but Leviathan only smiled.
“I don’t know,” he told her. “I’ll need to ask someone the next time I’m happy.”
“Or maybe it waggles when you’re annoyed,” Elizabeth chimed in. “What?” she said when she met Liam’s gaze. “Kitty’s tail waggles when she’s annoyed!”
“Alright, girls, that’s enough,” Liam said, successfully putting the discussion to an end. He wiped his flour-covered hands on his apron and cast Leviathan a sheepish smile. “I apologize for them, Leviathan.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
As he was walking back to his farm he couldn’t help but think about girls’ questions. Maybe his tail did waggle when he was feeling happy, and he never even noticed? He tried to recall the last time he was happy, only to realize he wasn’t able to.
*
It had always made him uncomfortable when children stared at him (although he was supposed to be the demon, it sometimes felt like they were the ones about to suck the soul right out of his body), but in Sun Haven it proved to be the least of his problems. Kids here were just honest — they asked questions if they had them, and once their curiosity was sated they paid Leviathan no more mind than they would any other citizen.
“If you have wings, why aren’t you just flying everywhere?” Topi once asked. “I know I would.”
“You’ve got legs, but you’re not running everywhere, are you?”
“Of course not, that would be tiri—” Topi’s face brightened up at once. “Oh! Right, I get it.”
Question asked, question answered; end of subject.
Unfortunately, this matter wasn’t as easy with other townsfolk. The only other one who asked directly was Wornhardt, and that was mainly because of his scientific curiosity. “I’ve never had a chance to treat a demon patient before, this might be a valuable experience... Not that I’m in any hurry to treat you, of course!”; “Pardon me, Leviathan, but may I have a closer look at your horns?”; “Say, doesn’t your skin get burnt in the sun?”. Other citizens did nothing more but look, thinking it too inappropriate to ask a direct question, yet too curious to turn their gaze away.
There were glorious exceptions, of course: people who neither asked nor stared, the ones who seemed not to care in the slightest. There was Amanda, too busy, too smart and too annoyed to pay any attention to race; Calvin, too tired and too bored to bother; Claude, whose ignorance Leviathan had at first mistaken for arrogance (he didn’t know, then, that Claude was simply used to the view of his kind). Yes, there were few people who didn’t make him feel uncomfortable.
And then there was Jun.
Leviathan had a thousand words for Jun, and at the same time he could find none to even begin to describe him.
*
The first thing which came to his mind when he thought of Jun were flowers: the sweet scent of his flowery perfume, the ornamental flowers woven into the fabric of his clothes, the flowers in his garden of which he took care every day. Jun’s smile, gentle like a flower.
What in other people’s eyes was a nagging curiosity, in Jun’s gaze turned into a kind and unforced willingness to learn. When Leviathan looked at those eyes he had a sense he could entrust them with his deepest secrets and be sure they would be kept there forever. He also had a sense he could say nothing at all, and that would be alright, too.
When they first spent time together, planting the red geraniums around the whole town, the minutes passed in comfortable silence. Only after they were done, Jun looked at Leviathan’s hands, all covered in dirt, and laughed.
“Now I feel somewhat silly for wearing protective gloves,” he said. “You don’t mind getting your hands dirty, do you?”
“No,” Leviathan admitted. It was true both literally and figuratively. Ever since he remembered, he had been grasping every possibility to earn money, and most of the time it was physical work. It was a part of why being a farmer was the ideal situation for him: he was already used to working hard, but at least now he had a chance to also be independent.
“It seems your plants are in good hands, then,” Jun said, a smile on his lips. “You handle them with great care. Your garden will be happy, I can tell.”
*
Although Leviathan was busy most of the time and rarely made any unnecessary detours to make small-talk with townsfolk, he couldn’t help but pause and chat with Jun whenever he encountered him. Talking to him was strangely soothing. Whenever Leviathan had too much on his plate and was frantically running about, stressing about each task he needed to get done, Jun’s calm gaze steadied him. It took only one look into those deep-blue eyes for Leviathan to realize that it wouldn’t be the end of the world not to finish something on time, that it wouldn’t kill him to take a break.
That could simply come from Jun’s job as a counselor, though, Leviathan thought; nothing deeper than that.
On one spring day, when the sun was shining in just the right amount and a sweet breeze carried through the whole town, he didn’t hesitate to walk over and say ‘hi’, either, when he saw Jun sitting on his favourite bench near the clinic.
As soon as he saw the smile gracing Jun’s lips at the sight of him, he knew he’d made the right choice.
“Your hair looks great today, Leviathan,” Jun said in lieu of ‘hello’. He tilted his head, regarding him. “You should wear a fresh spring daisy in it, what do you say?”
“That would be nice,” Leviathan said, “if only I had a daisy on me.”
“Today’s your lucky day, then.” Jun bent towards the grass, and when he straightened up again there was a white flower in his hand. “There’s plenty of them growing here this time of the year.”
He then stood up and moved closer, slowly, as if asking for permission. Leviathan didn’t oppose; he slightly bent his head and stood motionless, trying not to focus on the feeling of Jun’s fingers in his hair. That was the first time he had smelled his perfume — sweet, but light, a combination of vanilla and jasmine.
“It looks like you were made for that,” Jun said, entwining the daisy’s stalk around his left horn. He took a step back and appraised the result of his work with a smile. Despite himself, Leviathan couldn’t help but return it.
“It’s nice to imagine my horns were made for something so delicate.”
He immediately regretted saying those words out loud when Jun’s smile wavered. It returned soon enough, though, even softer than before.
“It’s only up to you to decide what you were made for, Leviathan,” he said. “Remember that.”
*
Claude’s confession didn’t shock him profoundly the first time he’d heard it, but now, freshly after having purchased an apartment in Withergate, his words kept on rattling around Leviathan’s head.
If people here knew I came from “the city of monsters”, well... I don’t think they’d admire me any longer, to say the least.
“You’re a proper citizen of Withergate, now,” Donovan laughed and threw his arm around Leviathan’s shoulders after he announced he’d payed off his apartment debt. Well, he was now, wasn’t he? A proper demon in a proper demon city. Wasn’t that where he truly belonged?
After coming back to Sun Haven, Leviathan somehow felt both relieved and worried. The first thing he did after getting off Charon’s boat and checking on his neglected garden was walking out into town and trying to take in as much sun, fresh air and greenness as possible in an attempt to get Withergate out of his mind. And of course, Jun found him; it was just what Jun seemed to do whenever Leviathan was feeling low.
At some point when he was sitting on the lake pier near the bakery, he heard quiet footsteps behind him. Leviathan knew only a handful of people who would choose to approach him here, and he wasn’t surprised when the smell of vanilla and jasmine hit his nostrils. Jun took a place at the edge of the pier next to him.
“I haven’t been seeing you around much, recently, Leviathan,” he said. “I imagine you must have been busy, trying to save Sun Haven and all?”
“Yeah,” Leviathan said. His voice sounded unfamiliar; he cleared his throat. “Something like that.”
He refused to tear his gaze away from the surface of the lake. It was calming, watching the crests of water flow in a steady movement. He nearly flinched when he felt fingers gently brush through his hair. He turned his head and saw Jun looking at him, half-amused and half-apologetic.
“Sorry,” he said, retreating his hand. “It seems the wind has misplaced your hair. I wanted to fix it for you.”
“Misplaced?”
“No need for that surprised look you’re giving me now,” Jun laughed. “I’ve gotten to know you quite well already, I think. I can tell when something is off about you. Like now, for example.” Expression turning more serious, he gave Leviathan a close look. “What’s wrong?”
Leviathan shrugged. Unsure of how to put his worries into words, he settled for the simplest truth. “I bought an apartment in Withergate.”
“An apartment?” Jun’s eyebrows went up. “I might be mistaken, but I’ve never thought you to be the type of person who would enjoy living in an apartment.”
“Enjoy?” Leviathan couldn’t stop the snort which escaped his lips. “No, definitely not. We can say it was a part of my grand plan to safe Sun Haven — I’d never willingly pay so much money for a box in the sky, otherwise, trust me. But, Jun...” He hesitated. “Don’t you think I belong in Withergate?”
Jun tilted his head, eyes piercing Leviathan right through. “Do you think you belong in Withergate?”
Of course, how could he forget he was talking to a counselor?
“I suppose I’m not sure. You haven’t answered my question, though. Do you think I belong in Withergate, or here, in Sun Haven?”
“I believe your own feelings have a greater worth than my opinion,” Jun said slowly, apparently careful with choosing his words, “but if you really want to hear it, then my answer is: Sun Haven. You are one of the kindest people I have ever met, Leviathan. Your work is valuable to our town, it’s true, but even your bare presence seems to be lifting everyone’s spirits. We are lucky to have you here. And, well...” He paused, hesitation apparent on his face.
“What is it, Jun?”
“I don’t want to lie to you, Leviathan. You moving here, getting a chance to get to know you... Well, it’s definitely one of the luckiest things which has happened to me.”
This time Jun was the one to avoid eye contact. Leviathan felt a sudden desire to cup his face in his palms and take a good look at the pink blush spreading across his cheeks, to brush away the strands of hair falling over his eyes, to properly gaze into the ocean-blue of his irises and drown in them.
“Thank you, Jun,” he said instead. “And just so you know, your opinion does have a great worth to me. You..” He covered the top of Jun’s hand with his own, carefully, like one would approach a stray cat. “Nobody manages to ease my worries as quickly as you do.”
Jun, after a mere second of hesitation, intertwined their fingers together. Neither of them dared to move until the chill of the quickly approaching evening began to creep upon them.
*
“Once again, thank you for your help, Leviathan,” Jun said, smiling at him from across the table. The kitchen counter was still covered in a thin layer of flour and the cooking utensils laid in the sink, unwashed, but they had mutually agreed on a break before cleaning up.
“Don’t mention it, please. It was a pleasure.”
Jun blew gently on the cup of tea he was nursing in his hands before raising it to his mouth to take a sip. “Incidentally,” he said, “what do you think about my house, Leviathan?”
“I think it reflects your personality quite well,” Leviathan said. He ran a thumb along the brim of his own cup of tea, already half-finished, as he gazed around Jun’s living room. The books, taking up the whole bookshelf, but also scattered across the coffee table, counter tops and even the floor, the bonsai trees, recently trimmed and apparently well taken care off, the tranquil paintings on the walls—every single piece of interior shouted: Jun. “I love it.”
“I’m glad you think so.” Jun tilted his head, a gesture he always seemed to make whenever considering something. “You know, Leviathan, I’m starting to think that you and I are very much alike. You also take every chance you can to help others out, don’t you?”
“It’s true, I try to help out as much as I can. I don’t think I’m as selfless as you are, though.” Jun seemed ready to protest, so Leviathan continued, “Just take a look around, Jun: baking cookies just so the children could have a more pleasant time learning, even though you can’t even be sure if—”
Like on command, the oven bell’s ringing echoed through the room.
“Well, speak of the devil,” Jun said with a light smirk. He put on his mittens and opened the oven door, flinching away when the heat hit his face. This simple, domestic scene brought an involuntary smile to Leviathan’s lips.
“It smells wonderful,” he said, moving closer to peer above Jun’s shoulder.
“Let’s see if it tastes as wonderful.” Jun placed the steaming tray on top of the stove and, still through one of his mittens, held up a cookie. “Leviathan—forgive me the assumption, but you have a higher tolerance for heat, don’t you?”
Leviathan only smirked. Holding onto Jun’s wrist, he leaned in to take a bite of the cookie still held by him. He thought he could see his cheeks turn a light shade of pink.
“Delicious,” Leviathan said. “It really shows they were made by you.”
“Don’t forget we both made them, you charmer,” Jun laughed. His gaze moved lower. “There is some chocolate left on your mouth, Leviathan—right here,” he said, tapping on the corner of his own. Leviathan blindly licked over his bottom lip, and quite unsuccessfully, too, judging by Jun’s laugh. “You know what? Just stand still for a moment.”
He did as he was told, although his heart was the opposite of “still” when he noticed Jun’s face getting closer. He hesitated for just a moment—then Leviathan felt his tongue slide over the corner of his mouth.
“There,” Jun said, his voice at least an octave lower. He was still close, close enough for Leviathan to feel the warmth of his breath; he didn’t dare to be the one to close the gap between their lips, though.
“Are you sure you’ve gotten all of it off?” he asked instead.
“You know what, Leviathan? I think there’s chocolate all over you lips, actually. Let me get that for you.”
His mouth ghosted over Leviathan’s, and this time Leviathan didn’t hesitate to kiss him. Jun’s lips were soft, tasting of chocolate, green tea and vanilla chapstick. It was incredibly easy to get lost in the sensation. For a moment, there was nothing but Jun—Jun’s smell, Jun’s taste, Jun’s touch, Jun’s presence—and Leviathan realized he didn’t mind this state of things in the slightest.
At some point Jun ended up seated on the kitchen counter, his legs wrapped around Leviathan’s waist. He pulled away only for a moment and, laughing, he said,
“You know, we will need to clean up this mess, eventually.”
Leviathan laid a kiss on his neck. “We’re not in a rush, are we?”
*
“Are you sure you’re comfortable with giving me this?” Leviathan asked, not for the first time this evening. He couldn’t help but trace his fingers over the soft, leather cover of the diary, over and over again.
“I’ve never trusted anyone as much as I trust you, Leviathan,” Jun said. “And I want to entrust you with my thoughts, as well.”
Deciding not to argue any further, Leviathan gently put the book away on the soft grass. They were seated together on Jun’s lawn, watching the sky slowly turn from orange to various shades of pink, red and purple. Jun had his head rested on Leviathan’s shoulder, as well as one of his wings enveloping his back. Leviathan pressed a kiss to his forehead, and Jun let out a pleased sigh.
“I’ve always thought watching the sunset from the safety of my home is the most relaxing thing in the world,” he said, “but with you, Leviathan, it’s a completely different level of contentment.”
Leviathan hugged him tighter. He let them sit for a few more silent moments before he asked, “What do you do to relax when you’re not able to watch the sunset, then?”
“I like painting,” Jun said without hesitation. “It helps me to relax and to externalize the thoughts inside my head; not just the ones I feel upset about, but the ones I find pleasant, too. It’s quite therapeutic.”
“How come you’ve never painted me, then?”
“Oh! Well...” Leviathan felt him shift beneath his shoulder, and without even looking he already knew Jun was blushing. “I don’t want to lie to you, Leviathan. There’s a chance I already have.”
This confession brought a grin to Leviathan’s face. “What was it, then?”
Jun was quiet for a long moment. Leviathan cupped his chin and lifted his face, trying to find the cause of this hesitation; the flushed cheeks he saw were answering enough. Laughing, he pressed his lips to Jun’s temple. “Oh, Jun...”
“You don’t mind, do you, Leviathan?”
“Oh, not at all,” Leviathan said, still smirking. “On the condition, of course, that you tell me what it is.”
“In that case...” Jun reached out to brush a strand of Leviathan’s hair behind his ear. “It might be better if I showed you.”