Chapter Text
Pshhhhh
They say the shower is the place where ones' thoughts tend to be sober. The pattering of water against the skin lends to a calming effect that encourages mindful relaxation. The non-existence of urgency helps foster deep thinking of topics close to one's heart, which most of the time entails reflection of the life one currently leads. Perhaps a current dilemma. Perhaps a path one is looking forward to take. Perhaps past regrets begging to be righted.
Pshhhhhh
Yet curiously, my shower thoughts happen to be you.
Squeak squeak, the shower knob screeches as I twist it off.
I suppose the topics I have cited still apply in this case; the subject just happens to be you. One, you were my past regret-- not you, but the way it took me so long to notice my romantic feelings for you. And then your feelings for me, in consequence. Two, you were, and still are, the path I am always eager to take. I would be lying if I said I did not believe I would naturally find the love of my life over the course of my long life, but the way you came at me like a burglar... The way you barged in as if you owned my space, the way you made yourself home and even prepared tea in my metaphorical kitchen, the way you grabbed my hand and fearlessly stayed the night on my bed. The last one was quite literal.
Exhilarating. You are nothing like anything I have ever seen.
My family has always advised me that love is like a slowly kindling campfire. It starts small and takes effort to move forward, but grows ever stronger and bigger so long as you give it fuel. I expected my romance to be just like that: slow and steady. And yet... And yet... With you, it was like an explosion.
So when you held my hand, kissed my lips, and touched my body for the first time-- all in one night, I had felt like helpless ice underneath the bright summer day that was you.
And herein comes three: my dilemma. After that fateful evening together, which was already a month ago, I cannot discourage myself from thinking of you. Every waking moment, every time I dream. Even during mundane moments like eating or even when I need to focus my efforts on weapons training. All you. You. You.
Even in the shower, still you.
And yet... If my thoughts were simply the idea of you, I would not be this bothered. If it were simply your usual smile, and not the way you writhe in ecstasy beneath my touch...
I feel pathetic noticing how the thrill of you physically excites me.
I have been mechanically slathering soap over my body the whole while I've been thinking of you. Now my attention drifts to my hands. Fingers brushing up my arms, dipping into the shallow pool in my clavicle, running down the ridges of my chest and my stomach. Mindlessly, or perhaps mindfully, circling around my navel before trailing the line connecting my abdomen and my thighs. Teasing myself slowly, slowly, downward... And,
"How long do you plan on watching me secretly?"
I breathe out, shifting my head to stare at the innocuous door behind me.
A thick silence greets me. Perhaps a little too thick. And then in stepped you, gaze planted downward like a scolded child, as you reluctantly mumble out an excuse or two.
"How did you know..."
"Did you believe I of all people would not hear the door creaking behind me?"
"But it opened so smoothly, I was shocked it didn't make any noise at all..."
I do not think you are begging for a response, so I merely shake my head. I continue rubbing my skin with soap. While doing my showering routine, I keep my eyes trained on you and keep our conversation going, "So, what brings you here today?"
You shift, seemingly uncertain whether to meet or avoid my eyes, "Just stopping by to hang out. I bumped into Lilia on my way here, and he just urged me in without waiting for your consent. Sorry 'bout that."
"It's quite alright." I nod.
You continue, "You weren't around when I got in, so I thought of maybe waiting. But then I heard the shower going and... And..." Your lips contort into what seems to be a lopsided frown. With brows knit complicatedly, your embarrassed eyes finally dart towards me and you squeal out, "I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what went over me! I just thought that maybe I want a tiny peek of you naked--"
"Ha. Ha ha..." I try to contain myself but the delight in my chest was too overpowering to ignore, "Hahaha!"
A few more bouts of hearty laughter burst out of me before my mood gradually evens. Recovering myself from hunching, I straighten my body and sweep my hair back to move it out of the way of my sight. I feel a tug on my mouth as I narrow my eyes at you, "How naughty. Who would have thought everyone's helpful little prefect is such a dirty woman? Do your friends know?" My playful words curl my lips into a teasing grin, "That you were the one who seduced me that night? In public, behind everyone's backs?"
I see a fog of red paint your cheeks, so I tone down my mischief with a compliment, "Though I would not have it any other way. I find your honesty irresistibly attractive."
I am not quite sure if it is simply my immersion in our conversation that urged me to forget that I am bathing, or that your occasional intentional glances to different parts of my body captivated my attention, but I stop what I am doing and lean against the wall. I keep a daring look on my face as I capture your eyes. Add a light bite to the lower lip to complete the suggestion.
A bit bashful-looking, but you bravely lock your sight with mine, "You should be more honest though. You're always so accommodating and attentive, but..." You look down and pucker your mouth to gesture at my lower half, "I know you want something too."
My attention unconsciously drifts down to where you are pointing at. Ah, my traitorous self, must you always be this easy to please?
"So," You continue with newfound confidence as I heed your voice, "Think about it, pretty boy. I'm down for anything you wanna do," A wink from you and my pathetic desire twitches in anticipation. And another one for when you twirl your hair with a finger as you purr, "I'll be ready and waiting outside."
When the door shuts close, I let out a breath that I did not know I am holding. Something that I want..? Why, there are certainly particular things that I wish to do to you and yet I keep within my fantasies, but how could you have possibly..? Don't tell me, you know..?
Impossible. I've done everything I could to hide it. ... However, if we are to continue this relationship for a long time, if you were to one day accept being my mate, then you deserve to know. But, what if it frightens you-- what will I do then? If you do not accept me...
I turn the shower knob and let it spatter across my skin. I mull it over, again and again, until I finish drying myself off and cover my body with a robe. My thoughts are filled with uncertainty and distress when I walk out of the bathroom. However, as soon as I raise my head and see you sitting on my bed with a thin shirt barely covering your underwear, I realize how much courage it must take you, who normally presents yourself quite modestly, to bare yourself to me like this.
And so I shall too.
My footsteps announce my presence and you greet me with a smile. I sit beside you while I listen to you say, "So, have you thought about it?"
"Yes..." I reply carefully; my hand coyly reaching out for yours, "I would like for that mouth of yours to serve me."
"Blow-- umm, fellatio? That's surprisingly tame--"
"Both of them."
You blink at me in what seems to be confusion, "Both?"
A perverse feeling suddenly overcomes me. I take my hand off yours. My reply does not come fast, for I savor the tense look you give me as you follow wherever my hand trails a path, "You see," I enunciate slowly while I tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
I pause for a moment. My fingers glide from your ear, across your jaw, and feel the velvety smoothness of your bottom lip. They push your mouth open as I thrust in two fingers to rub against your tongue.
"I'm not human, darling."