Chapter Text
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father,
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers,
Leave all your love and your longing behind,
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
-Dog Days are Over by Florence + The Machine
He feels nothing.
Yuji feels nothing even though he remembers the slashes making their way through his body. Yuji feels nothing even though he remembers hearing his arm fall to the floor. Yuji feels nothing even though he remembers his comrades' corpses surrounding him. Yuji feels nothing even though rage was brimming through him just moments ago.
Yuji feels nothing because he is dying.
He would have thought of his life regrets were he acceptant of his end, but he continued to struggle like an animal about to be devoured by its starving enemy. The claws were tearing into his throat since before he even knew of himself, although he continuously refused to acknowledge the looming guillotine blade over his neck - the truth.
Because the ugly truth was too much to bear for a cursed child born to a parent who wished for perfection and demise from a creature that existed only to love and heal those that surrounded him. A child that carried a casket for a heart just so he could have buried his loved ones inside once they too were gone from his life. A child dealt with a rotten hand. A child who fate loathed. And a child undeserving of such fate.
Very early in his life, it was too late.
The battle that started with comrades has reached its end with only one of them left standing in their blood and the debris of the world soon to fall.
They (he) have failed.
And Yuji's body will soon fail him as well. His knees will buckle, the strength they had bleeding out of them, making him crumble to the floor and bow down his head, his arm will flail uselessly, the power it once held wasted, the blood will spill out of him and decorate his resting place with a halo around his head and a blanket underneath his cold corpse, but most of all, his hope, guilt, shame, and thoughts will cease to exist once exhaustion replaces adrenaline.
But death wasn't as terrifying as Yuji had once believed it to be. It is kind in the way it didn't allow him to reminisce on his defeat, but rather pushed him into slumber, into deep rest. The darkness didn't feel suffocating, but rather refreshing, calming. Yuji could have almost felt his grandfather's arms holding him tight to his chest, as if he wanted to push Yuji into himself just to keep him hidden in the place he knows is the safest.
Death felt like home to Yuji.
But alas, even death did not wish to remain by his side. Instead, life was once again making a home inside the boy - only this time, it was unwanted, resented even. His heartbeat began once again, the coldness of the afterlife being replaced by the warmth his blood gave him. His thoughts and rage felt far away from his consciousness, like the warmth coming from a lamp that's been left burning for hours (present but almost unnoticeable). Yuji could see the light so many people talked about, the light that gave so many people hope - the light leading to the afterlife. Except, Yuji knew that there was no afterlife for his ratched, cursed soul.
He didn't have the right.
Yuji was still staring down at the bright light rapidly reaching him. He had tried to run away so he could get at least some semblance of peace, at least for a short while, but he soon found out couldn't move his body. It felt like thick shackles were forcing him to stay in one place - similar to a tree whose roots reached too deep for its own good. When he noticed he couldn't move and get away, he simply surrendered to whatever fate wanted from him. He was too drained to give it more struggle so he forced himself to come to terms with the fact that rest was still too far out of reach for him. If it even was an option still.
But even though Yuji couldn't move, the light surely could. Its speed was increasing with each passing second and the warmth it emitted felt scorching to Yuji after being in the cold for so long. Metaphorically or physically, he didn't know. Before he could even blink, the light was the only thing he could see and the heat the only thing he could feel for a long while. He almost thought he was dreaming this entire experience with how surreal it felt, but after what felt like an eternity, the light and the heat were once again gone.
The darkness he saw in front of him was not the same as the one before. For one, it wasn't as heavy and some colors dared to dance in it, although faint and small, but it also didn't feel as hopeless. He could even say that it felt familiar. Similar to how it looked behind closed eyeli-.
Yuji was alive.
With heavy effort, he opened his eyes but immediately closed them due to the intense light he thought he had escaped. Deciding to spare himself a future headache, he attempted to move someplace dimmer before trying again.
Yuji's body ached all over (he kind of thought that would be fixed after his death, but what would he know) when he moved his arm (it grew back?) but he grit his teeth and crawled painstakingly slow in a direction he couldn't see. Beneath his palms, he could feel dense and prickly grass along with dry leaves littering the floor which made him assume he was not in the city anymore, but rather a forest With one outstretched arm, he began looking for a tree hoping to find some shade so that he wouldn't burn his eyes. If it were not for the sounds of leaves rustling on the trees, Yuji would have thought he had mistaken the terrain and that he was on a field with how no tree came in contact with him during his fruitless search.
He continued his short-lived hunt until his hand missed the floor and slipped. Because of his lack of sight, Yuji did not see the oncoming slope which made him not only fall on his stomach and face but also roll down to the bottom right into a freezing puddle. With his eyes still shut tight, he hissed at the shock and quickly scrambled out of it, accidentally hitting himself on large rocks and fallen branches, regretting even thinking of moving around blindly in an unfamiliar area.
Angry and embarrassed by his failure, Yuji decided to give up on his attempt at self-mercy and finally see the world around him. The light wasn't as harsh this time around so he was able to fully open his eyes and take a look at where he was at.
He was correct in thinking that he was in a forest, although this one had slimmer trees than he envisioned. It now made sense why he couldn't "find" any near him. The slope he fell down, which was quite steep, led to a v-shaped valley, at the bottom of which was a small (but deadly, in Yuji's eyes) puddle that he fell into. On the side farther from him was a boulder around his size which he also hit while trying to escape the water. He felt the urge to kick it in revenge before he remembered there would be no use in it.
Yuji came to the conclusion that he would be able to rest for a bit after his failed (and frankly foolish) adventure. He didn't feel quite tired - he actually felt very refreshed and refilled with energy - he just needed some time to process what happened to him only minutes ago.
He had thought he died after Sukuna dealt his last blow to him and he swore he could feel the knowing touch of death. He had felt elated to be finally free of his suffering, even though now he feels guilty that he even thought of it like that. He would never admit it to himself, but near the end of their fight, Yuji had given up when he saw their attempts fail. His hopes were crushed because, well if Gojo-sensei couldn't do it, how could he? It may have been selfish of him to do so, but surrendering had been the best feeling at the time - if he died, he would be able to see them all again and spend eternity together given that there was an afterlife.
It may not have been a smart move or a kind one, but what's done is done. He cannot change his past actions no matter how much he regrets them. Second chances were worth more than diamonds, and this one was wasted on Yuji who didn't even want it.
But Yuji, for better or for worse, has never been much of a thinker. He acted according to his heart and then dealt with the consequences to the best of his capability, but he never went into something with a plan or even a spare thought. That was mostly been how he kept himself sane. If he had stopped and thought about every single death he had witnessed in the brief period he was a sorcerer, he probably wouldn't have lived as long as he did. But now, in hindsight, he almost wished he had died sometime at the beginning. Maybe the detention center, or even at his high school where he swallowed the first finger.
He figured it would have been the best if he had just not been born at all. It wasn't the lack of will to live that made him think that, but rather the guilt he felt for everyone that had to suffer just because he was born and just because he had fought to live.
He felt guilt as easily as he felt joy. That's just how he had always known himself and he doubted he would change anytime soon. He didn't know if he even wanted to change. The guilt grew roots so deep into Yuji's heart that it became a part of him. If he didn't have guilt, he doubted he would be human anymore, and if he wasn't human-
Yuji stopped himself from finishing that train of thought, not wanting to even venture into those waters. At least for now.
Switching his priority onto a more urgent matter, he needed to find out how he survived and what - or who - healed him and left him in this forest. He knew that he has not "died" here nor was anyone left alive that would be willing to help him. So, who could have done this?
He was drawing a blank.
Sighing in exasperation at himself, Yuji decided he sat long enough and planned to leave. He couldn't see the forest's end, but he couldn't stay on the forest floor until a wild animal found him. With his body protesting his every move, he stood up and dusted himself off. He noticed he still had his full black attire from his earlier fight, but it was ripped, dirtied with dried blood, and soaking wet thanks to his idiocy. He took the hoodie off and wrapped it around his waist to hide some of the stains on his pants and to make sure he wouldn't catch a sudden cold. His white T-shirt wasn't a whole lot better in terms of damage, and the air outside was still quite chilly, but it was the only thing he had for now. He didn't want to walk around with his shirt off.
After tying his hoodie, he took a closer look at his now-healed arm. It was strange how easily he got it back, but he wasn't going to complain. It felt normal, dare he say, even better than before it got sliced off. He could close and open his fist just fine, and once he tested its strength on the boulder - partly in revenge - he decided he was quite content with the replacement. But, although his arm was back, he couldn't say the same thing for the rest of his body.
His pinky was still missing and he suspected the same with his ear since he couldn't hear as well as usual from his right side. The damage was there for good, but the wounds were healed and they didn't create a large problem for him. He could live without them just fine.
Other than those two being gone now, scars littered his body, all of them long healed. He could easily hide them with a shirt (once he gets one) so that he doesn't draw eyes to himself. He still didn't know where he was so it was better to be cautious than not. But even though he could cover his body scars fairly easily, his facial scars were the biggest problem. He could probably hide his mouth scar with a mask, but the one running from his left eyebrow to his right cheek was more tricky, if not impossible to cover up.
Yuji sighed and decided that he would just let them be since he can't do anything to hide them yet. He doubts anyone would ask him anything, but in case someone did, he could simply say he was in an accident and that will hopefully be enough of an answer for them.
Finally being done with his examination and precautions, he ventured up the slope on the other side of the valley.
--
The walk was taking longer than he had expected. Of course, he knew it would take some time to even find the edge of the forest, but the sun that was high up in the sky when he woke up was beginning to set and he was still walking aimlessly. Sometimes he felt like he was walking in circles while other times he was completely sure that he circled back to his previous position. Fortunately, he has not yet come back to his starting place, so that gave him some sense of hope. But his legs ached and he was slowing down each second. With no indication that he was going in the right direction, his hope dwindled and his exhaustion was growing, but the fear of something or someone dangerous finding him while lost kept him walking.
He had experience with curse users now.
Just when he was about to succumb to his desire to rest, Yuji noticed the bottom of a fence not too far from him and once he started inching toward said fence, the edge of a path made itself known. If he had been any less tired, he would have jumped for joy and cried with relief, but the most he could do now was smile and release a breath he wasn't aware he was holding onto.
Slowly but surely he was making his way up toward the fence. It was a steep part of the forest so he was forced to use both his hands and legs to reach the top, but once he did, his shoulders relaxed and his legs almost gave out under him from the relief and the feeling of accomplishment he felt at that moment. Except, of course, this meant he couldn't stop walking.
A little bit further along the trail was a direction sign which ended up not helping him at all. He still didn't know where he was and he was not well versed in national parks or hiking trails. Once again left to his own devices, he decided to go to the right side since it went down and by his logic that meant an exit (or at least an entrance) had to be there. Plus, he doubted he could climb uphill any time soon.
This route wasn't as hard nor as long as the pathless walk had been so the time passed rather quickly. The scenery around him barely changed - trees, trees, and look at that, more trees - but it brought Yuji a sense of peace and familiarity. A pattern of some sort. Although it was easy to walk on, in some parts, Yuji struggled not to trip over himself due to the bumpy trail, leading him to almost fall face-first multiple times. He thanked whatever god existed that he didn't because he didn't think his pride would be able to handle another fall.
And so Yuji walked and walked for at least half an hour without stopping before his ear finally picked up on a sound that wasn't the leaves, his own footsteps, or a frightened animal. He could hear multiple other footsteps and voices moving toward him at a leisurely pace. At first, he had wanted to hurry and ask them for help but decided against it when he remembered the state he was in. They'd probably assume he was a lost child, a drug addict who, somehow, managed to creep into the forest without being noticed, or even a murderer who just got done burying his last victim. He didn't need people calling the police on him right now.
With that, he decided that hiding was the best option he had. He hopped over the fence into the trees as silently and quickly as he could, hoping they would give him some cover. The night was almost there so he wouldn't be surprised if they passed by him without noticing anything abnormal.
Just as he hid behind a faraway tree, the group came into his view. There were four young girls, probably in their early twenties, chatting and giggling about something Yuji couldn't hear all too well, he only caught some names he did not recognize and terms he did not know of, but their attention was, thankfully, nowhere near the forest, making his hiding attempt successful. Once they were out of his view and his hearing range, he once again brushed himself off and prepared himself for the last stretch he would allow himself to have before rest. He had been wandering in there for far too long.
A sprint was hard to keep going with so many obstacles and turns in front of him, the ache he felt in them not helping either, but he ended up being grateful to himself because he had located the exit (entrance) within two minutes of running.
Out of breath and sweaty, he came to a graceless stop placing his hands on his knees just so he could catch a breath without dropping to the floor like an empty sack. It seemed that the fight had taken a hefty toll on his body even if it was rested and healed. At least from the outside.
No sound other than his own breathing could be heard around him and that made him straighten himself. It seemed that he was on a hiking trail but since it was almost nighttime, Yuji saw no one around. He wondered how those girls were even allowed to pass through the gate, but eventually concluded that they did what he was afraid he would be accused of doing - trespassing.
Out of energy and in pain, he couldn't bring himself to go after the girls. He only wished them good luck in the forest which gave him nothing but confusion and fatigue.
His legs dragged behind him and his shoulders slouched comically as he slowly inched toward the exit. The moon was starting to take over the sun's duty and it was slowly getting harder for Yuji to see, making him feel even more tired than he truly was. Unsure if he would even reach actual civilization anytime soon, he considered sleeping on a nearby bench to at least recover some of the energy needed for the last part of the walk, but something inside him didn't allow him to rest just yet.
It was an uncomfortable feeling he couldn't quite explain. The best way to describe it would be that everything around him looked normal, as any other hiking trail did to him, but there was also a sense of dread, almost as if his mind was trying to tell him that something he wasn't able to see was off. Similar to how a person that has lived in a home their entire life will bump into furniture if it was moved even an inch, or how they sense something is gone but they can't specify just what exactly that is.
He couldn't sense any curses in his close proximity, and if there were any farther away from him they were weak, so it wasn't that, but rather something he has yet to see or notice.
So, once again, despite his best efforts to get rid of this gut feeling of his, Yuji decided to trek ahead even though his entire body was protesting against his choice.
He didn't have any way to help himself get back into the city. No signs were telling him where exactly he was and his phone was long gone, lost even before the world went to hell, leaving him with his horrendous sense of direction and even worse luck. If he reached the city intact, that in itself would be a miracle.
-*-
No one heard.
No one saw.
Their screams of terror, their attempts to flee... No one to witness their life being torn out of them. No one to save them. No one to die for them.
Alone and terrified, even though there were four, one of the creatures was more than enough.
It wanted the head, it wanted the arm, it wanted the heart, it wanted the soul...
Selfish and greedy the creature was, yet it was not smart, it was not strong, it was not scary... So how?
Was it the element of surprise? Or the fact they couldn't see it? Was it their fear that fueled it?
No one knows.
Because no one heard.
And no one saw.
But if nobody was there to witness it...
Did it really happen?
-*-
Throughout the walk Yuji didn't even lift his head up once, exhaustion not allowing him to, but if he did he would notice the odd peacefulness of the place he had found himself in. Curses were sparse and rare to be seen, and the ones that did show themselves turned out to be grade 3 or lower, the colony barriers that would have been able to be seen from his position nowhere in sight, and the pressure of the Culling Games gone like it never existed in the first place.
Safe to say, it would have put Yuji on guard was he paying attention to his surroundings, but his brain decided that one abstract warning was enough work for the day and it left him with only his heart to lead the rest of the way.
Turns out that wasn't the worst choice he had made. Step after step, turn after turn, slowly but surely Yuji found himself in a town after almost an hour of wandering around like a headless fly. His head finally lifted itself from an almost painful position and slowly turned around in order to take in the place he stumbled into.
It wasn't a big town, that much was obvious even to his sleep-deprived brain. The streets were cramped and the road was barely wide enough for two cars to pass by each other, small stores occupied every other building, making him wonder where the residents lived, street art decorated the buildings and the local boards, and the vending machines were scant.
It made Yuji feel a kind of warmth he hadn't felt since living back in Sendai with his grandpa, even though it looked nothing like his hometown. He supposed that the atmosphere of a lived-in place where everyone knew everyone would follow every small town he would find.
He would have marveled at the nostalgia and the lure it had on him for much longer but the tingling sensation at the back of his head returned, this time even stronger than before. The crushing fatigue he felt just moments ago was gone as soon as the feeling made itself known again, his fight or flight responses waking up. The dread quickly filled his heart like water would a bucket and before he realized what he was doing, he began searching for its source absentmindedly.
He was well aware that it wasn't anything physical - something he could see wouldn't make him feel this type of way, at least not anymore - so he searched for it in the things that used to bring him fear way back when he was still new to the gory world of sorcery.
Looking around the buildings and in tight alleyways, curses hid and lurked in the dark, seemingly waiting for someone to attack, but from what he could tell, curses in this town weren't as strong nor as threatening as the ones he was overly used to, and none of them had the bloodthirsty energy of the big city curses. They were mostly fly heads or grade 4, maximum grade 3, curses that could barely deal serious injuries to a non-sorcerer, let alone instill fear into him. He exorcised them out of habit without thinking.
Plan A failed and plan B didn't exist.
He could have searched the town from brick to brick, stone to stone, house to house, and he still wouldn't be able to find a reason for his out-of-place anxiety. It could have been that the feeling was the very look of empty and noiseless streets, but that didn't convince him nor his fear. Nothing about the town itself was wrong, but rather everything as a whole. The moon, the stars, the air, the birds, the cicadas. Everything.
Growing antsy and overwhelmed, Yuji decided he had to do something with himself other than walk around with no end goal in mind. Seeing as it was already night and he doubted any local would open their door to a sketchy-looking stranger, he decided he would rather try to find a shop that was still open. He didn't have any money on him, but he wasn't planning on buying anything, he just wanted to gather some information before going on his way.
Most of the shops he passed by were closed or they ran out of business. That is, all except a lone shop that Yuji would have easily missed had he not been on high alert.
There was no sign on the building telling him that this wasn't someone's house and the lights inside were dim, making him assume that even though it was open, customers were still not especially welcome. But Yuji, not having anywhere else to go, grabbed the door handle and pushed. When the door opened a bell rang loudly above his head, alerting the cashier that someone had come at an hour usually strange for the locals.
"Good evening" Yuji had been the first to speak, the manners his grandpa hammered into him coming into play, but his voice cracked at the beginning and his throat felt like sandpaper from the lack of use. He cleared his throat out of slight embarrassment and carefully closed the door behind him. Behind the counter was a short, old man with wrinkles adorning every visible part of his skin, thick reading glasses sat atop his wide nose, his eyes intently focused on the newspaper he was holding firmly in his hands. At first glance, he looked thin and frail but his scowling face said otherwise. He somewhat reminded him of his grandpa.
The man didn't say anything back to Yuji, but he could hear a grunt of acknowledgment coming from his throat, his eyes never leaving the paper. Taking that as an invitation, albeit an unsure one, Yuji stepped deeper into the store and up to the counter. Placing his forearms on the flat surface, he leaned forward to grab the man's attention. "Sorry to bother you, sir, but could you tell me where I am right now?"
The man did not look pleased with him when he saw just how close Yuji had gotten to him, and once the question was out of his mouth, his scowl deepened once realizing he wasn't going to get any money out of him. But after a moment of silence and intense eye contact, the man caved in, probably so that he could get rid of Yuji as soon as possible. "Minoh..." Yuji waited for the rest of the sentence which ended up never coming. He expected maybe the name of the town when he asked the question (which he thankfully got) but he also wanted maybe the name of the prefecture he was in - geography was never his strong suit.
All in all, he still didn't know where he was.
Realizing that he was going to have to drag the answers out of the man with significant effort, Yuji tried again, this time with a more specific question. "Alright, but what prefecture is that in?"
The man didn't say anything for an unusual amount of time. It was as if Yuji suddenly grew multiple limbs from his back or like he just told him the most bizarre sentence he had ever heard in his long life. Yuji tilted his head to the side to encourage him to give him the answer and after another lengthy - and rather uncomfortable - silence, Yuji finally managed to get it out of him.
"... Osaka?" the newspaper in the man's hands was put aside and his attention was now fully on Yuji. He could see concern and confusion in his sharp eyes but ignored them in favor of a small, lopsided, and unconvincing smile that wouldn't fool even Yuji.
But now that he knew where he was, he could slowly make his way back to Tokyo to deal with the damage left there and maybe solve the mystery of his survival. Although traveling back will be harder than usual since he didn't have any money for public transport and his ID was god-knows-where. The cherry on top was that he didn't even know how to drive yet, never having the time nor the chance to learn. He would probably have to walk there.
He pushed himself off the counter to thank the man for his time and leave the shop when he remembered that he should probably ask for the time and date as well. Who knows how long he was left in that forest?
Basically throwing himself back on the counter, he made sure to give the man the most pleading and innocent face he could muster before asking, "Oh, actually, could you tell me one more thing before I leave?" without waiting for an answer, Yuji continued, "What time is it? Ooo, and the date, please. Preferably with a year!"
Yuji expected another scowl to appear on the man's face, but instead, he looked even more concerned than he did before. His eyebrows were as scrunched together as can be and a pout deeper than any Yuji had seen before appeared. With an expression like that, he could almost see his grandpa in him. Almost.
Hesitant, the man bent down under the counter and stayed there for a few seconds doing something Yuji couldn't see from where he was standing, but as quickly as the man bent down, he came back up, expression as confused as it had been before he had disappeared. He opened and closed his mouth, seemingly hesitant to give him the answer, but after looking Yuji in the eyes and seeing his plea, he relented.
"It's 09:35 p.m. on October 20th, 2000..."
Yuji's face fell and his eyes widened. It felt like every molecule of oxygen has been punched out of his lungs with that sentence alone. The day, the month, the year. Wrong. All of it was wrong. It was Christmas Eve in 2018 when he "died". He knew that. He wouldn't forget that even if threatened. Even if forced to.
Hell, he wasn't even born in the year 2000. He shouldn't be here.
He shouldn't be alive right now.
But it was real. The dread - the eery feeling that has been following him ever since he left the forest - was gone like it never existed in the first place. Instead, shock and confusion took its place.
Yuji's legs almost gave out under him, making him take a step back and away from the counter to regain his footing, but it didn't matter. His legs wavered and he fell to his knees, the exhaustion and the reality of his situation finally making themselves known.
The old man rushed out from behind the counter as fast as his brittle bones could take him and crouched down next to him almost immediately after Yuji dropped to the floor. He knew something was up with him the moment he started asking him weird questions and especially after seeing the physical state he was in. At first, he thought he was a severe alcoholic, but after seeing how disoriented and lost he was - not even knowing which prefecture he was in - he feared that the boy was kidnapped and that he only just managed to escape. But he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He now realized that he shouldn't have.
To say that Yuji was panicking was an understatement. He couldn't breathe correctly, or even at all, it was like his throat was constricted - like someone was squeezing their hands around his neck, tremors traveled throughout his body without stopping, his palms were sweating profusely, and his eyes started watering. Terror was something Yuji experienced only a handful of times, but even then it didn't feel as suffocating as it did now. All the misery they went through, all the death and sacrifices they had to witness, were gone. They never happened here. Yuji would now be the only one who remembered. The only one left to tell the tale that never lived. Everything they did was for naught. Futile.
If he could, he would have screamed until he started spitting out blood, but his sobs were still unable to make it out of his burning throat. Though, the tears flowed freely down his pained face and his heart squeezed with each memory that came to mind - both happy and heartbreaking ones. How cruel of a life he had to continue living.
The man beside him didn't know what to do other than rub soothing circles along his back and try to wipe the salty tears off his face with his handkerchief. With each passing second he grew more and more concerned with the boy's state seeing as he wasn't even breathing.
He didn't expect such a devastating reaction coming from him when he gave him the answer he asked for, but it was too late to think about the past, he needed to do something fast or he would suffocate himself. Using any kind of force, light or harsh, was probably a bad idea since he wasn't a doctor and he didn't have any experience with people choking, so he decided on a more gentle route.
Placing his other hand on his shoulder and continuing rubbing his back with the other one, he talked to the boy about random things - how he started his day, what he ate, what kind of people lived in the town, his wife (that was now dead, but the boy didn't need to know that), and his love for his son - all to calm him down enough to be lucid.
Suddenly, a loud, harsh sob could be heard coming from the boy's mouth, making the man's shoulders slump down in relief. It worked. Though now, the boy's sobs were shaking his body violently and his fists were closing, probably trying to find something to hold that would ground him. The man shook his head and grabbed both of his shoulders awkwardly in his hands, he turned him around to face him and hugged him close to his chest. One of his unsure hands came up to stroke his dirty and greasy hair while the other was wrapped around the boy's shoulders, still rubbing his back. Yuji - realizing what was happening - hugged the man back with such desperation and force that his shirt was close to tearing and buried his face under his chin like a frightened child.
They stayed in that position for minutes on end with the only sounds being Yuji's gut-wrenching sobs and the old man's soothing hush as they rocked from side to side. Yuji's heart ached with every breath he took and his thoughts ended up becoming foggier and foggier until he couldn't forge another one anymore, the exhaustion coming back to deal the finishing blow. His sobs died down and his tears and grief dried, leaving him an almost boneless mess in the old man's arms.
He didn't want to leave his warm and comforting embrace that was close to lulling him to sleep, but he could feel the man shift under him so he relented. Pulling away from him took way more effort than he would like to admit and kneeling down felt close to dizzying without the support in front of him - a headache in the making.
The sound of rustling around the shop and shoes hitting the floor kept him awake and their stop was enough to make him aware enough that a hand was suddenly gripping his arm and lifting him off the ground (or at least trying to). Yuji flinched away from the unexpected physical contact, yet he still complied with its attempt after he remembered to who it belonged. Like a newborn lamb, he stood on two shaky legs and reached out for the man, not trusting himself not to bump into random objects while he walked.
Slowly and cautiously they managed to walk through the door into the cold night air, Yuji not tripping even once thanks to every miracle on earth, and their roles not changing while they continued walking down the street. Again, if Yuji were even a tiny bit more awake, he would question the man on where he was taking him, but his sense has retired for the day. He followed the man obediently, like a lost puppy, and after not even five minutes of walking in silence, they walked through another door - presumably, into the old man's house.
Out of instinct, he began taking his shoes off, almost tripping and falling in the process before Yuji was pulled deeper into the tiny house and pushed inside a room where he was left alone. Forcing his eyes to focus, he couldn't see his surrounding as well as he would have liked due to the light not being turned on, but from what he could tell, it was a reasonably normal-looking bathroom with a shower, sink and a toilet, although it was slightly cramped.
A knock sounded from the door behind him before he had time to think further and Yuji clumsily opened it to reveal the old man standing there with fresh clothes and a towel in his hands. He shoved them into Yuji's arms without a word, turned the lights on, and left him as fast as he came.
It took Yuji a moment of staring daggers into the cloths after his short-lived blindness was gone in order to understand what the man wanted from him. A shower wasn't at the forefront of his mind, if he had to admit, though he wasn't opposed to taking one - the dirt, blood, and grime were growing more and more unbearable by the second.
He slowly took his clothes off, careful not to trip and injure himself, and threw them on the floor near the door, too tired to even think about picking them up. He'd do it after the shower.
Cold water sprayed out when he turned the water on, even so, Yuji stepped in not minding the chill it send through his body. The shock of the water made him tense up and the sleep was pushed to the back of his head for the time being, but he felt more relaxed than he had the whole day. The shock, despair, anger, and fear all felt like they were cleansed from his soul and his sins washed away by the soap and water.
And so Yuji scrubbed himself over and over. He scrubbed until he couldn't feel himself being scrubbed anymore. He scrubbed until he lost his sense of time. He scrubbed himself dry. He scrubbed until he drew blood. Even so, Yuji could still see their blood underneath his nails, on his chest, in his teeth, on his legs, in his hair, in the water that was being drained... He could still feel their flesh that's been ripped apart on the palm of his hands. He could still hear their screams of terror every time something around him moved. He could still smell the rotting bodies around him with each breath. He could still taste the metallic undertone of blood every time he swiped his tongue across his teeth.
Yuji took a steadying breath through his mouth (he could still smell it) and forced his heart to calm down before it jumped out of his mouth along with the leftover food and water that was still in his stomach. Seeing as he wouldn't get any cleaner in his eyes, he got out of the shower and dried himself with the towel the man gave him.
It was filthy with blood.
Yuji didn't look.
The clothes the man gave him were a tad bit too large for him which he preferred to have in his current situation. Less attention meant less potential danger. The shirt was a normal long-sleeved black sweatshirt and the sweatpants were the usual black ones with a worn-out look to them, some parts becoming discolored with time and the love of the person that wore them. Yuji felt guilt in his heart for even being allowed to wear such a pure and meaningful peace of clothing, yet he still put them on, mentally apologizing to the person that such a filthy thing as himself wore their clothes that had become stained with blood.
He looked at himself in the mirror above the sink after he was finished dressing himself. Yuji could barely recognize himself, not because of the scars (they were the things he barely noticed), he was more shocked by the look in his eyes - the exhaustion he never associated with himself was now entirely prevalent on his face. He didn't even look 15 anymore. It was like he had aged by 5 years in that short period of time, though he also had to admit that those few months almost did feel like 5 years.
But what he took notice of the most was his uncanny resemblance to Him. He knew that they were similar in appearance, it made sense why, but now, when He wasn't here with him anymore, he had thought he would get rid of Him and anything that resembled Him for the rest of his life, except it seemed that fate wasn't done laughing in his face. It made his stomach churn and his fists clench on top of the sink so as to not break the mirror in front of him.
He couldn't look at himself anymore.
With one final glance at himself (Him), he practically ran out of the bathroom, his dirty clothes that weren't there anymore long forgotten.
He had expected to have to search for the old man in the house since he doubted he waited for him outside, except he was wrong. The man was leaning on the wall next to the door with crossed arms and a look of deep thought on his face that wasn't directed at Yuji but rather at the floor in front of him. It seemed like he didn't notice him until he heard the door close shut. He flinched and tore his eyes from the floor to look up at the source of the sound only to find Yuji's tired gaze.
Pushing himself off the wall and gaining back his composure, the man started walking deeper into the house while checking over his shoulder if Yuji was following him, and Yuji, feeling like he didn't have much of a choice, did.
Just a few steps from the bathroom, behind a door the old man opened was a cramped bedroom that looked like it belonged to a teenager with the way the walls were decorated with posters of idols and movies.
"You can sleep here... you know where the bathroom is, the kitchen and living room are down the hall, and... if you need anything, my bedroom is right next to this one..." Before Yuji could get a word in, the man turned his back to him and disappeared into the room. His arm stretched out, he almost went after him just so he wouldn't be left alone, but gave up on the idea after realizing that the man probably wanted his privacy.
His arm dropped to his side and his following words came out so pitifully and quietly he could barely hear himself, "... goodnight..." and with one last longing look at the man's door, he entered the room and laid himself on the bed he would be sleeping in. The bed he would taint.
Sleep came quickly that night.
--
As easily as it came to him, sleep left him just the same. The sun had still not broken through to his room and the coldness of the night was still covering him, his eyelids felt like they held weights, and his eyes burned from the strain they put themselves through just hours ago, yet Yuji's body didn't let him rest any more than he already had. He tried to force himself to sleep for a little while longer by shutting his eyes and clumping himself in a tiny ball of human limbs but to no avail.
Giving up on further sleep, he turned to lay on his back with his arms and legs spread apart and his eyes staring daggers into the ceiling.
What came now? He woke up in the forest and found a way out of it, but nothing was happening, there was no clear goal in front of him, just piling questions and confusion. But even if there was something to keep him going forward, where would he even go from here? He didn't have any place to stay - his childhood home in Sendai wasn't an option and even if he could go back, he wouldn't belong there anymore, he didn't have any money for any hotels, even the cheapest ones, the Jujutsu high school was out of the question (he didn't think his soul could handle staying there or anywhere near it), and this house, although nice and comfy, he couldn't handle the guilt that would come with using the man for his kindness.
All in all, he was lost. "Ugh, where the hell do I go!" he scratched his head with both of his hands, the frustrating situation getting to him. Sighing (he felt like he was doing that a lot recently) he came to the conclusion that he still needed to leave this place, this town, and go somewhere - anywhere - else, maybe make his way back to Tokyo and find something to do there given that his purpose as a sorcerer and as a person was gone now. Gone along with Him...
Yuji's breath hitched in his throat and his body shot up from his position. During all of his moping, he had overlooked the obvious fact that He wasn't gone. He never did leave, or rather die, even though Yuji wished for that to happen during so many sleepless nights. He was still here, tormenting everyone with his existence alone, unharmed and unbothered by the pain he had caused. Yuji had a chance to reclaim his worth and finish the role that was given to him at the beginning as it was intended to be finished. That way, he would also clean his hands of the blood and sin he (He) has committed.
Yuji was going to swallow each and every single one of Sukuna's fingers and hold him captive in his body until death came to send both of them to Hell.
Yuji was going to accomplish his role as a vessel put on death row. Yuji was going to redeem himself. He was going to follow through with his grandpa's final request - he will save those that he loved.
And with saving, he could allow himself to taste revenge along the way. Besides, Sukuna wasn't the only one that was alive at this time - Kenjaku was here as well. Yuji has never been one for violence and death, yet, for those two, he could make an exception.
They would pay their weight in blood.
Including himself.
Mind already made up, he pushed himself off of the bed and made his way to the door. During his mind rant, he had lost track of time so it came as no surprise that he didn't notice the close-to-blinding sunlight forcing its way through the windows and the empty feel of the house which was supposed to hold another person inside of it. The old man had already left. Yuji felt a pang of sadness at that - he had wanted to thank the man, at least verbally, before he left this place for good, though it looked like his plan left along with the man.
He shook his head to get rid of his thoughts and practically ran toward his red shoes (he was going to have to change them soon, the red was too blaring) that were peeking at him from the genkan, but once he reached them he stopped in front of them with his hand frozen in mid-air. A piece of paper and an envelope were sticking out of them.
Intrigued and a little bit confused, he picked up the paper and unfolded it to find a small note that had the words "THE MONEY IS FOR YOU" written in large and scraggly letters. Realizing what that meant, he opened the envelope that was placed in his other shoe where he found an amount of money he was sure would fund him for weeks if he spent it wisely. He was touched by the man's excessive show of kindness and compassion to a boy he had never met before and a boy who could have been (was) a danger to him or the town.
Taking the paper with him, he began searching for a pen to show even a fraction of his gratefulness to the old man. He found the pen on a table in the hallway and quickly scribbled down a short "thank you for everything! :) - Yuji" after which he grabbed the money, put on his shoes, and left the house.
He was already growing fond of wandering alone.
-*-
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
A drip of blood.
A stream of blood.
A pool of blood.
How the floor beneath his body shined with red. How it decorated his plain clothes with a splash of color. How it flew out of his throat. How it seeped out of his mouth.
The man had lived a long life of blissful ignorance. No knowledge of the creature in front of him - the creatures of fear. If only, oh if only he didn't save him, if only he had left him on his shop floor, if only he had not spoken a word to him... if only he had known.
Now, he laid in his house, a place meant to bring safety, unmoving and peaceful - dead.
The creature - curse - crouched above him and feasted on his muscles, on his stomach, on his limbs, on his bones, on his intestines, on his heart, brain, eyes... He would soon be gone - thought to be missing only to never be found.
But if someone would just come, just look, they would see that he was not gone, they would see how his body was moving, except not of his own volition - almost as if an animal was ravaging him. They would see how his clothes tore open seemingly by themselves, how new wounds appeared, how blood kept pouring out...
They would also notice a small note clenched possessively in his hand, the blood already painting it red.
"thank you for everything! :) - Yuji"
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.