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If he really tried to think about it, he could recall the first time he'd ever saw you. He was eleven, standing on platform nine and three quarters with his father by his side. You were talking to someone sitting across you with a pout, he was blond, hair platinum as it could be. His father slips a bag into his pocket the same second you looked out the window.
Your eyes met and he could tell that his father had just given him this month's allowance. You smile at him and he distractedly bids his father goodbye. And if he were to remember it correctly, this was when you'd planted his heart in a rose-coloured fantasy.
He climbs on to the train, and the longer he spent trying to find you within the carriages he passed, the quicker he'd realised that he'd already forgotten your face. You, who he now childishly deem his one, and only fairy.
It wasn't long until he saw you again, not that he knew that it was you, his (and he cringes when he thinks of this now) fairy. You were now an acquaintance of his, and apparently a friend of his dorm-mate, the spoiled brat: Draco Malfoy.
He remembers it more clearly now, every single aspect of his life that has been affected by you. He blames it on Malfoy for always dragging you wherever he went. And he blames it on himself for thinking that you were too pretty for your own good.
Pretty enough to be in a shampoo commercial even. Maybe then you'd be an actual fairy; a fairy of shampoo.
Sometimes you forget just how rich the Malfoy's were until Draco invites you to stay at his lake house with him and his Slytherin friends over the summer. And seeing as you've both known each other for so long that even your parents had grown annoyed with one another, you'd had your stuff packed and brought over before summer even started.
Draco was quick to take up the master bedroom, assigning you the room next to his just so he could easily come in and annoy you. You didn't really mind it, your room has a bathroom attached to it; it connects your room to another.
You'd shared this room with Draco before, a double sink in the bathroom being a great source of morning conversations. You always stayed at the other side though, just so he could be closer to his parents but still close enough to you for him to barge in and bother you whenever he liked.
Pansy took the one opposing yours, Blaise just down her hall leaving the one connected to yours for Nott to take up.
Day-one activities consisted of the five of you going to the local farmers market to shop for groceries. Draco —and the others for this matter, didn't like this idea much, but you were all grown up now, you should be able to handle this without the help of house elves.
"Strawberries?" Pansy says. "Have we gotten them yet? I really like them."
You nod. "Yeah, we got a few pounds of it. Is that okay or should we get more?"
"No it's fine," she answers. "We can always come again for more."
Draco groans at her words. And you roll eyes, reaching over to smack his arm. "Don't be a lazy brat."
"I'm not being a lazy brat," he says defensively, "it's hot and we could easily have someone else do this for us. We could be spending this time doing something else."
"Doing what exactly?" You retorted. "It's not like you're getting laid anytime soon."
Blaise snorts at your words as Malfoy mumbles under his breath. "Is your father going to hear about that?"
"Fuck off, Zabini."
The five of you continue on your trip around the market, stopping by for occasional snacks and you start to suspect that Draco enjoys this much more than he lets on whenever he spots a new shiny toy.
It didn't take long for you to finish up with your groceries, so to treat yourselves, you'd decided to head over for something refreshing. You'd settled on ice cream, approaching the closest parlour you could find.
"Hey, I'm about to go order," you say, standing a short distance away from Theodore who had yet to order unlike the other three. "Which flavour do you want?"
Theodore took a glance at you, then after a second he turned back the window that had him preoccupied just minutes before. Okay, that was rude.
But you chopped it up to him being the introvert that he is, so instead you went up to Draco and asked him about his friend. "Which one do you think he likes? I asked him and he straight up ignored me."
"Maybe he just didn't hear you," Draco suggested, then adding; "or that he didn't want anything."
"But then again, this is Theo we're talking about, who knows what he's thinking." Draco takes a bite out of his sorbet, pondering for a second. "Just get him vanilla, it's basic, everyone likes vanilla."
With two cones in hand, one for you and the other for Theodore, you cautiously approach the tall Slytherin. "Draco told me to get you vanilla," you said, smiling up at him. "Is that okay with you? I could get you anothe—"
"It's fine," Theo cuts you off, reaching for the cone you were about to offer him. If his tone had an affect on your attitude, you don't let him see it. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Your voice drops barely above a whisper, clearly done with this conversation. "Should we head back then?"
Theo only nods. And you try your best to not let it get to you, he was reserved when it comes to new people; you know this. Then why does he still close himself off from you when you've known him for the last seven years of your life?
Mornings at the country lake house were one of your favourite things, it's quiet and you always wake up feeling restful and content. You got up from your bed and made your way to the bathroom. A twist at the knob and turn had you entering it in no time.
You went up to your side of the sink and it's only when you reached for your tooth brush did you notice the blurry figure beside you. "Good morning," you greeted with a soft smile without much thought, beginning your morning routine by brushing your teeth. "How'd you sleep?"
"Fine," he says. He wants to say more but he can't think of a single thing to tell you. He wants to tell you how much he likes standing here with you right now. He wants to tell you how much he both loves and hates being around you because he always, without fail, ends up a frozen mess. "How did you?"
"It was good." At least he's making conversation. He finishes up brushing his teeth and you're more than just relieved. It's not easy talking to someone who clearly doesn't enjoy your company. "I'll see you in a bit then."
Theodore hums in acknowledgement and turns towards his room, shutting the bathroom door behind him. It's only when he's gone did you realise he'd only worn sweats to sleep.
Blaise was kind enough to make breakfast for everyone, and Theodore was lucky enough to be the first to get a taste of it.
"Good morning," he greets the brunet, his back to him as he keeps eyes on his cooking pancakes. "Princess' not up yet?"
"No," Theo answers, going over to his side to help plate each person's portion. "And you know she hates it when you call her princess right?"
"Yeah," Blaise says with a slight chuckle. "But she always looks so mad when we call her that, it's funny."
"You say that as if she doesn't cuss us out whenever any of us calls her that," Theo retorts, him adding extra of the things he knew you liked on your plate not missed by Blaise.
Blaise only shrugs, "you get used to it after a while."
Theo only hums as a response. And after a second, he decides to tell Blaise about something that has been plaguing his mind since he woke up this morning. "She said good morning to me."
Blaise' brows furrows. "Okay?"
"I didn't say it back."
"Oh so she hates you know." Theo scowls at him and Blaise can't help but laugh at his crushing friend.
"You're supposed to make me feel better."
"Well it's not my fault you're an idiot," Blaise retorts, "it wouldn't be this difficult if you'd just ask her out."
"You know I can't do that."
Draco walks into the kitchen. "And why can't you?"
"I don't know how to explain it," he says first, now setting up the table with Draco's help. "I feel like I'm walking on clouds when I talk to her and yet I can't find the words to express how I feel and always end up making her upset with me."
Draco shares a glance with Blaise. This must've been the most they'd heard him speak in one morning. "Oh so you're whipped?"
"Who's whipped?"
Merlin was not on Theo's side this morning. Because why else would you be here while he's having this conversation out of everything else he could've been chatting about?
"Nott," Draco snickered.
"Oh." Your face falls and he hopes more than anything that you were disappointed, or maybe even jealous at the prospect of him being into someone other than you. "Good luck then."
Pansy who'd come into the kitchen with you, and stayed by your side as she listened in; only frowns at your word. "Why do you sound like that? Don't you want to know who it is?"
"I do," you murmured. "But it's not like he's going to tell us who it is anytime soon."
"And why not?"
"Are we talking about the same guy? It took me three months to get a word out of him," you retorted. "I doubt he's just going to tell us who he's dating."
"Not dating per se, just crushing," Blaise corrected.
"Theo has a crush?" Pansy gasps. "How exciting."
"Don't act surprised," Theodore scoffs, taking a seat at the table. And, as if he was pointing out that the skies were blue, he adds: "You're standing right next to her."
"Are you sure, princess?"
If you didn't have as much on your mind as you did, you'd tell Blaise off. But there were bigger matters at hand, so instead you decided on a friendlier reply. "Just go on, I'll join you in a minute."
"Okay," he says with a slight frown, now that you're not telling him to go do something inappropriate with himself for just calling you princess. He's starting to wonder if you are okay, but he'll let you tell him all about it at your own time, so instead, he says: "If you say so."
He tosses you his towel and you put it to your side, watching him as headed towards Draco and Pansy who were on their second attempt at drowning one another. Yeah this is going to be a long day.
You tried to be logical, but every logical thought points towards one conclusion: Theodore Nott likes you.
Because who else could've he been talking about when he said his 'crush' was standing right next to Pansy. Unless he meant the air on the other side of her? But that's insane, he couldn't possibly mean that. And, in all honesty, you think that he couldn't have possibly meant you.
It could've been a joke but Theodore has a look on his face, one where you could always without fail tell that he was planning a joke, and you were sure that he hadn't worn that look when he'd said it. And even if it was a joke, this was a very cruel one for him to tell.
The sound of sand dipping a short distance away catches your attention; to your right Theodore sat on the sand as he looked straight ahead.
He must've felt you looking at him, there was no way he couldn't have but he was showing no signs that he knew whatsoever.
You clear your throat. "You're not going in?" He turns to you, his hair —now outgrown and floppy, flies in each and every direction. He then shakes his head. "Why not?"
He turns back to the other three in the water. "I didn't want to leave you here alone."
"So you're keeping me company?" A nod of his head tells you all you need to know. Plague with questions and questions and questions, all of which Theodore related, you can't help but ask him. "Why?"
"You know why."
"No," you say. "I think I know why, not that I actually know it."
"Does your thinking involve me having feelings for you?" A nod from you cues his next response. "Atta girl, that was right on the nose."
Feeling restless at his words, you got up onto your feet and made your way over to where he sat. "I don't get it," you say first, and as a response, Theo looks up at you. "I don't get you."
Theo's face showed no emotions. "What don't you get about me?"
"Just yesterday, you blatantly ignored me and then today you say that you have feelings for me out of nowhere?" You say frustratingly, and Theo feels bad, he really does, for finding you so cute that he could barely hide his smile. "How am I supposed to believe you?"
He only blinks at you. "You just do."
What. You squint your eyes at him, "are you serious right now?"
"I am," he says, frowning. "Is it that hard to believe?"
"Yes," you say exasperatedly. "If you have feelings for me then why do you always treat me like shit?"
He thinks for a second. He could either tell you the truth, which was that he's kind of in love with you and he was terrified of speaking to you because he didn't want you to find out or change the topic completely. "I'm going for a swim."
?!?
That's what you get? For asking him questions about his feelings for you? Were men always this complicated? "You're just going to ignore me?"
"I'm not." He slips his shirt off, heading into the lake where your three friends were trying to not be obvious about how they were listening in.
"You're not what?" You ask him, trailing after him.
"I'm not treating you like shit nor am I ignoring you," he says finally. "I just don't know what to say."
Dinner is quiet. The tension can be felt by everyone and no one —not even Draco, dared to point it out. Something was going and as worried as they were about it, they were much more afraid of what their friend would do to them if they said something about it.
So instead, the three of them decided to be good and enjoy their meal without so much as a word. "Didn't know you could cook, Theo."
Theodore looks up from his plate and at Pansy. Her eyes suddenly went wide, feeling like a deer caught in headlight. So to ease herself out of the situation she adds. "This is delicious."
"Thanks," he murmurs lowly, turning back to his plate.
You watch as Blaise, Draco, and Pansy share a look. Blaise soundlessly ushering out a "what was that?"
Pansy, looking panicked, responded. "I don't know?! It was getting too quiet."
"You do know that you can just talk normally right?" All eyes turn on you. "No reason for hushed whispers, you know?"
Blaise looks at you bashfully, " 'course."
"Sorry," Pansy muttered. "We were thinking of having a Bonfire actually."
"That sounds fun," you nod, wordlessly waiting for Theo's response. "Do you want to join?"
Theodore looked up distractedly, and shook his head once he'd processed your offer. "No, I think I'll head to bed early."
The four of you accept his answer as is, tidying up the table before you bid him goodbye and went to the backyard. Pansy was quick to start a fire, especially with magic at her aid.
Once you've all sat down, Blaise passed each of you a bottle of butter beer and threw over some snacks. "It's really nice out tonight."
"It is," Pansy says in agreement, tearing open her bag of chips. "This is nice."
The conversation was strain, an invisible barrier clearly in the way of you and your friend. You look up at the stars, clocking in each star you spotted. Vega. Altair. Draco.
The blond yawns loudly, "Nott would love this."
Blaise snickers, "I thought we weren't going to mention him."
"And why not?" You ask. "Just because I'm here? He's still your friend, you can talk about him all you want."
"A friend who's been in love with you longer than you've known him," Draco murmurs, taking a sip of his butterbeer. And when the other turns to scold him, he rolls his eyes; clearly unbothered. "What? Princess here needs to know sooner or later."
"Don't call me princess," you say first, tone stern as it could be. "And what do you mean he's been in love with me longer than I've known him?"
Blaise shook his head. "You need to talk about this with him yourself."
"And how am I supposed to do that?" You countered. "The reason I'm in this mess in the first place is because of how he'd never speak to me. Now you want me to talk to him about his feelings? Do you hear yourself?"
"I know it's difficult," Pansy chimes in. "It's not exactly in his nature to talk much. But that doesn't mean you can't get anything out of him. You just need to go slowly about it."
"You want me to go slowly?" You don't really know how you feel. On one hand, you're upset with your friends that they've been hiding Theo's feelings for you from you for who knows how long. And on the other, you're mad at how they're telling you to go slow despite how fast everything has gone. "Just this morning I thought Theo hated me, and then out of nowhere I got told that he's been in love since before I even knew him. How am I supposed to go slowly with this when everything is going faster than I could think?"
The group falls silent, putting themselves in your shoes as they try to think of a way to help you out with your predicament.
Then finally, Pansy asks the question the others had been thinking about. "Do you think —that even for the slightest bit, that you could like him back?"
You frown. "I haven't really thought about it."
A part of you has, and Draco knows it, he was your best friend, you've told him everything you have ever thought of. And he knew that, despite you never actually having feelings for Theo, that if he ever were to ask you out, you'd give him a shot.
"Go talk to him," Draco says. "If you don't I'm telling your parents you're having unprotected premarital sex."
He's doing this for your own good, or at least he convinces himself that he was. And when you call out his bluff, he pulls out his wand; ready to send a patronus message any second.
"You can't make me do that."
"Oh yeah?" He says testingly. "Watch me, expecto—"
Wanting him to shut up, you got up from your spot and shot him a pointed look. "I will kill you the first thing next morning Draco Malfoy."
"Yeah yeah," he only waves you off with an amused smirk. "Just use protection."
You stood outside your door. Wondering whether you should knock on his bedroom door or find him through the bathroom. Deciding that the latter was somewhat creepy, you nervously land a set of knocks on his door.
A second goes by before the door swings open. Theodore stood tall in plaid pyjamas pants and a forest green sweater, his hair a mess. His figure barely lit aside from the lamp on his bedside table, a book laying half open beside it.
Not really knowing what to say, you settled on a simple. "Hi."
"Hi." Theo shuffles to the side, inviting you in.
You stood in his room as he shut his door. He sits him on his bed and looks up at you. Your eyes met and just before you chicken out, you ask him. "Can we talk?"
"Aren't we already doing that?"
Since when did he get so snarky? "Okay," you murmur. "Well I wanted to talk to you about today."
Many things happened today, you'd have to be more specific is what he didn't say. Only keeping quiet as he waited for you to go on.
"I guess I'm just a little confused," you tell him. "Do you actually have feelings for me or are you messing with me?"
He stares at you for a minute before asking. "Don't you think it's a bit cruel to mess with you by saying so?"
"That's exactly what I thought," you let out frustrating. "But then again you're the one who's been ignoring me all these years and then you decide to drop that you have feelings for me out of nowhere. So I'm sorry if I think that this is a cruel joke."
"I would never joke about how I feel for you."
"Then please tell me how you feel," you say. "Because I'm driving myself mad trying to understand you."
Theodore pities you, pities how you don't understand just how desperately into you he is, pities how he had to explain to you just how much you mean to him and just how stupid he's been for not telling you all these years.
He thinks and thinks and thinks. Trying to find the right words to articulate how he feels. "I fell in love with you the moment I saw you."
He stands and walks over to you, and you hate how you have to crane your neck up to look at him. "Which was?"
"First year," he says, "platform nine and three-quarters."
Seeing as you can't recall ever meeting an eleven year old kid with dark hair and dark eyes. You decided that he was a liar. A cute one at that.
"I met you again when I became friends with Draco," he tells you. "And at first I hated you, not because there was anything wrong with you but because you were pretty and you were nice, and that you made me speechless every time I saw you."
"I only thought people like you existed in fairy tales," he says. And you have to fight back the urge to vomit at how cheesy he was. "When I do talk to you though, I always get a feeling I can't explain in words. But I'm willing to try my hardest if you’d give me a chance."
"A chance to?" You draw out.
"You know what I'm asking." He murmurs, a hand reaching for yourself. You let him take it, intertwining his fingers with yours in the process. "Don't make me say it princess."
"If you’re asking me on a date then your chances were ruined the moment you called me princess.”
He finds himself smiling at your words, eyes kept on you as he tries to memorise your face. He'd forgotten it once and he won't let it happen again.