Chapter Text
Her heart still ached. She could hear his words so clearly still in her mind. It won’t happen again. And yet, she couldn’t let it stay as it was. The simple gift lay heavy in her pocket. She had meant to give it to him the night in the glen. Instead… She slid a hand into her pocket, curled it around the gift, and, squeezing it tightly, strode towards Solas’ study. He was standing on the opposite side of his desk as she opened the door, shuffling through papers. She felt a bolt of pain lance through her heart once more as his eyes latched onto her and he straightened.
“Inquisitor,” he said, his voice carefully neutral.
“I… have something to say,” she said as she approached. He stiffened, his eyes clouding, but nodded all the same. She stood silent a moment, her hand tightening almost painfully in her pocket. Looking at him now, she knew it wouldn’t change anything. But she couldn’t walk away. So she drew her hand from her pocket. She looked at the small amulet she had so painstakingly crafted, the small circle knot painted in a prism of colors between the blue of lyrium, the green of her mark, and a dark green of the forest. She brushed it gently with her thumb before offering it to him.
“What…” he started, confused before he had fully taken in the token. His breath caught in his throat for a long moment before the whisperof it escaped his lips. There was sorrow on his face.
“You made this,” he said quietly.
“I didn’t have the chance to give it to you as I planned,” she said stiffly if only to keep any wavers out of her voice.
“Vhenan…” he breathed. She flinched violently but before her eyes had screwed shut, the pain in them shone bright as the sun.
“Forgive me,” he said, shame and guilt in his voice. “Perhaps… you should keep it.” Her eyes opened and her hand offering the amulet never wavered.
“This is not my choice anymore Solas,” she said, her voice soft but strong. “You had your say. And you know my response. This is my say. This is not a promise. It is not a trick. It will not give me a false hope. You made your decision and though I do not understand, I… acknowledge it. I look forward to the end of all this and answers but until then, this is what I say. How you respond is on you.” All he could do was stare at her for the longest time. For every reason he cared for her, it made it hurt all the more. She shouldn’t have the understanding to be here. The strength to push past hurt or anger or anything she may be feeling to give him one last chance to voice how he felt. He longed to hold her in his arms again. To hold onto her no matter what came. To have her at his side. But he had failed to even tell her the truth and the pain of that, the shame of it still burned inside him. He should not take that breathtaking form of her love. Just as he should not have continued this from the beginning. But just as he was unable to stop before, he was unable to turn this token away now. Silently, he took the amulet from her hand and fastened it around his neck. It lay just below the base of his throat. He met her eyes. For a long moment, the room only held pain, sorrow, and heartbreak.
“I…” he tried to say before breaking the gaze and looking away. Even now he couldn’t do it. “I will cherish it.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. There was a pause before she turned and quietly left the room. He let her go in silence, the weight of her love around his neck.