Chapter Text
Flashes of memories sparked in the ever-present darkness that was Kaeya’s mind. Walking down a dark alleyway, he saw a moment of dark blue in the shadows. Cautiously approaching, Kaeya was blinded by the light in a split-second, the next image being a sudden pair of very familiar eyes staring uncomfortably close to his. The razor sharp tips of his ‘fathers’ star shaped pupil stabbed fear into the younger bluenette’s heart. He heard a quiet yet all too startling whisper in his ear: “I see you”
-Gasping for air, Kaeya clutched his blanket tightly, breathing in and out rapidly. No no no no no. This can’t be happening, Kaeya thought. He’s coming for him. He has no choice. This is too soon. Thoughts rapidly spiraled in Kaeya’s mind. He shuddered as he attempted to stand up, legs wobbling in fear, clutching his right eye in worry. His mind became blank from the shock, with only one thought in his mind: I need a drink.
He could see that it was still dark out, and his clock told him it was 4AM. Relieved that he didn’t have to go to work soon, he pulled out the strongest liquor he had and popped the cap open, chugging. The burning of the alcohol in his throat calmed him down a bit. It was just a dream…it’s fine, I’m fine. He reassured himself, but that didn’t last long. He was an adult now, the likeliness of his ‘father’ suddenly appearing was admittedly high. I don’t want to lose everything (I already have) I don’t want the ones I love to lose everything. I don’t want Diluc to lose any more that he already has. Because of me. Kaeya shook his head, trying to get back into the real world. That was just a simple nightmare, he stated in his mind clearly. He has work in the morning anyways, he remembers. Another boring day. Nothing is out of the ordinary.
The young man drunkenly looks at his half empty bottle. Shit. I’m going to really have to mask my hangover at work tomorrow-he checks his clock again-…today. He thought to get some sleep, but decided to avoid it for the time being as the thought of having another nightmare made him shudder.
I’ll just have to stay awake then
…
Staying up hadn’t been as easy as he thought it would be. His alarm rang 3 hours later, making him narrow his eyes and sigh. This day was going to suck. He quickly got ready, clumsily putting on his corset and accessories with a pounding headache. For breakfast, he simply grabbed an apple as he still felt nauseous from the…’unimportant incident’ as he likes to call it.
Walking up all the stairs to the Knights of Favonius headquarters was difficult but manageable. He tried to maintain a steady mind as he greeted the knights at their post, avoiding Jean as she saw through him too easily, making a beeline straight to his office.
Paperwork was in stacks after stacks at this time of year. Nothing Kaeya couldn’t handle though, except he was awake the majority of the night, and had plenty of alcohol. If he was honest with himself, he would admit he was alarmingly dizzy as time passed on.
His office door opened with a loud click, causing him to flinch from his daze. Jean entered gracefully while closing the door behind herself.
“Ah, there you are Kaeya, is there any reason why you didn’t greet me in the morning?” She asked genuinely.
“Simply because I didn’t want to be distracted by the amazing and ever brave Acting Grandmaster Jean! How could I possibly finish all this boring paperwork with such an excellent leader in presence?” He dramatically put his hand on his head and smirked, although it looked more like a wince if he thought back on it.
Jean rolled her eyes but looked concerned as she studied the cavalry captain, causing Kaeya to cough awkwardly and attempt to change the topic that was worrying her mind “Anyways, I’ll have no problem finishing all this paperwork, it’s a piece of ca-“
“Are you alright Kaeya?” Jean interrupted. The worried look on her eyes made him squirm on the inside and he replied hurriedly “Ah look what you’re doing, I told you I’d be distracted by your presence. I’m doing fine and I’ll do this work, you don’t want me to slack off like usual right?”
Jean shakes her head “You never slack off, no matter how much people believe you do. But seriously Kaeya, are you actually ok? You’re not looking too good…”
“Jean trust me I’m fine. Don’t worry your head about me, it’s just another hangover of silly me getting drunk! Nothing serious. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll finish these off and hand them over to you right on time” he finished off with a charming smile. He truly began to get nervous though, as Jean had been very insistent.
“Alright then, if you say so Kaeya. No rush though, we don’t have any urgent cases so far.” Jean sighed and waved as she left the room.
Kaeya let out a big breath he didn’t know he had held. That was close…do I really look that bad? He ultimately decided to check with his handheld mirror he kept mostly for sneaky missions and checking his complexion. He was met with dark eye bags and half-lidded eyes staring back at him. Suddenly his memories of his nightmare came to plague him, so he closed the compact quickly. Yet his sharp eyes saw a flash of blue behind him when closing the mirror. He jumped out of his chair and snapped his neck backwards to look behind, only to be met with wood and a quaint view of mond. He’s not here. He’s not here. He’s not here. Kaeya frantically comforted himself, yet it didn’t seem to work. His biological father had always been a sensitive topic for him, as he had made the first few years of Kaeya’s life terrible. Recalling memories from back then only brought fear to his mind, even now. The fact that he was getting so called hints that his father was coming back made the hairs at the back of his neck raise, the abrupt feeling of someone watching him getting stronger the more he thought about it.
That morning Kaeya had hurriedly finished all his paperwork, handwriting shaky and papers messily stacked. He had ran out of the headquarters and sought the only person alive that made him truly feel safe, Diluc.
Although even the safest person in his life had hurt him.
Today would undoubtedly be his ex-brother’s shift at Angel’s Share, and although it was almost noon, an inappropriate time to have a drink, Kaeya’s mind rang only for the comfort of someone familiar. Although in the back of his mind he knew he wouldn’t get the comfort he looked for. As his brother hated him now, and Kaeya understood.
As soon as Kaeya saw the door to Angel’s Share, he rushed towards it and pushed it open, scanning the room too see no one except a certain red haired bartender. A very confused yet ever-grumpy Diluc in his view immediately questioned his arrival “Kaeya? Are you seriously going to have a drink at this hour?” Kaeya was heavily panting after running for so long in a fearful state, so he took a while to reply with Diluc’s skeptical gaze inspecting him.
Even when Kaeya’s panting stopped, the quartermaster had a difficult time figuring out what to say after his frenzied decision. What could he even say? ‘I thought I saw my biological dad so I freaked out and ran to you for comfort’? Kaeya wouldn’t be caught dead admitting that, so he decided to come up with a decent lie while making his way up to the bar stools.
As the distraught Captain sat down, he realized that he was afraid to look into Diluc’s eyes. This is just silly he mentally scolded himself. Kaeya exhaled, finally answering his former brother “The tavern isn’t only a place for drinks, the atmosphere is another key factor for customers to enter. As a bartender, you should know this, Master Diluc. So no, I’m not here to drink!” He put on a big playful smile as he was talking, a stark difference to how he was feeling inside. Diluc simply scoffed, except he had another emotion on his face that Kaeya wouldn’t dare decipher.
“Then what are you here for then, just to sit and chat? Can’t you see I’m busy preparing the tavern for customers that arrive at a normal time? Seriously Sir Kaeya, state your business here or leave. You don’t look too well anyway.”
The usual exchange between the estranged brothers drained Kaeya out of all his remaining energy, so he merely sighed, which made Diluc raise an eyebrow. Kaeya’s hands which were propped on the table began to shake, so he lowered them onto his lap, fisted tightly. Diluc could see Kaeya’s mask crumble, thus he decided to worriedly prepare a glass of water for him. Kaeya was too absorbed into whatever he was thinking about to notice, Diluc observed.
The red haired man set the glass of water on the table with a thud, which caused Kaeya to flinch. “You’re really out of it today, what the hell happened?” Diluc questioned with veiled concern. Yet Kaeya didn’t answer, as he was staring at his reflection in the water of the glass. He abruptly pushed it away, leaving it to shatter on the ground. Why do I look like HIM so much?!. He began breathing in and out faster and faster which led Diluc to run to the other side of the table. “Kaeya what the hell? What’s going on with you?!” Kaeya was shivering in fear, yet he shook his head “I’m alright I’m alright, I-it’s nothing. You shouldn’t care anyway. I should really get going now.” Kaeya mumbled hurriedly. This was a BAD idea. Did I really think Diluc would care? I’m just burdening him even more, as I always do” he swiftly walked out of Angel’s Share, leaving Diluc behind with a frown and outstretched hands.
…
For the rest of the day, Kaeya Alberich avoided mirrors and all other possible reflections. He was highly on edge, yet as the sun descended, no unexpected sightings happened. This can work. I should just avoid my reflections for a while and then that silliness won’t bother me anymore. Goddamn am I difficult…
That night he decided to sleep as he was undoubtedly exhausted, but his fear of yet another nightmare was still active. He thought about it all. Wondered why it was suddenly happening now. Why his past tortured him so much. People say ‘It’s all in the past’, yet it was never true for Kaeya. His past dictates his present and future, controlling his feelings and his success. All he can do to combat it is to put on a fake persona for the world to accept. He never had closure, and highly doubts that it will ever come.
Tired from his strenuous day and unpleasant thoughts, he fell asleep.
-Yet he woke up with a scream He didn’t realize it was his own scream until he felt his throat strain. He saw him again. Again. This can’t be a coincidence. This can’t-it can’t-he’s after me-I have to- His thoughts were stopped by a shatter and a thud. Kaeya slowly turned his head with fear. It was his right side, so he had to turn his head farther than usual, panic eloping his entire being. A dark figure stood up, a silhouette against the moonlight. He had broken in from the window. With thoughts of his ‘father’ coming back tormenting him, he pathetically tried to shout “G-get away from me!” The figure slowly approached.
Yet when Kaeya got a closer look, he could see bright red hair peeking out from the intruders mask. He let out a sigh. “Diluc. What are you doing here.”
The ‘Darknight hero’ took off his mask, revealing a very annoyed yet concerned look on his face “What do you mean ‘what are you doing here’? I heard you scream at the top of your lungs and ran over to check. So I’m going to ask once again, what the hell happened?”
Diluc’s sharp tone made Kaeya hyperventilate even more. He knew he couldn’t get rid of Diluc so easily, and he also couldn’t run out of the room in his current state either as it’s his own house too. Thus he found the only solution left: Get Diluc to leave.
“Master Diluc, I will say two things to you: Don’t worry and don’t care. It’s pointless. I would much rather you get out than hover around my house pointlessly.” Diluc huffed “just shut it” Kaeya took that as a challenge “Or what, Master Diluc? Are you going to kick me out of my own house? Just leave.” Kaeya stated, yet he didn’t want Diluc to leave at all, clutching his blankets close to his chest. He felt scared. He felt like a kid again, holding his breath for his ‘father’ not to hear. I need you, Diluc.
Diluc studied Kaeya’s eye, and walked away to another room.
In a daze, Kaeya got caught up in his thoughts. He’s gone rang Kaeya’s mind. I have no one, I’m alone and my father will come back. Tears began to prick his eyes, closed tightly, all muscles wrapping around himself for comfort. As if it was enough to protect himself. He started to sob, putting his hand to his mouth to muffle his cries.
So this was it. He had no control over anything. Fate will control him, Khaenri’ah will control him, and Celestia will control him with his vision. Nothing is in his hands after all, no matter how hard he pretends. Diluc comes back and shakes him from his delirium. “Kaeya, Kae, snap out of it”.
Kaeya’s eye opens and is revealed to have been crying. Diluc had put some dim lights on and had taken off his cape. The red haired man is surprised to see his younger brother crying after all the games of pretend. He hesitates but ultimately decides to wipe Kaeya’s tears. He then hands him a mug “Here. Tea” Kaeya sniffs and accepts, slowly sipping the warm tea.
“I’m sorry” Kaeya finally says. Diluc begins to retort but Kaeya interrupts “Im so sorry to put you through all of this. It’s just that…”
Kaeya looks down at his cup and sees his reflection. He drops the mug, panic-stricken, hot tea splashing on his hands. He lets out a cry. “I keep seeing him-I don’t know why this is happening but I keep seeing him and I don’t know what to do I don’t want to lose everything I don’t want him to hurt you I don’t want-“ “shh” Diluc stops him. “Take a breather. Who are you talking about?”
Kaeya’s eye glows bright full of fear, hands shaking in Diluc’s. “I-him. M-my ‘father’” Kaeya’s anxiety made it difficult to answer, exhaustion twisting in his mind. Diluc stayed kneeled, confused for a second yet ultimately understood. “It’s ok. I’m here Kaeya, I’m here. Just sleep.” Kaeya clutched onto Diluc “is it really ok?” Diluc was, truthfully, unsure, but he knew talking about the topic at hand more would tire Kaeya out even more. “Yeah. It’s ok. You’re safe.” . Kaeya mumbled something and fell asleep hugging Diluc.
Diluc was unsure about the situation, however he knew what to do. He knew very little of Kaeya’s father yet he could tell he was a man that Kaeya feared heavily.
An urge of vengeance struck his heart.