Chapter Text
"So…what do you think killed him?" Jane asked. Even though it was phrased in the form of a question, sarcasm bound it tightly.
Standing side by side, both Maura and Jane peered down at what remained of the young man's torso. Maura basked in the heat and the smell of sandalwood that seemed to radiate from Jane. Maura's thoughts scattered as she wondered if every patch of skin held that particular scent. Her stomach knotted, utterly distracting her from the cold sterility of the morgue and making her hyper aware of the need she had for the woman next to her. Shaken, Maura stepped away slightly and took a deep breath through her nose, filling her senses with the smell of death and alcohol. Breathe Maura.
Though her senses reeled whenever Jane was in proximity, they had long ago become used to the bombardment and settled quickly. On the outside, Maura appeared as unflappable as ever, but internally, she quivered as her heart returned to normal sinus rhythm. Intent on hiding her momentary stumble, Maura grabbed several instruments and pretended to study the wound intently.
Fully recovered, Maura deadpanned. "Gun shot wound to the chest."
"Hmm, you don't say." Jane poked at the entry wound with gloved fingers. "What evidence do you have of this?" Her tone was teasing.
Maura could not help the smirk that gleamed through and the shiver that snaked its way down her spine. She loved the banter between them. It served to titillate and this moment was no different. Maura raised a brow at her friend as she turned the body to the side. The exit wound was the size of a softball. "I'd say that was pretty telling."
Jane whistled. "Looks like something from a bad action flick. That's a big fucking hole."
Maura sighed, "Do you have to sound like you're in an action flick?"
Jane's forehead scrunched. "Huh?" Then realization dawned. "Ohh, sorry Doc." Jane cleared her throat. "Big freakin' hole." She proceeded to poke at said hole.
"Sawed off shotgun. At relatively close range," Maura added.
"I wonder if I could fit my fist in here." Jane paused and glanced up at Maura. "Or did you try it already?" Her eyes twinkled with merriment.
"No, no I saved you the pleasure. Consider it my good deed for the day."
"For me, Maura? I didn't get a chance to get you anything." Jane's twinkle turned into a full blown smile.
Maura's heartbeat roared in her ears just as it always did when that smile was directed her way. "Think nothing of it. Glad I could be of service."
"I see…you really know how to woo a girl."
Silence permeated the room.
The air was suddenly heavy with tension and regret.
The smile fell from Jane's face and her head lowered. "Maura, I'm –"
"I could show you if you let me," Maura's tone was soft, inviting. She moved closer when dark eyes refused to meet her. Latex gloves were removed quickly. Maura ignored the fine tremor in her hands and reached out, pushing thick curly strands from Jane's face before lifting her chin.
Jane still refused to meet her gaze.
"Please, Jane. Look at me." Maura's fingertips travelled to the brunette's cheek.
Eyes still closed, Jane leaned into the touch.
"Please." Maura's voice was husky with need.
Jane's eyes opened slowly.
Maura released a tremulous breath. "You can't run from me…from this forever."
Jane's gaze held acknowledgement, hesitancy and fear.
Brushing her thumb over full lips, Maura whimpered as Jane's tongue swiped her fingertip.
"We could be so good together," Maura murmured as she closed the distance between them.
As their lips drew closer, breathing became ragged.
"So good."
Their lips brushed.
The moment was electric.
Maura leaned in for more. Her tongue flicked out, seeking entrance.
Giving in, Jane groaned.
Thrusting deep, Maura quivered at the tastes and textures surrounding her. Jane's arms wrapped around her waist. Hands dug into her back.
It was only natural for her own appendages to find purchase in thick, luscious dark locks.
Maura moaned as need curled in her belly and fanned out setting every nerve ending on fire.
Jane pulled away at the sound of a door slamming and laughter in the distance. Her chest heaved as if she had run a marathon.
Confused, Maura teetered forward, reaching out intent on rekindling the embrace.
Jane stepped away.
It was enough to sober her. "Jane?"
Jane glanced away then back again.
Bile burned Maura's throat as she read the guilt in Jane's eyes.
"I have a date."
The words were said so softly. Maura was not sure if she heard correctly. The flash of pain in the middle of her chest told her otherwise. "What? Why?"
Jane's expression became incredulous. "Why?" Jane paused. "I can't be what you want, Maura. It doesn't matter what I feel. The few times we've kissed I—" She shook her head. "What about my career?"
Maura felt heat suffuse her face. "There's a high probability that no one would care."
"I'm not ready to take that chance."
Anger quick and red rolled through her. "So my pain is inconsequential?"
Jane threw her hands up in the air. "No, Maura! That's not what I'm saying at all." Brown eyes closed as Jane's body sagged. "I have to go." Then her gaze went everywhere except where it was needed most.
Maura watched the war of emotions. She was on the losing side. "I'll have a preliminary report on your desk in the morning." Maura turned away and covered the mottled body before her with a crisp white sheet.
Silence greeted her.
Maura was alone again.
The sound of her heels against the floor was jarring. Maura tore the lab coat from her body and walked briskly toward her office. She threw herself into the plush leather wingback chair. Leaning back, she stared up at the popcorn ceiling. At the moment, she felt like a complete and utter failure. The past few months had been an exercise of incredible control and a few words had shattered it.
Maura put forth considerable effort the past month to bring their friendship back to some semblance of normalcy. Jane had been herself again. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." She buried her face in her hands.
The stillness around her was deafening.
At home, Maura knew it would be more so. She wanted to put it off as long as possible. Without another thought, Maura reached for her cell phone.
"James? It's Maura. I know it's last minute but how does dinner sound?"
"I didn't expect to hear from you, but I'm not knocking it. Name the time and place."
Maura glanced at the gold Movado on her wrist. "Le Moulin at 7:30."
She threw the phone on her desk and looked deep within for the cast iron control she had lost what seemed an eon ago.
**
Having just enough time to rush home and remove the days distastefulness from her palate, Maura did so. She stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom and admired her reflection. There was something about slipping beautiful things over her body that made life seem a little more bearable. On the rack the Dolce and Gabanna appeared to be a basic black dress, but on Maura it clung tantalizingly to every curve.
Slim spaghetti straps accentuated defined sculpted shoulders and left toned arms bare. The neck line plunged just enough to give a heart stopping view of full breasts. The dress stopped several inches above her knees, making her legs look as though they went on forever. Her make up was minimal just enough to make her eyes bedroom, smoky and her lips the color of sin. With the perfect Jimmy Choo's, Maura knew she was devastating.
And it would all wasted on James.
Because he was safe.
Having been dangerously close to the edge earlier, safety was exactly what Maura needed. She was going to turn heads and she needed that too. It would be nice to be wanted without conditions.
Less than thirty minutes later, Maura got her wish. As the waiter escorted her to their table, gazes followed her. James stood with his mouth hanging open, and a little piece of self-esteem reformed. Maura smiled disarmingly at him. "I hope you haven't been waiting long?"
"Uh, no…no just got here a few minutes ago." He paused. "Maura just now you took my breath away."
Those were words she wanted to hear from another source, but for now Maura would take it. "Thank you. You look very dapper yourself."
He was tall and ruggedly handsome. Dark blonde hair and blue eyes completed the package of perfection. For the life of her, Maura could not remember where they had originally met.
Maura smiled at the waiter and picked up the wine menu. Scanning it quickly, she ordered a glass of Vouvary.
"Crisp and dry? I expected sinfully sweet for you." James said.
"Not tonight." Maura peered at his glass. "Let me guess? Pinot Gris?"
James chuckled. "I felt like something sweet." His eyes twinkled.
Maura was immune. She cringed internally. I should be ashamed, but I need this.
After tasting the wine offering, she nodded her head and picked up the main menu. "I've been here a few times. I know what's good here."
James bowed his head in supplication. "By all means."
The conversation ebbed and flowed but none of it drew Maura in. She now knew James was in construction, minimally educated, and extremely arrogant. Somehow they ended up on the subject of religion.
"It's been my experience that education and religion are mutually exclusive… the higher the education the less the belief in a higher power."
James nodded. "I believe in God."
Maura bit the inside of her cheek. "Mmm."
"I think it's what all the immigrants who come into this country need. I mean, if they had real religion, they wouldn't steal people's jobs and turn the area they live in into a slum."
Maura paused then muttered. "You're xenophobic."
James' brows came together in consternation. "No, I had nothing against that show. Saw it once or twice. The blond girl was very attractive."
Maura tried vehemently to school her features. She opened her mouth to speak when she experienced a sudden tingle of awareness. Confused, she scanned the crowd until she saw a rather attractive couple being seated near the front. Maura gulped down her wine as she made out Jane's profile. The world can not be this small.
Her heart thudded against her chest, almost drowning out the sound of James' voice, but multi tasking was a skill she learned long ago. Maura gave him a tight smile as he droned on about Mexicans. She squinted in an attempt to make out Jane's expressions toward the darkly handsome man that sat across from her.
Maura clenched her napkin tightly when Jane threw her head back in laughter. Jane was stunning in jeans but even more so in light colored slacks and a cream blouse. Her hair hung loose and flowing, and Maura flashed to the memory of her hands buried in it. She felt hot, flushed and breathing was becoming increasingly difficult.
Hyperventilation. Concentrate on taking slow breaths. The analytical part of Maura's brain muttered. You knew she was on a date. Concentrate.
The sudden feel of a hand on her knee made her jump up from the table. Her knees banged against the edge with a loud bump. Water and wine spilled to the floor. Within seconds, their waiter was there mopping and picking up. Maura felt every eye turn to her or an entirely different reason. Concentrate!
Maura began to panic.
"Maura? Are you okay?" James' tone was concerned.
Maura almost laughed out loud. It was the first time he asked her a personal question. She put her hand to her chest and nodded. "Just a little on edge tonight I suppose." She did not dare look around her, meeting those dark eyes at this second would be her undoing. "I'm just going to run to the ladies room."
"Okay, take your time." James said.
The bathroom was posh and gloriously empty. Maura walked up to the mirror and peered at herself. Her eyes were wild and her face flushed. Her grasp on the control that made her who she was waning bit by bit daily. Maura sighed in acknowledgement and reached for the sink. Cool water rushed over her wrists.
The bathroom door opened.
Maura nearly jumped at the sound of the lock clicking in place.
Dark eyes met hers in the mirror.
"I-I was here before you. I had no idea." Maura turned, hoping that Jane could see the sincerity in her face.
Jane's arms crossed over her chest and her gaze raked Maura from head to toe.
Maura felt naked, vulnerable, and aroused all at the same time.
"You're here on a date." Jane's tone was matter of fact but laced with disbelief.
”Yes."
"Are you going to fuck him?"
Maura flinched as though she had been slapped. Then, the anger came thick and red. "You have no right to ask me that."
"A woman only dresses like that for one reason."
"My reasons are my own."
"Why did you ever kiss me? Look at us." Jane's eyes were angry, miserable.
"I couldn't help myself!" Maura nearly screamed. "You wanted…want it too. This thing between us…it wore me down. I have no control over it. It's like by body is rebelling."
"Are you going to fuck him?" Jane repeated. Her voice was ragged.
"No! I just needed someone to look at me…to want me." Maura paused suddenly wanting the answer to the same question. "Are you going to fuck him?"
Jane ambled forward slowly. "No," she whispered.
Maura's vision tunneled as Jane moved closer.
"You're driving me crazy. How do you stay away from something you want but shouldn't have?" Jane's eyes sparkled with need.
Maura's stomach flipped in response. Hoping to preserve her sanity, she took a few steps back. "I'm not the right person to ask." Her voice quivered.
Jane did not stop until she was a few scant inches away. "What do we do?" She asked softly.
"Exist…I suppose."
Jane reached out, tracing Maura's cheek with her fingertips.
Breath exploded from her chest in a shaky exhalation. Fire whispered over her skin. Deathly afraid of the burn, Maura attempted to move away from the touch. "Don't… don't tease."
Jane's reply to the tortured utterance was an extremely sad smile. "Maybe sometimes I can't help myself either."
With that, Jane rushed forward crushing her lips to Maura's.
Maura's answering cry was swallowed in the embrace. Completely torn apart, she sagged into Jane's body. Her hands were violent twisting into Jane's hair and digging into her scalp.
Their tongues fought for space, intertwining wetly.
A hard shudder racked Maura's body as awareness and arousal pooled heatedly in her center and spewed outward.
Jane's hands seemed to be everywhere, leaving a molten hot trail.
Of their own volition Maura's hips began to undulate, seeking relief for swollen flesh. Maura moaned when large hands gripped the rounded globes of her rear, guiding her, encouraging her.
When Jane's leg slipped between them, Maura lost the last shred of sanity. She ripped her mouth away. "Oh, God. Fuck me… fuck me." She pleaded.
Their gazes met and locked, sizzling the air surrounding them.
Jane's answering groan was desperate. Her hands even more so as she fumbled underneath Maura's dress. Fingertips skirted over sopping wet panties.
A strangled sob was torn from Maura's throat at even the light touch.
"Show me," Jane husked. "Show me what to do."
Maura's excitement doubled, knowing that she was going to be the first to love this woman this way.
"Hey!" The yell was followed by pounding on the bathroom door. "This is a public bathroom you know." There was silence then more pounding. "Is everyone okay in there?" The woman asked.
Maura wanted to cry.
Jane jumped away from her as if burned. Fear chased its way across her face.
Refusing to let the tears come, Maura whispered, "It's okay. They have no idea what you were doing to me… what you wanted to do to me."
Brown eyes lowered.
It was like being drenched in cold water.
Pain radiated.
Maura leaned forward, making sure Jane heard every word correctly. "I never thought of you as a coward, Jane. This won't happen again… until you beg me to touch you and grow a pair."
Without waiting for a reply, Maura walked away. Unlocking the door, she breezed past two women and weaved her way through a sea of tables.
James was forgotten.
Holding her head high, Maura exited the restaurant, knowing that playing it safe was not the answer.