Archive of Our Own

The open-mouthed kiss has been going on for a while now, wet tongues colliding, his more experienced and hers more clumsy. If you had asked her years ago what kissing was like, she’d never imagine it being like this: sloppy and loud, sometimes painful due to sharp nips, invasive, secretive.

With Eren, she should have known not to expect typical. 

But she thinks that she enjoys it all the same, this new dynamic between them. She had missed him for so long when he had disappeared from her life, only to reappear a month ago. He had been so different and yet all the same. Mikasa likes to remember the sameness of him that was hard to describe, even though he challenges her to embrace this secret newness of their time together, their time that was just theirs, a secret she’d rather keep between them. 

They are in the woods not too far from her home, near the pond they frequented as kids, a blanket under them as they sit on the ground with only their undergarments on, locking their faces together. Today was the second time he asked her if they could take their clothes off together while doing this, if he could see more of her body. And the more they looked at each other, the more they touched each other’s skin, and the more she felt dampness in her underwear and saw the hard form of him in his own underwear...she had a feeling he’d be asking for more this time.

She’s not sure what she thinks about all this…at least, not confidently. But she expects him to ask, because he's confident. 

And he meets her expectations.

Pulling away from her, the doctor’s son’s green eyes looks hazy and yet sharp. They’ve always been so pretty to look at, overwhelmingly so, causing something inside of her stir that would never fail to make her blush. 

“You’re beautiful.” He tells her, and he sounds so sure. He’s always sounded so sure, even when Mikasa had been sure he was wrong during past conversations. His sureness could easily make a believer out of her, if only she would let him fully. “Do you know that?”

Mikasa doesn’t respond, feeling her blush deepen as she turns her head to the side. He brings his hand to her face, making her face him again.

“Don’t look away. You’re too beautiful to look at.”

“Is…that what you think?” Mikasa finally replies, the only answer she could pull from her jumbled up thoughts.

“I do. It makes me happy that you do all this with me.” Eren makes a suggestive glance down towards his crotch, a glance that Mikasa cannot help but follow. His erection had already been apparent when they began earlier, but now it looks bigger as it strains against his underwear. Mikasa can’t help but wonder if it hurt him. She hasn’t seen him before (let alone anyone else’s) without the barrier of underwear.

“You know…there’s something else I wanna try with you.” He carries on to his point, a finger of his stroking one of her inner thighs. “Something I think you’d like. Something I think you’d be good at.” 

“...Oh?” Whether her gasping response comes from his words or the tingling sensation of his touch, Mikasa didn’t know. 

“Yeah. But you’re a smart girl, Mikasa. You probably know what it is by now, don’t you?”

Her heart bumps erratically against her chest from the way he can easily demand an answer to be coaxed from her, and the way she’s suddenly very willing to give one.

“Y-yeah. I think so.”

“And what’s that?”

“You want to fuck me.”

Eren’s resting face was typically in some stages of a scowl, but her response causes his lips to upturn into a grin. She doesn’t care if his expression looks a little more hungry than she’d typically be comfortable with, as if he were a woodland predator that finally found his prey. She’s just happy that she caused that smile to appear on his face 

“I do.” He tells her. “I really do.” He sighs. “And I already know you’d really love it. It’d make you just as happy as it would make me.”

She knows through a couple past conversations during the last month of their reunification that Eren was not a virgin- he’d fucked before, many times. Mikasa didn’t know how to feel about it, the mystery feelings that stirred in her guts when he had told her so casually about all the things he had been up to during their time apart. But she knew those mystery feelings were futile to even try and understand- Eren was a city boy, a noted troublemaker who had a couple hard years recently with his destructive behaviors and the recent sudden death of his father, the doctor. He had access to more ways to cope in Shiganshina and a right to do with his body as he pleased, she supposed. And he had grown to be so handsome. Why wouldn’t he take advantage of his attractiveness? These were things Mikasa told herself to get over his casual comfort of his own experience and her own unease at knowing the things he’s done. 

But it didn’t stop the discomfort in her own inexperience. Let alone, the confusing status of what their newfound relationship even was. After all, didn’t they…didn’t they just reacquaint? 

“I don’t know, Eren.”

“What don’t you know?”

“It's just that…I’m a virgin.”

“I know.”

“...How could you know?” She supposes it wasn’t hard to figure out. She‘s a reserved girl who lives in the countryside woods, relatively isolated unless she went to the nearest town for supplies with Mama. And with her and Eren’s recent talks about his experiences, she never brought up her sexual inexperience. Then again, outside of the topic of kissing, he hasn’t really asked.

“I just do. That’s very you, Mikasa. Being a virgin. Being innocent.”

Mikasa scoffs, but doesn’t say a word.

“But I like that. I like that you’re a virgin. I…” he pauses, seeming to be lost in thought, as if he was searching for something in his mind, before he replied. “I think it’s really fucking great, actually.”

“I don’t know about that, Eren."

“Why not?”

“I’m kind of scared.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I don’t want any babies.” 

“Ah, so you’ve finally learned where babies come from, huh?” He smirks again, his joke referencing a conversation from the past, one that involved her previous childlike innocence, an innocence she preferred to think he also had at some point. She likes that he was smiling again, but feels flustered that it now came at her expense.

She suddenly feels self-conscious again, more aware than ever that she maybe, just maybe, is approaching dangerous territory. She probably shouldn’t be here, in her bra and underwear with Eren alone in the woods, doing this. What would Mama and Papa say?

“I’m serious, Eren. And also, doesn’t it hurt?”

Eren clicks his tongue. “Who told you that?”

“Nobody. It just…seems like it would.”

“Hmm. Well if it hurts so bad, answer me this: Why do girls like fucking so much?” His mouth came closer to hers again. “Why do they love fucking as much as boys do?”

“They do?”

“Yes. In my experience, girls love to fuck. They love how it feels. It makes them happy.” The stroke of his finger went further up her thigh, and her breath hitches. “They usually want more. Think about it, Miks. If women hated it so much, why are there so many babies? Why do you even have a little brother?”

Her face can’t help but twist in distaste at what he was suggesting. The last thing she wants to think about was mama and papa fucking, even though she was quite certain they did. Eren laughs at her expression- his laugh seemed genuine, his face softening during it, and she wishes she could make him pleased again. 

“But really, Miks. I mean it. It won’t hurt you. I’ll be gentle.”

“Will it hurt even a little bit?”

“I’ll be gentle.” He repeats. “It’ll really feel good. I promise.”

“And what about, you know…getting pregnant? Did you bring something?” Her sexual intercourse education is quite limited, with her just knowing the basic idea of how it works functionally and that there were methods of birth control that people use if they weren't trying for a baby, usually a condom. Both Mama and the homeschooling books she picked out for her didn't seem too interested to share much more than that. She's learned more about sex from Eren within the last couple weeks, with him sharing about his escapades and how it's apparently cooler to call it "fucking" instead of "having sex" or "making love"; prior to Eren, conversations with Mama about sex barely lasted a couple minutes.  

“I don’t have any condoms on me. But I brought a special tea with me.”

“‘A special tea?’” Mikasa asks back skeptically.

“I’m being serious. If you drink it, you won’t get pregnant. My dad would give to girls all the time, as a form of birth control. You just gotta brew it and drink it by tonight. But you don’t even gotta worry about that, because I’ll pull out before I could even get you pregnant.”

For every reservation she has, he has an answer. He was more experienced than her, after all. And his straining still looked painful. Their talk along with his touch had her panties feeling even wetter, the area pulsing. She knows that if she has intercourse with him, he’ll have to really see her parts and she’ll have to see his. They only started kissing a couple weeks ago, with him being her first kiss. How did this all happen so fast?

How did Eren bring this out of her?

“I’ll be gentle.” He repeats one more time. “I will. I’ll put it in little by little, if I have to. But you’ll love it.” He kisses her again. “I really wanna see you, Mikasa.  I wanna make you feel good. Wanna touch you, all of you, inside of you. I wanna make you happy. I…” he adds as a last blow, “I really just wanna feel good again.”

And it aches her heart, those last words. Eren has a lot on his mind. With his father gone, he’s the man of the house now at only sixteen years old. She doesn’t even know if he attends school anymore, or if he’d decide to drop out completely and help his mother survive their new truth in life without the doctor. It must’ve been too much for a sixteen year old boy to handle, becoming a man so quickly, overnight and unexpectedly. 

“I want you to feel good again, too.” Mikasa answers softly. Because she’s missed him for so long, holding onto past memories of him in hope. She likes to see him happy. And if they both ended up feeling good, it would be worth it, right?

He said it would be okay. He promised.

And so, she tells him it would be okay in return.

Eren kisses her again, the kiss now trailing down her neck as his hands move to her bra.

“It’s gonna be so good.”  He unclips the back of her bra, slowly pulling down the straps on her shoulders to reveal her naked breasts in the cold air. Mikasa shivers and instinctually crossed her arms over her chest. He clicks his tongue, pulling her arms down.

“I wanna see all of you.” He says, leaning down to kiss a breast. “Don’t hide from me again.”

Mikasa’s breathing resembles erratic nervousness again as Eren gently pushes her onto her back, kissing her gently down her torso. She lifts a shaky hand to his chestnut brown hair, running her fingers through it. It was calming to do this, grounding even. Eren will be gentle, she reminds herself.

His mouth had kissed down to her navel, his fingers touching the waistband of her underwear. “You’ll trust and follow everything I say, right?”

The tone of the question has a sharp edge to it, and so does the look in his eyes. She doesn’t want to judge what these things mean too much, if she wants to go through with it. Just typical Eren.

“Yes….okay, Eren. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Mikasa breathes out.

Eren pulls down her remaining barrier hurriedly. 

She first became friends with the doctor’s son at 9 years old. 

He was a grumpy quiet kid that was her age. Apparently he had little to no friends because he would get into fights a lot. The doctor felt as if he needed a friend, and her parents felt the same about her. After all, living in the isolated wooded hills way outside of Shiganshina, she didn’t have any friends either.

After they first met, they became good enough friends, she supposed. Her mind had no other reference to base friendship on, her mother just telling her that friends are supposed to play nice and play fair. And they did that whenever he would visit:  he’d play dolls with her, she’d go out in the forest with him. She’d show him her mother’s garden, the cannibalism occurring between insect species, because she liked how he thought it was so cool, his green eyes looking at the cruel scene with a glint in his eye. And in return, while often grabbing her sleeve in desperation to get her to hurry up, he’d take her to a nearby pond and demand she help him catch fish with their hands. Sometimes, when a fish was successfully caught, Eren would take out a small knife from his pocket and gut the fish nonstop, stabbing until he got his little fill before throwing the fish back in the water. Mikasa didn’t care to join in, watching with some discomfort in her body as her little heart would pound quickly against her chest, both at the knife and his even more surprising aggression.

But she liked that he would be more vocal with her after he had his fun. And she supposed it wasn’t such a bad thing, killing fish- her parents would bring home dead fish all the time. They just usually wouldn’t waste it by throwing it back in the pond, is all. But Mama said to not judge others, that people in the world are different, just like how she and her mama and little brother looked different from Papa and most of Shiganshina- in the same way, people acted differently as well. It’s not a bad thing, mama said. 

So that was Mikasa’s pattern of friendship with Eren for a few years. He’d come over from the city, they’d play their games. And when it was the game that involved Eren sinking his little knife into something (a secret knife, mind you, that she was never supposed to tell anyone else about), a sense of calm came over Eren and he’d tell her about life in the city. He boasted about the fights he got into, the secret book about the outside world his friend Armin had, about how everyone else was a sheep who just believed in government lies regarding the walls and why they kept them inside.

And how sometimes, he wished the world would just blow up, burn and go away.

Mikasa didn’t always know what to say to Eren when he would say these things. Sometimes, she would tell him that his thoughts about the world were horrible and that the outside world was probably scary, and they would get into arguments. Sometimes, she said nothing at all, letting his ranting and have its time until he seemed okay again to begin playing normal things. 

Sometimes, some people just needed to get some things out of their system, papa told her before. Especially young boys.

So Mikasa chose to be understanding, wanting to still be his friend- after all, when he didn’t get into those broody moods, he was fair to her. And even if she didn’t completely understand him, at least she’d be nice. After all, there might be something inside Eren, the doctor told her once before in confidence. A great power, a darkness, that makes him the way he is. And that logic seemed to align with what Papa said about young boys needing to get something out of their system.

She liked and wanted to be around Eren. She wanted to see him again. She chose to keep an open mind and open heart. 

But after they turned 12, she didn’t see Eren again for a while. Dr. Jaeger would come to house visits alone. When Mikasa would ask about Eren, there had been a haggard look on his face and in his eyes, coming up with vague reasons every time. “He’s at that age where he wants to be alone”. “He’s been getting into a lot of trouble and his punishment is not coming here.” “He just needs some time to get his act together.” Is it that bad, Mikasa wondered after a while. What have you done, Eren? 

There was nothing she could do but grow into a young lady and accept that she might not see Eren again. She would often think about him: What would he look like now, if his attitude had changed, if he had a lot of friends now and he didn’t need her friendship any longer? 

When she was around fifteen, the doctor didn’t come around anymore, a letter being sent from him that stated they needed to find a new one. It left Mikasa feeling unsettled, not getting an explanation as to why the only doctor she had ever known in her life was suddenly no longer their doctor- it didn’t seem in character for him to drop them like that as Dr. Grisha and his family had formed a close relationship with the Ackerman’s. It also especially unsettled her not knowing what happened to her only friend, and the door for getting that closure seeming to close.

But what could she do but hope?

Life continued for a little bit more, and Mikasa did her homeschooling, traded her dolls for chores and helped watch over her little brother, felt changes within her body, not knowing what to do when she woke up feeling a strange moist ache between her legs when she had weird dreams. She was alone in her maturity, in her need to understand herself as she aged and came closer to being a woman, and in understanding the desires that came with that. And her desires returned back to him. She had wished she could see the angry boy who felt so much. She had hoped he was alive and well, the boy she knew from before who desperately needed a release. He had always seemed to know so much. Maybe he’d understand her changes as well; her need for release in ways she barely understood.

On one summer day in her sixteenth year, while throwing a ball outside with her little brother, she saw a figure walking in the distance towards their secluded house. The closer the figure walked, the more shockingly unmistakeable the identity of the person was. It was almost as if she was pulled to him, her body quick to react to her dearest friend despite the shock she felt within.

He was taller. His shoulders were broader. His features were more defined, more handsome. 

But the light scowl on his face and scrunch of his thick eyebrows were all the same.

It was Eren.

And though Mikasa felt an overwhelming abundance of feelings in seeing him again, Eren had come with unsettling news for her family.

Dr. Jaeger was dead.

The doctor had died two weeks ago, his crumpled body found in an alleyway late at night with wounds that made it apparent that he was a victim of murder.

As Eren shared the news with the Ackerman family, mama and papa wept. It had been hard enough that Dr. Jaeger stopped being their doctor almost a year ago without any explanation- now, they had to find out that he had died in an extremely tragic way, hearing the news from his son who was undoubtedly hurting.

And while Mikasa was sure that he had to be hurting, a part of her didn’t know what to make of his neutral expressions as he shared more and more of the news. He must be holding it in, Mikasa convinced herself. Had he gained control of the great power Dr. Grisha talked about?

He must have, she reasoned, as Eren had gone into explaining how detectives on the case were connecting his murder to a recent slew of homicides happening in Shiganshina. They believed Grisha was just another addition to the list of random slayings done by a serial killer that was still on the loose, leaving a trail of unsolved cases. 

“That’s horrible,” Mama sobbed. “Are you fearful of being there?”

“Your mother and you are always welcome to stay with us as long as you need,” Papa insisted to Eren. “Anything you both need. It’s the least we can do, with how much your father helped us out.”

Mikasa wanted to join in on saying words that could possibly make Eren feel better, but she didn’t quite know what. She still couldn’t shake the feeling of being unsettled with Eren’s countenance. But then she felt bad for feeling that way- who was she to judge how people mourned? 

Which led to Mikasa telling Eren that she’d always be there to support him, to offer a space to distract himself from the things going on at his home in Shiganshina, just like “old times.” She hadn’t known if he’d respond to her offer, as something about him felt somewhat distant. But, to her partial surprise, he did take her up on his offer. 

He began visiting the Ackerman’s home, sometimes with Miss Carla but mostly by himself. When he would come over, they would find themselves alone, walking through the woods again. It was as if being surrounded by a forest-like area brought him back to a semblance of himself she was familiar with, prompting him to speak more about how he felt. And he shared that the serial killer on the loose was maybe a good thing for the city, as he only seemed to be killing pathetic, shitty people as victims. Horrible people who deserved to die, like animals. They were victimizers themselves.  Maybe, just maybe, the world was becoming a better place.

As a child, whenever he would say unsettling things, she’d sometimes argue and sometimes be silent. But now as an almost-woman, she was mostly more compelled to speak. With no reason to have reservations in her conviction, she told him, “But your father wasn’t a shitty person. He was a good man.”

Eren did not respond to that, and she found it eerie, wondering if that great power took over him again- the something that may have been inside of him.

Until he began to spiral her world by suddenly asking, “Hey, Mikasa. Have you kissed yet?”

The confusing and sudden question led to the whirlwind of her realizing there was something inside of her as well, a desire that came with her age that was clarified by being around her old friend, one that involved complex desires and listening to her body. Which led to everything happening so fast within a month- reacquainting themselves leading to confessions of his past exploits involving fighting or fucking. Which led to Mikasa feeling closer to him than ever before, happy he trusted her with all of this despite how she felt about what he got involved with. Which somehow led to an eventual kiss, her first one at that.

Which turned into another. And then another. And then more and more. A pull caused by an unforeseen force that was only possible in the presence of Eren Jaeger.

Which leads to now.

And now…

She’s struggling to breathe, her mouth filled with pained gasps that knocks the air out of her with each snap of his hips.

Her arms are wrapped around his back and her legs are wrapped around his waist. He’s contorted her body into this position before he inserted himself inside of her just moments ago. Her eyes are squinting and watery, frantically blinking as her body could only focus on shocking pain radiating from her cunt. 

“Mgnh!…Mgnh!….Ah!” She has no idea that she was capable making these sounds, emitting these cries. She’d scared that if her body lets out more, she may be risking any remaining breath she needed to live.

This is all wrong. He said it wasn’t going to be like this. He said it wasn’t going to hurt.

He had dismissed the discomfort of the two fingers he inserted inside her before, saying that at most, the discomfort of the real thing would feel just like the fingers. And that wasn’t all that bad, she supposed, especially when he moved his fingers in and out. “To stretch you a bit,” he said. When he “stretched” her with his fingers, it didn’t feel good either. But she trusted Eren, especially after he told her that her pussy was sucking his fingers right in and that it meant that she was ready, a good sign that she’d love it. He said his dick, which had been much bigger than his fingers, would feel even better.

He promised. She believed him. 

And then he pushed his dick inside her. 

The pain was a mixture of stinging sharpness and burning, so shocking that despite her body tensing in response, she didn’t even know how to react. All she knew was instinct and how to feel, and that what she felt was not good.

Did he…did Eren lie?

He’s above her, panting, one hand in her hair and another holding himself up as he continues to thrust. When he first put it in, he wasn’t all that slow like he said he'd be- at least, it didn’t feel slow for her. She had been empty and then suddenly full of thick pressure and loud pain. The only quick distraction from the agony was the intriguing sharpness of his own sounds coming out of his mouth.

His groaning had been deep and guttural when he first entered, followed by strong chant-like mutterings of “fuck”, followed by him saying, as clear as the daytime sky hovering above them, “Mikasa, you feel so fucking good around my dick.”

It felt like something jolted inside of her when he said this, a sensation she doesn’t understand. But he pulls out a little bit before he pushes back in, repeating this movement. The movements were all the same to Mikasa- it still hurt. 

Moments pass by, Mikasa doesn’t know how long, and it still doesn’t seem to get better. She decides that maybe she’s doing something wrong, and that she should say something. But she doesn’t know what to say. 

And above her, with the look on his face and unyielding passion in his pace, it appears as if he feels good. She wants him to feel good. She wants him to be happy.

So she resolves herself to be somewhere in the middle with her response. 

“Eren,” she pants out, “Eren…Eren, please.”

Her words prompt him to wordlessly push his torso closer to hers while moving even faster inside of her. She groans in discomfort at this movement, squeezing her eyes shut at the sensation.

“Eren…Eren…” She continues. “Please. Please.”

Please what? Why can’t she say it?

“Fuck,” he curses in her ear. “I love, ngh…how tight your pussy feels. Can’t fucking believe it, you're so hot inside….fucking slick…just for me, huh? The best…needed this.”

“Eren, please, it hurts.” She’s sure when she finally gets the last part out, the unspoken implications of her underlying request sounds closer to a sob. She doesn’t mean for it to, but it does. But maybe it would help him understand that he needs to slow down, or needs to find a different way to put it in, or something. Mikasa has no idea what it would take to make it better- Eren would know more about that, surely.

He shifts back up so that she can finally see his face. The look on his face seems ambiguous and she doesn’t like how he was once again hard to read.

But his thrusting never stops as he asks her, “It does?”

“Yeah…really bad…”

“Huh. That’s odd.” The thrusting still continues.

“You…ngh…y-you said …” she struggles to speak, “it wouldn’t…wouldn't hurt- ”

“Well, it’s not supposed to. But I guess sometimes it might. You have a lot of resistance I gotta fuck through.”

She had told him that this was what she was scared of, being a virgin and all. He didn’t seem to be fucking her as if she was a virgin. She thought he said he wanted her to feel good. 

“Just let me keep fucking you.” He pauses his thrust, taking strands of her long black hair splayed across her sweaty face and tucking it behind her ear. His touch is gentle, and through the discomfort present everywhere else, she can’t help but note his gesture feels good. “Let me keep going, and it’ll begin to feel better. You’re probably just too tense, so relax.”

“I don’t-I don't know if I c-can, Eren...”

“Do you really wanna stop? Now? When you were just doing so good?” The annoyance in his voice is poorly concealed. “You’re already not a virgin anymore. If you stop now, every time you try to fuck in the future, it’s just gonna keep hurting you. But if you keep going now …”

His voice trails off, and Mikasa looks into his eyes and feels a strong urge to not want to displease him. He’s so handsome, and they’re childhood friends, and he must have been so sad lately. She’s happy that she lost her virginity with him, in theory- she just doesn’t like how it feels right now. But if they don’t finish, it shows that she doesn’t trust him. And if he thinks he doesn’t trust her…

What if he never comes back?

“...Okay.” She huffs shakily. “We...can keep going.”

“Good.”

His thrusting resumes, sparks of pain making their presence known again. This makes it hard for her to relax like he just suggested. She tries to hold off her discomfort as much as she can, she really does. Tears of frustration mixed with everything else stream from her eyes. She wants to be strong for him, for her. 

But she finally can’t take it anymore and sobs out, “I’m sorry, Eren. Please.”

Eren stops again. “You wanna stop?”

She nods, lips trembling as she tries to hold her face together so that it wouldn't crumple and expose the shame she feels.

Shame that only heightens when he frowns deeply, rolls his eyes, huffs in clear anger,  and wordlessly pulls out of her.

Oh. Oh no. Another plea forms in her mind, a plea for him not to go. Because he’s going to go, isn’t he? He’s going to go, and she’d never see the doctor’s son again. 

He sits up more on his legs, reaching for his clothes, and Mikasa tries to ignore the red that was staining his dick and she sits up as well. “Wait!”

He pauses his movements, meeting her eyes, his facial expression and his dick both still hardened. 

“I…I…” She doesn’t want him to go, but she doesn’t know what she can say to make him stay. Has she embarrassed him? She’s embarrassed herself. 

She desperately wants whatever she says next to work so badly that she doesn’t even quite know what she’s really asking for when she blurts, “What if...what if I try being on top instead?”

After her words, he still has a moment of wordlessness that takes power over her. Maybe that’s the great power, Mikasa thinks. She feels intimidated and needy all the same, almost not sure of who she is anymore, only aware that she is full of want, so full of it that it needs to be released or she could no longer bear it. 

Maybe she can understand Eren in that regard.

He closes his eyes and sighs before opening them, his face still unreadable as he lays down on his back above the blanket, sitting up with his elbows. Mikasa stares at his entire tanned body in relief before Eren’s voice cuts through her thoughts.

“Well?” Eren asks, expectantly. “Are you gonna ride me? Or are you just gonna keep bullshitting me, stringing me along on purpose?”

Her heart leaps, but not at the harshness of his accusatory words directed at her. 

No, instead, it was because he’s really staying. He’s really giving her a chance. 

And maybe, just maybe, this can really feel good this way. She has no idea. But she’ll try to be good for him, to ignore the aching in her cunt that begged her to reconsider, to get her body to obey his promises that she wants to believe.

She nods, wiping away her tears before crawling over to straddle him. 

He loved fucking virgins. 

It’s not like he had too much experience with them. Most of the girls he’d fucked within the last couple years since he’d lost his innocence were definitely not virgins. But he liked to treasure the ones he did have. 

He loved how clean they were, innocent. No risk of disease bullshit. Great pussy grips. Pained sounds that were authentic, real. The shocked look on their faces as they let you in and finally know what it means to grow the fuck up and face the pain that the world had to offer. No more would they think everything within the walls was sunshine and paradise- they’d see the world for how cruel and fucked it is, how miserable it is to be stuck inside of walls and unable to do nothing but just take it. He loved that he got to corrupt them- no, he got to open their eyes to the ways of the world.

Fucking virgins meant opening others up to be aware on why they should be as miserable as him.

For a while, fucking had been the only thing that made him happy, that gave him a sense of purpose. Working hard to cum made him know nothing but pleasure, a goodness that was worth believing in even if it was a momentary high. 

But soon enough, the post orgasmic crash back down to reality began to hit harder. He couldn’t escape only in pussy. No, he had to find some other purpose too, some other means to quell his misery. Something to stir and make something happen in this shitty, boring and entrapping life, trapped inside because the government wanted to keep them in the walls for some fucking reason, keep them from the things in Armin’s book.

Everyone else should have been as mad as him. But they aren’t. And no matter how much he yelled and screamed about it, nobody cared. They just let it happen. 

Shiganshina hadn’t been stirred enough, he thought. 

So he’d found a way to stir Shiganshina instead- if the world wasn't going to crash down and burn, he’d do it himself.

Which led to actions that gave him a balance of the fulfillment he sought. Which had ended up leading to…complicated revelations and choices.

Which led him back to Mikasa Ackerman, the girl he would think about often, whom he had wanted to protect against himself as he grew up and learned something was probably wrong with him and understood what it truly was that he loved doing. 

Until, well…he didn’t want to protect her anymore, when he saw her again after years. 

Because he saw she was too beautiful. She was too innocent, and it was time for her to grow up and learn about how the world was, too. And she was too available to be with another guy, if she ever wanted to marry or if her parents arranged a marriage.

He didn’t know fully why, but….he just couldn't accept that happening.

Unlike with the other innocent girls, he didn’t want Mikasa to understand the truth because he wanted her to be miserable. No, there was more to it with her, something he was trying to understand the truth of himself.

So, he didn't want to save her from him anymore. He wanted to string her along with him, to help her understand the truth of it all and in return, maybe she’s help him understand that something as well.

And now, by the way she is riding his cock, lifting herself up from her fall from grace earlier and moving back down to finally let the truth of the world’s cruelty have its way, he thinks that they’d have no problem doing just that for each other. She feels too amazing, and he knows now that he has no reason to regret choosing to make her a real woman so soon in life. 

He can tell she feels overwhelmed through the inexperienced and clumsy movements of her trying to feel good on top of him, and he knows he could never let her go. She’s still whimpering and wincing, but now it was finally mixed with a pleasured noise or two as he helps move her hips properly. It’s clear she’s still adjusting- he feels and hears the evidence of that. And yet, even within her inexperience and within her crying and complaining moments before, she is doing most the riding all by herself…and she is easily the best fuck he’d ever had. 

He thinks that he’d like to keep her as his only fuck moving forward, with the way her tits bounce and pinkish brown nipples bud in the air as her gracious little cunt shows what it can do by repeatedly swallowing him whole.

He knows that he'd been attached to her for a reason, even when he was a boy. Who knew their attachment would grow up to be this?

She rides him like she was willing to bear the truth of all that is cruel- the girl is being so good for him, not giving up and making him angry just because of a little fucking pain. She wasn’t a coward after all, showing bravery and promise through her tears. She’d take him as much as he’d want her to, he realizes. Her mind willed herself to, and now her body was opening up more and more to him as well. If letting her have a false sense of control is what he has to do for a while to allow her to let him in, then okay. It felt good regardless.

But maybe too good, as a familiar tingle in his balls pulse strongly. He clenches, his usual trick that kept him from cumming sooner than he’d like when he would fuck without a condom. But it doesn’t seem to be helping his case much, especially when she begins to make more sounds that he’d rather believe are deriving from pleasure.

He suddenly needs to feel in control again. 

Eren shifts his legs so that his feet are planted on the blanketed ground, shifting Mikasa’s position on top of him slightly forward, before gripping her hips tighter. She yelps in surprise.

“Does it feel good now, Miks?” He asks her from below. 

She slowly nods her head, bites her lip. Her eyes still look teary. He doesn’t care, because he wants to see that as a good thing. Her continuous movements make him think all the same.

“Told you you’d love it. That you’d love to fuck.” 

He gives her no chance to respond, instead choosing to hold her hips as still as possible as he fucks up into her sweet hole, drilling as fast, hard and deep as he can. If he’s gonna cum soon, he’ll give her all of him, and she was gonna take it.

For the first time during their fuck, she screams, loud enough that birds fly away from the trees above- after all, he's penetrating deeply, nonstop hitting her inmost wall with no abandon, his cockhead kissing her womb eagerly. Her eyes are wide and pleading as he pulls her down so that her chest is against his before slapping a hand over her mouth, his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist as he keeps going.

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. Ooooh fuuuck, ngh….this is sooo fuucking good, right?! It’s okay, it’s okay, shhhh.” He repeats as a mantra, grinding into her in between rough thrusts. “Shh shh shh, we don’t wanna be heard. Shhh, I said!”

She shrieks something against his palm, followed by a hot fresh coat of new tears dripping down her cheeks, ones that he was now close enough to lick- and so he does. And damn, if anything wet was coming from this girl (no no, woman now, thanks to him), he wants it all- whether it came from her cunt, mouth, eyes, anything. He feels wetness on his palm, and realizes that she must be drooling. It makes him grind inside her even harder.

“You’re doing so good. You’re gonna make me cum, Miks. You’re gonna make me cum because I’m so fucking deep in your guts… fuck!” 

It feels as if she’s pulsing around his cock, her tear-soaked glimmering eyes widening even more as she screams against his palm again, her hips having a mind of its own to go against Eren’s grip on them, moving around his cock in a swirl-like fashion.

And fuck him, he thinks when her tight inner gripping causes him to finally release deep inside her, leading him into the best high of his life- is he capable of falling in love after all? Because this was the only pussy he’d need for the rest of his life. The only body he’d need to touch.

He doesn’t know if that means love or not. He’s not even sure he knows what love is, but he sure as fuck knows Mikasa means something. She was soft inside and out, and he thinks that he’d want that quality around him to ground him at times. Might as well be with the only girl he’d actually cared about, right? 

He should’ve came back for her sooner, if he’d only known what it would be like with her. Would've saved him from a lot of headaches from the others. 

And to think that at one point, he wanted to save her from himself. 

He basks in her pulses as his own bodily twitches calm down, his warm cum flooding around his mass, and when he’s convinced that she was breathless again and unable to scream anymore, he removes his hand from her mouth. He tells her she did good and gives her a kiss. She seems too tired to return it, but that's fine. He moves her to lay beside him instead of keeping her on top, giving the girl room to breathe.

Running a hand through his sweaty hair, he stares at the sky above him, trees shading them from the sun. All that is heard is the tweeting of some birds in the distance and their combined heavy breathing. He’s lost in his thoughts of what to do next.

Because he wants to do this again with her. And again. And again. And the only way to ensure that is if he made her his. But the poor ignorant country girl, she’d never stay with him in Shiganshina. Would she even leave her overprotective parents? 

Maybe he could devise a way to get her to at least check out the city. Sixteen years old, and she still hasn’t been to the city of Shiganshina. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at the thought. No wonder she was annoyingly optimistic about life. No wonder she didn’t see how much some people deserved to die. No wonder she didn’t know what it was like to be trapped when he had to view the walls up close every day.

“Eren.”

He moves his head to look at her, the pretty girl (woman) with disheveled raven hair. Her voice sounds softer now, and she moves to lay closer to his body. He helps move her to be even closer, so that she is now laying her head on his chest, and he could tell that it made her happy to show some sort of affection.

He’d try to remember that later, when it would best serve him.

“Eren, you, um…you finished inside of me, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. I did.” Matter-of-fact and non-remorseful, he thinks (with pleasure) of how Mikasa probably feels him leaking out of her. He knew he said he wouldn't, but shit happens. He knows the drill.

“Oh.” A beat. “But…but you said you have…some sort of tea, right?”

It clicks with him, her question. A way to take her back to the city and maybe corrupt enlighten her some more. After all, a lot of convincing could happen in a ‘short’ trip.

He forces out a fake groan to preface his lie. “Shit…Miks.”

Her head shoots up immediately. She is clearly on edge to await his answer. “What?”

It’s cute, how serious she looks. Cute and satisfying and promising. He knows now that this is going to work.

“Miks, I’m so sorry. I just realized that I left the tea bags in my other pants at home. I just now remembered that I didn’t switch them over."

Mikasa blinks. “What?”

“It means that I just realized that I don’t have them here with me after all.”

He feels her little heart beating frantically against his chest, and she moves to get up quickly. But Eren holds her now-trembling body against him, stopping her.

“Relax, Mikasa.”

“Eren, I can’t…do you just keep lying? You said you brought something so that I don’t have a baby, you-”

“Hey.” His voice becomes more stern. “It was an accident. Accidents fucking happen, you know.”

“Eren, what the fuck? This isn’t just an accident, this-”

“If we make it back to Shiganshina by tonight, you’ll be okay. The tea is at home. Just stay the night with me.”

Mikasa is giving him an unbelievable look. And suddenly, it’s making him very unhappy, a familiar anger washing over him.

“What?”

“You think my parents are going to let me go, with that serial killer being on the loose?”

Within his frustration, Eren can’t help but suddenly chuckle at this point. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing's gonna happen.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.” He says.

“Well, okay, tell that to my parents.”

“You parents trust me and my mom, don’t they? You don’t think that they think I can take care of you?”

No response. He frowns again.

“And what about you, Miks…don’t you think I can take care of you?”

"I don’t want anything to happen to either of us.”

“I said, it fucking won’t.” He knows his tone is mean but he needs to get this over with. He wants what he wants and he doesn’t care to fight too hard for it. “You’re safe with me. I promise. I even have my secret little knife with me, after all. Remember that?”

Mikasa looks away. “You promised a lot of things that weren’t true today.”

Eren scoffs, knowing what she’s referring to. “But you enjoyed it, didn't you?”

No response.

He doesn’t like waiting. He never has.

“Well?”

“I…I liked it…as we kept going.”

“It felt good?”

She nods, too slowly for his taste. As if she wasn’t sure about her answer. 

“And you’d do it again, right?”

“...Yes. I guess so.”

“Then what’s there to be upset about? Complications aside,”  he turns her face to face him again, “you loved to fuck.”

He can tell by the look on her face that he has her. 

“So if you don’t want a baby, Mikasa…you don’t have much of a choice, do you? Time is ticking. So?”

Mikasa is now lost in her thoughts, and he can’t wait to get to the point where there would be absolutely nothing she would be able to hide from him again. But he’d have to train her to get to that point. 

She stands up, legs shaky. When her cum-caked thighs rub closer together, she winces. But she answers him nonetheless. 

“Okay. I’ll go. I think I can convince my parents with a story about helping your mom or something.”

Eren grins, standing up as well before looking down. His cock is softening, but he enjoys seeing the absolute mess left on him. In a perfect world, he wouldn’t have to wash it off.

But it wasn’t a perfect world. And there was a lot of blood he had to wash off lately.