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Beomgyu wasn’t interested in meeting his soulmate.
Beomgyu wasn’t interested in his soulmate at all, and Taehyun knew this. He was Taehyun’s best friend, after all. Taehyun knew Beomgyu better than anyone else in the world; in fact, their friend group liked to joke that maybe the universe had made some sort of mistake, and given Beomgyu’s matching soul mark to the wrong person.
Ah, who cares? Beomgyu would drawl, with his Daegu accent peeking out from behind his words every time their friends poked fun. Soulmates are stupid, anyways. Who wants to be told who their “other half” is supposed to be? I’m a perfectly whole, complete person on my own.
They were best friends long, long before Taehyun ever got his soul mark. Taehyun had hoped that they would be after, too, at least until he was standing in front of the bathroom mirror that morning. Shaking, trembling all over. Breaths coming out so fast it bordered on hyperventilation. The pad of his thumb brushing over the skin just below his left collar bone, checking to make sure that it was really there. That it was real, not some dream, that he hadn’t been drunker than he thought last night and gotten a tattoo he didn’t remember.
He pressed down on it, hard. Nothing. No pain, like a fresh tattoo would have, and when he lifted his thumb again it was still there.
Beomgyu’s soul mark. A daisy with a single creased petal.
“Tyun, are you done in there? I need to put my contacts in.”
Taehyun jumped in surprise, nearly knocking the hairdryer off of the counter, and quickly adjusted his shirt so that it covered the mark. Taking a deep breath to try and steady himself, he opened his mouth and hoped that his voice would come out sounding as normal as possible. “Yeah, hyung. You can come in.”
The bathroom door of their shitty college apartment creaked open, and Beomgyu peered in. His dark hair was messy, sticking up like grass near the back of his head, and he was still wearing his glasses– a pair of wire-rimmed black ones that he only ever wore first thing in the morning or very late at night. Inexplicably, Taehyun’s stomach lurched. He stepped aside without a word, letting Beomgyu enter, before slipping out of the bathroom and heading towards the kitchen.
Taehyun started the coffee machine, opening the fridge while it was brewing to see what looked edible. Deciding on eggs and toast, he had just cracked two eggs over the stove when Beomgyu ambled in.
“Mmm, smells like coffee and fire,” he commented. “Whatcha making?” He hooked his chin over Taehyun’s shoulder, the warmth of Beomgyu’s body pressed against his causing a shiver to run up Taehyun’s spine before he forced it down.
“It’s the toaster,” Taehyun grumbled. “That thing is a genuine fire hazard, I swear.”
Beomgyu laughed and pulled away, leaving Taehyun’s back feeling strangely cold without him. “I’d say we should get a new one, but we both know that you and I can’t afford it.”
“You want me to make you anything, hyung?” It was a normal part of Taehyun’s routine; get up, brush his teeth, make breakfast for him and Beomgyu. It was safer this way, because his hyung was also a fire hazard even if he’d never admit it.
“Nah, I’m good,” Beomgyu replied lightly. “Still kinda hungover. Are you not?”
“No,” Taehyun said. “I didn’t drink that much last night.”
Beomgyu snorted. “Lucky bastard. I swear, I’ve never seen you hungover in like, fifteen years of friendship.”
“You’d be hungover less if you stopped trying to do shots with Yeonjun hyung,” Taehyun pointed out. “You can’t out-drink him. It’s probably better for your health if you just accept that and stop trying.”
“Sounds like something a coward would say,” Beomgyu retorted, although there was no bite to his words. He looked up when Taehyun approached the kitchen table, beaming after Taehyun set a mug down in front of him. It was a garish purple one they’d bought together as a souvenir from the time they visited Busan. Beomgyu took a big swig of coffee, and then started to cough and splutter a lot.
Taehyun stared from the seat across, putting a piece of toast in his mouth. “It’s hot,” he said unnecessarily. Beomgyu glared at him, eyes watering.
“Wow, I had no idea.” The sarcasm was cut down by the fact that he had to cough again in the middle of the sentence. “Thanks for the coffee, though. Even though you tried to kill me.”
“You’re welcome,” Taehyun said, shrugging. “I’ll warn you next time, I guess, although I really think that it should go without saying. You’re twenty-one years old, hyung, and you’ve been drinking coffee for at least five of those years.”
“This is attempted murder and bullying,” Beomgyu complained, slumping down dramatically in his chair. The shoulder of his pajama top slipped a little, revealing his soul mark. Taehyun swallowed and averted his eyes, focusing his attention on his breakfast even though he suddenly wasn’t hungry anymore. Neither of them said a word until Beomgyu stood up and announced that he had to go get ready for his morning class, leaving Taehyun alone in the kitchen.
The tiredness was the first symptom.
It was mild at first, and Taehyun could easily chalk it up to the usual side effects of being a second-year university student. A little drowsiness during a particularly boring lecture, or the occasional nap on top of a textbook that he hadn’t meant to take. He hadn’t even realized it, not really, at least until Kai pointed it out.
“You okay, Hyunnie?” He asked, concern folding his cute features. “You zoned out for a bit there.”
“Oh,” Taehyun said, blinking. “I’m fine. Just tired, I think.”
“Are you sure?” Kai responded. “Usually I feel like you’re really focused during our meetings, but you seem really out of it lately. Are you sleeping alright?”
Taehyun thought about the dreams that plagued him at night, the ones that were filled with Beomgyu’s smooth Daegu accent and the smell of his cologne. They weren’t nightmares, per se, but he always woke up feeling restless. “Yeah, it’s nothing. Sorry, what were you saying about the presentation?”
Kai returned his focus to his laptop, pointing to the diagram on the screen. He seemed appeased, at least for now. “I think we need to add another box here, to illustrate the flow of capital from the government to private businesses. Or should we just do a whole slide on it? I don’t know, I feel like it’s important to point out…”
Taehyun let Kai’s chatter wash over him, mind going back to the dreams he’d been having. It wasn’t all that unusual for Beomgyu to be present in his dreams; they were best friends and roommates, after all, and Beomgyu was inarguably the most important person in his life. Ever since the soul mark had appeared, though, they’d definitely gotten more frequent and more– disturbing wasn’t the right word, but maybe unsettling. He had a hard time going back to sleep afterwards, left to stare blankly at his ceiling while dozens of stupid, pointless scenarios played out in his brain.
He knew what it meant, but he couldn’t acknowledge it just yet. Doing so would only make it worse, more real. Ignoring it was the only thing he could do right now.
“Taehyun-ah.”
Taehyun woke up to the sound of Beomgyu’s raspy voice calling his name. He sat up suddenly, patting around under his pillow for his phone.
“What time is it?” He asked, lifting his pillow. His phone wasn’t there. When he looked up, Beomgyu was holding it out to him.
“Nine forty-five,” Beomgyu answered. Taehyun’s eyes widened, and he shot out of bed in a panic. Snatching his phone, he was halfway to the bathroom before Beomgyu caught his wrist. “Taehyun-ah,” he said again. “You slept through your alarm. I woke up because it kept ringing.”
“Oh,” Taehyun replied. Beomgyu’s hand was warm on his wrist, and he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. “I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Beomgyu murmured. “Tyun, you’ve never missed your alarm in your life. I turned it off because I wanted to let you sleep.”
Taehyun finally looked up at him. Beomgyu’s eyes were dark with worry, and he released Taehyun’s wrist in favor of smoothing down a lock of hair at the top of his head. He did it so gently that it made Taehyun’s breath stutter in his throat. “I’m fine, hyung,” he managed to say.
Beomgyu shook his head. “You’re not. You fell asleep during movie night on Friday, that’s normally Soobin hyung’s job.” He smiled a little at his own joke, but quickly became serious again. “Are you sick?”
Taehyun’s stomach turned. “No, not sick.” It wasn’t a lie, he reassured himself– at least, not really.
Beomgyu seemed to know that he wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he didn’t press it. “Alright. You already missed your first class, so just… I don’t know. Take it easy, okay? I’ll bring us back something for lunch.”
Taehyun nodded, stomach turning again. Beomgyu’s concern only made him feel worse.
After the tiredness was the appetite loss.
“Taehyun, you’re getting too skinny,” Yeonjun complained, when he walked into his and Soobin’s shared apartment. “Your legs look like twigs.”
“Wow, thanks so much for dragging me before I’ve even taken my shoes off,” Taehyun said sarcastically. “You sound like my mom, you know.”
Soobin, who normally would’ve taken any chance to poke fun at Taehyun, frowned. “No, he’s right. You look really skinny, Taehyun. Pale, too. You’re sure you’re not sick?”
Taehyun rolled his eyes in what he hoped was a casual manner. “No, I’m not sick. You’re like, the fourth person that’s asked me.”
“Because you’re starting to look like Slenderman recently,” Yeonjun put in. “Sit down on the couch, I’m making you dinner and you’re having seconds whether you like it or not.” It sounded like enough of a threat that Taehyun didn’t try to fight back when Soobin frogmarched him to the sofa and pushed him down onto it. Soobin frowned again after he sat down, leaning in to whisper to him while Yeonjun went into the kitchen.
“Seriously, Taehyun. Is there something wrong? You don’t look normal.”
For a split second, Taehyun really considered telling him. The concern on Soobin’s face tugged at something deep in Taehyun’s chest, the burden of carrying this secret for the past few weeks almost too heavy for him to bear. He was doing this for Beomgyu, he reminded himself– Soobin couldn’t possibly understand what that was like. He already had his soulmate. The love of Soobin’s life was currently in the kitchen whistling to himself, engagement ring shining on his fourth finger. Taehyun didn’t begrudge them their happiness, but he couldn’t help but envy it. What would it look like, if he and Beomgyu were–
“I’m fine, hyung, I swear. I’ve just been really busy, lately. It’s almost midterms.”
“Okay,” Soobin sighed, sitting back against the couch cushions. “You need to take better care of yourself, though. Yeonjun hyung’ll go ballistic if he hears you’ve been skipping meals.” There was a short pause, and then Soobin piped up again. “Hey, do you want to watch the last episode of Mob Psycho with me?”
Taehyun had never seen an episode of Mob Psycho in his life. “Uh, I thought you were watching that with Kai.”
“I am,” Soobin shrugged. “But he watched the Season 2 finale without me. It’ll just be like payback for that.”
“You know he’s going to be all whiny and annoying when he finds out,” Taehyun pointed out, but he didn’t protest when Soobin turned on the TV.
“Yeah, I know. It’s kinda funny, though. He’s cute when he gets mad.”
Taehyun couldn’t really disagree with that, and sat through twenty minutes of utter confusion before Yeonjun called them for dinner. The eldest had made fried rice, Taehyun’s favorite, but he could hardly stomach more than a few bites before he started to feel sick. He kept eating though, if just to avoid Soobin’s prying eyes.
The fatigue was getting worse, Taehyun knew. He was constantly exhausted during the day, and at night the dreams were so intense that sometimes it felt like Beomgyu was really there. When he woke up, though, the bed next to him was empty and his door was still firmly closed.
One night, he came out into the living room after a particularly bad episode. He’d woken up sweating, heart racing, and it felt as though his soul mark was burning his skin. He stood, steadying himself on the bedside table when his head began to spin, and then ventured out into the living room once he didn’t feel like he was in danger of collapsing. He sat down on the couch, by the window, staring out at the city. A car passed by, the headlights making shadows move on the walls.
There was a creaking sound, and Taehyun jumped. Beomgyu had emerged from his bedroom, too, dark hair mussed and shirt wrinkled by sleep. He looked so soft. Subconsciously, Taehyun rubbed at his left collar bone.
Beomgyu sat on the couch beside him, so close that Taehyun could feel the warmth of his skin. He hardly dared to breathe as Beomgyu wormed his way into his arms, relaxing against his body. Was this another dream? It couldn’t be. Beomgyu was gazing up at him with his wide, liquid-black eyes, the lights of the city reflected like pinpricks in his pupils. Taehyun could’ve counted his eyelashes.
A flash of pain lit up inside his chest. Beomgyu looked away.
Taehyun knew that the fainting spells marked the beginning of the end.
The five of them were all together at Yeonjun and Soobin’s apartment for a Friday movie night. Kai was picking the movie tonight, and he scrolled through Netflix on Yeonjun and Soobin’s TV with fervor. Beomgyu groaned when the cursor stopped on what appeared to be a very sappy romance movie.
“Oh, come on, Kai,” he said exasperatedly. “We already had to sit through Soobin hyung’s stupid rom-com last week. Pick something actually good, please. I’m so tired of soulmate movies.” Taehyun privately agreed with him; last week’s movie was supposed to be a comedy about two soulmates who accidentally reject each other, but Taehyun hadn’t found it very funny. He’d pretended to be asleep for most of it, if only so that he didn’t have to watch.
Yeonjun kicked Beomgyu lightly from the other side of the couch. “Just because you’re a terrible cynic doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be.” He was holding both of Soobin’s hands in his lap, and the blue-haired boy looked happy to snuggle into his shoulder.
“I’m not a cynic, I just think it’s dumb that we spend our whole lives looking for our soulmates instead of trying to live for ourselves. Why do I need somebody else to be happy?”
“You don’t,” Kai said, shrugging. “I haven’t found my soulmate yet, and I’m perfectly happy on my own. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to reject them outright, either. That’s the person I’m supposed to love, y’know? I’m happy and I hope that they’re happy, too, so that when we meet we can be happy together.”
“That’s dumb too, though,” Beomgyu retorted. “You’re going to meet them, and that’s it? You’re just going to love them?”
Kai shrugged again. “I dunno. Why not? They’re my soulmate.” He turned back to the TV after that, scrolling through the menu some more.
Beomgyu sat back against the couch with a huff. “Whatever, I’m not taking my soulmate. I’ll decide who I love for myself, thank you very much.”
He glanced at Taehyun in the armchair on the other side of the room. Taehyun tried to nod, but it felt as though a rock had dropped into his stomach. It must’ve shown on his face. Beomgyu tilted his head, a silent “are you okay?” Taehyun just nodded again before looking away.
He went into the kitchen about halfway through How To Train Your Dragon for a glass of water when all of a sudden the glass slipped from his grip and shattered on the tile.
“Taehyun? Are you okay in there?”
He could hardly make out Yeonjun’s words over the sound of buzzing in his ears, and there was something flashing in his vision. He leaned heavily against the counter. Everything had started to tip sideways when he was suddenly righted again, hoisted up by the eldest member of their friend group. Pink hair swam in front of his eyes.
“Soobin! Soobin, get the vacuum, there’s glass everywhere. Taehyun, can you hear me?”
He could, but it felt like his tongue had gone numb. His mouth wouldn’t move. Kai’s voice joined the mix, shrill with panic, and then Beomgyu’s. He was calling Taehyun’s name, over and over again. He sounded terrified.
When Taehyun’s eyes opened again, he was in Yeonjun and Soobin’s bedroom. Soobin was nowhere to be seen, but Yeonjun was fiddling with something on his phone.
“Hyung.”
Yeonjun looked up right away, standing from one of the kitchen chairs that had been brought into the bedroom. “Taehyun,” he said, relieved. “Thank God, you scared the shit out of me.”
“How long was I asleep?” Taehyun asked.
“Not long,” Yeonjun replied, shaking his head. “Soobin’s driving the kids home right now. Beomgyu didn’t want to leave, but I told him you needed sleep.” His expression was grim. “I know what’s going on, Taehyun, you don’t need to lie to me anymore.”
Taehyun froze. If Yeonjun knew and had already told Beomgyu, then that meant that Beomgyu–
“Whoever they are, you need to talk to them. This is serious, Taehyun, it’s not– soulmate rejection is a big deal. If you fall in love with them, you could die.” Yeonjun’s face scrunched up, like he was trying not to cry.
“I know, hyung,” Taehyun said lowly. “But I can’t. They don’t want me.”
“You have to try,” Yeonjun insisted, voice quivering. “We can work something out, we can…” There was a long pause while Yeonjun stared at him, eyes roving over Taehyun’s features. “…It’s too late, isn’t it,” he finally whispered. “You’re already in love with them.”
Taehyun looked down. It’s too late. It had been too late a long time ago. That was why he’d been so afraid, the day that he found the daisy under his collar bone. It was nothing but a harbinger of doom; a death sentence from the moment it had appeared. There was no way that he could possibly stop loving Beomgyu, and Beomgyu had already made it clear many times that he didn’t want his soulmate. It was because Taehyun loved him that he’d never said anything. He’d rather die than force Beomgyu to take a soulmate he didn’t love.
Pain flashed through Taehyun’s chest. That was the worst part; he knew that if he did say something, Beomgyu would change his mind immediately. He was kind and selfless like that, would do anything for his friends. Would spend the rest of his life in silent misery if it meant that Taehyun didn’t suffer.
Yeonjun came to his side, climbing into bed and pulling Taehyun against him. He didn’t say anything when tears started to flow over Taehyun’s cheeks, just stroked his hair and clutched the younger to his chest.
It appeared that Yeonjun had respected Taehyun’s wishes, because none of the others seemed to really understand what had happened in the kitchen that night. Soobin was definitely suspicious, though, and Kai had cried and apologized at their next group project meeting for not realizing that Taehyun was so sick earlier. Taehyun barely had the energy to console him.
Beomgyu, too, seemed to be operating under the assumption that Taehyun was sick with something, because he had urged him to go to the doctor several times before finally relenting. Instead, he had taken to following Taehyun around their apartment like a puppy.
“In case you pass out again, Tyun,” he said, while they were both sitting at the table studying. “If you fall, you could hit your head or something. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I’d rather just be safe than sorry.”
Taehyun nodded, swallowing, and brought his attention back to his textbook. Or at least, he tried to; he could feel Beomgyu’s eyes, and all it did was made him feel more guilty. He’d caused their friend group a lot of stress over the past few months.
It was harder than it should’ve been to have Beomgyu around all the time. The older was unfailingly nice to him, bringing him a sweatshirt at the first sign of a shiver or waking him up gently whenever he missed his alarm. It was causing the dreams to worsen, to the point where he could hardly even fall asleep without seeing Beomgyu’s worried expression behind his eyelids. He’d even tried to cook for Taehyun a couple of times, though the results would’ve hardly been edible even if he didn’t feel vaguely nauseous all the time.
“Tyun, have you seen my sweater?” Beomgyu called from the living room, sticking his head into Taehyun’s bedroom. Taehyun nearly blacked out; he was shirtless, hair damp and sticking together from the shower, his soul mark on full display.
“Which one?” Taehyun asked. His voice was a little higher than normal, but Beomgyu didn’t seem to notice. He pulled the blankets a little more closely around himself, curled up on his bed.
“The red knit one. With the diamond pattern, remember? I was planning on wearing it today, but now I don’t know where I left it.” He came in and started to look around near Taehyun’s desk, and then went to shuffle things back and forth in his closet. The daisy with the single creased petal under his right collar bone was driving Taehyun insane. If they hugged, their soul marks would touch, he thought hysterically.
“I don’t know, it’s not in here– can you just put a shirt on, please?” Taehyun snapped, more harshly than he’d meant to. Surprise flooded over Beomgyu’s features, before he quickly shuttered his expression.
“Yeah, of course. Sorry.” He turned to leave, and Taehyun felt the familiar pain light up his chest again.
“No, I just– sorry,” Taehyun said weakly. “It’s my fault, hyung, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m tired.”
Beomgyu opened his mouth, and then hesitated. Taehyun hated it; in so many years of friendship, Beomgyu had never been hesitant with him. “Taehyun… you can say no, I was just wondering if– if maybe it would be okay if I borrowed your sweater instead? The blue one. You know, since I can’t find mine…” He trailed off, and guilt swirled in Taehyun’s stomach.
“Yeah, of course. Of course you can, hyung. I’m sorry, again, I didn’t mean–“
“You’re sick, I know,” Beomgyu cut him off softly. “It’s alright, I’m not mad at you.”
He pulled Taehyun’s sweater out of the closet, the fuzzy blue one he’d gotten for Christmas years ago, and slipped it on over his head. Taehyun thought that having the older’s soul mark covered would make him feel better, but somehow he only felt worse. Beomgyu looked so pretty in his sweater, so much prettier than Taehyun could’ve ever hoped to be, and he had to press his palm hard into his chest to alleviate the pain of wanting him. He doubled over, wheezing.
“Taehyun?” Beomgyu’s voice was filled with fear. “Taehyun, what’s happening–“
The pain went away as soon as Beomgyu touched him. He had one hand on Taehyun’s shoulder and the other on his back, rubbing circles into his body, but then he went still. He was looking at something near the neckline of Taehyun’s shirt. His shirt, technically, one of Beomgyu’s old t-shirts that was slightly too big on Taehyun. The collar had dropped to expose his soul mark.
Beomgyu was frozen, eyes fixed on the daisy imprinted in his skin. His petal-pink lips were parted slightly, and he looked stunned. He lifted his hand to brush his index finger over the mark.
Taehyun pulled away like his touch was a brand. He fled to the far corner of his bed, breaths coming out stilted, and it seemed to wake Beomgyu from his daze. He crawled over the bed, and Taehyun pulled his knees up to shield himself. Beomgyu stopped.
“Taehyun,” he breathed. “That’s– that’s my mark.”
Taehyun swallowed. His entire body was shaking like a leaf in the wind. “I know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Beomgyu looked frantic, a slightly crazed edge to his expression. “How long have you known?”
“Two and a half months,” Taehyun answered tonelessly. It had been an eternity and nothing all at once.
“Two and a half months,” Beomgyu repeated. “And you didn’t tell me.” He sounded angry now, and it was bringing up Taehyun’s defenses. The last thing he deserved was for Beomgyu to be angry over this, after all he’d suffered for him.
“What difference would it have made if I did?”
Beomgyu flinched, like Taehyun had hit him. “How can you say that!? Of course things would’ve been different. I was starting to realize that– but I didn’t know it was me. Taehyun, if you had just told me, you never would’ve been sick at all–“
“That’s not true,” Taehyun interrupted. “You’ve told me countless times that you don’t want your soulmate, that you wouldn’t take them even if you found them.”
Beomgyu blinked. His mouth opened and shut wordlessly before he spoke. “I… That’s not the same thing.”
“How?” Taehyun said, voice flat and devoid of emotion. “You’d be okay with hurting someone else, someone you don’t know, but if it’s me then it’s different?”
“Of course!” Beomgyu cried. “Of course it’s different, Taehyun–“ He was coming closer again, but Taehyun stopped him with a look.
“No,” he said forcefully. “I don’t want it, hyung. If you’re just saying all this because you feel bad, or whatever, then don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
Beomgyu looked wounded. “That’s not why, Taehyun. I wouldn't–“
“Please don’t lie to me, hyung,” Taehyun said, suddenly exhausted. “Just go. I’m already hurting enough.”
“I’m not lying, Tyun, I swear.” There were tears in the corners of Beomgyu’s eyes now, and it felt like Taehyun had been stabbed. He curled in on himself. Beomgyu made a noise like a whimper, but he didn’t try to touch him again. His words were heavy with anguish. “I’m not lying, Tyun, but I understand now what’s happening to you. You’ll– you’ll die if you don’t let me–“
“Good.” That one word felt like it cost Taehyun everything.
A sob ripped its way from Beomgyu’s throat, the worst sound that Taehyun had ever heard. The pain in his chest was agonizing now. “I know. I’ve hurt you, Taehyun, I’ve hurt you so much. I’ve been so selfish, okay? I know. But just– I have to ask you for something else. Just one more thing, and if you still don’t–“ Beomgyu paused, breaths shuddering. There were tears streaming down his cheeks, glittering like diamonds against his fair skin. “If you still don’t want me, then I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone, and you never even have to see me again. Just– please. You have to believe me. I wouldn’t kiss you like this if I didn’t love you.”
Taehyun’s last thought was that love shouldn’t hurt like this.
Beomgyu’s lips were so soft against his, so gentle, but Taehyun was afraid that he was dying. He was pressed against the wall as flat as possible, with Beomgyu’s hands on his thighs. He could taste Beomgyu’s tears, could feel his shuddering breaths, could smell the cologne that haunted his dreams. Beomgyu pulled away. His eyes were shining. His expression was one of utter devastation.
Taehyun lurched forward to kiss him again. If this was his only chance, then he wanted Beomgyu to know. He had to know that Taehyun loved him. That Taehyun had always loved him, so much that he was willing to die for it.
Beomgyu gasped. His arms came up to wind around Taehyun’s body, pulling him as close as possible, fingers threading through his hair. He was kissing back passionately, licking into Taehyun’s mouth like he'd dreamed of doing it all his life. Taehyun felt light-headed on the knowledge that their soul marks were touching beneath their shirts, that Beomgyu might actually–
“I love you,” Beomgyu whispered against his lips. Taehyun pulled away to look at him, reaching up to wipe a tear away with his thumb. “Taehyun, I love you.”
“I don’t understand,” Taehyun said numbly. “I’m your soulmate. I thought–“
“I know. I should’ve known from the beginning that it was you,” Beomgyu admitted.“I just– I hated the idea of not being able to choose who I love. I guess it didn’t matter much in the end, anyways.” His lips turned up into a bittersweet smile. “I would’ve chosen you regardless.”
Taehyun slumped back against the wall. Beomgyu pulled him forward, into his lap, and Taehyun let him. Beomgyu pressed light kisses to his forehead, cheeks, and nose, brushing his bangs away from his face.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he said quietly. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I love you, Taehyunnie.”
Taehyun looked up at him. Something flared in his chest, but it wasn’t pain this time. “You promise?”
Beomgyu nodded. His eyes were shining again. His expression was one of endless regret, like he understood intimately just how much Taehyun had been through, and his mouth trembled with emotion when he spoke. “I promise. I loved you before, I love you now, and I’ll love you for the rest of our lives.”
“Okay,” Taehyun murmured, finally at peace. “I love you too, hyung.”
“I know,” Beomgyu said lowly. His hand came up to cradle Taehyun’s cheek. “Trust me, I know.”
Beomgyu was still there when Taehyun woke up, many mornings later. For a moment he was terrified that it had all been another dream, and that when he opened his eyes the bed next to him would be empty. Beomgyu stirred, and Taehyun’s lids fluttered open.
Beomgyu was already looking at him. He blushed as soon as they made eye contact, covering his face so that his next words came out muffled. “Fuck, you’re so pretty, Tyun, even when you’re sleeping. Used to drive me crazy, you know. There were some days I had a hard time even looking at you, I thought I would snap. Especially when you’re wearing–“ He cut himself off, eyes wandering to where another one of Beomgyu’s t-shirts had slipped down Taehyun’s shoulders and exposed his collar bones. His gaze lingered on Taehyun’s soul mark. The daisy with a single creased petal.
“I thought the exact same thing, you know,” Taehyun confessed. “When you put on my sweater that day. Remember? The blue one. I thought that it might be the last straw for me, that I’d just keel over and–“
“No!” Beomgyu cried, way too loud considering that it was still semi-early in the morning, and Taehyun clapped his hands over his ears. “Sorry, sorry,” Beomgyu said quickly. “I know it’s my fault, just– can we please not joke about it? It really scared me, Taehyun.”
Taehyun softened. “It wasn’t just you. I should’ve communicated. I should’ve trusted you.”
Beomgyu shook his head, expression pinched. No matter how many times they talked about this, Beomgyu still blamed himself.
Taehyun poked him in the ribs playfully. “C’mon, let’s get up,” he said. “There might still be rice leftover from what Yeonjun hyung brought if Soobin hyung and Kai didn’t eat it all last night.”
Beomgyu caught his wrist. “Can we stay here? Just five minutes. I’m not done being embarrassingly in love with you yet.”
Taehyun rolled his eyes good-naturedly, feeling his cheeks flush. “You can be embarrassingly in love with me over breakfast, I’m hungry.”
“Okay, but I’m warning you,” Beomgyu said in a mock-stern tone of voice. “If we get up now then I’ll have to be embarrassingly in love with you for the whole rest of the day. We’ll be bullied relentlessly.”
“Oh nooooo, you’ll be in love with me for the rest of the day, what a terrible punishment,” Taehyun replied, sarcasm minimized by the smile that crept over his face. “We’ll get bullied anyways, they’re merciless. C’mon.” He leaned down to pull Beomgyu out of bed. After snatching his glasses from the bedside table Beomgyu giggled and wrapped his arms around Taehyun’s waist, forcing them to do a sort of weird conjoined shuffle into the kitchen.
Beomgyu was sort of right all those months ago, Taehyun thought, as he made them both breakfast. He’d already kicked Beomgyu out for trying to be too helpful, and the older was now pouting at the table by himself. He beamed, though, when Taehyun brought him a cup of coffee.
They weren’t each other’s “other half”, but they didn’t need to be. They were whole on their own. Was red somehow incomplete, lacking, just because it was red? No. But it mixed with blue to become something entirely new, something different.
Something happy.