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It's around 3am, with both boys curled up and shivering either side of him, that Stede realises it's going to be a rough day.
He already has them both padded, after Izzy's distressing wake up call. It's not uncommon for the boys to wear them when they play and they feel young enough; it just gives them one less thing to worry about when they're supposed to be relaxing. Between the nightmares and gut-stabbings, a wet bed isn't all that uncommon and Stede is becoming old hat at fixing it.
Nothing wakes him up quite like the sound of his little boys crying, and he always rolls into motion, ready to soothe bad dreams and old hurts, get them comfy again and cuddle them back to sleep. Maybe walk them around the cabin a few times. If the situation appears dire, he'll take them out on deck to get some fresh air and listen to the ocean, maybe talk them back to sleep with fun facts about stars.
Sometimes, they just need to be reminded that they are loved.
Unusually this time, he'd actually woken to the uncomfortable wet feeling seeping across his clothes. When he sat up and looked to the side, he saw that Izzy's eyes were open and he'd been crying steadily, but his face was eerily blank. His breathing was shaky and hitched, but other than that he gave no outward sign that he was aware of his own situation.
It's happened before, when some event triggers a memory that has Iz completely checking out. Often only for short periods of time; a few hours of being sandwiched between Stede and Ed, both pressing into him, letting him know he's safe, usually does the trick.
It's not happened after a nightmare before, and two notable differences to what Stede considers the 'Izzy Routine' has him feeling a bit worried that the issue may be out of his league.
Still, he gathers Izzy up and efficiently strips him of his soiled clothing, laying him on Stede's least favourite blanket to get cleaned up. He talks the whole time; Stede has never really been good with silences, and he likes to think that even if Izzy isn't taking in his words, the tone is getting through to him.
It's disconcerting, getting Izzy changed like this without any of his little habits. Normally by now he'd be wiggling under Stede's hands, burbling and cooing at his dada. Stede often has to give him a toy or some muslin to occupy his hands and mouth, or else Izzy will start reaching for Stede's hair and clothes to teethe on.
"That wasn't a nice way to wake up, was it? We'll get all clean and cosy and have a lovely cuddle, yeah?" Izzy doesn't react of course, but Stede feels better for the chatter, letting Iz know what's happening next, why he's being touched and moved around. Neither of his boys like surprises, and Stede tries to keep the stress to a minimum when they play.
He takes his time, trying to be as soothing as possible, but as he's threading Izzy's dead-weight arms into a clean sleep shirt, he realises that might have been a mistake.
Because Ed is now waking up with wet pants, and from the sounds of his plaintive little crys, he isn't aware enough to notice it's not even his accident that's soaked him.
"Oh darling, did you wake up in bed alone? It's okay, daddy and Izzy are right here, just having a little clean up." He settles Ed right next to Iz on the blanket, where he immediately flips over and starts grabbing at Izzy, reassuring himself that he's near.
Having Ed crying in his ear seems to have kicked Izzy's own cries up a notch. Stede fumbles around for their soothers for a moment, quickly shoving them into both boys' mouths and sighing in relief when it works to quiet them at least a little.
Ed sniffles on the last of his tears, reaching out to put a clumsy hand over Stede's, which is holding the soother in Izzy's mouth.
"Bay'bee?" Ed says. Izzy's eyes roam over to Edward but don't focus on him, though he does finally react to the soother on his tongue, closing his mouth around it.
"He's a very little baby, isn't he? We need to be extra gentle with him." Ed nods, seemingly fascinated just watching Izzy's face. "We'll all head back to bed soon, but first let's get you cleaned up, yeah monkey?"
Ed flops back over, laying so he's pressed up close to Izzy's side, one hand fisted in Izzy's shirt. He is very agreeable as Stede undresses him, even lifting his hips up helpfully despite how obviously tired he is. In fact, Ed is well on his way to dozing whilst Stede gets him clean, eyes half-lidded, right up until he sees the piece of clothing Stede picks up off the pile first.
"Nooooo dadadadada," Ed babbles, fresh tears springing to his eyes.
He drops the nappy back down and reaches out to stroke Ed's hair away from his face. "Oh what's wrong honey? You don't normally fuss about getting dressed," he coos.
It's true - whilst there had initially been some adult feelings of embarrassment, between the two boys Ed had been far more confident and open about the nappies. Where Izzy needed constant reassurance, Ed had been able to see the benefits of being padded and push past his uncertainties. It certainly helped that Eddie liked any opportunity to set a good example for his little brother.
"Noooo," Ed whines again, choking on a sob. He's certainly on the smaller end himself, which makes the nappy even more necessary.
"Okay darling, you're having some really big feelings right now, aren't you?" Ed manages to nod, pushing both fists into his eyes which Stede takes to mean he's overwhelmed. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. Can you tell me what's got you so sad?"
It takes Ed a couple of false starts to get the words out, but once he starts he can't seem to stop. "Nuh- Nuh- Not nee'! An' nuh-not baby! Noooo ou'ss!! Hur'ss! Nooooo, no, no, no, no!" He finishes off with a wordless scream, legs flailing and fists beating into his cheeks.
"Oh poppet, that really is a lot on your mind huh? Did you have a nightmare maybe? Is that what's got my baby all worked up?" Stede rubs a firm hand over Eddie's belly, also reaching out to poor Izzy to reassure him as well with some gentle strokes down his legs.
Ed's only reply is a painful sounding wail. Stede takes it as a yes.
"Okay darling, okay. You're nice and safe here. Dada's got you and Izzy, you're both safe. No ouches, no hurts, just two little babies getting ready for bed with daddy." He continues for some minutes in a low soothing voice; he's careful not to hush Ed when he gets like this, it's counterproductive to the entire exercise. His boys are allowed to be noisy and show their emotions however they want, and Stede is there to help them work through it.
When Ed seems to be coming out the other side of his crying jag, or atleast exhausted himself into quieting down, Stede brings a fresh cool cloth up to clean both boys faces - Ed because he's red faced and covered in snot and tears, and Izzy because his steady crying and lose hold on his paci is making quite the pool of drool down his chin.
"Hmm, poor babies, having such a difficult night aren't you?" They're both completely limp under his hands, allowing Stede to look after them so completely.
"Eddie my darling, I won't force you to wear a nappy, but I think it's the best way I can look after you right now. Can dada help you stay clean? Keep you nice and comfy in your nappy, huh?"
Ed manages a nod and a weak little 'uh huh', throwing his arm over his sore eyes as Stede finally finishes dressing him.
He makes quick work of stripping the bed, wiping down the protective mat, and throwing new sheets on. The boys are practically falling asleep on the floor by the time he carries them back over and resettles them either side of him. They certainly aren't resting easy but at least neither is actively crying - for now.
Things certainly feel better in the morning light. Both boys had managed a few more fitful hours of sleep, which means Stede had slept for maybe five minutes at a time. Izzy is far more reactive but much younger than Stede has ever seen him. He seems quite content to be laid out on his back and have Stede wave toys over him; he’s certainly trying to reach for each rattle and soft animal, but his aim is absolutely abysmal and it’s more just flailing and excited humming.
Ed, for his part, is having a fantastic explore of the play rug. The blanket itself is a quilt of different patterns and textures, large enough that Eddie can crawl around to pat at each part that catches his eye. Stede has also spread out some more of the baby toys - little animals that squeak or crinkle or rattle, teething toys for curious mouths, balls and tubes that make fun noises as they’re turned. When Ed finds the mirror in the corner he bursts out laughing at his own face, then brings it over to Stede as if it’s the most amazing thing.
They’re certainly at a precious age; everything is so new to them. Even breakfast - plain porridge - had seemed like some big adventure with the way Ed wriggled his whole body at each bite. Maybe it was just the novelty of being in the high chair normally occupied by Izzy, but he’d made his opinion on being put down by Stede very clear with a loud screech, and Ed seemed like he could use the extra support the chair offered. It also gave Stede some peace of mind that nothing bad could happen whilst he set to feeding Izzy his breakfast.
Izzy had at first looked mildly offended at Stede for putting something in his mouth, then very surprised to find that it was food that dada had given him. He hadn’t done the best job at swallowing all the porridge, but he seemed to enjoy tasting it and even waving his spoon around when Stede let him grab for it. They’d both finished breakfast with a bottle of milk, then either patiently (Izzy) or very impatiently with lots of whining (Eddie) let Stede wipe their faces clean and get them set in play clothes for the day.
Now, with Izzy burbling and cooing beside him, fascinated by the bar of hanging toys Stede has set over him and is helping him bat at, and Eddie tumbling around the rug beside them, Stede feels peaceful. Certainly there will have to be a long conversation when both boys are feeling better about what had set this all off. Izzy’s dissociative episode followed but such an extreme regression for him is concerning, and there’s going to be more to work through than just the tears last night and a bit of neediness today.
For now, he has two boys who probably need a nappy change, and are definitely due a midmorning nap. Maybe he'll get them out on deck for a bit of fresh air after, let the crew coo over them as well - he's pretty sure Fang is going to melt at the sight of such a teeny tiny Izzy. All the difficult conversations can come later, but for today he's just going to focus on being the best dada he can for his little baby boys.