Archive of Our Own

Being a prisoner did something to Levi. It revealed a part of him that Erwin had only ever caught a glimpse of. A part of him that only came out when he had his freedom taken away.

When Erwin first met Levi in the Underground, he was rude and combative. He still was, but his time on the surface and with the Scouts really seemed to mellow him out. Erwin had always figured that was because he was older and he had a little structure in his life, but he realized now that that was not the case.

Here in Marleyan prison camp, he was much older and his days had more structure than ever. Too much structure. Levi had had his freedom taken away, and Erwin felt like he didn’t even know him anymore. He was reactive, he fought anything, even when the consequences far outweighed the benefits. And there were consequences.

Levi had endured so many beatings that he probably had a perpetual concussion at this point. The Marleyans drugged him so much that he’d developed an addiction, and it seemed like he spent more time in solitary confinement than he did out of it. Erwin tried not to think about the future too much, but he knew that even in the best possible scenario, Levi would never be the same.

Beyond the physical abuse there was the psychological abuse. Erwin and Levi were the only two “Island Devils” held captive in Marley, so they received lots of unwanted attention. Instead of the regular grey Eldian armband, Levi and Erwin were forced to wear blue. The bold color stood out among the seas of grey, further isolating them from anyone but each other.

They were both subjected to lots of hate because of this, but Levi more so. Not only was he an Island Devil, he was an Ackerman. Erwin was sometimes spared from some of the more violent treatment because of his disability, but Levi was subjected to double. The Marleyans feared him. He had killed more titans than anyone else in history, he had single handedly taken down the Beast Titan, even at a severe disadvantage. He was an Ackerman, and that made him dangerous.

In order to beat him down, the Marleyans (and even some of their fellow Eldians) manipulated him, isolated him, tried to get him to hate both Erwin and himself. They called him a dog. According to them, none of his choices were truly his own. Every breath he drew was in order to please Erwin.

“You really think he actually cares about you? You’re the most miserable dick I’ve ever met; he’s obviously just using you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I almost feel bad for you. Tell me, Ackerman, how does it feel to spend your entire life living as another man’s bitch?”

As much as it hurt, Levi had taken to internalizing those remarks. He began ignoring or defying Erwin on purpose just to try and prove them wrong. He was never able to convince anyone, though, because every time a prisoner or guard decided to give Erwin a hard time, Levi would come swinging.

That’s what had gotten him in trouble this time. A fellow prisoner had called Erwin an Island Devil. Erwin had taken offense, and the situation escalated. It ended with Levi kicking the mans teeth in.

Erwin hadn’t seen him in three days now. Erwin thought that three days in solitary was plenty, but all the guards hated Levi (naturally) so Erwin had no idea how long it would be before he was able to see him again.

He knew he wasn’t as lonely as Levi was right now, but Erwin definitely wasn’t popular among his fellow prisoners. He took to sitting outside at night and staring at the stars. The same stars that his comrades back home were seeing. It was the only way he was able to find even a semblance of comfort in this god forsaken place. That is, outside of his time spent with Levi.

The only peace Levi and Erwin were able to find was within each other. That was the only time Erwin felt safe, and it was the only time he saw Levi calm down a little.

Erwin wished he could say that they usually sat out here together, but that wasn’t true. Usually he was separated from Levi for one reason or another, but they sat out here together every night that they could. It was one of the few times where they could stop holding their breath for a second. One of the few times where they could actually kiss each other.

Obviously they knew that if the Marleyans found out about their relationship it would lead to a whole host of other issues, so they had always kept it a secret. They were glad they did though, because they soon found out that homosexuality was a crime in Marley.

The fact made their blood boil, especially Levi who couldn’t wrap his head around why. Erwin didn’t understand either, it’s not like they were hurting anyone, but he accepted the fact with gritted teeth, while Levi wanted to fight back. Erwin had to stop him, telling him that if he retaliated he might as well be outing himself, and then they would hurt him even more. Levi had listened and stood down, but he already had so much hate boiling just below the surface and this just fueled his fire. Erwin was so scared of what would happen if (when) Levi finally snapped.

At first they had been sneaky, stealing little kisses and touches when no one was looking. They almost enjoyed the thrill. But as time wore on, their little rendezvous stopped. They became exhausted, jaded; the interactions didn’t thrill them like they used to. Now the only time they felt safe enough to share any semblance of intimacy was here; outside, at night, hiding behind the barracks. But even now it felt like there was a wedge between them.

The last time they had been out here, Erwin had leaned in for a kiss, but Levi turned away.

“What’s wrong?” Erwin had asked.

“I don’t want to.” Levi muttered.

And Erwin felt his heart wrench. He knew why Levi was pushing him away, and it crushed him. It crushed both of them.

“You don’t seriously believe the things they tell you about us, do you?” He asked.

Levi had frowned, looked at his feet. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” He said.

Erwin had to convince him. “They’re lying, you know they’re lying. You’re nobody’s dog. They’re just trying to manipulate you.” He’d assured, but Levi didn’t seem convinced.

“Yeah.” He said vacantly. Erwin knew he wasn’t convinced. He would have to take a different approach.

“And so what if they’re right?” He continued. “It doesn’t change anything. All we have is each other, do you really want to throw that away just because the Marleyans told you to?”

Levi let out a conflicted sigh. “No…” He finally answered. Then he hung his head again. “I’m sorry for being like this. Living like this for so long is messing with my head. I don’t even know what’s real anymore.”

Erwin gave him a kiss on the temple. Levi was right, it was messing with his head. “It’s okay. I know it’s hard, you don’t ever have to apologize to me. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Levi had said, but he did not kiss him back.

T hat had been days ago. Now Erwin sat alone, waiting for the time when he would have Levi back.