Archive of Our Own

Spencer is a little surprised when Brendon gets a package. He signs for it and puts it on the dinner table. The box doesn't have any markings and Spencer's wracking his brain trying to remember what it could be. Brendon had mentioned buying some new guitar pedals--but he usually buys them in a store, not online. And he would've told Spencer to expect a package. It keeps bugging Spencer.

Brendon comes home late, after being out all day with Shane. "Hey," he says quietly. Even Bogart seems out of energy: he drags himself to his basket and flops down.

Spencer watches him, amused. "Busy day?" he asks. When he doesn't get an answer, he turns around. Brendon's standing at the table, and he's smiling at the package. "Brendon?"

Brendon jerks up, startled. "Yes?"

Spencer steps up behind him. "That came this morning. I've been wondering all day what it is."

Brendon laughs. "It's a surprise." He gives Spencer a quick peck on the lips. "I'll be right back, I'm just gonna change." He takes the package and disappears upstairs.

Spencer sighs. Bogart sniffles and rolls on his back, his way of begging for petting. "Your human is weird," Spencer tells him. Bogart doesn't react, though, just wags his tail (slower than usual). After a few minutes of petting Spencer moves to the couch and switches on the TV.

Half an hour later, Spencer wonders if Brendon's gotten lost in their own house. He contemplates getting up and checking on Brendon, but the couch is comfy and Brendon probably was just struck by inspiration and now he's sitting on their bed, scribbling into one of the million notebooks he keeps everywhere.

By the time he hears Brendon coming down the stairs, his steps a steady thump-thump-thump, Spencer's sprawling and almost half-asleep.

"Hey." Brendon pokes Spencer. "Sit up, I've got something for you."

"For me?" Spencer struggles upright. "What is it?"

"Close your eyes." Brendon's voice is deep and soft and it sends involuntary shivers over Spencer's skin.

Spencer obeys, keep his eyes closed. He hears Brendon fiddle with something. "Brendon?"

"Don't startle," Brendon says. Then he puts something around Spencer's neck, something smooth and soft and leathery and--Spencer's flooded hot and cold as he realises what it is. He raises his fingers to the collar, rubs his fingers over the material. There's a little bit of pressure, not too bad, when Brendon fastens the collar. The buckle is cold against Spencer's neck, and it makes it seem like Spencer's skin is burning.

"Oh," Spencer says. His tongue feels too big in his mouth, and his throat is dry. He didn't think—they talked about what they wanted to do, and Spencer mentioned the collar. They'd watched that movie and it had just—it had seemed right and Spencer had wanted it, but he hadn't thought that Brendon would just go and buy one.

"The way you looked," Brendon says into his ear. "When we were talking, you didn't look at me once."

Spencer swallows heavily. "And how do you get from that to … this?"

Brendon laughs. He tugs at the collar and Spencer yields, without hesitation. He's leaning against Brendon now, his body heat permeating their thin clothing. "Because I know you," Brendon says simply. "Even when we're negotiating for real, you don't always ask for what you want. But you basically fondled the checklist while we were talking and we'd already agreed on the ankle cuffs." He strokes his fingers over Spencer's throat, the collar, down to Spencer's collarbones and then back up to Spencer's chin. "You want this."

Spencer breathes. He knows, and he also knows, with sudden clarity, that he can ask Brendon for whatever he wants. Brendon won't laugh or be disgusted. Spencer hates the part where he keeps second-guessing himself and Brendon.

Brendon keeps stroking him and slowly Spencer relaxes. The collar is soft, but still firm. When he swallows, he can feel it better. He wishes Brendon had tightened it a little bit more.

"Good surprise?" Brendon asks.

Spencer nods. "Thank you," he says.

Brendon giggles. "You're going under," he says; his voice is fond.

Spencer nods again. "I guess." He likes that nice, floaty feeling. Brendon's here and Brendon gave him a nice gift. Brendon will take care of him.

"I want you to keep the collar on tonight," Brendon says. "Do you think you can do it?"

"I could keep it on forever," Spencer says. The collar feels familiar now and he thinks he'd miss the weight around his throat.

Brendon kisses Spencer's temple. "Don't do too much," he says strictly. "I just want you to get used it."

Spencer rubs his face against Brendon's shoulder. Brendon wraps Spencer up in a huge hug and Spencer melts into Brendon.

"Let's go to bed," Brendon says and Spencer needs a moment to make sense of it.

"How would you like me?" he asks. It feels a bit like swimming underwater, trying to think like this. All he notices is the collar, anchoring him to Brendon. It's distracting, and he's secretly a bit relieved when Brendon shakes his head. He wouldn't have been very good tonight.

"No, not tonight." Brendon tugs a little at the collar. "I need you to adjust first."

Spencer hums in agreement. He follows Brendon when he gets up and walks upstairs, mimics his movements in the bathroom and keeps copying him when they get to their bed room.

Brendon laughs when Spencer gets naked and crawls into bed without wearing his usual pyjamas. "See, this is why," he teases Spencer. He leans over Spencer, gazing down at him, and Spencer automatically offers himself.

Brendon brushes a soft kiss against his mouth. Spencer hums happily and he pushes closer to Brendon.

"Let's go to sleep," Brendon says.

Spencer sighs quietly. He feels good, but he wants Brendon. It's up to Brendon, though. He leans in close, puts his head on Brendon's shoulder and sighs again when Brendon runs his finger through his hair again.

"I'm glad that you like it so much," Brendon says. "You don't know how hard it was to choose one." He rubs over the edge of the collar, where it's still hard and slightly on Spencer's skin. Spencer wonders whether he'll have marks when he takes the collar off. He half-hopes there will be.

"Were there many?" Spencer asks.

"Yes," Brendon said. "There was a thin one, just as broad as a finger." Brendon's voice drops. "You could've worn that under your clothes. A high collar would've hidden it."

Spencer moans quietly and he rubs his face against Brendon's shoulder. They've only talked about it--ropes underneath Spencer's clothes, a butt plug, or leather bands around his wrists, there for everyone to see if they'd just look. Spencer gets off on it, the idea to be marked when nobody knows—to know that he belongs to Brendon no matter what. It's a comforting thought.

"No," Brendon says quietly, "it wouldn't have worked." He tugs at the collar and Spencer closes his eyes. He takes care to keep his breathing steady. Composure, he thinks. Wait until he gives you what you want.

Brendon fists Spencer's hair, dragging his head up so he's facing Brendon. "No, I wanted to see you like this." He gives Spencer an indulgent look. "You prefer this, don't you?" He presses the fingers of his other hand against the collar. The leather is warm now, but it's still rough and firm. Spencer has to take a deep breath.

"Wow," Brendon says. He tugs Spencer up until Spencer's crawling up Brendon's body and holding himself above Brendon. Brendon can now touch the collar with both hands leisurely, and he giggles as he runs his hands over the leather, the sensitive skin where it rubs on Spencer's skin.

Spencer shudders, but he keeps his arms steady. "I wanted to buy one with a D-ring," Brendon said. "But I didn't want to get you one like that. I just wanted to have you something to show that you're mine, though," Brendon says. "You belong to me."

"Yes, sir," Spencer says without thinking.

Brendon sighs, a long, drawn-out sound. "What is your safeword?" he asks.

"Tangerine," Spencer says dutifully.

Brendon tugs him down for a kiss. Spencer carefully keeps himself just hovering over Brendon, only touching his sides. "No," Brendon whispers against Spencer's mouth. "Tonight I want to feel you." Spencer lies down, lets his weight press Brendon into the mattress. "God, I love you above me," Brendon says. "Good boy."

Spencer involuntarily hums, a sound like purring. It had surprised Brendon that Spencer likes to express his gratitude this way. Once, Brendon had made him talk all the way through the scene. Spencer had to ask for everything, and it had been exhausting. A good kind of exhausting and some things had been easier afterwards, but Spencer doesn't feel like repeating the experience any time soon. There's too much surrounding it. Brendon's good at getting Spencer to grow beyond his limits, stretching him. But he also knows when to stop.

Brendon kisses him deeply, takes Spencer's mouth with force. "Hm, because you're doing so good, you can fuck me tonight," Brendon says. He gets the bottle of lube out of their night drawer and hands it to Spencer. He lets his legs splay open so Spencer can sit in between.

Spencer knows this part and he both dreads and loves it. He coats two fingers and pushes them into Brendon. Brendon arches into the touch, but he's grinning. "Finally," he says. "Finally you've learned."

Spencer likes to go slowly, stretching Brendon carefully, because he never wants to hurt Brendon. He starts slow, just rubbing over Brendon's entrance, pushing one finger in, adding another one and so on. But Brendon, Brendon loves the burn and he wants to be full. Spencer's always too cautious for him, too careful when he just wants Spencer to let go.

Spencer fingerfucks Brendon, just like Brendon told him to last time. He's hoping he's doing it right, but Brendon just grabs his knees and draws his legs to his chest. It makes him tighter and Spencer's cock gives an involuntary twitch.

Brendon laughs. "Oh, come on now. Fuck me."

Reluctantly, Spencer reaches for the lube. They'd stopped using condoms a while ago. He coats himself slowly, but Brendon's having none of it. He grabs Spencer's arm and pulls at him until Spencer falls forward. He catches himself on the pillow, smearing lube onto the clean sheet.

"Now," he demands and Spencer can't do anything but obey. Brendon wraps his legs around Spencer's waist, digging his heels into Spencer's back, pulling him forward.

Spencer lines himself up. The first push in is always breathtaking. Spencer would like to keep still, get used to being inside Brendon inch by inch, but he knows that Brendon won't have any of it. He sinks into Brendon, slowly, until he's all in.

"That's good," Brendon breathes. "That's nice."

Spencer nods. "Thank you," he says quietly, trying to keep his composure. His voice is tight, though, as he's caught between wanting to pound into Brendon hard and fast, and just staying like this, deep inside Brendon. Brendon's all heat and tightness, and Spencer feels so good because Brendon lets him have this. He doesn't want to disappoint Brendon.

"Shh," Brendon says. He rubs his hands over Spencer's arms, his shoulders, his back. "Baby, you're doing good." Brendon sounds punch-drunk, his voice slow and soft, and Spencer relaxes gradually. "What is it?"

Spencer hides his face in Brendon's neck, making use of their position. His cheeks feel warm, and Spencer doesn't want Brendon to see him blush. "I'm just overwhelmed," he says. He hopes Brendon will buy the white lie.

Brendon's having none of it. He takes Spencer's head in his hands and forces Spencer to look straight at him. He feels his blush spreading all over his face, but he can't look away. "Now the truth," he says. "What's going in your head?"

Spencer wishes he didn't have to watch the reaction unfold on Brendon's face, but he swallows heavily and whispers, "Don't want it to be bad."

"You're being good," Brendon says again. He kisses Spencer. "I'll make you be good."

The knot inside Spencer unravels and he can feel himself relax. Brendon won't let Spencer treat him badly. "I know," he says.

Brendon pulls Spencer's head down, so he can kiss him more comfortably. Spencer feels the strain in his lower back and legs, but he goes along with it. "Now fuck me," Brendon says against his mouth. "Fast."

Spencer starts cautiously, but Brendon tugs on his hair.

"I said fast." His voice is dark now and it sends shiver across Spencer's skin. He speeds up, letting his hips snap up close.

Brendon sighs contentedly. "Told you," he says, almost slurring, as Spencer pounds into him. "Won't let you be bad."

"Thank you," Spencer whispers. Brendon's holding him close, a position made for slow and intense sex, not the fast fucking he wants now. Spencer's legs are shaking, but he feels like all his nerve endings are tingling. Brendon hasn't said anything coming yet, though.

"Hm, hold on a little bit longer," Brendon tells him while he arches and stretches into Spencer's thrusts. "If you make this good, I'll give you a reward."

Spencer holds on. Brendon's not playing fair. He strokes his hands over Spencer's sides until he can palm Spencer's ass. He's still got his legs wrapped around Spencer's waist and weirdly enough Spencer feels like he's the one being enveloped. Brendon kneads Spencer's ass, and then he lets one finger slip into the crack.

Spencer keeps silent, although he can't quite suppress one gasp. Brendon doesn't comment on it, though.

"I got something for you that'll make you feel so good," Brendon says. He's out of breath, and his pupils are blown. "I'll make you feel so good if you can just hold on for five more minutes."

Spencer nods. He doesn't trust his voice. Brendon pulls him in even closer. He presses down on every bit of skin of Spencer he can reach. Spencer feels shaky, his legs are cramping up, but he holds on. Brendon wants it to be good.

It is a huge relief when Brendon allows him to come finally. "Now," he says, his voice as shaky as Spencer feels now. "Come now."

Spencer does--his orgasm rolls over him like a white-hot wave. He slams into Brendon, holds on tight as he comes and comes and comes. Brendon comes at the same time, yelling loudly. Spencer can feel his come hitting his stomach and chest, but he almost blacks out from the sheer intensity of it.

They lie there panting for a minute before Brendon turns his face to Spencer and kisses him deeply. "That was good," he says. Brendon's grinning. "You fucked me well."

Spencer has to gasp in a few lungful of air before he can show his gratitude. "Thank you," he rasps. He's shaking slightly, his body still coming down from his high.

"I wish you could fuck me again right now," Brendon says, sighing. He kisses Spencer once more, deep and dirty. Spencer shudders at the thought of fucking Brendon again. His cock is sensitive and Brendon's tight around him. It's almost too much.

"Pull out," Brendon says. Spencer obeys, slowly moving away. "Lie down on your stomach," Brendon orders. "Face down."

Spencer closes his eyes. He can feel and hear Brendon get up. His steps are slow and hard, almost like he has to figure out how to move again. It makes something flutter in Spencer's chest.

Spencer waits patiently for Brendon to return. He doesn't look up when he hears Brendon rummage around in their toy drawer. Well, one of them. A while back they had to distribute everything over two drawers because the one they were using was just too packed. Spencer had used the opportunity to bring some order into their mess of toys. He wonders whether Brendon's opened the one with the cuffs or the one with the whips, but quashes the thought instantly. He's not listening to the sounds, tries to keep his mind off them--he doesn't want to spoil Brendon's surprise.

Brendon comes back eventually. He strokes Spencer's back. "You've stayed exactly as you were," he says. "That's good."

Spencer hums in return.

"You'll love this," Brendon says. "I know you do, but you never ask for it. It makes me wonder, actually."

Brendon sits down next to Spencer's leg. "I've wanted to try this for months," he says. "I kept waiting for you to ask, but you are too stubborn for your own good."

"I'll be good," Spencer mumbles.

"Oh, baby, you've already been good. This is your reward, remember?"

Spencer does. Kind of. Time's getting a bit hazy.

Brendon spreads Spencer's ass cheeks. Spencer stays still. He trusts Brendon, but he doesn't think Brendon's going to fuck him. Still, Brendon presses one slick, cold finger against Spencer's entrance.

"Relax," Brendon says, voice soft and not commanding, and Spencer gives. Brendon's finger feels amazing, and Brendon doesn't wait long to push in a second one. He slowly moves his fingers, just lets Spencer get used.

"That's my boy," Brendon murmurs, "yeah, come on, let me in."

You're never out, Spencer thinks. He considers saying the words out loud for a moment, but his tongue feels thick and heavy in his mouth, and it's much easier to just be in this moment right now. Spencer thinks he can tell Brendon later.

When Brendon pulls his fingers out, Spencer lets the disappointed sound spill out. Brendon laughs, loud and delighted. "I promise it's getting better now," he says, and Spencer doesn't get it. Until he feels something else press against his entrance, something much bigger than Brendon's fingers, not as soft, but hard and unyielding.

"Relax and open up," Brendon tells him, more sternly. Spencer relaxes his muscles with effort and groans when Brendon pushes the tip of the dildo in.

"Yeah, that's good," Brendon says. The dildo feels huge inside Spencer, but it also feels good, stretching and pulling at him in all the right places. Spencer can't keep himself from pushing his hips back against Brendon.

Brendon chuckles. "I knew you'd like it," he says and then he holds Spencer's hips down, pushing the dildo in deeper and deeper. "You need to open up more," Brendon adds. He presses a kiss on Spencer's shoulder. "Both literally and figuratively. I felt like this was the best way to make you."

Spencer groans. He can't move, has to take what Brendon gives him and Brendon seems intent on giving it all to Spencer.

"Fuck, if you could see the way you look," Brendon says. "All wanton and flushed and so fucking perfect."

Spencer nods. Brendon keeps pushing and Spencer feels so full already. He can't take more, he's going to go apart at the seams, and yet Brendon keeps pushing and pushing. Spencer sighs relieved when he can feel Brendon's hand against his ass. The dildo is slightly curved, so every movement keeps brushing Spencer's prostate. It's good, but it's also too much stimulation.

"You look amazing," Brendon tells him. "The best part is coming now."

Spencer feels Brendon's arm brushing his skin, and then Brendon's pushing something on the dildo and it starts vibrating and, fuck, Spencer is going to fall all apart. He clenches his fists in the sheets and takes a startled, gasping breath.

"Yeah," Brendon says, and he rubs his hands over Spencer's thighs, runs then over the sensitive skin on the inside and all the way down to Spencer's balls. He fondles Spencer. It's good, awesome, but too much, but Spencer doesn't want to ask Brendon to stop. It's Spencer's reward and he wants this.

"I'll make it even better," Brendon says, and then he touches the dildo again, make it jiggle so it's pushed directly against Spencer's prostate. Spencer's pretty sure his eyes roll back inside his head. He wants to spread his legs further and pull them closed, and Brendon keeps softly rocking the dildo inside him.

"You're still so quiet," Brendon says sadly, and Spencer wants to scream, but he can only manage a suffocated gasp. Brendon does something and the dildo vibrates harder. Brendon keeps pressing it hard inside Spencer and Spencer discovers that, if he pushes back slightly, he can make the dildo hit his prostate with just enough force that Spencer feels like he's going to come any second now.

"Just keep going, baby," Brendon tells him. "Make yourself feel good." Spencer wishes he could see Brendon's face, wants to see how he makes Brendon feels. Brendon sounds like Spencer's being good, but Spencer also wants to make Brendon feel good.

"Fuck," Spencer groans and he rocks back against Brendon's hand again. He's hard and he wonders whether he's allowed to come now, or does he have to wait for Brendon's approval? He doesn't know, but he thinks Brendon will tell him when it's time. Right now it's an exquisite pleasure and pain for his cock to slide along the soft sheets.

Brendon hums, low and soothing, and it feels like it's electrifying Spencer's skin. "Are you feeling good?" Brendon asks. He doesn't sound particularly worried, amused actually, like he's just checking with Spencer.

"I'm, ah, good," Spencer gasps. He feels like his entire body is shaking from the inside out, and he feels that familiar tug behind his navel, this notion of soon and amazing. "Brendon, I, I have to--" Spencer gulps in a quick breath.

"Let go," Brendon says softly. "Let go."

Spencer lets go. He fucking keens and shakes apart right there on their bed. He just keeps coming, and Brendon keeps pushing in the dildo relentlessly, like he's determined to not let this stop before Brendon thinks Spencer's done with this. The idea relaxes Spencer and he rides his orgasm out, shaking and wailing. He thinks Brendon's rubbing his hip gently, grounding him.

Spencer keeps shuddering with the aftershocks and Brendon still doesn't pull the dildo out.

"You look fucking amazing like this," Brendon tells him. His hand wanders from Spencer's hip to between his legs, cradles Spencer's balls carefully.

Spencer groans. He feels shaky, wrung out, and Brendon's touch is too much, but Spencer still can't stop himself from pushing back.

"Hm, I think you can do this once more," Brendon says calm as you please. "I don't think you're quite there yet."

Spencer sobs. His muscles are burning, from keeping himself still and pushing back. He doesn't quite remember where's up and where's down, and the idea of once more seems both like a threat and a reward.

Thankfully, Brendon takes the decision out of Spencer's hands. He keeps the dildo right where it is. "You know you want this," Brendon says. "You're always so uptight, so focused on pleasing others. But right now it's just about you."

Spencer shakes his head. He wants to say that it's about Brendon, about making Brendon happy, but he can't get his mouth and his tongue to form the words.

"You're gonna feel so good," Brendon says. "I'm gonna make you feel so good."

Spencer blindly reaches for Brendon. He feels suddenly shaky like the world is turning upside down. He has no idea what's going on--his cock is still flaccid, but it feels like, he thinks that maybe ...

"Brendon," Spencer gasps. "Brendon, Brendon, Brendon."

He feels like he's being electrocuted, his skin's on fire and his nerves are overloaded.

"Yeah, baby," Brendon says. "Come on."

It's all the permission Spencer needs. He starts to come and it's white-hot-blurry and he can't get enough air and--everything goes black.

When Spencer comes to again, he's alone. He knows it even before he opens his eyes. Brendon's let down the shades, keeping the room dark.

Spencer tries to move, but his bones feel like rubber and his muscles like butter. It's easier to just stay here.

At that moment, Brendon comes into the room, soft pit-pat of his feet signalling his return. He's holding a washcloth and a glass of water. "Oh, good, you're back," he says quietly. "How are you feeling?"

Spencer hums. "Like you steamrollered me into multiple orgasms."

Brendon chuckles. "You needed it."

Spencer closes his eyes. He hears a soft clink (Brendon putting down the water on the night-table) and then the bed dips. Brendon starts to clean Spencer with the washcloth and although it's soft and he's gentle, Spencer's fucking sore and he hisses.

"Are you hurt?" Brendon sounds calm and neutral, although Spencer knows he doesn't feel like it. It's taken them a while to get to this point--Brendon had needed to learn that he had to control his emotions, too, that he couldn't openly freak out when Spencer was still so close to subspace. The drop from the first time had been bad enough that Brendon had tried hard ever since. Personally, Spencer figures this is why Brendon prefers to be the bottom.

"No," Spencer mumbles. His tongue feels thick and heavy in his mouth. "Just sore."

Brendon cleans him and then he puts the most awesome cream on Spencer; it's cool against his skin, and a little numbing. "I checked, you're okay," he says. "Although we probably shouldn't do it again tomorrow."

Spencer giggles. The part of him that's bent on being strong and focused and what Brendon refers to as "uptight" is horrified, but the rest of him feels pretty awesome.

Brendon slips just one finger inside. Spencer sighs softly, enjoys the not-empty feeling, but Brendon pulls out quickly. "You are amazing," Brendon says and presses a kiss between Spencer's shoulder blades.

"Hm?" Spencer kind of wants to move, but he also wants to stay the fuck put.

"I always forget how much I love playing like this," Brendon says and he runs his fingers lightly over Spencer's ass. Then he tugs gently on Spencer's collar. "Come on, shower time."

Spencer lets Brendon pull him up. Spencer's legs are weak and when he steps forward, he stumbles, but Brendon's there to catch him. Spencer always forgets how strong Brendon is.

"You're strong," Spencer mumbles. Brendon loves.

"Always for you."

The next few minutes pass in a haze. Spencer's not quite aware of everything--except when Brendon has put him down on the bed again and reaches for the collar. "Not yet," Spencer mumbles. "Please."

"Okay," Brendon says softly. "Just a few more minutes then."

Spencer falls asleep still wearing the collar. It's gone when he wakes up the morning. His throat feels naked, and Spencer automatically reaches for it.

"G'morning," Brendon mumbles. He cuddles up to Spencer, wraps himself all around Spencer.

"Good morning," Spencer says back. He turns around, so he can kiss Brendon properly.

Brendon smiles when they break up for air. "So how was my gift?"

"Fishing for compliments?"

"Well, I need to keep my self-confidence up." Brendon grins. "Didn't you know?"

"It was amazing," Spencer says. "Thank you." He presses another soft kiss against Brendon's lips.

"I was hoping for that."

Spencer laughs. "I'm gonna make pancakes for breakfast," he announces. He comes as far as sitting up in bed, when he lets himself fall back. "Fucking ouch."

Brendon giggles. "Are you sore?" He doesn't sound one bit guilty. Spencer hates him a little bit.

"Fuck you," Spencer says.

"You wish." Brendon sits up and stretches. "Lemme make coffee. You're always happier with coffee." He kisses Spencer. "Enjoy yourself."

Spencer leans back and lets himself relax.