Chapter Text
Seifer isn’t sure how he ended up back in Balamb Garden after the war; his mind was fuzzy on the details. Especially standing next to Selphie as she talked his ear off while he should be listening to the board and Squall who were talking about his case.
“Selphie…” He sighs as he rubs the bridge of his nose in frustration with how loud she is currently talking.
“But come on! Look at him! In his fancy outfit . ” She smiles, and Seifer can’t help but look up at Squall; who is currently pleading hard at work. She leans closer to whisper in his ear. “Doesn’t he look good?”
“Oh my fucking…” Seifer laughs, seeing firsthand how sneaky Selphie could be, but he can’t help the small ‘oh’ that spills from his lips as he looks up at Squall in his SeeD commander outfit.
“I know right?” Selphie laughs. Luckily for them they were far away enough to not be heard by anyone of importance.
For some reason Seifer enjoys Selphie’s friendship a lot more than he expected. She was a lot more mature in the moments that mattered but also liked to joke around. But most importantly, she understood he wasn’t in control of his body during the war.
“You still haven’t spoken with him, have you, Seifer?” She presses and Seifer groans.
“No, and I am not planning on doing that anytime soon either.” Seifer keeps his eye on Squall non the less; making sure he is okay.
Visions of a bloodied, beaten Squall replace the version of Squall that is standing in front of the board, explaining something.
He swallows hard, not being able to differentiate between truth and nightmare as the blood drips down Squall’s head; the wound he had given him during torture.
Selphie leans in closer to him, startling him out of the nightmare; she is smiling as she whispers. “Oh you’re in deep, aren’t you.”
“Shut up.” He hisses, looking at her and shaking his head to clear the fogginess there.
He looks back up at the board, who have turned their energy towards Seifer now. They tell him that he has a choice and that he either needs to pass the SeeD exam or there were to be consequences.
“If you don’t, you’ll be sitting out a sentence in jail.” The board explains and Seifer snaps his gaze back to them.
“I thought I was cleared.” He states more than asks.
“Yes, you are. But we can’t let you just roam around while the magic is-can still be corrupting you.” They specify and Seifer wants to yell at him, he opens his mouth to do so but Squall interrupts him.
“Almasy.” Squall says and Seifer snaps his mouth shut, a small shudder rolling over his spine. He can feel Selphie’s eyes on him while she is laughing at him while she watches it unfold.
“Fine.” He grunts, not happy with it but it is better than going to jail. Everyone seems to let out a breath that they had been holding; shoulders sagging in relief.
“Are we done here?” He snaps, wanting to leave the too small room. It feels suffocating and Squall keeps staring at him with a weird glint in his eye.
“Y-yes we are done here mr. Almasy.” They tell him and Seifer huffs out a breath of relief.
“Good.” He says bitterly, turning on his heel and storming out of the room.
Selphie sighs as she runs after him. “Seifer!” She calls, “Seifer, slow down!” She begs, wanting to catch up with him but Seifer is taller and he has a head start.
“Selphie I’m not in the mood.” He tells her and Selphie just raises her eyebrow at him.
“You’re never in the mood, Seifer.” She reminds him, falling in step with him, as they walk she places a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Seifer acts on instinct: grabbing her wrist and pushing her against the wall. He presses close and snarls at her. But before he can get the words ‘leave me alone’ out, someone clears their throat to the right of them.
They both look to the side, Seifer dropping his hands when his eyes meet Squall’s. “Leonhart.” He swallows, stepping away from Selphie, not sure why it feels like he got caught.
Squall shakes his head and holds out his hand. “Your key, you’re being moved.” He tells Seifer, his voice is tight.
“Selphie, can you show him?” He asks and Selphie just nods, not looking away from the floor.
Squall turns on his heel and walks away and Seifer can’t help but feel like he fucked up.
“I’m not even here two days and he already regrets his choice.” He mutters, looking at the key and sighing.
Selphie shows him the way and Seifer groans.
“Why is mine next to his room?”
~
Squall sits down in his office chair a little too harshly; it creaks in protest as he leans back.
There is a knock at his door and Squall sighs, not in the mood for anyone after the meeting. “Come in!” He still calls.
“Squall!” Rinoa greets excitedly, walking into the room and sitting down on his desk. “I’ve been trying to find you all day.” She says and Squall sighs.
“Rinoa, I told you there was a meeting the whole day.” He explains once again.
“I know but I thought you would at least look for me during your break.” She mopes.
“Break?” He asks, starting at her as if she grew another head. “Rinoa, this was the meeting for Seifer, there was no time for a break there was too much to talk about.” He almost snaps and Rinoa looks taken aback.
“I thought your girlfriend was more important than some lap dog.” She scoffs and Squall sighs.
“You are not my girlfriend and he isn’t some lap dog.” Squall does snap this time, not in the mood and the headache drumming in his head is not helping at all.
“Rude.” Rinoa smiles, sliding a hand onto his bicep. “Last time I checked you were my knight and I was your sorceress.” She smiles; stroking his arm.
Squall pushes her hand off his bicep. “Check again.” He sighs, pushing himself further away from her.
“Right.” Rinoa’s face falls a little as she stands up from the desk, clearing her skirt from imaginary dust.
“Well, I hope I see you at dinner tonight.” She tells him and Squall just hums a non committed answer.
Rinoa angrily walks out the door, slamming the button a little too hard.
~
Dinner was just like Seifer remembered, a little too under seasoned and cold if you chose the wrong plate.
“So then Squall picked up his gunblade and saved the rest of the group!” Selphie tells him, almost screaming in his ear as she waves her arms around frantically.
“Hmm, I bet that was badass.” He mumbles, picking up the sweet chocolate cupcake Selphie always got and handing it to her.
“Oh! You remembered!” She squeals and Seifer chuckles.
He can feel eyes burning into his back, he knows a lot of people hate that he is back in Garden. He would get stared at, called out sometimes even challenged and he was back for a week…
“Ignore them.” Selphie whispers, leaning close to do so.
He smiles at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t worry Selphie. I’ll show them why I’m here.” He tells her, full of fake bravado, as he flexes his arm. She laughs, hitting his shoulder harshly.
“You’re an idiot, Seifer.” She tells him and Seifer tries to look hurt, but he fails and chuckles instead.
Meanwhile, from a different table Squall watches Seifer and Selphie act as if they’re close and Squall feels like he missed something important, were they that close before the war?
Meanwhile Rinoa is blabbing on and on to Quistis about some dude hitting on her, obviously trying to get a rise out of Squall.
“Squall, what do you think?” Quistis asks and Squall sighs when he looks up.
“What?” he asks and Quistis raises her eyebrow.
“Someone hit on your girlfriend and you don’t mind it at all?” She asks and Squall stands up abruptly.
“How many times do I have to tell the both of you that Rinoa and I broke up.” He says, anger lacing his words as he takes his plate and shoves the, barely touched, food in the trash.
“Come on, don’t be like that Squall! Rinoa saved us all!” Quistis calls after him.
Squall snaps his eyes up, glaring at Quistis and for once she notices the clear threat in his eyes. Quistis quickly looks down at the table, smart enough to know when to back off, sadly Rinoa does not possess those smarts as she whines.
“Come on Squall! We just had a minor fight, we can work through that!” She begs and reaches out for him.
He quickly snaps his hand back, huffing out a breath when he notices the crowd looking at them.
He points at Rinoa as he speaks. “Rinoa, stop this nonsense.” His voice is calm but he can feel the eyes on him, prodding into him.
He turns around, walking towards the door as he passes Seifer and Selphie at a table. He glances at Seifer for a moment before walking off.
Seifer whistles. “She is still a spoiled brat I see.” He mentions and Selphie sighs, leaning her head on her hand.
“Tell me about it. She keeps trying to get back with Squall and Squall keeps explaining that the only reason he agreed to be her knight was to keep her in check.” Selphie explains and Seifer quirks his eyebrow.
“Really?” He asks and Selphie just nods; taking a bite of her burger and stealing one of Seifer’s fries. “He was that clear and she still acts like that?” Once again Selphie nods in agreement.
“Most people hate her more than they hate you. The only reason they never touched her was because of Squall, she lost that protection now.”
Seifer stares at her and she just shrugs as she finishes her burger. Seifer shakes his head picking up a fry and chewing on it; deep in thought.
~
Training was rough for Seifer, every sparring buddy he got seemed to be out for his blood. He has been beaten black and blue and when it was time to study he was too tired and beaten up to focus on his work.
The student he is currently sparring with almost has a personal vendetta against his kneecaps. He keeps kicking Seifer while he is already down and when his blade flashes under the light Seifer is suddenly back in the torture room where he strung up Squall.
Suddenly he is back under Ultimecia’s spell, torturing Squall. Smiling while he screams in agony.
He is pushing against her hold, cursing himself for falling for her deceit. There is nothing he can do, too weak to even fight against the hold she has over his mind.
He can hear Squall scream at him, screaming to snap out of it like this isn’t him. And the problem? Squall is right, he isn’t in control as he pushes the button, isn’t in control as he laughs.
“Tashi!” Someone yells and Seifer vaguely registers Squall’s voice but the Squall in front of him is drooling blood all over the floor; bleeding out at a fast pace.
His eyes trace the puddle of blood, Squall had lost so much it was a miracle he was still alive.
“S-Squall.” He tries crawling towards the man, his voice is rough as he watches the Squall in front of him scream and then slump down in his shackles, he tries to reach out to him but it is too late.
He can hear Ultimecia laugh in his head as Squall passses out, close to dying. Seifer looks down at his hands, sees the blood stained there and gasps at the sticky feeling.
It all feels too real and like a nightmare all at once, he remembers the feeling of power as Ultimecia’s magic strengthens him in more ways than just physical strength.
“Shh, it’s okay.” He hears Squall whisper and for a moment Seifer can’t distinguish the past from the present as he looks at a Squall that is dripping blood and a Squall that is offering him a soft smile he hasn't seen since before the war.
He wants to reach out to the beaten one, wants to go with the one that has not an ounce of blood on him. But he can feel Ultimecia in the back of his mind laughing at him.
“As if I would ever let you go.”
He feels his body slumps down, feels hands on his body as they catch him and card through his hair and hears voices yelling at someone to cease their movements.
Slowly his vision goes to black as the shouting stops and gives way for soft spoken words.
~
Seifer expected to wake up in the infirmary, but the lack of scolding by Kadowaki the moment he opens his eyes tells him that he isn’t in the infirmary.
The bed under him is also softer than he remembers the infirmary beds to be.
He looks around, taking the place in, and groans as his world spins. “Fuck, my head.” He curses, reaching to place a hand on his head.
The door opens and closes, the loud noise setting off another headache and Seifer sighs loudly.
“Sick person here, maybe don’t slam the door.” He whines, feeling like everything is too loud and too bright, even as the lights are soft.
“Good morning to you too.” Squall’s voice filters through the room and Seifer sighs.
Squall walks over to the bed, picks up the glass of water that is on his bedside table and hands it to Seifer.
“Here.” Squall grunts as Seifer takes the glass from him.
“Thanks.” He mutters, sitting up straight.
Squall takes a chair and pulls it closer to the bed, as he sits down he looks… concerned.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks and Seifer almost laughs, it feels like Squall read a book on ‘how to talk about your feelings 101’.
“Talk about what? There is nothing to talk about, Leonhart.” He snaps, ignoring the slight tremble in his hand as he brings the glass to his mouth and takes a sip.
The cold water does wonders for his throat.
Squall just looks at him with a look that says ‘I don’t believe you’ and Seifer sighs. He loathes that all Squall has to do is look at him and he wants to drop his guard, all this time he has been trying to ignore the pull he feels towards the other man. The attachment he feels to the other is not healthy and it could cost him his life.
Seifer pushes up from the bed, throwing his legs over the side and leans closer to Squall. His voice is low as he speaks. “There is nothing I would talk to you about.”
The ache in his chest tries to stop him from putting more distance between them but Seifer can’t handle getting closer to Squall again.
He can’t watch him in pain because of his idiocy again.
Something changes in Squall’s eye, a glint that Seifer wouldn’t have seen if they weren’t breathing the same air.
He moves fast, faster than Seifer remembers, and before Seifer can even think of moving he is pushed back into the bed.
He gasps as strong hands clasp around his wrists, gripping them harshly as they are pushed above his head.
“What the-” Seifer gasped as Squall straddles his hips.
Squall looks at him, searching his face for anything and Seifer grits his teeth in anger. “Get off me!” He snarls, his face reddening in anger as he tries to push Squall off him.
“What happened during training?” Squall asks and Seifer glares at him.
“None of your business.” He snaps and Squall just sighs, dropping his head to Seifer’s chest. Brown hair fans around his head like a halo and it tickles Seifer’s nose, stunning Seifer.
“I-I got scared.” Squall whispers, his voice low as if he is telling a secret. Seifer stills and slumps a little in Squall’s hold.
“You dropped to the floor and that brat was going to hurt you.” Squall snarls and Seifer almost chuckles.
Squall’s eyes snap up at the little chuckle that does escape and Seifer sighs. “Why would you worry about me?” He asks, a vulnerability in his eyes that only Squall is ever allowed to see.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Squall is clearly confused by his question, gripping his wrists a little harder. Seifer gasps, not sure what he did to prompt such a reaction from him.
“I-I tortured you… I thought I killed you, I-I liked the power…” Seifer stumbles over his words, never having admitted that he liked being stronger than Squall.
“Seifer…” Squall mumbles, letting go of his hands and sitting up straighter. “I know that wasn’t you.” He offers, raking a hand through his hair.
“And what if it was me!” Seifer snaps as he looks away from Squall, not able to see the look in his eyes change.
“If it was you,” Squall sighed, “then you wouldn’t feel conflicted.”
Seifer clicks his tongue before he looks up, fuming as he drags a hand down his face, tracing the familiar feeling of the scar there. “I-I fucking strung you up! Tortured you! Hurt you and the others!” He hissed, wanting, needing , Squall to get angry at him.
“I fucking helped that-that bitch! I told you it was my romantic dream and yet you forgive me?” His voice is softer now, he is on the brink of tears, that he would forever deny.
“I didn’t, at first. I think I didn’t want to forgive you, ever.” Squall admits a somber look in his eye.
“But then they explained how you were under her control, how your memories showed that you tried to break free when they brought me in.” He swallows around the lump forming in his throat, he never knew that they could see that much - it felt violating.
“They told me how you tried to fight her, how you seemed to realise that she tricked you by wearing Matron’s face.”
Seifer whipped his head to the side, not wanting to talk about that at all. “So?” He snorts, “What does all of that matter when I still did it, I still liked it .” He mumbled, self-deprecating thoughts winning, it almost felt like he could still hear her laugh, knowing she’d won.
Squall takes his face in his hand roughly, pulling him back to look him in the eye. “Stop it!” He snarls and Seifer can’t help but look down at Squall’s lips and back up again.
It seems to throw Squall for a loop as he stumbles over his words.
“S-stop being such a self-sacrificing piece of shit!” His words are getting louder, a ringing in Seifer’s ears as Squall yells at him.
“Me?” Seifer huffs, “I’m the self sacrificing idiot here? How come you got Quistis and Rinoa still pushing you around like you’re stupid!” He snarls, having seen enough of the way Rinoa would fling himself at Squall for his attention- it makes him sick.
“You don’t get to speak about Rinoa like that when Selphie hangs off you like you’re the hottest thing in town!” Squall pokes his finger in Seifer’s chest and Seifer laughs at that.
“Selphie? You’re fucking jealous of Selphie?” He laughs, and for the first time since he woke up he can feel the tightness in his chest loosen up.
He throws his head back, deep laughter wracking his body and shaking Squall who is still straddling him.
Squall can’t do anything but watch , watch as the man under him laughs and finally lets go of all the stress.
After a minute of full laughter Seifer settles down and wipes a tear from his eye. “She is going to eat that up.” He chuckled, and Squall lightly swiped his arm.
“Whatever.” He mutters, not able to wipe the small smile from his face.
When Seifer looks up at him he smiles softly, a hand coming up to push away a strand of hair as Squall watches the movement with big eyes.
“I’m so telling her.”