Chapter Text
The sound of their breaths echoed against the walls, joining the birds and the hum of silence to form the classic Sunday morning background noise. They had forgotten to close the window last night, the summer breeze made the curtains wave gently and sunlight broke into the room intermittently. It created a dim, cozy ambiance to make love, lazy morning sex with Nick resting between Charlie's legs. Kissing and sighs filled up the room, their bedroom, on the first floor of the small house they had newly moved into.
They were interrupted by the sound of an alarm, Nick's phone assuming they weren't awake already. He whined, stretching his hand to turn it off and getting back to work, face buried in his boyfriend's neck. Charlie laughed.
—Come on. —He said, softly brushing his hair. —We need to get up.
Nick shook his head, refusing to let go. The movements of sex had ceased but they were still connected to each other, hugging tightly.
—Nick, you're going to be late. —Charlie insisted. —Important game today, remember?
Of course he remembered. The rugby club he played for was currently participating in a regional tournament and they had matches every Sunday. Whenever they played local, Charlie always came along. The sports club was a lovely place to be at, so they usually spent the entire day there after the matches. They packed some lunch and had a picnic on the grass, and they took their dog Lucy with them so that she could run around a bit.
That day, the match was a bit more challenging. They were T the semi-finals already. Nick had been professing his excitement all week, and now that he finally got to play he didn't want to get out of bed.
—Five more minutes. —He said, and Charlie let him.
It took them way more than five minutes to get out of bed. They had to hurry up. Charlie made breakfast while Nick put on his rugby uniform, and they packed the trunk with a blanket to lay down on the grass and a picnic basket. Lucy followed them to the car, barking excitedly, knowing she was invited too.
As always, Nick drove them there. Charlie had a license but he hated driving, so his boyfriend took care of every car ride. In fact, he hated driving so much that whenever he had to give Nick a lift to work before going to his own job, Nick would drive them there, get off the car, and only then Charlie would take the wheel.
Both of them were content with that. Nick loved driving, especially on Sunday mornings in their very calm neighborhood. Charlie got to relax for a bit, looking out the window and listening to the radio.
—You nervous? —He asked, resting his hand on his thigh. It’s something he always did while in the car, instinctual affection.
—Not really, we played against this team before. They're big and bulky but that doesn't mean they're better than us. We have better teamwork. —Nick spoke with his eyes on the road, always careful and responsible. —I'm excited. Even if we lose, I'll still get to spend a nice day with you and Lucy.
Charlie smiled, stroking his leg affectionately.
—If you lose, I pick the color for the study room's wall
—Uhm, no? That's literally so unfair. —Nick complained, smiley. —Plus, you wanted to pick that horrendous orange color.
—Better than your boring blue!
They laughed, going back and forth about the wall colors. As soon as Charlie graduated from university at 22, they came back to their old town and moved together. The house wasn't big at all, it was very narrow and it didn’t have a backyard Small kitchen, a tiny living room with a couch and a TV, and an extra study room where they kept Charlie’s drums. Upstairs, a cozy bedroom and a bathroom.
They hadn’t even finished remodeling. Furniture was expensive, and so was painting, but they had no hurries. The essentials were all covered and they were very happy, finally having a place of their own.
Charlie loved his life. He loved waking up tangled in Nick’s limbs. He loved his job as a pharmacist, his colleagues, and the institution he worked for. He loved Lucy, going on long walks with her and Nick and taking her to the park. He loved his friends, the ones he kept from high school and those he made at university. He loved his routine, getting home from work and smelling dinner, telling his boyfriend about his day, and visiting his family on weekends.
Yes, he still had some bad days. But he was eating regularly, he hadn’t had a bad relapse in years, and he still had weekly therapy sessions to keep him on track.
Nothing that happened inside his head could opaque how nice everything was outside. With Sundays just like that, driving with Nick to his boring rugby matches and spending the entire day together under the sun.
—Let’s make a deal. If we paint the study room blue, we get the armchair I wanted.
—It’s too big, Char, it won’t fit!
—It will if we move the couch against the wall.
Nick sighed, biting his lip in resignation.
—Ok, fine. —He said with fake annoyance. —Such a fierce negotiator.
—I’m a man of many talents, Nicholas.
They parked the car at the sports club's lot. Lucy waved her tail in anticipation, ejecting herself out of the vehicle as soon as they opened the door. She ran around like the pup she was, enjoying the outdoors.
Nick went straight to the changing rooms to find his teammates. Charlie found a place to sit on the grandstands, there was a very big crowd that day so he had to seat quite far from the field. He posted a few Instagram stories: the summer sky, the people, Lucy resting by his feet.
To be honest, he didn't really care about rugby. He confirmed the sport wasn't really his thing during his brief time on his high school's team. He knew Nick loved it when people went to see his games. Sometimes his mother came along too, sometimes a few of their friends. Those days were a bit more fun since Charlie had someone to talk to, but he wasn't complaining. He was very happy to be there, very proud of his boyfriend and their Sunday routine.
As the teams got into the field he made eye contact with Austin, one of Nick's best friends. He waved at him and he waved back, smiling. Nick seemed to be way too concentrated. He wasn't the team captain but he gave really good pep talks, Charlie could see him talking with his teammates and giving directions until the game started. He loved him so much. He loved seeing the way he inspired others, the confidence with which he ran across the field and played.
Yet, he didn't really love the sport. There were only as many rugby matches he could tolerate from begging to end. His attention shifted from the game to his phone, only concentrating whenever Nick had the ball. When Nick asked what he thought about the matches later on, he would always talk about the few moments he actually paid attention to. That was the way it had always been, pleasantly boring and repetitive.
Maybe that's why it was so shocking when it happened.
Everything was going on so smoothly, so mundane and cyclical that it seemed incorruptible. Nothing gave away what was about to come. The sun was shining, people were cheering, Lucy was sleeping in the exact same position she always did with her head on Charlie's foot.
A regular morning of a regular Sunday, a regular match with the regular tries and tackles. The accident threaded itself so casually within their routine life that it seemed inconceivable.
Nick was running with the ball, nearing the other end of the field. Charlie was looking carefully now, knowing this could be a very important play. The crowd was tense and expecting as they saw a guy from the rival team getting close and aiming for a tackle. Charlie sighed with frustration, feeling sorry for the missed point, ready to go back to scrolling through Tumblr.
But he was forced to look back immediately as soon as he heard the scream, a brutal yell that cut through the mundane like a sharp knife. Nick was lying on the ground, his voice breaking with pain.
Charlie stopped breathing.
At first, people didn't really think much of it, the guy who tackled him even ran away with the ball like nothing had happened until the referee stopped the game.
Teammates and coaches all ran towards Nick, trying to get him to get up. Charlie ran too. As soon as his limbs reacted to the panic he jumped over some seats and pushed some people to get to the front. He could barely see anything, the crowd got curious and it gathered around the accident like flies. He wasn’t able to reach his boyfriend, all he could do was listen to the desperate voices coming from the field.
—Come on, Nelson, get on the stretcher!
—I can't!
—I know it hurts, but we need to take you to the infirmary.
—I literally can't!
By the time he reached the fence, he could see three players picking Nick up, placing him on top of a stretcher, and taking him towards the changing rooms. He had his arm covering his face, sobbing. His coach followed them inside and ordered someone to call an ambulance.
—The infirmary won't be enough. —Charlie heard him say. —He needs to get to a hospital right now.
He jumped the fence, but Nick had already been taken away somewhere, nowhere to be found. His heart was buzzing, his body tingling with fear. He needed to see him, he didn't even know what went wrong. Nick had been tackled a million times and it never hurt that bad. He had never heard him scream like that.
He tried to run towards the changing room but a hand stopped him.
—Charlie. —It was Austin. —Don't. Let the doctors see him first, he needs to get checked.
—What the fuck even happened?? I could barely see anything! How is he?? Did you see it??
—I don't know, I'm sorry. The tackle was quite rough, but I think it must have something to do with the way he fell, the guy crushed him quite a bit.
Charlie looked over Austin's shoulder. The player who tackled Nick was sitting on the bench, breathing heavily and grabbing his head in his hands. "I only tackled him..." He repeated over and over again, people were fanning his face and giving him Gatorade. He looked insanely upset, almost about to faint.
—Where is he hurt? It wasn't his head, was it?? —Charlie asked, Austin sighed and shook his head. He had a look of genuine concern.
—That's the odd part...it was so weird. I think he fell on his hip, but the pain seemed to be in his legs, he couldn't even get onto the stretcher.
Charlie's chest felt heavy, the lump in his throat was throbbing together with his heartbeat.
—I need to see him. —He said, ignoring his orders and running towards the building. Austin didn't try to stop him.
Only as he entered the building did he realize he had no idea of where he was going. It was bigger on the inside, not just the changing rooms but a large hallway full of doors. He assumed they must have taken him to the infirmary, so he walked around looking for it. As he did so, he could hear the sirens of the ambulance outside.
He followed the noise. The building had a front door that leaded right to the club's entrance. A nurse and the coach were taking Nick to the exit, the doctors got him on the ambulance's stretcher and pushed him outside.
—Nick! —Charlie yelled, finally reaching his side, walking along the stretcher. —Babe, what's going on??
—Char! —Nick's breath was hitching, but he didn't seem to be in pain. He looked terrified. —I can't feel my legs.
His words stung inside Charlie's chest. His brain hadn't even processed them yet and they were already hurting him, sharp and dented.
—What?
Before he could ask further or hold his hand, a doctor got in the way to get the stretcher inside the ambulance. When Charlie tried to step in as well, they wouldn't let him.
—Sorry, only family can come along.
—He's my boyfriend!
—If you aren't married I can't let you in. —The doctor ignored him, closing the ambulance's door right on his face. —Sorry.
Charlie felt a rush of anxiety incoming, that fear that used to paralyze him in high school. This time it was different. It steamed inside of him and moved his engines, gave him no time to sulk, and put him in action.
He ran outside and gathered their things, he put Lucy's leash on and drove towards the hospital immediately. Only halfway he realized they wouldn't let a dog into the clinic, so he dropped her off at home before getting back on the road.
As he drove, all he could think about were Nick's words. The more he repeated them inside his head the more he could rationalize them, and the more scared he got. He was no doctor, but studying pharmacy did give him some knowledge. He had a grim feeling.
He rushed into the hospital and asked in the reception where Nick Nelson was. He had arrived so recently that he wasn't even in the system yet, but the receptionist guessed who he meant as soon as he described the situation.
They guided him through a white hallway into the traumatology area, many patients in the waiting room sat there with casted legs or sprinted wrists. Nick's case was considered an emergency and he was already being checked, so Charlie had to wait outside as the doctor's examined him.
He was restless. He couldn't stop pacing and he knew he was making other people nervous. No matter how much he walked he couldn't get rid of the adrenaline, the fear shaking his pulse. A doctor came from inside the door and he immediately approached her, trying to peek inside the room.
—Is Nick Nelson there? —He asked, failing to see inside.
—Are you a friend?
—His husband. —He lied, thinking they wouldn't let him stay. —I need to see him. What's wrong with him? Is he ok?
The doctor grimaced, which was never a good sign. Her eyes got lost on the floor tiles for a second before she could gather her words and speak.
—The patient lost complete sensitivity from the hips down. We still need to find the cause but we suspect a severe traumatism in his spine.
Charlie felt lightheaded.
—Can he walk?
The doctor shook her head.
—He can't move his legs.
The room suddenly felt like it had run out of air. Charlie gasped but it didn't feel like breathing. It was more like choking, air crushing his lungs like a dense substance.
—It isn't permanent, right?
—We don't know yet. We need to examine the injury further. Paraplegia is very complicated and whether it has a cure or not varies from patient to patient. —She said, visibly sorry. —We'll be able to provide a clearer diagnosis once he gets his x-rays done.
Charlie couldn't see his own expression, but it must have been quite miserable judging by the pity in her eyes.
—Please let me see him. —He begged.
—A traumatologist is talking to him right now, he'll be leaving towards the x-ray room soon.
—Let me stay with him, please.
The doctor sulked, he could sense she felt terribly sorry for him. She looked like a good, sensitive person. Judging by the traumatologist's face as they opened the door, she wasn't supposed to let him in yet. But she did, out of good spite.
Charlie entered quietly, Nick didn't even notice him come in. He was way too gone, listening to his presumed diagnosis and looking at the doctor's mouth as if he could see the words coming out of them. He still had his rugby uniform and his face covered with mud.
—We are going to need some x-rays and a CT scan to confirm the injury, is that ok?
Nick nodded. His eyes were red, his breath was shaky and his fists were clenched. As soon as he saw his boyfriend by the door he tried to sit up, but his lower half didn't respond and he ended up resting on his back again. Charlie ran to his side, holding his hand and hugging his tense body. He could feel him shaking in his arms, absolutely terrified. The second the doctor left the room, Nick started to violently cry.
Charlie held him close, letting him sob on the crook of his neck and pressing his lips on his hair. He didn't say a word, there was nothing he could do to soothe him. And, to be honest, he felt like he was about to break as well. He couldn't allow himself to cry right then, he needed to be strong for Nick.
—I'm so scared, Char. —He heard him sob. —I don't know what to do.
A million thoughts were coming and going through Charlie's head like cars on a highway. He thought about calling Sarah and letting her know what happened, how wrecking that would be. He thought about Nick's job as an elementary school teacher and wondered if he would still be capable of working. He thought about their bedroom on the first floor, the long stairs they had to go through to reach their bed. He went through their routine and tried to restructure it around a wheelchair. Where would they even get a wheelchair from?
Even if his head was a wild swarm, he didn't say a word. The last thing he wanted was to make Nick even more upset. He couldn't even imagine what he must have been feeling right then.
—We'll figure it out, love. Everything is going to be ok, it'll be temporary. —He said, even if he wasn't sure. —You'll get through this, I know.
—But what are we going to do? How am I going to move around? How do I live my life now? —Nick paused, and his voice came back as a thread. —What are you going to do with me?
—Nicholas, that is the last thing you should be thinking about right now.
—I'm serious, Charlie. I'm so scared. —He sniffed. —My life is ruined.
—It is not. —Charlie held his face between his hands, drying some tears with his thumbs. —You'll be alright. We'll be alright. You are the strongest person I know and I'm certain you'll get through this.
Nick hugged him again, silently crying onto his shirt. Charlie couldn't do anything but rock him back and forth in a desperate attempt to comfort him. There was a fog clouding his mind, he felt overwhelmed. No matter how much he thought about it, he knew he still couldn't dimension the severity of the situation. New worries sprouted every second and he had to swallow them all, not daring to show Nick even a grain of discomfort. He needed a strong shoulder to cry on and that's what he became, embracing him until the doctor came back with a wheelchair.
While he got examined, Charlie called Sarah Nelson. He had never heard her cry before. Sarah was a very composed woman, and hearing her voice break cracked his heart as well. By the time she got to the hospital, she seemed to have run out of tears. She hugged Charlie tightly, asking for more details, and he told her everything he knew. He was still sort of clueless, too. They had to wait for Nick to come back from the x-ray room and they did so in silence, together, with the comfort of each other's company.
The second her son came back Sarah rushed to hug him. It seemed the sight of him in a wheelchair was too much for her because she started to feel lightheaded and had to sit down. Charlie could sense Nick's guilt from across the room.
—Just like we suspected, there is an injury in the lower part of the spine. —The doctor made the three of them walk into his office and showed them the x-ray. —This affects the nerves that give sensitivity and mobility to the lower limbs. In Nicholas’ case, it’s incomplete paraplegia.
Sarah was breathing raggedly.
—What does that mean?
—He can still feel his left leg, even if the sensation is attenuated. —He looked at Nick and he nodded, confirming his words. —His bladder functions may be a little affected but not as severely, he won’t need catheterization for sure. In the case he faces incontinence there are medications that could help.
Charlie knew about that. He went through all of the possibilities inside his head, the prices and side effects. His profession would come really handy, he found some relief knowing he could help at least a bit.
—Will my mobility come back? —Nick asked in a hurry.
—It depends, but most likely. I don't think the injury is severe enough to be permanent but you never know. The next few days will be fundamental. If he starts getting signs of recovery soon, the chances are he'll get his mobility back with time. If he at least starts feeling his other leg when touched, then that's a good sign.
A hint of hope made Charlie's chest feel lighter. Their tangled hands were resting on Nick's lap, and he made the foolish attempt of stretching his pinky and poking his right thigh. There was no reaction.
The doctor proceeded to tell them about the treatment. He told them Nick would have to stay in hospital for at least ten days until the injury got better. After that, he could go back home in a wheelchair.
—You don’t need to. —Nick said, resting in his own hospital room, seeing Charlie call his job to take the next day off.
—I want to. I’ll stay the night with you.
—There’s no bed for you to stay in.
—There’s a couch.
—Charlie…
He ignored him. His boss was really comprehensive when he explained the situation and told him to take as many days as he needed. He ended up taking three. The couch wasn’t very comfortable and he didn’t quite sleep. On the third night, Sarah begged him to go back to his house, take a shower, and have some rest to go back to work the next day. She told him she would stay, that he had nothing to worry about. Even if he knew Nick was in good hands, he felt reluctant about leaving the hospital.
Nick was in a terrible mood. He wasn’t sleeping properly either and they spent the nights talking, planning ahead. Charlie couldn’t stand the faint tone of his voice, the bags under his eyes, his absent smile. Nick was the most cheerful person in the world, and the man lying on that hospital bed looked nothing like him. He wanted to bring him back more than anything, he didn’t want to go home until he saw at least some glint in his eyes.
Yet, he did anyways. He had to. Tori couldn’t keep looking after Lucy much longer, and he couldn’t show up to work looking a mess. The house felt cold and empty. Every noise he made seemed to echo so much louder. He skipped dinner that night, he didn’t want to cook nor eat. He took a shower and brushed his teeth.
When he got into bed, he cried himself to sleep.