Archive of Our Own

From the moment Robin saw her in the Starcourt mall, Nancy Wheeler made her nervous.

Not the kind of nervous she got when being interrogated by Russian spies. Not the kind that came when she threw fireworks into the mind flayer’s open mouth to protect her friends. Not the kind inspired by the feeling of inevitability that she would die in this town. Those were darker feelings. Feelings that left her dry heaving and crying in the middle of the night as she dug her fingers into the mattress until it hurt and tried to calm her pounding heart. Nope, Just… nervous. The kind of nervous that teenage girls were supposed to be when they saw someone as magnetizing as Nancy. Her easy confidence, the way she seemed just a little bit above every situation she was in, was always cool and collected. It made Robin hyper-aware of herself. Hyperaware of how she rambled and seemed to be unable to keep her feet flat on the floor in front of her. Aware of just how manufactured her confidence was compared to Nancy’s.

There was, of course, the small (and by small she meant catastrophically huge) inconvenience of her being a lesbian. So maybe she wasn’t supposed to feel that way about girls like Nancy. Or just girls in general. But those thoughts were best thought of when she was alone, preferably not when she was sitting in the passenger seat of Nancy’s car heading to the library to figure out who exactly had done that to Chrissy and Fred.

She wasn’t really sure why she’d volunteered- no, insisted , on going with the brunette. Especially because of the aforementioned nervousness. To be fair, it really was the only option, what with Steve and Nancy being the only ones who could drive.

What Max did wasn’t driving according to Steve. That was crashing with less impact.

But the confidence in which she’d strolled over to Nancy, purposefully avoiding the girl’s eyes which quickly went from shocked to uncomfortable. Two looks she rarely saw on the unflappable girl. Cool, calm, gorgeous Nancy.

She ignored the fact that Nancy seemed to linger hesitantly when Robin looked back on her way to the car.

Confidence. Exude confidence. Grin, brush it off, never falter. It was how she survived.

She became hyper-aware suddenly, that in the five minutes since getting in the car where Nancy had pulled smoothly out of the trailer park and onto the backroad, neither of them had said a word.

“How’re you holding up?” She blurted out, unable to stop the ill-advised question from spilling out. Nancy glanced over for a second, quickly returning her eyes to the road as she looked unsure how (Or maybe unwilling) to respond and Robin tightened her jaw before she rushed to follow the words up, “Not that you have to answer that. I know we aren’t close- or whatever- obviously. And he was your friend and now he’s dead so obviously, you aren’t doing great-” She winced, pressing the pad of her thumb to her index finger, “Sorry.”

Robin looked over at Nancy and swallowed when she saw the girl’s hands gripping the wheel hard.

“I’m managing,” She said tightly, not offering much more than that.

Robin let out a low breath. This was a bad idea. She was dumb to think she and Nancy Wheeler of all people would be compatible.

Robin was the weird social outcast whose arms were too long and clothes were too boyish. Robin was the Lesbian who ducked rumours and comments every time she strayed a little too close to the girls like Nancy. Robin who hadn’t really had a proper friend in a long time before Steve.

No. Girls like Nancy didn’t enjoy spending time with girls like her. She was dumb for thinking otherwise.

__________


From the moment Nancy saw her in the Starcourt mall, Robin Buckley made her nervous.

She kind of hated it. Hated the way Robin’s easy confidence when she rambled on set everyone around her at ease. And despite her insistence that she didn’t have a strong grasp on social cues, Nancy had watched her when she spoke to the group as a whole. When she addressed them all with that easy confidence of someone who who knew exactly what she was doing. The only other person like that who she really knew was Steve. On Steve she’d liked it, he’d put her at ease with his willingness to fill every empty space with his words. When Robin did it, talking and joking and maybe rambling just a little bit too much Nancy found her stomach twisting itself into knots. It must’ve been jealousy, she decided.

Nancy had always struggled with that.

She’d won her ninth-grade public speaking with a speech she’d rehearsed meticulously down to the syllable and the second for a week straight.

Preparing. Planning. That she could do. She excelled at fitting into the box of what she knew was right and proper. Robin’s ability to operate seemingly at random, ignoring every predefined idea what she should be just frustrated her. That must’ve been it.

So when Robin had plucked Dustin’s radio from his bag and pushed Steve’s keys back into his hands Nancy had felt that nervousness creep up inside her again.

It made her stomach flutter irritatingly and brought a light sweat to her neck.

She didn’t know how to interact with Robin- how to act. Steve’s “best friend” whom he spent all his time with. Who had all these little inside jokes that she didn’t understand. Who shared looks with him that she was completely unable to read. And that was fine! Because Nancy was dating Jonathan and Steve was allowed to have more than one female friend. It just… bugged her. It must’ve had something to do with the nervousness Robin brought on her. Seeing her interact so easily with Steve felt like an offense.

The thing was, if they could just sit in silence she would . It would be easier than this toiling discomfort she felt as she struggled for the right words to say.

But Robin wasn’t unlike Steve in that she never stopped talking. Something that had prompted many a “ you’re an idiot ,” from her when speaking to the boy. She pointedly ignored that those three words often came from a place of endearment with him.

She realized suddenly that she was staring at the girl, who sat with her legs crossed at an awkward angle in the unforgiving wooden chair under her as she scrolled through the archived papers dated from the 50s. She never sat properly, Nancy realized belatedly. Always with a leg raised to her chest or folded under her or propped up lazily on a surface they had no business being on.

Nancy scowled when she realized she’d been staring at the girl for the better part of the last few minutes.

Robin was just- distracting. She kept fidgeting, making the chair squeak with her shifting and tapping her fingers against the desk and tapping her thumb to her index rhythmically as Nancy had noticed her doing anytime she sat still for more than a few minutes.

Not that Nancy spent time watching Robin. That would be a weird thing to do.

She huffed out a sigh, forcing her eyes back to the small ink letters that looked exactly like all the other small ink letters she’d looking at for the last two hours. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw movement from Robin’s end.

She clenched her jaw.

“Can you sit still?”

It was sharper than she meant it to be.

She knew she was being a little rude- okay, more than a little rude. It’s not that she was trying to be. She was just on edge. She was with a relative stranger, Fred had just-

She swallowed, forcing her thoughts in another direction, “Please,” She added a moment later, slightly softer.

Robin looked up at her, mouth opened ever so slightly as she stared before she snapped it shut and nodded.

“Uh, yeah- yes!” She said quickly. Nancy furrowed her brows at the response, “Sorry! I just get fidgety when I sit still for too long unless I have like six different stimuli going on around me. Old newspaper clips aren’t exactly the most stimulating. That’s why Steve says its so great we work at the family video, cause we can just throw on a movie in the background to distract us-”

“Sounds like a productive use of company time,” Nancy interrupted, tone making it clear she really didn’t want to keep talking about this as her eyes strained on the screen in front of her.

She heard Robin sigh at that response and let out a dejected, “Yup,” Popping the p.

Nancy tried, really tried to keep her attention on a missing dog’s advert in the paper dated from around the time of the murders, there’d been a few close to that time.

It was a coincidence more than anything but it was more than literally anything else they had.

Despite her best effort, she found her eyes continued to stray toward Robin.

She wasn’t terrible to look at of course. Steve had chosen himself a beautiful new girl- if a little… masculine for him.

But Nancy thought it looked good on Robin. It mixed well with the air of confidence she carried with her and her I don’t give a fuck attitude. It maintained the fact that she refused to fit in any box Nancy tried to put her in.

Nancy, of course, would never be able to pull something like that off. Wouldn’t dare stray out of those pre-set molds she held in her head of what she was and wasn’t. Could and couldn’t do.

She forced her eyes away from Robin again, staring hard at the screen as if she could will herself to focus if she looked hard enough.

__________


Robin was almost a hundred percent sure that the scowl she wore would be on her face as long as she wore this wretched outfit.

The collar scratched uncomfortably at her neck, and the sweater itched the back of her hands where it hung. She wanted nothing more than to just be back in pants or at least throw on her black button-covered jacket on top.

“Stop pouting,” Nancy said as she strolled past her, moving around her room with decisive movements, collecting something else she needed with each trip.

Robin, who tended to flap about her room in a panic when searching for things was thoroughly impressed.

“You can’t control what I do with my face, this isn’t Russia. I would know.”

“You know you were never in Russia right?” Nancy said, rolling her eyes at her through the mirror, though the small smile she had on her lips took the bite out of it, “You were in Hawkins the whole time.”

“Don’t remind me,” She said dejectedly, “I’ll be stuck in this town forever.” And maybe she was being a little dramatic. But this shirt was hot and Robin was tired, she was allowed to be a little dramatic.

“So In this scenario being in Russia is better than Hawkins?” Nancy asked, a deadpan face and raised brow.

“Nance, have you seen this place?”

It’s the first time she’s used the girl’s nickname, she realized and hoped Nancy wouldn’t find it weird. She was doing her best not to find it weird herself right now.

But Nancy had just laughed, a gentle sound that Robin couldn’t stop thinking was entirely too fitting for the girl. It was kind of an addictive sound, something she thought she might do anything to continue to hear.

Well- that was certainly an interesting thought. Did she have a thing for Nancy? No, right? That would be absurd. Why in the world would Robin, a lesbian, have a thing for this insanely attractive, intelligent, babe?

Things had improved steadily between them since the library and her discovery. Though Nancy had insisted from the start that nothing was wrong, Robin knew things were getting better when she started getting actual laughs to her jokes rather than stony looks and strained smiles. Even if the laughs were sometimes reluctant ones.

They’d even sat together and planned out their trip to the asylum, something that had been an almost excited genuine exchange of ideas as they brainstormed. They were a good team, she’d come to realize.

Maybe Nancy hadn’t disliked her at all. Maybe she just wanted to see that Robin could contribute. That she wasn’t just some girl coming into her tightly knit party without their best interests in mind.

And while she felt like she’d proved herself at Starcourt, she was happy this did the job anyway.

She was happy Nancy chose her to go with them again. Even as she was pierced by a sliver of guilt when Steve got almost… jealous? When Nancy told him the two of them were going together.

He relented nonetheless, heading back downstairs to the rest of the children and leaving Nancy and Robin alone to get ready for their outing.

She watched the girl in the soft early daylight of the room through the mirror. She really was beautiful. She was softer than Robin had realized from all of her observations from afar. The intimidation that she’d felt for so long was fading a bit for familiarity as she started to learn the lines of the girl’s face. The soft curve of her nose. Those strong muscles along her neck. The way her hair curled around her face.

When Nancy spun around suddenly, hands full Robin cleared her throat and looked away, avoiding the shorter girl’s eyes.

“Okay,” Nancy said, “Tilt your head back.” She sidled up in front of Robin when she sat on the bed and Robin had to lean back as Nancy entered her space. She smelt like oranges and it was kinda driving her crazy. She didn’t look up, instead kept her eyes trained on the mirror, the wall, Nancy’s Tom Cruise poster. Anything but the girl who was so close in her space. 

“I can do my own makeup,” She mumbled, hoping that would be enough to get the girl to give up on what she had clearly already set her mind on doing.

There wasn’t much you could say to Nancy once she set her mind on something. She’d learned that quickly in the past few days.

“Exactly,” Nancy said, putting a finger under Robin’s chin and lifting her head up. Robin felt heat flood into her stomach at the movement and a low gasp left her lips involuntarily. Something about looking up at the shorter girl, her fingers strong and solid under her face sent thrills through her veins. Nancy looked at her with slightly parted lips, eyebrows drawn up as they always did when something surprised her. There was something else there, something unreadable that only lasted a moment. Whatever that meant, Robin had no clue. Then Nancy was shutting her mouth, swallowing, and continuing with her words as if she hadn’t stopped, “You can do your makeup. Today, we need you in something a little more… refined. Now shush.” Nancy murmured the last part as she laid her hand along Robin’s cheek to tilt her face to the side as she started on her eyes.

Robin really hoped she wasn’t as red as she felt.

“Okay.” She said, because there was nothing else to say, really. She was helpless to argue.

__________


Nancy settled down next to Robin in the basement, placing two coffee mugs on the low table between the sofas. One for her, one for Robin, who hummed gratefully and quickly leaned forward to sip at it. It had only been half an hour since she’d pieced together Max’s drawings with her and Dustin upstairs. She had to admit, she’d almost missed the thrill of investigating things with this level of stakes. Each clue she found, each piece of information she uncovered another addicting rush of adrenaline.

She felt guilt well up at that thought as she thought of Chrissy and Fred, broken and ruined. She thought of Max, who sat with Lucas on the far side of the room, headphones around her neck as the two of them talked in low voices.

No. She didn’t miss this at all, she decided.

Steve sat in the love chair across from them and he sent her an offended look, “What, none for me?”

Nancy raised a brow, a smirk playing at her lips,”I don’t remember you asking, you do seem to have two working legs though. Maybe you can fix that problem for yourself?” She suggested, voice sickly sweet in that sarcastic tone she used.

Steve narrowed his eyes and raised his voice a pitch, “ Maybe you can fix that problem for yourself, ” He mocked, rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out, “Whatever,” He pushed himself to his feet, flipping Robin off when she snickered at him.

Nancy was… confused by the dynamic she’d been experiencing between the three of them in the past two days, to say the least.

If there was one thing Nancy was good at, it was categorizing and filing away information in her head. Patterns, behaviors, emotions. Anything. It was helpful in her journalism and even more so in her day-to-day life.

So when she first noticed it, she brushed it off. But in the past three days, it’d gotten to the point where she almost didn’t know any other way to put it.

Steve and Robin were competing with each other.

And it felt like they were competing for her.

She’d realized almost too quickly, once she really looked at how they spoke together after Robin insisted they were “ Platonic with a capital P ” that the way they interacted couldn’t be romantic. Nancy knew Steve, she knew what a romantic relationship looked like on him. This relationship felt closer to Steve and Dustin’s. There was something fraternal about it. In the way that Robin would mock Steve without a hint of a flirting bite. Or the way Steve would rub his knuckles on her head, messing up her hair like she were a little sibling.

But none of that made sense. Because why in the world would Robin be competing with Steve for her?

She was a modern woman, of course, educated enough despite the small town they lived in to be aware of… well.

She glanced a Robin, worrying her lip between her teeth.

Surely she was overthinking things. Some weird part of her brain playing tricks on her, maybe even something Vecna was doing. The early stages of his hallucination induced psychosis.

But then Robin stuck her tongue out at him and put her arms on the back of the couch, one of them falling behind where Nancy was sitting, bracketing her ever-so-slightly.

When Steve’s eyes lingered on the movement for a second, she knew she wasn’t imagining it.

It wasn’t like Robin was crossing any lines, she was stretching. Nancy was extremely aware of the fact that they weren’t touching, despite Nancy being relaxed in the chair.

The act felt decisively possessive though if she was reading it in the right context.

Because by all logic and reasoning, based on every interaction she’d ever had with a boy, she was reading it right. Nancy was good at reading people.

But Robing was a girl. That didn’t fit in her perfectly organized brain. It made her feel a little dizzy, though not in a way that felt immediately terrible.

She wished they weren’t in the middle of saving the world right now so she could do what she always did when faced with a problem she didn’t know enough about to completely dissect and put back together in her own mind, go to the library and read as much as she possibly could about it. Though she doubted Hawkins had many good books on the topic anyways.

Not that any of that mattered, she reminded herself, Jonathan resurfacing in her brain more like an annoying reminder rather than someone she loved and missed. She really wished they’d had a chance to talk before all of this happened and he went MIA.

She settled back in the chair a bit more and Robin’s arm shifted every so slightly and then suddenly Robin’s arm was suddenly pressing lightly against the base of her neck and her shoulders. And really, they were barely touching, but Nancy felt like her skin burned where the brunette’s warm arm pressed against her.

Robin glanced at her quickly and Nancy just looked down into her coffee cup like she didn’t see her, taking a sip to cover the small smile that played at her lips at the contact.

Whatever the hell that meant.

__________

Friends. That's what Robin had said.

The word bounced around her head. She tried to think of all the people she’d considered her friends throughout her life and found that none were similar to the relationship she had with Robin.

It was odd, especially in the few short days they’d been spending together. But if there was one thing Nancy had learned in the past three years it was that fighting through life-changing situations together had a way of bonding you quicker than usual.

Maybe that was it. Maybe she was so used to the person she trauma-bonded with being a romantic partner in Steve and Jonathan that she was just putting too much emotional weight on their friendship out of habit.

But as she hung back, watching Robin and Steve talk together in low voices she found herself throwing that theory out even as she tested it.

Because she wasn’t imagining the way she would catch Robin staring at her, only to quickly look away or busy her hands. She knew she wasn’t imagining the soft dusting of red she was able to draw to the taller girl’s cheeks with just a few words.

She also knew exactly what words to say to get that reaction and found herself doing it anyways.

That wasn’t friendship stuff.

Nancy wished she could’ve picked a better moment that an evil interdimensional demon’s invasion to decide to have a crisis about her sexuality. A sexuality that wouldn’t matter if her boyfriend didn’t pick up the damn phone so they could discuss their relationship.

Though as they trudged to Skull rock she had a feeling she wouldn’t have much of a chance to call him anytime soon anyways.

“Hey, Steve?” She called up to him. He and Robin both slowed, turning to look at her for just a moment before she waved him over to her. He said something else to Robin before heading to her side.

Nancy looked at Robin, who met her gaze and smiled, eyes darting between the two of them for a second until her smile turned into more of an unintentional grimace and she started walking again.

“What’s up,” He asked, running his hands through his hair in a way that used to drive her crazy. For a few seconds that first day (when she saw him on the road after IDing Fred and as he volunteered to go with her when she’d originally wanted to go to the asylum) she thought maybe he might start to drive her crazy like that again.

But then Robin happened.

She knew should probably say something about him first, ask him how he was holding up. But her mind was stuck on the girl who walked a few dozen paces ahead of them. She really just wanted to attribute it to her investigative curiosity.

“Is Robin seeing anyone?” She asked. It was an inconspicuous enough question. Nancy reasoned that if anyone knew, it would be Steve, with how close the two were. But it was such a vague question that if he didn’t know he wouldn’t guess why she was possibly asking that.

Steve looked over at her and shook his head.

“No, she’s not,” He started, a confused downturn to his lips, “Why?”

“I’m not really sure,” She admitted. It was true. Even if Robin was a lesbian, it wouldn’t have any effect on Nancy. Nancy who had only ever dated men and enjoyed it. Nancy who was currently dating a man.

Even if that man was more of a boy who she was almost 90% sure would rather smoke pot than speak with her at this point.

“I guess I always thought you two… had something going on.” She tried finally.

Steve shook his head, “I feel like we’ve both been telling you the opposite for the past-”

“No, I get it,” Nancy interrupted, “Platonic with a capital P.” He nodded, looking almost relieved. Nancy chewed her lip, “It’s just- I don’t understand her, it, whatever. She’s funny and pretty and she should have no problem getting someone if she wanted to, shouldn’t she?”

Steve glanced down at her, his eyebrows raised as he looked at her like she’d grown another head.

“Uh- I mean, yeah,” He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, “I don’t really know Nance I just don’t think she’s very into dating right now.”

He looked uncomfortable, like he was unsure of what he wanted to say. Unsure if he should speak.

She narrowed her eyes. Steve was a terrible liar.

“Right.” She said anyways. She didn’t need his confirmation, his silence was telling enough.

__________


Robin traced the dirt and tear-smudged lines of Nancy’s face with her eyes. Eddie’s walkman was clutched tight in her hands, pulled to her chest as Lay All Your Love On Me by ABBA played softly from the headphones around her neck.

The shorter girl slept next to her where she was sitting watch on Eddie’s couch. Nancy, being the tiny girl that she was barely took up half the cough when she was curled up. Though as she slept she’d unwound just a bit, her feet extending into Robin’s lap. She ignored the way she felt immediate physical relief the second they were touching.

It’d been a couple hours since Nancy fell through the gate, eyes rolled back and coloured that horrifying shade of blue. She saw it every time she closed her eyes, Nancy lying there, unresponsive as the rest of them rushed to her side.

That was another memory she was afraid she’d never forget. Like seeing saws and pliers in the Russian’s hands as they prepared to torture her and Steve. Like almost dying at the hands of an interdimensional God.

These things never left her. She doubted they’d leave any of the people around her.

They all slept in that main room, no one wanting -daring even- to go off and sleep on their own. They were all so young, she thought, as her eyes drifted from sleeping body to sleeping body.

Even Eddie, who’d fallen asleep on the floor with his back against the loveseat Steve slept in still had the round edges of adolescence. His jaw not fully broadened, his shoulder still slim with youth.

And the kids- she tried not to think about the kids. Who had been enduring horror after horror, loss after loss since they were twelve .

And Robin was only now just experiencing some of the weirder- more other dimensioney stuff. Not that being tortured by Russian soldiers was a tame experience.

She looked down at her hands, tapping her thumb and fingers together to the sound of Lay All Your Love On Me that she barely registered other than follow rhythmically.

She looked back to Nancy to find the girl looking at her pensively.

“Nancy,” She breathed out softly, quietly, so as to not wake the others.

The girl in question gave her a tight smile that looked brittle and fake. She looked away quickly, taking in her surroundings again.

“Everyone’s asleep,” Robin whispered.

“Why aren’t you?” And the way her brows furrowed, concern written so clearly on her face my Robin’s chest ache, “You should be sleeping after everything that happened in the upsidedown,” She insisted, struggling under the thick blankets on her to sit up. Robin mourned the loss of contact between them when Nancy pulled her legs away. 

She was so good . Even in the face of her own death, she was worried about Robin.

“I will,” She said quietly, no argument in her. Not now. What she didn’t say was she didn’t think she’d be able to sleep. Not with Nancy there at constant risk.

And it terrified her to admit that. It terrified her to admit that she didn’t know what she’d do if something happened to Nancy right now. But she knew she couldn’t do this without her.

None of them could.

“I think I’m going to get some air,” Nancy said after she nodded to Robin’s response. She threw her legs over the side of the couch and pulled one of the blankets tighter around her shoulders as she shivered despite the warm spring night. Robin nodded mutely, throat tightening at the idea of letting Nancy out of her sight, even for a second.

She didn’t know what to do with these protective urges. With this desire to keep Nancy safe from anything in the world, no matter the cost.

It was what drove her to dive into the Lake after her.

Nancy stood, walking slowly and quietly only for a step or two before she stopped, holding herself perfectly still for a moment before she turned back, pivoting on her foot with an unsure expression on her face, “Robin can you-” She faltered and Robin felt her heart leap at the vulnerability on Nancy’s face. The way her lips trembled and her eyes had that too-wide doe quality to them. Robin would’ve said yes no matter the request, “I don’t really want to be alone will you-”

“Yes.” Robin said in an instant, on her feet before Nancy could even finish the question, “Of course.”

And Robin wasn’t sure about much that came out of her mouth. Honestly, she had very little control of the word-vomit she so often produced, whether it helped or hindered her. But those three words? She meant them more than anything she’d ever said.

The two picked their way over the sleeping bodies on the floor as they crept out of the trailer.

When they got out, they both slumped into the dirty cushioned couch on the little balcony with the exhaustion of two girls who’d spent several hours being chased across many miles in hell.

Robin looked over to Nancy who had her head tilted back, eyes closed as she took deep breaths in through her nose.

She looked beautiful, even in the harsh blue light of the cheap bulb that hung above them.

Robin watched her, hoping to memorize her every feature.

She would probably never be loved by Nancy- or any girl like Nancy really, in her life. So she was happy to watch, take in what may be her only chance to ever love someone as wonderful as Nancy.

Even if the love was unrequited.

Was it really love? Already? Adrenaline did crazy things. Fighting for your life did too. It made her want to throw aside things like social norms and caution and every fear she normally held and just go for it . Because one second you were laughing, smiling, and sharing in relief with someone. Then the next… images of Nancy in the trance flickered through her mind again.

“You’re staring,” Nancy said quietly, though her eyes hadn’t opened.

Robin was glad she wasn’t looking so she didn’t see the blush that bloomed on her face.

“Hey, Nance?” She blurted out suddenly, mind too fixated on the idea to stop herself even as panic built in her gut, “Can I tell you something?”

Nancy’s eyes did open at that and she looked at Robin curiously, nodding without words.

“And like- you have to let me say everything before you say anything and if you’re totally freaked out and like totally hate me after, or want me to go get Steve instead, that's fine! I just- I really care about you! And you’re my friend and we could literally die at any second and-”

“Robin?” Nancy said softly, putting her hand on Robin’s knee to interrupt her. The touch was harmless, surely reassuring in intent. But it made Robin’s brain go blank for a moment. Her mouth snapped shut quickly Her brain felt like a giant computer that’d had water thrown on it. Her stomach rolled with heat. She was like a fucking 12-year-old boy, “Why don’t you just tell me?”

The smile she gave Robin was so fucking beautiful. Teasing in that Nancy Wheeler way that drove her crazy. That drove her to do dumb things like coming out to her straight friends from the perfect family who she was kind of in love with.

“I’m a lesbian.” She forced out, the words coming out rushed and jumbled together. But as soon as she said it she couldn’t bear to hear what Nancy said, suddenly deeply regretting having done this now, with so much on the line. She wasn’t ready to lose Nancy, “Not in the I wanna sleep with every girl I see kinda way! I can control myself and I obviously wouldn’t do anything to you-”

“Robin,”

“I don’t even think of you like that. At all. Ever. In fact, I don’t think about you at all.” She winced, staring at her fingers as she tapped them together, knee bobbing up and down at a million miles a minute, “Not that I never think about you- just,"

“Robin,” Nancy tried again. But Robin kept going straight through her.

“I think about you like I think of Steve! Well, not Steve because he’s Steve and he’s gross and you’re the opposite of gross-”

“Robin!” Nancy exclaimed, half laughing as she spoke her name, finally drawing Robin to look up at her.

She had this soft smile on her face that made Robin feel such insane hope that she didn’t dare look straight at her. Not until Nancy said something.

“Thank you for telling me.” She said, squeezing her hand on Robin’s knee, a reminder that they were still touching. Nancy was still touching her after she told her, “I could never hate you. Especially not for that.”

And Robin couldn’t help the bone-deep sigh she let out as relief chased the fear from her system. She slumped back into the lumpy dirty old cough and let out a low laugh.

“That’s really great to hear.” She said, unable to come up with a witty retort for once.

She was distinctly aware of the fact that Nancy’s hand still held onto her knee. Still.

She looked back at the brunette, angling her body a little more in her direction.

“Steve knows, right? That’s why both of you keep insisting there's absolutely nothing there.”

Robin nodded, propping her head up on her hand as she looked at the other girl, “Yeah. Got it out of me after the whole Russian truth serum thing.”

“Didn’t need any truth serum for me?” Nancy asked, her lips quirked up at the corners.

“I wanted to tell you,” She answered honestly.

Nancy’s smile at that made her want to tell the truth for the rest of her life. Made her want to tell her every good thought she’d ever had about her. Just for a chance to see that smile again.

“So,” Nancy said, her smile turning slightly mischievous, “For the record? You’re the opposite of gross too.”

And Robin had absolutely no clue what the hell to do with that.

Because Robin, despite never having had one, understood girls. It was why Steve of all people came to her for help and advice. So Robin wasn’t oblivious to flirting, in fact, she was hyperaware of it when it came to Nancy.

And until now, she’d been able to brush it off as a phenomenon she liked to refer to with Steve as The Straight Girl Flirties™. But Nancy knew now. Knew she was an outsider. A snake in the grass of the community. A lesbian. And she was still slowly dragging her thumb in circles through her jeans. She was still giving her that look that made Robin’s insides turn to nails and rocks in a blender.

“Thanks,” She managed, voice coming out a lot more choked than she wanted it to.

And Nancy giggled. Honest to god giggled. A soft unrestrained sound that erupted from her chest that made Robin ache with want. With need. It filled her with so much longing that as she breathed in she felt her ribs cracking open, heart spilling from her chest in a way that felt inevitable.

Because she was Nancy fucking Wheeler. All her life, Robin had watched as people gravitated toward her. Barb, Steve, Jonathan.

She was a fool to ever think she would be the exception.

_________


Three weeks. That’s how long Nancy was able to hold out after Vecna had been defeated.

Three weeks of seeing Robin nearly every day. Three weeks of going to distract her at Family Video. Three weeks of driving to school every day together. Three weeks of sneaking in and out of each other’s houses late at night when their past came to haunt them and they found themselves unable to sleep without the sound of the other’s breathing.

Nancy lasted three weeks before she kissed Robin.

It was late, nearly midnight, as they drove home from Steve’s.

He’d hosted a movie night, something the pParty had taken to doing every couple of days. Nancy thought it had something to do with the fear of being alone. The fear that something might happen to one of the others if they weren’t in contact with each other.

Now Nancy was driving, Robin sitting with her legs up on the dash in her passenger seat. They rolled along the dark forest road that’d become more and more familiar to her in the past few weeks.

“Will you stay tonight?” Robin’s voice was soft, as insecure as every time she’d asked so far.

Nancy smiled, she wouldn’t tell, but there was never a part of her that planned on doing anything but staying. Not where Robin was involved.

“Of course,” She murmured, glancing over at Robin.

It was dark here on the backroad, dark in a way that made Nancy glad she had Robin here as company.

She found it hard to exist in dark spaces without company these days. A symptom of all they’d endured.

Robin beamed at her, that wide unbridled smile that left Nancy breathless every time. They didn’t speak. They didn’t need to. Tiredness clouded both their minds and they were long past needing to speak to fill the space between them.

She turned back to the road, flicking her blinker on as they approached the turn to Robin’s part of town.

The road was empty but she did it anyway, something Robin had teased her relentlessly for at first.

It’s the law!

She’d insisted as her cheeks had heated. She hadn’t understood why it bothered her so much. Besides the fact that she could never quite stray outside the rules like Robin seemed so adept at doing.

But tonight, that would change.

Tonight, Nancy Wheeler was going to kiss Robin. Robin who was a girl.

Robin who shook when she laughed. Who was absolutely brilliant beyond her means, more than Nancy would’ve ever imagined with that mouth that ran a mile a minute. Who made Nancy feel like she was the only person in the room.

In the past weeks, the curiosity had turned to an insistent need. Something constantly drawing her closer. Like a hook had settled in her gut and was pulling- always pulling her to Robin’s side.

She found herself thinking of the girl more than she wasn’t. More than she was thinking about anything else.

So really, it was more of a shock to her than anything that she’d gone this long without kissing her. Because Nancy was nothing if not persistent when she wanted something.

And God, did she want her.

She pulled the car into Robin’s driveway, a luxury provided by the fact that Robin’s parents were rarely home. Nancy had only seen her mom once as the woman left without acknowledging her.

Robin had rolled her eyes, making a comment about how she doubted she’d see her for the next week. The familiarity and downplayed pain that she said the words with had made her heartache.

When they left the car Nancy took the other girl’s hand lacing their fingers together.

“We’re holding hands now are we?” Robin drawled, voice raspy and enthralling as she smirked, honest to god smirked at Nancy.

It was like someone had lit a fuse between them the night Robin came out. Once Nancy knew, the teasing words, the soft touches, and the long shared looks had only increased. Nothing faded once the danger did. It only grew stronger with so few distractions.

Jonathan had accepted her decision to break up without much push back and his own admission of feelings he was keeping hidden.

Nancy thought it might’ve hurt more if she could take her mind off of Robin’s toothy smile, her freckled cheeks, her bitten but always-painted nails.

“What’s it look like?” She challenged, refusing to be cowed by Robin’s bravado.

“Whatever, dingus,” Robin replied, the way she rolled her eyes completely offset by the swing in her arm.

She pulled ahead, leading Nancy behind her and Nancy was helpless to follow.

They moved through the dark house with a familiarity that Nancy would label as domestic if whatever was happening between them could be seen as domestic.

Most people in this town, her parents, her classmates, she doubted they’d see it as domestic. To them, the way Nancy moved around Robin in the kitchen, letting her hand linger along Robin’s waist just to feel the way Robin shivered under her touch would be seen as wrong. Sinful. Queer.

Nancy thought it was wonderful. 

They stumbled into Robin's room together and she draped herself onto the bed. She looked at Nancy with adoration written on her face, never disguised, never ashamed, Nancy knew nothing could be purer than that.

What was true Faith if not worship?

“Come here,” She said and her voice felt like it came through on a speaker. Infinitely loud in the quiet room despite her low volume.

She wasn’t sure if it was the way she spoke, the way she looked at her, or some other combination of things that made Robin swallow, open her mouth to say something, close it then nod quickly. But she was glad she saw it nonetheless.

She wouldn’t forget a single moment of this girl, she thought, would not take even a second of her for granted.

Robin settled in the bed next to her and Nancy could feel how tense she was in the way the bed sunk under her. It was like that first night at Robin’s all over again, where the girl had held stiff and unbreathing, refusing to let an inch of her body touch Nancy. Until Nancy had turned on her side, pulling Robin’s hand into her own, and laid her head on her chest, citing the lack of space on the bed.

Now, Robin was stiff all over again, except this time there was no separation. They laid on their backs next to each other, arms layered between each other as they stared at the ceiling.

Nancy turned her head, looking at the soft round of her lips, the crooked hook of her nose, and thought she was the most incredible thing she’d ever seen.

Robin turned her own head, their eyes meeting. They were so close their noses brushed occasionally, just the faintest feeling of skin brushing skin.

“You’re so handsome,” She murmured, her fingers twitched at her side as she ached to reach forward, touch the girl. Feel her skin.

Robin was staring at her, eyes full of adoration and awe and so much emotion that she wanted to squirm.

“No one's ever called me that,” Robin said back, shifting so she was lying on her side, broad shoulders facing Nancy.

Nancy felt that same hook tugging in her stomach and unable to resist, she mirrored the other girl’s actions.

“Do you like it?” She asked, eyes falling down to Robin’s bottom lip where it sat between her teeth.

Robin’s tongue darted out to lick her lips and Nancy looked back up to meet her eyes. She felt heat flood in her stomach when she saw the hunger in those hooded eyes.

“Yes.”

Nancy could see the gears turning in her head. Could see the internal battle she seemed to constantly be fighting around Nancy.

The one that made her yank her hand back quick sometimes or apologize profusely for overstepping an imaginary boundary that existed only in Robin’s anxieties.

“Hey, Nance,” Robin mumbled and Nancy really really was having trouble holding herself back when she saw the girl’s own gaze drop down to her lips.

“Yeah?” She replied, biting her lip and barely holding back a grin when Robin let out a soft sigh at the movement.

“Is this… are you…”

Nancy couldn’t take it anymore.

She surged forward, closing the few inches that’d remained between their lips in one decisive movement. She knew from much experience just how long one of Robin’s tirades could last.

But Robin wasn’t talking now.

The second their lips touched, any insecurity leaked from Robin’s demeanor.

She relaxed and let out a low breath through her nose, her body going soft and compliant. Nancy pushed the advantage, sucking the girl’s bottom lip gently between her teeth, reveling in the way Robin shivered as her teeth scraped the soft skin. But her compliance lasted only for a moment before she was surging back against Nancy, pushing her gently onto her back and bracketing her body with her own. She pulled back, chest heaving and forehead pressed to her own.

“Is this-”

“Shut up,” Nancy cut off, straining up to close the distance between them.

Robin, despite her embarrassed admission the week prior that she’d never so much as kissed someone she knew exactly where to put her hands.

One came up to settle at the base of her neck, fingers tangling in the baby hairs as her other hand -not rough or pawing like anyone before her- slid just under the hem of her shirt and rested on her waist.

Her hand fit like a puzzle piece. Strong but slim fingers slotting into the place just above her hip bone and squeezing.

Nancy couldn’t help the low noise that escaped from her throat, nor would she have wanted to when the noise prompted a groan from Robin above her.

“Christ,” Robin whispered against her lips, “You’re so…” She trailed off, shaking her head minutely before she dragged her lips up to Nancy’s nose, to her cheeks, to her forehead. And Nancy couldn’t help the giggles she felt bubbling up in her. Couldn’t help the absolute joy that Robin made her feel.

Robin followed suit not long after and the two quickly found themselves tangled together, Robin lying atop Nancy, laughing into her chest as Nancy chuckled to herself.

“Nancy Wheeler!” She said into her chest, pulling back a second later to grin down at her in a way that left her chewing on her lip, “Nancy Wheeler is in my bed kissing me.” She laughed again like she couldn’t believe what she was saying, “Nancy Wheeler!” She exclaimed again

Nancy felt her cheeks colouring, despite the fact that she’d spent the last minute kissing the girl and she pushed the girl’s shoulder.

“What!” She said, trying to hide her grin, “What about it.”

Robin ducked down, kissing her before she pulled back, “That. That right there. I’ve wanted to do that,” She leaned forward and pressed another kiss to her lips, not pulling back this time, “Since that day in the library,” She murmured against her lips.

And Nancy let her eyes drift shut, swiping her tongue out when Robin’s lips parted.

Robin’s hand tightened in her hair, nails digging into her waist and Nancy moaned into the taller girl’s mouth.

Robin let out another groan at the noise.

“You drive me insane, Nance.”

Nancy grinned into the kiss, her own hands coming up to wrap around Robin, pressing them closer together with her hands at the small of her back.

When she shifted her leg to fall between Robin’s and she pushed it up, pressing into Robin’s core and drawing a moan of her own, she found herself addicted to the sound.

She rolled then, spinning Robin down and under her as she brought herself up, legs now bracketing Robin’s hips.

The younger girl looked up at her, kiss-swollen lips parted as she puffed out sharp breaths.

Nancy thought she was the luckiest girl in the world to see Robin like this, before anyone else had.

When she reached for Robin’s hands and wound their fingers, Robin started smiling softly.

When she slowly brought the girl’s hands up higher until they rested on her pillow above her head, pinned by Nancy’s own firm grip and Robin was looking at her suddenly like she held all of the answers to the world Nancy smirked.

“Nance,” Robin whispered, voice hoarse and choked as she took in deep shaky breaths.

She hushed the girl, satisfied with the immediate obedient silence that followed.

“You talk too much.” She whispered, leaning down until her lips pressed against the shell of Robin’s ear, “Now it’s my turn.”