Chapter Text
“Stay where you belong, in my memories.” Cloud hissed, eyes never leaving Sephiroth’s form as he seemed to hang in the sky above.
“I will never be a memory.”
The words revertebrated through him, an unpleasant sensation in his mind. The form broke apart, reverting to a broken Kadaj as he fell back toward the ground. Cloud was prepared to continue the fight, despite the exhaustion weighing down on him. Kadaj moved as if to attack him and then collapsed.
Cloud half caught him as he fell, lowering him down to the surface of the roof that the last of the battle had taken place on.
“Brother…”
The word still sent a chill down his spine, a call back to confusion, but also to the things that had been done to him in the wake of Nibelheim. A reminder that the Cloud he was would never be the Cloud he had been again.
“Huh?”
Confusion this time. Cloud wasn’t sure what Kadaj was reacting to, if anything.
“Mother! Is that…?”
He frowned then, but Kadaj nodded and raised one hand weakly. And then the remnant began to evaporate as the rain continued. Cloud stood, slowly. He found the Shera above with his gaze. A wave of relief washed over him.
It was over, finally. Cloud tilted his head back slowly, letting the rain wash the blood off of him. Basking in the sunlight that broke through the clouds for a heartbeat, in Aerith’s healing presence.
He wasn’t prepared for the pain of a bullet ripping through his chest. A gasp, and Cloud jerked forward slightly before turning to see Yazoo and Loz. Of course.
Cloud had become complacent too soon. He gripped the fusion blade in his hand. But the attack he rushed forward for never came. Instead, the world exploded into a wave of white light. Too much power, too many Materia. Cloud had miscalculated.
Cloud couldn’t fight it. The blade slipped from his fingers, but he never heard it hit the ground.
Everything was washed away.
He should have been sad for his own life, cut short, should have regretted that he’d lied to Denzel when he promised to come back. Should have felt something, anything, more than exhaustion.
But he floated there in a bright place, the last seconds of coherence before the lifestream washed him away - Cloud was sure. And it was too late for those regrets. For all of his wishes and dreams. For all of his promises. His eyes remained closed against the light, at least partially because Cloud was too exhausted to open them.
He felt gentle fingers in his hair.
“Mother?” The word was a bare whisper, and it slipped out before Cloud could think better of it.
There was a soft giggle somewhere above him. “Again? Why is everyone calling me their mother lately?”
No. His heart constricted as he understood, as he recognized the voice. But so too was there a flicker of sadness - even in his last seconds before fading into the lifestream. He couldn’t really hear his mother.
“I guess they must be fond of you.”
The masculine voice was familiar, too. And it caused Cloud’s heart to twist again. And yet, there was an overwhelming sense of peace that came with it. He wanted to open his eyes; he wanted to see them, to say something else. He couldn’t as exhaustion and grief, and the weight of struggling forward after everything weighed down on him, threatening to crush him even here.
“This one’s a little too big to adopt.” She mused.
“Tough luck, friend. Sounds like you don’t have a place here.”
What? What was that supposed to mean? The hand on his forehead was withdrawn.
Wait no!
Cloud struggled against the exhaustion that pressed down on him, but failed to do much more than flicker his eyes open for a heartbeat before they closed again reflexively against the bright white light.
“Hey, calm down.” Zack’s voice was soft, its tone warm, coming from somewhere above him. “It’s gonna be okay. It’s just not time yet, that’s all.” A hand rested against his shoulder, and Cloud felt a wash of peace. “You can rest here a little longer, and then you’ll go back.” The hand squeezed his shoulder lightly.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Cloud didn’t know how long it had been. How long he had floated in that quiet in between.
Sounds of combat reached his ears as his awareness returned. His back was against something hard - rocks, maybe, or perhaps the ruins of a building. Considering he’d been fighting in Midgar’s ruins, that made the most sense.
What were the sounds of combat coming from, though? The Remnants must have continued to cause trouble. Probably one of the others had engaged them after Cloud fell. A stab of guilt, leaving them to that. This had been his fight.
Cloud forced his eyes open, a herculean effort that took far more energy than it should have. He was still so worn down from the fight with Sephiroth that the idea of rising and fighting was almost unthinkable. He had no choice. He couldn’t leave them to this.
But as his eyes opened, there was only confusion. A wasteland spread out before him, rather than a ruined city. Gun fire continued, demanding his attention now.
He reached for his sword and found he was unarmed.
It was only then that Cloud really processed what he was wearing. A soldier uniform. A wasteland stretching out before him. Unarmed.
Cloud surged to his feet, finding a strength and energy that he did not expect. A wave of dizziness washed over him and a stiff pain lingered in his limbs. If he was where he thought he was, then Cloud had been in stasis for months. Fighting like this….
But as Cloud turned, he saw exactly what he feared. Wave after wave of Shinra Infantry, and a lone figure standing off against them. Cloud’s blood ran cold. The scene left him with so many questions. There was no time for any of them.
There was an infantryman trying to circle behind Zack. Currently, he was using a standard issue gun - but he had a blade at his back. It would be too light for Cloud’s comfort, but it would serve. Perhaps light would be best now anyway, given he wasn’t sure how much he could take. This body had not trained the way Cloud had trained. This body was weak from stasis and Mako poisoning.
Cloud couldn’t stand by. He couldn’t let Zack die here, not if there was anything he could do about it.
Cloud braced himself and darted forward, adrenaline coursing through him and offering strength he hardly expected to have. With a sweep, he knocked the infantryman down, taking the blade from its sheathe as he did so. Training this body barely had allowed him to kill the other before he had a chance to retaliate.
He joined Zack in combat, and together they downed the last of the infantry that sought to end their lives. But as the last of them fell, Cloud watched Zack stagger forward and fall himself.
Cloud closed the space between them quickly enough to catch Zack and lower him to the ground gently. An uncomfortable tremor slid through him, reminding him of the identical act of catching and lowering Kadaj to the ground. Cloud shook his head a little to clear it.
Zack took a ragged breath in and opened his mouth to speak. To say the words that were already engraved in Cloud’s mind. That he’d known in his core even when he did not remember Zack.
“Shh. Save your strength.” Cloud cut across, softly. “It’s going to be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”
A mirthless laugh. “You don’t have to lie to me.” He said, gently. “And shouldn’t lie to yourself, either.” He managed between gasping breaths.
“You’re gonna live for the both of us.” Zack continued, words broken and halting. “My living legacy. The proof that I-”
“Stop.” Cloud said, hand shaking slightly as it moved to join Zack’s on the hilt of the buster sword. One of the Materia in it was a maxed out Cure materia. And he knew it. Zack didn’t have the strength left to use it.
Cloud knew how to use it, though infantry were not allowed to carry materia. It was a rule.
But he was so tired, and… his own core was so damaged already from the Mako poisoning. He hadn’t had enough time to heal yet. Cloud wasn’t quite himself, with the weight of the Mako poisoning and the exhaustion from fighting Sephiroth, and the infantry still too heavy on him. There was a part of him that was afraid if he pushed, he would lose his clarity again. If he pushed wrong against these already fragile pieces, maybe Cloud would shatter his sense of self even worse.
But… No. He wouldn’t let this chance slip away. It was worth the risk. Zack had Aerith to get back to. And Cloud didn’t want to lose him again. Not if he could stop it.
“Cloud…-”
His hand closed over Zack’s. Still shaky, but steadier than before. There was no going back now. He took a breath and reached for the Materia’s energy. Its power roared to life, and the orb began to glow.
Zack’s expression shifted to confusion, but he stopped arguing, stopped wasting his strength on the words. Cloud called upon the strongest ability that it had, and channeled it through his own broken core, amplifying its strength with as much energy as he could spare.
He didn’t know if it would work. Didn’t know if, even with the Materia, Zack could survive having so many holes ripped in his chest. Materia couldn’t fix every wound, of course. And not even a phoenix down could always stop death - and Cloud didn’t have one of those, just this. But he dared to hope that it would be enough. As the magic washed over Zack, and Zack’s eyes flickered shut, Cloud held his breath.
And then it was over. He slumped forward, forehead coming to rest against Zack’s bloody shirt as he struggled to breathe.
Zack was unconscious, but he was alive. Cloud recognized the slow rise and fall of his chest. He was breathing.
It was Cloud’s turn to take care of him.
For a moment, Cloud remained where he was, head hung forward, just breathing, while he gathered what was left of his strength. Midgar was dangerous, but Zack had wanted to see Aerith again.
If they were careful in the Slums… but seeing Aerith would inevitably expose them to the Turks. It was a toss up, if the Turks would give them away, or let them be if they kept their heads down. It depended on their orders.
Cloud didn’t know their orders.
His options were sector five or seven. Aerith or Tifa. The Turks… or Avalanche. The weight sat on his shoulders. Eventually, he’d have to link up with both halves. The turks were more dangerous, but Barret was not terribly forgiving. Never mind that Zack may need time to be brought around given what Avalanche wanted to do. Cloud knew full well that the idea of bombing the reactors was… abhorrent to many.
The plate. It was too much to think about now.
Cloud sighed, and carefully got himself upright, pulling Zack up along with him. He’d keep thinking about it on the way. In the meantime, they still had some ground to cover before they would reach Midgar. And it was better not to be here in case more infantry came.
A headache flared behind his eyes. It was expected, as exhausted as he was after using that strong of a Materia. Cloud ignored it, gritting his teeth slightly, and focusing on moving forward.
Midgar loomed in the distance. Cloud wondered what would happen now. Or if he would simply wake up at some point and know that this was a dream. Perhaps he was still laid dying on the wrecked battlefield that Midgar represented, or floating in a test tube somewhere.
All Cloud could do was what he had always done - move forward. Live as if today was his last day.
There was a chopper approaching. On this stretch of the wasteland, there was nowhere to hide. No way to avoid notice or evade them.
All of this, and the turks were going to seal their fate already, hm? Another sweeping glance. Maybe - maybe - he could get a little cover if chopper fired, but realistically it didn’t look great.
Recognizing the uniform of a Turk, and spotting who he was pretty sure was Reno in the background, didn’t exactly inspire confidence. At something close to his best, he could have taken a turk or two, even solo. Like this, Cloud didn’t think he could manage one of them. The chopper wasn’t firing at him. Yet. Carefully, very carefully, he rested Zack back on the ground.
And then he drew the pilfered infantry blade. The buster sword would be too heavy for how tired he was, even if it was the better sword by far. As it was, the lighter long sword wavered slightly. Cloud hated it, a visible sign of his weakness.
To show weakness to a predator was to become prey.
The feminine figure in the chopper’s open side glanced over her shoulder. Cloud suspected she was speaking to someone inside, but had no way of confirming that. And then she jumped down, landing lightly on the parched earth several yards away. The chopper pulled back up into the sky.
“It’s good to see you lucid.”
Cloud glared at her. He didn’t know her name and didn’t trust her anymore than any of the others.
“Is he-”
“It’s none of your concern.” Bitter ice.
“We can help you. Get you medical care, find you somewhere safe to-”
“You’re turks.” Cloud spat, his voice harsh from disuse. They might as well have been responsible for the state they were in. “You and I both know the second we’re in your custody, the termination order will be finalized.”
“That’s not what we’re here for-”
“You wanna help? Go away. Pretend you didn’t find us.”
“Cloud-” She paused, seeming to consider her tactic carefully. A sigh. One finger resting against an earpiece, she was clearly listening to something Cloud couldn’t hear. Instead of responding to it, she returned her attention to them, hand dropping back to her side. “Please, you can’t even hold the sword steady. You’ll never make it in safely.”
A pause, neither one of them willing to yield or back down. “At least… at least let me make sure you make it to the train connection that will take you into the slums, where you can get lost among the crowds. I’ve got some ids that’ll hold up through any security you run into down there. And most places plate side.”
He wouldn’t be able to use those IDs long. Cloud weighed his options again.
Going to Aerith was a risk. The turks would know where they were the whole time. Going to Tifa might actually be worse, since this woman had already proven the Turks were already on their case. Leading the Turks to Tifa could be signing her death certificate.
Going with her, even as far as the train line, was a risk. She could easily arrange for a larger force to take them down on the way. Or simply refuse to release them. Cloud was weakened, and Zack was unconscious.
Any possible protection afforded to them by the presence of a turk was weighted heavily with the reality that the turks were often playing a game no one else knew the rules of.
Though Cloud was stricken there by the realization that this woman was not one of the Turks who had chanced him and the others around while they tried to stop Sephiroth, either. It didn’t mean much, didn’t mean she could be trusted. But it was curious that she was unfamiliar to him, given she clearly knew who he was.
What would Zack have done?
But she was right, too, whether he liked it or not.
His shoulders slumped slightly, and he sheathed the blade. “I don’t trust you.”
“I know. You don’t have to.” She said. “You can call me Cissnei.”
Cissnei. He didn’t know if he’d hold on to the name. Cloud wasn’t sure if he’d hold on to himself between one moment and the next right then. A wordless nod, an acknowledgement. It was the best he could manage.
Cloud watched as the chopper moved closer again, blades whirring too close, dust flying in the air. Cissnei gave him an encouraging smile and gestured for him to come closer. Cloud picked Zack back up. With some trepidation, he approached the chopper and, with Cissnei’s help, got Zack inside of it.
He’d been right. Reno sat at the controls.
Cloud tried not to think about it. He sat close to Zack and kept his eyes on Cissnei.
“Tseng said this is for Zack.” She said quietly, handing Cloud a box. “And these are the IDs I mentioned.”
Cloud nodded. Cissnei withdrew.
In and out. Nice and slow. Cloud wanted to close his eyes against the light, to ease the throbbing in his head. He didn’t dare. Too wary, even if he was at their mercy.
It didn’t take long. Practically before he knew it, they were approaching the ground again, covering in no more than an hour what would have probably taken Cloud the rest of the day, if not part of tomorrow, to cover on foot with Zack.
“Take these too. In case the Mako Poisoning gets worse.”
Cloud didn’t look at the curatives. He also didn’t argue with Cissnei. There was not much point in wasting his strength on it. And perhaps they would come in handy. Either for his Mako poisoning, or Zack’s injuries, or even to sell if things got desperate.
A quiet nod. “Thank you.” He said, even though he knew that taking even this much help from her could be sealing their fate for the worse. Cloud managed to get the box and the curatives tucked away, and then shifted his grip on Zack until he could support him upright.
Cloud didn’t look back as he listened to the chopper pull away.
“We’re almost there. It’s gonna be okay, Zack.” He murmured. The train would loop around the slums. They were nearest sector two, so getting to sector five would take a little while.
As Cissnei promised, the IDs got him by without any hesitation, though there were a few uncertain glances at him, at the way he supported Zack. Cloud ignored them and focused on getting them to one of the rear cars.
“Oh! Here, sit. You look like you need it more than me.” Cloud’s head jerked up, surprised by the familiar voice. Jessie.
Right. Jessie. Of course. What were they doing here? Cloud decided that it was probably best not to waste time trying to figure that out.
He considered arguing. But really, she was right. Sitting would conserve some of the strength that Cloud had left.
“Thanks.” He said instead, carefully getting Zack settled, at least. He gripped the bar the ran from the end of the bench to the ceiling of the train, struggling to stay upright for a second against another wave of pain that threatened to drain away what little strength he had left.
There was a moment of concern, a flicker of worry that maybe he wouldn’t make it as far as he wanted to, no matter what he did. When the wave was over, he sat down close to Zack, making sure there was a space between himself and Biggs for Jessie to reclaim her place. It didn’t matter that he was well inside of Zack’s personal space. It would be easier to keep him upright this way, anyway.
He caught Jessie’s eye and nodded towards the space he’d left. As he’d expected, given what he knew about her, she plopped down happily right there between them.
Cloud was thankful when her attention remained mostly on Biggs, though. He tuned out their conversation and focused on gathering what he could of his strength.
He’d be glad Tifa wasn’t on this train.
A pang of regret, now that he wasn’t rushing forward, now that he had a moment to just be while he waited for the next stage to start. Tifa and the kids, they would mourn him. Cloud didn’t know how to get back to them. Didn’t know how he’d ended up where he was now.
They’d probably be okay without him. But that didn’t necessarily make it easier.
Aerith had said he would go back. He’d been confused then, sure, but the phrasing still seemed to promise that he should have gone back to where he was fighting, or at least back to his own time… Eventually? Maybe with a delay or so.
… So to have ended up here… instead….
Cloud tried to remember what had happened after he talked with Aerith in the bright place. Lightning lanced through him, pain blinding him for a heartbeat.
“Are… you okay?” He came back to himself fully, aware of someone touching his shoulder. It was Jessie. At least it was someone he kind of knew, even if she didn’t know him. It prevented the defensive reflexes from taking over.
“I’m fine.” He said through gritted teeth, not looking at Jessie. Her hand pulled away.
Overhead, the announcement about their approach toward the Sector Five station came across, and Cloud was suddenly aware of just how much time he must have missed there between what felt like one moment and the next. The time slips were going to start to get to him. It didn’t bode well in the moment.
But Cloud was exhausted, and in pain. Maybe it would get better.
Carefully, he maneuvered himself back onto his feet and supported Zack back upright against his shoulder. Just a little further, he told himself. It was just a little further.
Most people didn’t spare him much of a glance once he was off of the train, which he was thankful for. Yelling kids and pressing crowds were common down in the slums.
But they mostly minded their own business.
Cloud saw him in the shadows of a building - in plain clothes, but dressed too nicely to be a resident. Tseng. Cloud averted his gaze quickly, and went down a side alley, hoping the Tseng had not seen him, though he wouldn’t exactly bet on it or anything.
He remembered the path to Aerith’s church well enough and took some of the less traveled paths to get there. Now that he was out of sight, it was nice to be away from the press of bodies. Cloud knew it would be easier to be lost among the crowds, but he couldn’t help but want the openness that the quieter path gave him.
He could have gone to her house. But that would have been… no. It was too forward. Aerith didn’t know him, and wouldn’t know how he knew her either. Safer to wait in the church. She would come to them, eventually. In the meantime, even with a hole in the roof, the Church would be a shelter from the elements, and that was as much as Cloud could ask for.
He got Zack inside and carefully moved some pews out of the way to create a space away from the flower beds that would make a good resting place. The box that Cissnei had said was for Zack and the curatives came next set down near Zack. Cloud removed his sword so that Zack could be laid more comfortably, propping it up within reach should either one of them need it.
Only then did he leave Zack’s side to get the doors to the church closed again. And then he came right back. Cloud couldn’t just leave him here, even if it would be better to make sure the Turk spotted him and go somewhere else. Leaving Zack alone here would mean leaving him defenseless. Cloud couldn’t do it. Especially not when he didn’t know when Aerith might find him.
Cloud settled down into the clear space beside Zack. The adrenaline was long worn off by now. He was sore and exhausted. Cloud knew they weren’t safe. No where was safe. But the hyper vigilance that had gotten him this far was waning fast and the quiet peacefulness of the church lulled Cloud into calm.
Cloud went from sitting beside him to laying stretched out on the hardwood floor, head pillowed on one arm, and the stolen infantry sword laid within easy reach, even without sitting up.
He studied Zack silently from this angle, and it was easy to convince himself that the other was only sleeping. That any moment he would simply open his eyes and smile and - Cloud didn’t know how long it would really take. But he knew that as long as Zack was breathing, then there was a chance.
Finally, he slept, all too aware that this was only beginning, and the nightmare was far from over.
“Wait.”
“I don’t know if I can keep doing this.” She said, not turning to face her leader. The red-haired girl didn’t have to. She could see his face in her mind, expression bland to anyone who didn’t know him intimately. She’d worked with him for long enough to know better. There was concern in those eyes.
He couldn’t save her if she walked away. Couldn’t shield her from the various scenarios that spun through her mind.
“Cissnei, you don’t even have somewhere to go.”
He didn’t know that, but he was right all the same. Tseng was good at that. A sigh. Cissnei turned. Her expectations were correct as her attention skimmed across Tseng’s expression.
“After Nibelheim…” Her voice trailed off, and she shook her head.
“You’ve always known that we would have a hard job.” He reminded her coolly.
“I know. And I know I owe everything to the company. But I…” she breathed out. “I hesitated. And maybe you agreed with the choice I made that day, but that might not always be the case.”
Tseng regarded her for a moment. “Let me pull you off of field duty for a while. We’ve lost a lot of members,” and they both knew why. “There are some administrative duties I can set you to. You’re better at them than Reno is, anyway. Take the time to think and make sure this is what you want.”
Cissnei recognized the offer for the out it was. An offer to ignore the resignation letter she’d put on his desk. An offer to keep it a secret.
Even if she didn’t stay, it would buy her time to prepare to vanish more effectively. Tseng wasn’t a bad guy. He was what they all were - a product of the environment that they had been brought into. Of the jobs they were ordered to do. Of the expectations placed upon them from young ages.
She’d been raised by the company, practically.
Cold mako eyes in her memory. Zack’s mistrust of her after Nibelheim reflected in them. Cloud, hazy but determined to protect Zack, refusing to let her help.
Cissnei knew she should walk away. There was every chance that the next order would be just as intolerable.
She swallowed. “Fine.” She said anyway. “Thank you.”
The paper in his hand crumbled. She knew it would be burned before it was disposed of. No one would know unless she tried to do this again.
“Go get some rest. I’ll see you in my office first thing tomorrow. We’ll discuss your reassignment then.”
“Yes, sir.”
Cissnei turned back toward the window for the moment, listening to Tseng’s footsteps as he retreated.