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“Well, it’s because I love you.”
Wade was sitting on Peter’s lap. Peter wasn’t quite sure how it kept happening, they were supposed to be watching a movie together at his house, but Wade somehow made it seem normal, a completely casual thing that friends did, and after a while, Peter got sick of calling him out on it.
Right now, Wade was fluttering his eyes in a way he supposed was supposed to be seductive.
“Please go out with me, Parker-san,” Wade continued in a falsetto voice.
Peter raised an eyebrow. “Sure,” he said finally. Anything to end this schtick.
Wade grinned and leant in to whisper in his ear. “I’ll make you the happiest spider in New York.”
“I’m sure you will. Pass me the popcorn.”
XXX
“Hey baby,” Wade said, appearing out of nowhere and sticking his hand in Peter’s back pocket.
Peter refused to jump and shot a quick look around the street his was walking.
“Where have you been?” If he didn’t address Wade’s behaviour, perhaps he’d stop. Or perhaps to phrase it better – if he commented on it, it was probably going to get ten times as worse.
Wade shrugged. “Super-secret mission for Wolverine.” He pressed a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell anyone.”
Peter gave him a look. “Right. Cos you and Wolverine are buddies now.”
“The best type of buddies. You know, where one buddy gets their powers from the other buddy and then works for him. Like you and that spider that bit you probably.”
“You think I work for a spider?”
“That’s why you call yourself Spider-Man right? Like you’re the spider’s man. Man who works for a spider.”
Peter elbowed him in the stomach. “Say it a little louder, I think there were some people in New Jersey that didn’t hear you.”
Wade slipped his hand out of Peter’s pocket, and slung it over Peter’s shoulders. “So you wanna go to the movies? Ooh, there’s a new Mexican place opened up a few blocks away. I think there might be an arcade round here too.”
Peter looked at his watch. “Sure, I’ve got time.”
XXX
Spider-Man dragged himself in his bedroom. He was exhausted, half dead and… and someone was in his bed.
He switched back into fight mode, and in a swift move turned on the light and jumped to a safe position if the person tried to throw anything at him.
Wade sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Spidey.”
“Wade?” Peter slumped. “What are you doing? I thought you were away on a mission.”
“Sleeping.” He shrugged. “I’m back.”
Peter rested against the wall. “Why are you… No, I don’t want to know.” He hit the light switch. “Scoot over, I’m exhausted.”
Wade willing moved over and Peter slid in next to him. He was asleep before he realised Wade had wrapped his arms around him.
XXX
“Wow, he’s hot,” Peter commented to Wade as a very attractive guy walked into the diner.
Wade gave him a look over, and then shot Peter puppy eyes. “Remember who you’re dating Peter. I’m much hotter than him anyway, right?”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Yeah baby you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Wade grinned at him. “Obviously you haven’t spent much time looking in the mirror.”
“Aw sweetheart you say the sweetest things.”
Wade nodded. “I only speak the truth baby boy.”
XXX
“Wade,” Peter said, walking into his kitchen. “You need to stop breaking into my house.” He rubbed at his head. “You’ve been gone for months.”
Wade hummed. “I’m making you breakfast.”
“It’s 10pm.”
“Breakfast-Dinner. Breinner. Trademarked.”
“I think that’s called lunch.”
“Shh, don’t let the patent office hear you. I’m already in deep water after I tried to trademark poltergasm.”
Peter ignored him. “Right. What’s for ‘breinner’ then?”
Wade grinned and presented him the pan. “A whole lot of wonderful things, sweetie pie.”
XXX
“Happy anniversary!” Wade chimed cheerfully as he stepped into Peter’s apartment with a bottle of wine.
Peter ran a hand through his hair. “What?”
“It’s our anniversary. One year.” He shrugged. “Granted, I was gone for like seven of those months and we didn’t really get to spend as much time together as I would’ve liked, but I understand cos you want to take it slow, and I mean like really really slow, like we haven’t even kissed yet but you know, you’ll get around to it when you get round to it and I’m sure it’ll be great and I think there’s a saying about waiting and it making things seem better and I really hope that’s true like it better be fucking fantastic cos I’m feeling a little neglected here, but that’s totally fine cos you’re busy and all-”
“Wade.”
“Huh? What’s up baby boy?”
“Have you seriously been doing this bit for a year now?”
“Bit… what bit?” Wade looked at him, confused.
“This,” Peter waved his hand, “the ‘we’re dating’ bit.”
There was a pause, and then suddenly, it was like Wade’s whole body imploded. His shoulders sunk and his head dropped and suddenly Peter knew he’d made a huge mistake.
“Hahaha, yeah, the dating bit.” He held up the wine. “One year of one really bad, horrible joke.” He gave another fake laugh, just as hollow as the first one, and put the bottle on the nearest surface. “Actually, now I think about it, I have a mission to go to. Yes. A very important mission, Logan won’t like it if I’m late, you know how he fusses.” He took a step backward. “So you know, have fun with the wine. Save a cup for me and all.”
“Wade,” Peter said again, in a sort of horror. “You were serious, weren’t you?”
Wade took another step backward, the door knob jamming into his back. “What? No, haha, guess I fooled you too, right? What a laugh, another comedic masterpiece from the Merc with a Mouth.”
Peter stepped toward him and put an hand on his chin, to force him to look him in the eye. “Shit.”
“Language,” Wade tutted.
“Fuck Wade, why didn’t you…”
What? Tell him? Wade had told him. Loudly. Repeatedly. With much force. All those outings, the hanging out together, the spontaneous dinners, the flirting. Oh god, Peter was as much a culprit in this as anyone.
No. He was the sole reason Wade was looking like that.
“I didn’t…” he tried again.
Wade gave him a tired shrug. “My fault, baby b-Peter,” he corrected himself. “I should have known.” There was a pause, and then he gave a more energetic shrug. “C’est la vie, right? I mean, hey, if we’re not dating, I can go find someone to fuck me. As I was saying, I was getting lonely, and the world’s a big place full of people who won’t be put off by this,” he pointed at his face.
And he’d been celibate too. That was the final nail in the coffin. Peter was a monster.
Not that he’d been having sex that year either. Superhero duties tend to get in the way, and besides, it’s not often he gets to meet gay men in his day-to-day life. Every moment he had free he was either sleeping or…or spending with Deadpool.
“Fuck.”
“That’s the idea,” Wade said in his fake cheerful voice.
Peter slapped his forehead. “No I mean fuck. Why would you stay with me, if you thought we were dating? I’ve been horrible.”
“I’ll take what I can get,” Wade said honestly. Then he pulled a face. “In a non-pathetic way. I mean, you’re handsome and brilliant and funny and you get my references and I figured that anytime I get to spend with you is better than no time, and I thought you might be asexual or something, or maybe like have old-fashioned ideas of virtue, or were maybe just completely repulsed with the way I look and that you’d bring it up with me sometime, but because I keep leaving for missions, you figured you didn’t want to wreck the small time we had together.”
“I…I don’t find you repulsive.”
“Well that’s good to know.” He gave Peter a smile. “I’m going to leave now, you know, before I say something else. Maybe start crying. You know how it is.”
“Wait!”
Deadpool froze, hand on the door.
“I just… I just need to process this. Can we sit down?” He waved at his couch.
Wade looked between him and the door. “Sure.” He said slowly. “But if I do start crying, I blame you.” He moved and sat on the couch.
Peter followed him, sitting on the opposite end and closed his eyes. Fuck. Wade wasn’t the only one who felt like crying.
Why hadn’t he seen the signs?
Because it was Wade. Wade who would joke about anything and everything.
Except this. Of course Wade wouldn’t joke about this.
Peter was an idiot.
Wade was humming.
Peter opened his eyes. Wade wasn’t looking at him, scratching mindless patterns into the couch’s arm.
“I’m an idiot.” Peter admitted.
Wade nodded, still not looking at him. “Yeah, I get that vibe off you.”
Peter slid closer to him. “Let me make this right.”
Wade shook his head. “I’m fine.”
Peter closed the distance between them, thighs pressed together. “I’m not,” he admitted.
Wade gave a half-laugh. “Well, okay, that makes two of us then.”
Peter tugged on his arm. “Let’s have a date. A proper date. You choose the place. We can go anywhere.”
Wade shook his head again. “I don’t want your pity.”
Peter’s eyes flared, and before he could even fully process it, he was moving, pushing himself into Wade’s lap.
Wade looked up at him startled. “I-”
Peter grabbed the sides of Wade’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. A proper kiss, the same one he should have given Wade a year ago, on this same couch, when Wade had asked him out the first time.
“Let’s have a date,” he whispered after they fell apart.
Wade blinked twice. “Okay,” he replied in the same tone. Then he came to himself and stood up, hands slipping under Peter’s legs to hold him up. “I hear there’s a new Pizza place that just opened up! You want pizza? Pizza’s a very good second-first date food.”
Peter laughed and buried his head in Wade’s neck. “Sounds good.”