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He didn’t know how he had ended up here.
Okay, that was a lie.
It only took one puppy-eyed look from Sirius to convince him to play some stupid party game with them in the common room after the party had died down.
He would much rather be curled up with his book and some chocolate right now, but oh well. He guesses he had signed up for this when becoming one of the Marauders. And it’s not like he didn’t like parties. Really, he knew how to have fun. Just, watching Sirius with red, wet lips from snogging some girl whose name he probably didn’t even bother remembering wasn’t Remus’ favourite past-time. It didn’t help that he was half-drunk already. Or it did. Remus kinda didn’t know.
“Pete, at least have some mercy on me with these dares!” whined James.
“Hiding Lily’s wand is not even hard, Prongs, get over yourself!” sighed Sirius.
“Yeah, I was trying to go easy on you, I could dare you to snog her for Merlin’s sake!” defended Peter with a glint in his eyes indicating that he really would.
James went pale and then his cheeks bloomed with red. He averted his eyes and mumbled something incomprehensibly, but got up to fetch Lily’s wand. She had left it next to her open book not far from them. James quickly grabbed it and almost tripped in his haste to get back to the little circle they formed in the middle of the room, with an empty bottle in the middle, right now pointing at an empty space.
“If she’ll hex me, I’m telling Pomfrey you’re gonna treat my wounds personally, Wormtail!” said James sitting, still a mixture of pale and red on the face. Peter just laughed and nodded to James to spin the bottle next.
Remus groaned and hid his head in his hands when the bottle pointed at him.
“Finally! Moony, truth or dare?” asked James with a smirk and a wild look in his eyes.
Shit. Remus would go with truth, but he has a feeling about what exactly James would ask judging from how he had caught Remus staring at Sirius just a few minutes ago. Sooo…
“Dare. Give me all you got, Prongs” sighed Remus. This would be his downfall.
“Oooh, feeling brave, aren’t we, Moony?” teased Sirius with an elbow to Remus’ side.
Remus just smiled wildly, feeling a bit drunker now when Sirius was leaning into his personal space like that.
“Well, the Sorting Hat did make the choice based on something” laughed Remus, earning a snort from James.
“Okay, sure, let’s see how much of this Gryffindor bravery exactly you have in you, Moony. I dare you to drink one of the potions Padfoot has in his trunk” dared James with a mischievous smirk.
Sirius squealed in excitement and Remus rolled his eyes.
“That’s such a stupid dare, Prongs. Merlin only knows what potions are there!”
James raised one brow. “Feeling scared, are we, Rem?”
“There isn’t any that would do real harm, Moons. The worst you could land on is probably the one that changes your hair to pink for a week, but you could pull that off no problem” Sirius winked at him with a playful smile.
And that’s how Remus found himself in front of at least twenty vials of different shapes and colours, with Peter and James looming over him and Sirius in front of him with a proud smile on his face.
“Those aren’t even labelled! How are we supposed to know what I’m taking?” huffed Remus. He kinda didn’t want to do this, but he knew he couldn’t resist a particular boy’s smile.
“And where’s the fun in that? Come on, choose the one that speaks to your soul, Moony” he heard laughter from James near his left ear. He rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time today.
He looked at Sirius hesitantly, who just playfully smiled at him, mischief dancing in his grey eyes, making them almost silver. He sighed, picking up a small green vial.
Here goes nothing, he thought, downing the potion to the sound of cheers from the other boys.
“How do you feel, Moony?” asked Sirius, still with a grin on his face.
“I’m in love with you”
Shit.
Shit shit shit shit shit.
What the fuck just happened? Shit. Did he really just say that out loud? Judging from Sirius’ slightly open mouth and a look of shock on his face, he really did. Shit. It’s like he couldn’t help it. It’s like he couldn’t-
Like he couldn’t help but tell the truth.
Great. Veritaserum. Just what he fucking needed.
James and Peter behind him burst into laughter, while Sirius was still staring at him with wide eyes, his cheeks gone pink. Remus was sure his were beet red.
“Oh, mate, this is just great! You really had to drink Amortentia out of all these potions.” laughed James, almost with tears in his eyes. “This is gonna be fun. Sirius’ face right now has made my whole week already!”
Amortentia.
Right. He could save this. Amortentia. Act like you’re on Amortentia.
Well, that won’t be that hard.
“Don’t make fun of Padfoot, James, don’t you see how pretty he is when he blushes?” said Remus with a shy smile after quickly recovering from his shock and terror.
James and Peter roared with laughter again, almost rolling on the carpet. If just telling the things he’d always wanted to say would make his friends believe it was Amortentia, then this would be so easy.
Remus looked to Sirius, who averted his eyes from the other boy quickly, his face stretching with a wide smile which didn’t quite reach his eyes. Remus looked at him quizzically, not being able to read his emotions.
“Okay, okay, this is gold, but you’re definitely not sleeping near each other tonight” James wiped the tears from his eyes, calming down a little, but laughter still stayed in the corner of his lips.
Remus whined involuntarily. “But I want to, Prongs” he blurted, his eyes widening for a split second before he realized he’s allowed to say these things now. Hell, it’s better if he does. “I want to feel the heat radiating off of him and trace his soft skin and Merlin, I want to li-”
He was interrupted by Peter’s hand on his mouth, who was half mortified and half laughing.
“Right, that’s enough Moony, you are definitely not going near Padfoot.”
It was then that Remus realized that Sirius hasn’t said a word since asking him how he feels (which was a very unfortunate question in this situation). He quickly looked at the other boy, still with Peter’s hand covering his face.
Sirius had seemingly not moved an inch, his body looking tense and frozen. He stared at Prongs with his jaw set. When he looked at Remus for a second, apparently sensing his gaze, he thought he could see panic in Sirius’ eyes.
Shit. He hadn’t thought about how the situation could affect Sirius. He was probably disgusted by the fact that his friend wanted to shag him, potion or not.
But the fear on Sirius’ face had so quickly changed to a playful smile that maybe Remus just imagined it all.
“Wormtail, let him finish, I would love to know what dirty things go on in that heavy head of his, especially if they concern me” he said with a wink in Remus’ direction.
“Then you can ask him when I’m not in the room cause I really don’t need any graphic pictures in my imagination, especially of you two” Peter shivered, but let Remus’ face go. He didn’t dare to open his mouth though, overwhelmed with Sirius’ even-more-straightforward-than-usual flirting.
Merlin, maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d thought.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
The problem with Sirius Black was that he takes over all of your thoughts once he manages to sneak his way into your head. And with Remus, he didn’t even have to try. He always had this magnetic pull in him, impossible to miss. Like, sure, he was good-looking, anyone could see that, but it was his overall presence that made him irresistibly attractive. Honestly, Remus didn’t know how Prongs or Wormtail weren’t in love with him as well. Was he the only one who could feel that magnetic energy that just pulled him in until he couldn’t breathe? Surely not, judging the number of girls (and some lucky blokes) that Sirius had snogged and/or shagged. Why couldn’t he have been just some random bloke in Gryffindor that got to snog Sirius Black? He knew he was jealous, but he also knew he wouldn’t sacrifice their friendship for anything - one of the reasons why he was so desperate to keep his secret crush under control and, well, secret.
Except he didn’t have to do that for the time being. At least until tomorrow, when Amortentia was supposed to wear off, he could be as lovesick as he could. He got one day of inconsequential openness of his pining. As Remus thought about it still laying in bed with his eyes closed after just waking up, it felt unbearably free. He knew his feelings would be inevitably once again caged after today and as happy as it made him to be able to be open about them, he didn’t know if he could handle going back to the way things were after this.
At least I’ll try to make the best of it, he thought and finally opened his eyes, only half-ready for the upcoming day.
He was practically immediately pounced on by Sirius.
“How do you feel, Moony?” he quickly asked, with a weird shadow in his eyes until they widened “Sorry, that’s probably a bad question for right now. Didn’t mean to… Sorry. Ehmm…”
Remus hadn’t even managed to get a single word in and Sirius was already moving away with wide eyes and red cheeks, seemingly having realized that being on Remus’ bed right now in such close proximity is not the best idea. His back collided with James as he was frantically shuffling away.
“Pads, chill a bit, will ya? It’s not like he’ll pounce on you, you don’t have to worry”
“Yeah, right, right, you’re right, yeah…” mumbled Sirius with his eyes scanning everything around but Remus. Was he… nervous?
This behaviour was so unlike Sirius, who would be delighted to have anyone drink his love potion. Was he really that worried that Remus would just throw himself at him and start snogging him out of nowhere? I mean, even Amortentia doesn’t induce that erratic behaviour and Sirius knew that.
“How are you, Moony?” asked James, with Sirius almost hiding behind him, still pointedly not looking at Remus.
“I’m fine. Didn’t sleep that well” Right. He couldn’t lie. He himself almost forgot that he drank Veritaserum and not Amortentia.
“Oh, and why is that?” James’ eyes were twinkling in that dangerous way.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius” Right. Well, at least the truth didn’t blow his cover.
James was now full-on smirking, while Sirius seemed to have regained his composure, a similar smirk on his lips, although the blush on his cheeks exposed him.
“Hmm, what exactly about me, Moony?”
“I- uhm- I don’t think you want to know.”
“Oh, please enlighten us, I would love to hear everything.” Sirius has stopped trying to make himself small behind James and now was once again getting closer to the edge of Remus’ bed, blush now gone. Remus couldn’t seem to find air in the room.
“I- uhm- I thought about how your- your eyes have that blue-ish flecks when in the right light. And how you always smell of smoke and leather and dog fur.” He got bolder as the red once again covered Sirius’ cheeks. “And how your hair looks so soft, especially when Lily braids it. And how enticing your collarbones look when you have it up. And how after a Quidditch practice your b-”
Peter appeared right next to him suddenly and has, again, covered his mouth with his hand. James was trying not to cry from laughter, while Sirius, now full-on blushing, was still staring at Remus, a shadow of a smirk remaining on his lips.
“Why do you do this to me, it’s not even 9!”
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
The day went on normally. Or, well, as normally as it could given the circumstances. Remus tried to limit his social interactions due to fear that he would say something he didn’t mean. Or, well, did mean but didn’t mean to say. He stayed in their room when James and Sirius went to Quidditch practice and Peter to the kitchens looking for his favourite cookies. He was trying to study, but his thoughts were too all over the place and he couldn’t focus. Normally, he would go to the library, which was an escape of a kind, but he was too scared to have to talk to someone.
He just started the essay Slughorn assigned them due Monday when James and Sirius came back from their practice, all sweaty, panting, and partially covered in mud. His breath caught when he scanned Sirius up and down, the urge to bury his face in his neck and just lick and nip and kiss even stronger than usual.
“Fuck me.” He realized he said that out loud when both heads snapped towards him with wide eyes and his own hand flew to his mouth.
James’ surprise has been replaced with laughter, while Sirius, again, blushed. He didn’t miss to respond, though.
“That can be arranged, but right now I just need a shower” and with a wink, he disappeared into the bathroom, Remus still mortified and now also attacked with very graphic images.
The rest of the day went by in similar manners. Remus would, more or less voluntarily, let something like that slip, James would laugh, Peter would groan, more or less loudly, depending on the explicitness of Remus’ confession, and Sirius would gradually blush less and flirtatiously respond more. Which was both amazing and torturous, Sirius talking to and looking at him like that even more than normal, even if jokingly. Remus was probably as horny and as deep in his feelings as ever, having had even the slightest taste of what it was to be Sirius Black’s interest.
“Okay there, Moons?” he looked up, torn out of his thoughts, to find no other than Sirius’ searching eyes. “Looked a bit lost in thought there.”
They were sitting in the common room, Sirius splayed out on the couch with his abandoned Transfigurations book on the floor, while Remus was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, his unfinished essay on his legs. He was desperately trying to focus, but his thoughts always drifted back to the boy next to him.
“Hm? Yeah, I guess… I guess I was a bit. I’m fine though. Trying and failing to finish the essay Slughorn gave us.”
“Ughh, booriing!” exclaimed Sirius in his usual dramatic manner while rolling (literally, rolling, how did he still look attractive doing that??) off of the couch and sitting in front of Remus. A smirk grew on his lips, silver flecks of mischief dancing in his eyes. Why wasn’t there enough air suddenly? “So, what were you thinking about, Moony, huh?”
“Sirius- You- you know what” Their proximity was killing him and Sirius seemed to only lean in closer.
“Well, maybe I would like to hear it from you. Merlin only knows what goes on in that pretty head of yours” his smirk grew, and his arm found the wall behind Remus’ head, almost caging him. It was both exhilarating and suffocating.
“P-pretty?” Fuck, why was he always a stuttering mess in situations like those? He envied Sirius’ smooth lines and quick wit.
The boy cocked his head to the side, chuckling under his breath, which Remus could feel on his skin. He was so close, just one move and they would-
“Can’t be the first person to tell you you’re pretty, am not the only one with eyes now, am I?” Sirius’ eyes seemed to want to take in all of Remus’ face, jumping from his eyes to the scar on his nose to his lips. He couldn’t breathe. He was almost sure Sirius could hear his pounding heart or at least see the pulse on his neck, which was going wild right now.
Just as he thought he could die a happy man now that Sirius had purposefully looked at his lips, the boy leaned in even more, leaving only centimetres of space between their faces, their noses almost touching. Remus was too hot in his clothes, his palms sweaty, his heart pounding and his eyes jumping between Sirius’ eyes and lips. He was just so close and smelled so good and-
Fuck. Fuck. What was he doing? Sirius was just taking the piss because he thought he’s on Amortentia. Fuck.
He needed to get away.
He quickly pushed away from Sirius and scrambled to stand up, dropping his parchment next to him, not really caring where it lands. He just needed to run, not be here, not be next to Sirius, fuck, he couldn’t be here right now.
He felt like he was losing his mind.
“Uhm- I- I have to go.” he blurted out, not looking Sirius in the face, not even having the time, just bolting out of the common room as fast as he could. Sirius could have shouted after him, but he didn’t hear it.
He ran, taking every secret door, secret passage, every turn that he could find, not even knowing where he was going. Just needed to get away, far from his feelings, far from Sirius, far from his tempting lips and irresistible charm and delicious smell and his stupid fucking potions from his stupid fucking trunk.
He couldn’t do this. He was glad the Amortentia was supposed to wear off tonight, cause he could not go through another day of this. He thought it’d be easy, he thought he had developed at least some kind of tolerance for Sirius’ closeness and flirtatious meaningless lines. Well, fuck him, cause apparently not.
Just as his legs protested from his running, he found himself on the top of the Astronomy Tower. He sighed. No wonder he would go here, he tended to come here when he needed to think or when his feelings overwhelmed him. He would sit, either watching the sun set or Sirius shine. Which didn’t help with his feelings, but he just couldn’t resist. It was almost as bright as real Sirius.
He slumped on the wall, eyes immediately drifting to Sirius also now.
He just wanted this day to end. He would wake up tomorrow, Veritaserum’s effect gone and he would laugh with his friends about how funny it was that he acted in love with Sirius. Everything would be back to normal and he wouldn’t even need to tell anyone that no, he didn’t drink Amortentia cause it wouldn’t matter. He just wanted normal back.
Suddenly, there was a sound of footsteps and Sirius had sat next to him before he even managed to turn his head. Fuck, he still smelled heavenly.
“I’m sorry, okay? It wasn’t fair of me to do that, knowing you’re on my Amortentia and all. I don’t even know why I did, I’m just- I’m sorry.” Sirius looked into his eyes with a soft expression.
“I don’t want you to be sorry” fuck, he really blurted that out. Sirius’ eyes widened for a second, but he concealed it quickly. He laughed quietly, not sincerely.
“I know, Moony, I know. It’s gonna wear off tonight and then everything will be normal again, okay?” He said, a small (sad?) smile on his lips.
“Okay…” Fuck, his lips looked so soft. So inviting. And he was sitting next to him, with a soft smile and soft eyes and soft hair. He could just- He could just try it… right?
So he leaned in, just a little. Sirius tensed, his body frozen next to Remus. His eyes flickered to Sirius’, but he couldn’t read anything in them. So he leaned in more, noses touching, lips almost, almost…
And then it was Sirius who pushed, who made the final move. And they were kissing, hot and desperate, but also unbearably soft. So soft. Sirius’ lips were so soft. It was perfect and it was more than he could’ve ever imagined kissing Sirius would be like. He licked the seam of his lips, eager to deepen the kiss. When Sirius granted him access, he explored his mouth like it was all he ever wanted (well, it kinda was).
Sirius tasted like smoke and chocolate and something so indescribably Sirius that it hurt. His hand found Remus’ hair and he tugged gently. Remus moaned, opening his lips even more. Their tongues danced until they had to come up for air. But instead of stopping, Remus attacked Sirius’ jaw and neck, planting open-mouthed kisses there and sucking on sensitive skin. He wanted to mark him, wanted the purple traces to last for days, even when he wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. He bit the skin above his collarbone and sucked on the front of his throat.
“Fuck, Moons…” groaned Sirius, once again guiding Remus’ mouth to his.
He needed more, more contact, more skin, more Sirius. He slid his hands under Sirius’ shirt, feeling his chest. Sirius froze suddenly, breaking the kiss and pulling Remus away from him.
Remus (did not) whimper.
“Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. What am I doing?” Sirius mumbled, seemingly to himself, wild eyes scanning Remus’ pleading face, both still panting. “Fuck, Moons, I’m so sorry. So so sorry, it’s so not fair of me to take advantage of you like that. You’re just- Fuck, it was just too tempting. Shit. I’m sorry”
And with that, he all but ran, before Remus even properly regained his breath, let alone form a response of some kind.
He raised his fingers to his lips, still wet and bitten. He just- he just kissed Sirius. Or Sirius kissed him. Fuck, that’s even worse. Or, well, better, he supposes. Sirius’ words replay in his mind. “It was just too tempting”. What did he mean? Could he- could he feel the same? Or at least feel some kind, any kind of romantic feelings towards him? Shit, he needed to talk to him.
With a newfound determination, Remus got up and went for their dorm, where he hoped the other boy would be. He didn’t know exactly what he would say, he just knew he had to talk to him, had to get some answers.
He all but stormed into their dorm, finding Sirius’ curtains shut and James and Peter looking at him confused and a bit worried.
“Pads… Can we-”
Sirius’ curtains flew open, revealing the boy sitting in the middle of the bed, his head in his hands. James and Peter still hadn’t said a word, looking even more confused and definitely more than a bit worried, glancing looks between the other two boys.
“I’m just- I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what came over me. Well, I know, but still, I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t fair to you. You’re on Amortentia and-”
“I’m not.”
All heads snapped up to look at him, even Sirius’, who hadn’t looked up before. He half hadn’t meant to say that, but there was no way back now.
“What? Did it wear off already?”
He suddenly flushed under the investigative gaze of all of his friends.
“No, I’m- I kinda… lied. About that. The potion, it’s- it wasn’t Amortentia.”
“What?!” Sirius got up from the bed this time, looking half curious and half angry. He took two long steps and was now standing directly in front of Remus.
“It was- well. I- It was Veritaserum.” finished Remus in a whisper, scared to meet Sirius’ eyes. There was definitely no going back now.
Sirius froze, and when Remus finally gathered the courage to lift his head, his eyes were wide and his mouth half-open. At meeting Remus’ gaze, it quickly snapped close.
“So you…”
“I’m so sorry, Sirius, I didn’t plan on telling you like this, or at all, to be honest, which I kinda have to be. I tried to keep it under control, I really did, and I will get over it eventually, probably, and I get if you don’t want to be friends anymore or like, some space from me, I understand, I just… It wasn’t Amortentia, okay? I meant everything I said and I’m sor-”
His rambling was caught off by a pair of lips on his. He gasped in surprise, again tasting smoke and chocolate and Sirius. Did he just die and go to heaven? What was happening? Was Sirius really kissing him? Yup, he must have died. Oh well, if this is death, then he certainly won’t complain.
He returned the kiss, his hands grasping Sirius’ shirt, afraid to touch him to not scare him like before. His tongue met Sirius’ and he made a sound at the back of his throat. Sirius’ hands were at the nape of his neck, threading through the hair there. He stepped even closer and…
Heard someone clearing their throat. Shit, right, James and Peter were still in the room. He pulled away from Sirius, who groaned quietly, ready to kiss him again, but he turned his face towards James and Peter, the latter with one hand on his eyes and the other showing a thumbs-up, and James positively beaming on his bed.
He smiled shyly at them, hands still in Sirius’ shirt.
“Fucking finally!” James exclaimed, clapping his hands, obviously in glee.
“Well, not yet, Prongs, but you can stay for the show if you’d like” said Sirius with a smirk.
James almost choked on air, but grabbed Peter, now lurking through his fingers, and they both bolted out of the room as quickly as they could.
Sirius turned to Remus, his expression turning soft.
“We don’t have to do anything, just wanted them out of here. Just wanted to talk.” he smiled shyly, not an often look for Sirius Black. “Did you- did you really mean everything you said? From the start?”
“Yeah, well, didn’t have much choice, did I?” said Remus sarcastically, but blushing nonetheless.
“I’m in love with you too, you know? Realized a couple of months ago. But probably was for a long long time, I just desperately didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” Sirius’ hands still laid on the back of Remus’ neck, his thumbs now drawing circles into it.
“I’ve liked you since we met, probably” Remus confessed, not even fully aware of what he was saying. “Sorry, still on Veritaserum, you know?”
Sirius laughed, the laugh that Remus loved so much, open mouth and head slightly tipped back, with no inhibitions and no shame.
“I love your laugh” blurted Remus, his cheeks reddening.
Sirius smirked. “Well, well, I think I should dose you with Veritaserum more often.”
“No, thanks. I’ve been scared to talk to anyone the whole day. Had to stay here to study and I couldn’t focus and then you came back from practice and I couldn’t focus even more and-” He cut off himself, realizing he was rambling.
“Ah, yes, I believe I recall that some arrangements were made then that I think we should complete” Sirius’ smirk turned to a soft smile. “I mean, only if you want to, of course.”
Remus was left speechless.
“Uhm- yeah! Yeah, obviously I want to, I’ve been waiting for years!”
“Thank god! Cause I really don’t think I could’ve slept without doing anything, I think I’ve been hard since I saw you all cute and lost in thought in the common room.”
Remus wanted to laugh, but didn’t have time, as a pair of lips was pressed to his and he was definitely not about to pass up the opportunity.
“I can’t believe I can do this now” he sighed dreamily.
“What, love?”
“Kiss you, touch you, call you mine… I mean, if you want that, of course” he said, suddenly nervous.
“Of course I want to, have wanted to be yours for the longest time now. I’ve been so jealous of anyone who has even got close to you, you don’t even know”
“Well, if I had a boyfriend, no one would flirt with me…” said Remus with a sly smile.
“Oh, is that so? Well, then I think we can have that arranged... boyfriend”
“Yeah, I guess we can, boyfriend”
He tried to kiss Sirius again, but they were both grinning like idiots, unable to stop, so he was just met with teeth.
“Okay, okay, enough talking, give me something to dream about, loverboy”
“Your wish is my command, darling”
And with that, they stumbled onto the closest bed, which happened to be James’ (but don’t tell him that, he definitely doesn’t have to know, they cleaned it very well afterwards!), casting a blocking charm on the door just in case any of the other boys would get the idea to come back in the next hour or so.
And hell did Sirius give Remus things to dream about for the next ten years.