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They run into each other on Shibuya crossing in Tokyo. It’s a heavy thud collision with hard impact that has Sousuke doubled over. His left arm drenched in lukewarm coffee, his eyes are closed in pain as he half reaches for his aching shoulder. He curses. The offender is a flurry of waving hands and apologetic bows as he rambles a string of I’m sorry’s. Sousuke peeks a glare at him, ready to stare him down, only for his breath to hitch in his throat.
“Nitori.”
Ai raises his head at the familiarity of the voice and his eyes widen. Sousuke watches his mouth open and close, seemingly just as caught unaware as Sousuke to be faced with a ghost from a far-away past.
“Yamazaki-senpai!” he squeaks, unsure whether to look at Sousuke’s face or the floor. He half-straightens his posture before he slumps again, as if he changed his mind halfway through. Ai is smiling though, softly, gently; Sousuke finds himself returning it.
“Wasn’t expecting to run into you here,” he says, straightening slowly as the pain in his shoulder turns tolerable. Ai nods, his bangs shaking along. “I could say the same.” Sousuke tries to shake the coffee from his arm and curses when he notices some of it has gotten onto the end of his shirt’s rolled up sleeve. Of all days, he had to wear a white shirt today.
Ai holds up his empty coffee cup and lets the damage he’s wrecked sink in.
“Oh!” he yelps, reaching for Sousuke’s arm and holding onto it as if it will help, “Oh no!” Ai looks up to face Sousuke and the pure horror Sousuke reads in his eyes would have been amusing, had Ai’s fingers not been digging into his arm almost painfully. “I’m so sorry!”
Sousuke snorts, “I heard you the first ten times, no worries.”
Ai loosens his grip on his arm, and a slow blush burns upon his cheeks. He buries his face in his hands, mortified, and it almost looks as if he’s crying. Sousuke shifts uncomfortably when he notices some of the passerby’s throwing them curious looks.
“Seriously, Nitori, it’s fine,” Sousuke gives Ai’s shoulder a pat, trying to ignore the sticky feeling on his arm. Ai lowers his hands and doesn’t look too convinced. “Really,” Sousuke reassures him a second time and watches Ai process the situation and evaluate it closely. Sousuke feels like if he should blink, he would actually be able to see the gears turning in Ai’s head.
“Fine,” Ai breathes, “but let me buy you a cup of coffee or something in return some time.”
Sousuke has half a mind to reject the offer.
“Please, I feel horrible. It’s the least I can do.”
Sousuke sighs. “Alright, but let’s get off the crossing first, okay?”
Once they make it safely to the other side of the crossing and the lights turn red, Ai tells him he was on his way to class and that he isn’t keen on skipping. Sousuke offers to meet up later, when his arm’s not sticky with dried coffee and Ai’s not running late for a change. A smile lights up Ai’s face as they exchange numbers.
Sousuke may have met Ai in high school, but he discovers him from this moment on.
**
They end up in a little coffeehouse two weeks later. Ai picked it out, claiming it was his favorite and Sousuke has to admit his double espresso doesn’t taste half bad. Now that his shoulder’s not stinging more than usual and his arm’s not drenched either, Sousuke finds it easier to appreciate Ai’s company. Ai’s fashion choices are as questionable as ever, wearing a grey leopard print sweater on top of flashy blue skinny jeans. But at least he’s stopped stuttering every other sentence.
“Do you still talk to the guys from the swimming club?” Ai asks him, his bangs swaying along as he tilts his head. Sousuke notes he’s let his hair grow out a little.
“Just Rin, we talk every few days.”
Ai nods seriously as he sips on his frappuccino, his big blue eyes trained on Sousuke. It’s disquieting and Sousuke shifts in his seat. “You?”
Ai jumps a little in his seat, softly pushing his cup forwards on the table and gulping down what’s in his mouth.
“Yes, actually,” he says, “I video chat with Rin every once in a while, and Momo lives in my dorm building and insists on movie Mondays so, it’s pretty hard not to stay in touch with him.”
“Occasionally we meet with some of the other team members at this bar in Roppongi,” he continues, “I could invite you next time we meet up if you want to?”
Sousuke doesn’t really know how to turn the offer down, how to say that he isn’t really interested and that he has to focus on swimming, so he remains quiet. Ai seems to take it for a yes, and smiles so brightly Sousuke stares a little. They end up talking for a little over half an hour more and when Sousuke excuses himself, Ai’s all smiles about that too. They go back the same route for a little while, parting at the metro station.
The next day Sousuke tells Rin he ran into Ai the other day and is met with a curious ‘eh?’ on the other end of the line. Three weeks go by and Sousuke forgets all about his little run-in with his previous underclassman.
Until he gets a text on a Wednesday evening in late September.
Meet up with the guys @ The Drunken Dog, Roppongi. Friday night @ 21:30. Momo & 5-ish of the guys to be there. You coming? – received at 22:37.
Sousuke exits the texts and thinks to himself he probably won’t be going. He doesn’t take the time to respond. But all of Thursday he finds his fingers autopilot him back to the text conversation. During his ride on the metro, at noon when he’s eating lunch with friends, in between little moments when he has nothing to do.
The text is on his mind more often than not and it drives him a little cranky by the end of the afternoon. Sousuke finds himself in his swimming jammers in one of the dressing stalls at the pool and glancing over the text one last time. He sighs, and his fingers go to work.
Sure, I’ll be there. – sent at 17:53.
**
It’s 22:15 and Ai is running late, as usual. Minami’s already sent him approximately ten passive-aggressive texts asking him where he’s at, also as usual, and Ai sighs, thinking he’s only ever not been tardy back when he was Captain for the swimming club. The pocket of his coat vibrates and Ai sighs a second time, reaching for his cell phone as he gets off the Yamanote line and makes his way through the crowd. He feels like a mouse squeezing through the tiniest of holes.
“Minami?” he says to his phone.
“Senpai, you’re late!” a loud voice blasts through and Ai holds his cell at a distance. Not Minami.
“Momo! I know, I’m sorry. Give me ten more minutes, alright? I just got off the sub.”
A silence stretches on the other end and Ai checks to see if the line’s still connected. At last, Momo’s voice comes through again.
“Minami says you have five minutes, Nitori-senpai.” he says and the call is cut short. Ai frowns at his cell and shoves it back in his pocket, hurrying to get through the crowd. Sometimes he wishes he didn’t attend school in Tokyo, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the big masses of people every single day. When he sees the neon lights of The Drunken Dog, their usual spot, shining bright against the dark of the night sky, Ai smiles.
Despite its shabby name, The Drunken Dog is a nice enough place to go drinking. Ai smiles at the owner of the place when he enters and orders a beer, before finding his way to the group’s usual booth. There’s a group of seven present and Ai is just in time to hear Sousuke announce that he’s been job hunting lately.
“I guess that explains the uptight suit,” Ai grins as he whacks Minami against the back of his head playfully. Minami curses and sticks his tongue out at Ai as he settles in between Uozumi and Iwashimizu. Sousuke’s seated across from him, next to an already tipsy Momo. He’s inspecting his suit with a quirked brow, frowning back at Ai.
“It’s not uptight,” Sousuke says and Ai chuckles.
“It kind of is, senpai. For a small drinking get together with old teammates anyways,” Minami smirks. Sousuke shrugs. “Well, I didn’t have time to change after my last interview.”
The conversation shifts to job interviews and upcoming exams for the university students amongst them and the night passes by as quickly as the beers glide through Ai’s throat. At one point in the evening Momo excuses himself and stays away for a good fifteen minutes, after which Ai follows him to the bathroom to hold his hair. But it’s not until Uozumi and Minami are kissing again that the group decides to call it a day.
“You’re both drunk, go sleep it off,” Ai barely manages to pull the two apart and shrugs at Sousuke’s curious look.
“You have no idea,” Ai is giggling as he grabs his things together. He’s reciting his check list aloud just to be sure he’s not forgetting anything, and just to be sure the others can double check their own things as well. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d have to accompany Momo back to the bar the next day because of a forgotten key or cell phone. Ai tries to pull on his clothes but sways on his feet. A pair of hands hold onto his shoulders to steady him.
“Thanks,” Ai mumbles at Sousuke’s worried face.
“I’m taking you and Momo to your dorms,” is all he says. Ai objects, this is insulting! But Sousuke doesn’t look as swayed as his feet were.
“You’re drunk,” he states.
“Just a little tipsy,” Ai shrugs, grinning wide. Momo’s come to sling an arm around his shoulder as well, whining about how they should be getting to their dorms. Ai does his best to hold him up, but it’s more difficult than it should be in his current state. Sousuke smirks. Ai feels as if he’s lost a battle somehow, and Sousuke takes them home.
The night air is cool and Ai feels goosebumps grow on his skin. Momo’s clinging onto his arm, mumbling things into his shoulder. Sousuke is walking a little bit further, rubbing his arms and Ai’s glad he’s not the only one to feel the cold.
“So those two, huh?” Sousuke turns around, cautious smile at his lips. Ai nods.
“Yeah. That wasn’t the first time I had to pull them apart and it won’t be the last,” Ai explains. Momo’s nestling against his shoulder and his mumbling’s gone quiet, so Ai adjusts his hold and tugs him a little closer. Of course Momo would fall asleep as they’re walking home. Of course.
“Told you you’d need me around,” Sousuke says as he slings Momo’s other arm around his good shoulder and helps Ai steady Momo.
“So,” Sousuke starts again, making Ai watch him with his mouth half open in anticipation “what about you and?” He’s eyeing Momo and Ai chuckles. “Me and Momo?”
Sousuke nods. Ai’s chuckles multiply tenfold and Sousuke feels a little silly for asking.
“God no,” Ai’s laughter is making tears well up in his eyes, “Why would you think that?”
Sousuke shrugs.
“You seemed close, ‘s all.”
Ai shakes his head and laughs some more. As much as he appreciates Momo as his best friend, there’s no way. Then his laughter comes to an abrupt stop.
“Wait, how did you know I’m into men?”
This time it’s Sousuke’s who fills the air with laughter. Ai realizes he’s never really heard that before, not like this. He joins the laughter, and they chuckle all the way back to the student dormitory. They tuck Momo in and Sousuke accompanies him to his door. He bids Ai goodnight and Ai tries to master a smile but ends up yawning halfway through. He’s dead tired.
Sousuke’s made it halfway through the hall again, his back to Ai when Ai remembers.
“Oh right,” he says, “the suit. It’s pretty hot.”
**
Sousuke is surprised when he ends up being the one to ask Ai to meet up somewhere the next time. His text is short and to the point, but Ai’s reply is near instantaneous. They settle on Thursday, at the same coffee shop they met up at the last time.
Sousuke is ten minutes early, coming back from a job interview and he ends up waiting for twenty-five minutes. Ai is a thousand apologies materialized when he stumbles inside and settles into the seat opposite Sousuke with a cup of latte in hand.
“I lost track of time,” Ai explains as he puts his bags under their table.
“Another suit?” he asks and Sousuke smiles.
“They were hot, right?” he grins at the blush spreading over Ai’s cheeks. He notices that Ai’s hair is sticking to his head, wet, and Sousuke could recognize the scent of chlorine anytime.
“You still swim?” he asks, a little surprised. Sousuke is reminded of his days at Samezuka, and the nights he spent training Ai for the relay. Sousuke’s not in the mood for nostalgia, so he focuses his attention on Ai again. A blush creeps onto Ai’s features, coloring his nose red as he nods self-consciously.
“Not seriously, but every now and then – yeah,” he says. He takes a deep breath again a little later, as if he’s about to ask something, but then seems to decide against it. It’s no use, Sousuke can read the question from the furrow of his brows and the troubled crease of his mouth.
“I swim as much as my shoulder lets me,” he answers, “I’m seeing a chiropractor for my shoulder and do my exercises. It’s been a lot better recently.” Ai sighs at that, a little relieved, and a smile lifts back unto his face, pushing his beauty mark up. He rests his elbows on the table and places his head on his palm, fingers curling up against the side of his cheek.
“Do you still want to be a professional swimmer?” he asks. Sousuke startles a little and thinks of all the hours he’s spent at the pool in the past week alone. He thinks of his video chats with Rin and how it seems almost a given. He thinks of the way his shoulder still hurts more often than not. He thinks of his mother’s soft suggestions to better look for a solid job – ‘just in case’.
“Oh, it’s fine if you don’t want to reply!” Ai reassures him, “I was just curious, it’s all.”
“It’s the end goal,” Sousuke replies, short and curt but it seems to satisfy Ai’s curiosity well enough. There’s a surprisingly sheepish smile on his face and Sousuke frowns.
“You could totally pull it off though, y’know,” Ai raises his head to look up at Sousuke.
The blue in his eyes remind Sousuke of the pool water, almost just as artificially so. Except Ai’s eyes are not trying to imitate something they’re not, they’re genuine. Sousuke shrugs noncommittally. He doesn’t want to make it seem like he cares, not when he knows how the odds are against him every step of the way. They’re a wave of the ocean, slowly building up into a tall wall of water, ready to come crashing down and flood his lungs any time now. He’ll drown, for sure. But Ai doesn’t seem to want to let it go.
“I’m serious, you know,” he says, searching Sousuke’s eyes with his own, “You could do it. You could get there and make it happen.”
**
Meeting up at the coffeehouse becomes a regular thing. Sometimes they talk; about Ai’s classes and his coffee addiction, about Sousuke’s job hunt and how the interviews go. A lot of the times Sousuke’s interviews end in a disaster, but sometimes he brings back good news. Undecided news is good news, he figures. They talk about his training too and Ai regularly asks about his shoulder.
Most times they don’t talk much at all and it’s just Sousuke working on his job applications and Ai studying for his classes or writing. He tells Sousuke he wants to publish a novel one day, that he’s been writing stories ever since he knew how to write. Sousuke often wonders why he didn’t know about that earlier. They did spend a year together in high school after all.
What’s become the main characteristic of their meetings however is that no matter what, Sousuke always arrives first and Ai always runs late. Even when Sousuke’s running late, Ai is running even later. Ai drags him to more meet ups with the former swimming club too, and it’s how he notices that Ai turns red in his cheeks and neck when he’s had one drink too many. Sousuke always walks him and Momo back to the dorms when the evening’s over.
Sousuke’s come to notice a great deal of things about Ai recently.
He notices how Ai twirls his hair a lot when he’s tired, bags under his eyes as he works on a paper and yawns every ten minutes or so. He notices how Ai prefers cold coffee with a sweet taste, that has Sousuke’s toes curling in distaste at the thought of having to drink them. Ai’s teeth must be ruins. He notices how Ai’s bag is a mess, but no matter how messy he always finds his daily supply of candy first. He notices that although Ai’s bag may be a mess, his notebook turns out to be even messier. He notices how Ai sucks on his lips when he’s not sure of something or deep in thought.
He notices how Ai wears skinny jeans a lot too, and he especially notices how good Ai looks in them when one day he is faced with Ai bent over, looking for a lost pencil that’s rolled off the table and the itching it creates in his fingertips.
He notices how Ai’s never occupied with his phone when they’re at the coffeehouse, but never takes more than fifteen minutes to reply when they’re texting.
Sousuke notices how Ai’s like a sponge, eagerly absorbing both the time and information Sousuke’s willing to give him. Ever so slowly Sousuke’s schedule is absorbed by the boy in skinny jeans with the clear blue eyes, and he doesn’t even mind. Sousuke doesn’t mind. Instead he proposes they hang out even more, asking Ai if he wants to go swimming one time and Ai readily agrees with a shy smile and shyer eyes.
They meet up at the pool Sousuke tends to go and Ai is five minutes late, apologizes for his tardiness as they make their way inside. They each swim their own course and neither talks through the two hours they spend swimming laps. It’s when Sousuke’s waiting for Ai to get out of his dressing stall when they’re done, that Ai comes out holding a small tube of gel.
“It’s supposed to be good for the muscles,” Ai explains as he sits Sousuke down on one of the nearby benches and makes him reveal his shoulder. He rubs the gel into Sousuke’s shoulder and Sousuke pretends that the tips of his ears aren’t turning suspiciously hot.
This is how swimming together becomes a thing too.
**
The coffeehouse becomes a place where they break boundaries.
One afternoon in the coffeehouse, Ai tells Sousuke it is okay to call him Aiichirou, if Sousuke wants to. Sousuke’s reply is a tad bit delayed, but has Ai smiling as he returns his attention to his essay anyways.
“You can call me Sousuke, if you want to, too.”
**
A few weeks later, on an afternoon where Sousuke’s last interview for the day took a particularly bad turn and his shoulder’s hurting worse than usual, a thrumming pain that seeps into his attitude. He takes it out on Ai for being late again. Ai frowns and asks him what’s wrong, but Sousuke’s not in the mood. Not here, not now, not at all.
Ai takes his hand into his own and makes an attempt at pulling Sousuke out of his seat.
“We can go to my room and bum around all day, watch movies or something,” Ai offers. “We can eat comfort food – your pick – and complain about our lives, if you want to, I don’t know. ”
Sousuke doesn’t really feel like it.
“You don’t have to feel horrible by yourself, you know.”
But he doesn’t feel like being alone either, so he lets Ai pull him up this time (although he pushes himself up more than anything) and gathers his things. They get pepperoni pizza on the way and settle on Ai’s couch. Ai hands Sousuke the remote control for his TV and tells him anything’s fine. They end up watching a sappy ‘80s comedy series marathon. Ai laughs at his choice of television, but watches the series anyways, huddled under a blanket and munching on a slice of pizza.
Sousuke’s taken off the vest of his suit, and loosened the white shirt. His pants are crumpled from sitting on the couch in the most comfortable ways. Ai hands him a can of Asahi beer when he returns from the fridge and Sousuke happily takes it, opening the can and taking a greedy gulp. Ai takes a sip of his own can, a lot slower with it tonight than he usually is.
“Your room’s a mess,” Sousuke says after a while, taking in his surroundings once he’s feeling a little better. Ai scoffs, clearly offended this time around.
“I get enough of that from my mom. Next time, I’m not inviting you over.”
But he does. The next time Sousuke’s having a rough day and he loses hope job hunting or his shoulder hurts particularly bad, Sousuke will never even have to explain what’s bothering him because Ai will notice something’s wrong and ask him over. They’ll eat pizza and watch some silly, brainless TV show and drink a beer or two, enjoying each other’s company.
Sousuke won’t talk about the papers scattered on Ai’s desk, or the mess of clothes on the floor these times either. As if Ai threatening not to take him in anymore was a valid threat. As if Sousuke doesn’t want to risk it, risk this.
One particularly bad day, Ai doesn’t hand Sousuke the remote control, but gets out a board game and coaxes Sousuke into playing it with him.
“We’re not even enough people!” Sousuke says exasperated, but Ai shrugs. “I want to play,” he says. So they play, all day long. Halfway through Sousuke sighs and Ai doesn’t even look up, too focused on his game. His bangs have fallen over his eyes, and once again Sousuke finds himself noticing Ai’s longer hair. It suits him, he decides in the end, a lot better than the bowl cut did. There’s a small plate with candy placed next to their game, and Ai reaches for one before nibbling on the piece as he thinks about his next move.
The game’s not even that much fun, Sousuke thinks bitterly, not understanding why he’s still here, indulging Ai yet again. He lets himself lose. Ai’s ridiculously happy, but warns him all the same.
“Next time you play me seriously,” he says.
“So,” Ai says, rounding those big, haunting, blue eyes on him again, “what’s bothering you?”
Sousuke shrugs, but Ai’s eyes remain as focused as ever. Silence stretches around them, circling their wrists and bringing Ai’s hand to his. Ai gives his hand a squeeze.
“I don’t feel like I’m going to get there,” Sousuke says, “you know, make it?” Ai presses his lips together, worried. Oh.
“Your shoulder?” Ai asks, and Sousuke brings his eyes up from their hands to meet Ai’s.
“Yeah, job hunting hasn’t been exactly easy either.”
“It’ll work out,” Ai says.
“Half of the time I don’t even get a reply.”
Ai squeezes his hand a second time, half a heartbeat longer than last time.
“It’ll work out.”
Sousuke doesn’t understand how Ai can be so sure. Sousuke finds it annoying, to be frank. But a good kind of annoying, so he doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, he brings his gaze back to Ai’s hand holding onto his, and lets the silence continue its stretch.
At last Ai moves and he suggests they play another game. This time Sousuke wins.
When he finally works his way out of Ai’s dorm room, it’s two in the morning and Ai’s leaning against the post of his doorway. Sousuke watches Ai smile sleepily, suppressing a yawn and has half a mind to lean in and kiss him. He wants to, can feel his lips tingle with anticipation and his palms go clammy. He wants to, but he doesn’t.
He bids Ai goodnight and turns around, making his way down the hallway.
**
“So what’s the deal with you and Yamazaki senpai?” Momo corners Ai in the morning. Ai frowns.
“Nothing.”
“Really? I ran into him last night, when he was leaving. Isn’t the first time either,” Momo continues, much like a dog with a bone would, unwilling to let it go and tiresomely stubborn about it.
“Seriously, Momo, he had a bad day and came over for a drink. We played some board games, that’s all.”
“You sure that’s all?”
“Very sure.”
“100 percent?”
“Yup.”
“Like really, honestly su –”
“Momo!”
“Alright, alright – just making sure. You two have been awfully chummy lately.”
**
Usually Sousuke spends his Friday nights either hanging out with friends (the old swimming club more often than not as of late) or catching some sleep to go the pool on Saturday morning and swim laps for an hour or two. Ai’s started accompanying him every Saturday too.
This Friday night however, Sousuke ends up in bed staring at the screen of his laptop. He’s looking at one of the pictures Minami tagged him in from their last club get together. Every since he started college, Minami has grown an interest in photography and drags his camera with him everywhere. Even to drunken nights out with old friends that don’t have a clue what to do with their lives.
Except Sousuke may now have an inkling.
He sees himself in the picture, smiling, and Ai, seated next to him, hiding his face in the crook of Sousuke’s neck. Sousuke can still remember how embarrassed Ai had been, unwilling to be photographed whilst his cheeks were reddened from the alcohol. It was all for shame however, because his neck is spotted a rosy red in the picture.
Sousuke thinks that they look close on his screen. As if they could be dating. But maybe not. He linked Rin to the picture earlier, asking if it looked like they could be. Rin had asked him if something was the matter, if something was happening.
Sousuke wasn’t sure. Except that maybe he liked the idea, that people could stumble on the picture and think about it, just assume that they were together much in the same way Sousuke first assumed Ai and Momotarou were. Sousuke doesn’t much fancy that thought anymore.
He wanted to kiss Ai last time, standing in front of Ai’s doorway. But Sousuke’s not sure if what’s between them is of a romantic nature or if they’re just friends. It’s sexual, sure. But it could be a just friends kind of sexual. It happens. Whatever it is that exists between them, it’s a slow burn and Sousuke can feel it burning all the way to his gut, where it has pooled and set ablaze into a furnace. Sousuke runs a hand through his hair and wonders what he’s doing.
This isn’t right.
Sousuke closes the webpage and tells Rin he’s fine, nothing’s wrong, and he definitely doesn’t daydream about kissing Ai or squeezing his skinny jeans covered thighs in his hands.
At all.
**
He meets Ai the next morning to go swimming and waits for him in front of the entrance. When Ai asks him why there are bags under his eyes upon meeting him, Sousuke changes the topic. Ai doesn’t seem to notice, and instead happily yaps on about his new swimming briefs. Except for the short while of Ai showing off his new swimming briefs, they go about their usual business. They each take a lane, and each swim their set amount of laps.
Once they’re done and dressed, Ai once again comes up to him with the gel and kneads his fingers into Sousuke’s shoulder. As slow a burn it may have been, the fire has come licking at the foundations of their friendship and the building is about to crash. Sousuke’s going to end up buried under the ashes, he’s sure of it. He doesn’t know Ai will be there too.
The massage gel has long since been kneaded into his skin, but Ai keeps moving his fingers, digging harder than usual into Sousuke’s skin. Sousuke hisses at a particularly strong squeeze of Ai’s hand, and Ai’s quick to apologize, closing the tube of gel and walking off to wash his hands.
“You up to something today? My class got cancelled,” Ai asks when they’re walking to the subway station. Filling out more job applications, probably, Sousuke thinks. He has to run some errands too, lest he is to run out of food. And he should probably look for some part-time job somewhere too, if he wants to keep his apartment.
“The usual, I just have to shop for some groceries first,” he says, lowering his gaze to meet Ai’s. Ai invites him over, but Sousuke has another idea.
“My place is closer, if you’d like?”
They take a short stop in Sousuke’s favorite 7-eleven, quick but drawn out more than usual as Ai stops every once in a while to inspect an item that could be potentially interesting and asking Sousuke’s opinion, which is indifferent. Ai scolds him for it, tells him he needs to speak up more.
Sousuke opens his front door to let Ai inside a little while later and Ai gushes as he enters the living room.
“It’s so big,” he says, smiling bright as ever. It isn’t really, but Sousuke lets Ai take it all in at his own pace without making any response. Instead he makes his way over to his tiny kitchen and goes about sorting through his groceries. Ai sneaks up on him, peering over the counter.
“Need any help?”
“It’s fine,” Sousuke says and Ai disappears. He finds Ai browsing through his books a little later and Ai blushes scarlet before he takes a seat at Sousuke’s table and writes through the afternoon as Sousuke works on his things. Ai turns out to a litterer and forgets his journal at Sousuke’s place. The next time it is board game, then it is a cardigan, another time Ai forgets his laptop.
“It’s nicer,” Ai replies when Sousuke asks him why his apartment has become their new hangout. “It’s not as noisy as mine, and it’s so spacey, too!”
One particular evening Sousuke’s running late after an interview lasted a little longer than expected and texts Ai to see if he’s available. He is. Sousuke finds Ai hugging his knees, waiting by his door with a smile and two bags worth of groceries as requested beside him. He asks Ai to join him for dinner as a way of thanking him and Ai notes later it’s the best he’s eaten in a while.
“I usually just eat microwave food,” Ai explains and Sousuke tries not to be curious. He fails.
“You can’t cook?”
“Barely.”
Ai leaves his place that evening with an extra key in his coat’s pocket – just in case Sousuke ever needs his help again – and leaves behind his creative writing binder. Sousuke stocks it atop the ever growing pile of “Aiichirou’s stuff”.
**
It’s been a while since Sousuke last had a video chat with Rin, but they make the time on a Thursday after Sousuke’s swimming training. His shoulder’s been hurting less as of late and it’s showing in his performance. His coach was more praising than usual today as well.
The mess in his apartment is brought up in the conversation somehow.
“Aiichirou’s been coming over lately,” he says. Rin nods in understanding, that explains a lot. Sousuke guesses that yeah, it kind of does. Ai’s been slowly infiltrating his place lately, to the point where if Sousuke turns on his CD player, it’s Ai’s music blasting through.
“You sure he doesn’t live with you? There’s more Ai in view than there’s you and you’re sitting right in front of me.”
Sousuke chuckles. Ai stays over at his place so much, he might as well be. Sousuke cooks them dinner more often than not and he’s certain he’s found some of Ai’s shirts in his laundry before. He’s started relying on Ai for groceries a lot more too and lets him stay over in between classes, even when Sousuke’s out. In return, Ai makes sure his groceries are done and put in place before Sousuke comes home.
In return, Ai makes sure there’s someone in his apartment to come home to.
He doesn’t tell Rin that however, nor does he say anything about the key he trusted Ai with. Whatever’s happening is between the two of them and it feels wrong to talk about it with someone else. So Sousuke changes the subject.
He stops the chat at around 7 PM and gets started on today’s dinner. Thursday’s are Ai’s late days. At around 8 there’s a knocking on the door (Ai always insists on knocking before using his key, no matter how much Sousuke reassures him it’s okay to just use the key) and when Sousuke opens it Ai stumbles inside, his coat and hair drenched. Ai’s brows are furrowed and there’s a pout on his lips that could be permanent.
“It’s fucking raining cats and dogs outside!” he cusses and Sousuke knows that must mean he’s in a bad mood. Ai disappears into his bathroom and Sousuke returns to his food cooking on the fire. Dinners are never silent but usually it’s Ai who chatters on and on. This time it’s Sousuke who fills the space with talk about his training and improvement, Ai digging into his food viciously.
“Anything the matter?”
Ai meets Sousuke’s eyes and frowns, before looking to the side.
“I got a bad grade on an essay,” he says at last, “and today’s classes were exhausting and then it was raining but I forgot my umbrella.” Sousuke knows that much, Ai’s umbrella is hanging on Sousuke’s coat rack. “It’s just – today sucked.”
They don’t talk much after that, but Ai nestles on his coach, curled up like a sleepy housecat. Sousuke brings him a beer and puts on his TV. There’s not much to see and Sousuke finds his mind wandering, his eyes following close behind and settling on the body next to him. Ai’s breathing has evened out, his locks sprawled across his cheek and his beer half-touched. He truly looks like a cat, warm and cozy and home. Maybe Sousuke should keep him.
It’s a treacherous thought, the same kind as the ones he entertains when Ai isn’t around and he feels lonely or when he cleans up and proceeds to miss the mess Ai’s made. His hand’s half stretched, reaching for Ai’s hair when Sousuke catches himself and retreats.
When Sousuke’s about to go to bed, he doesn’t wake Ai. Instead he searches his closet for a blanket and tucks Ai in. Ai sleeps through the night on Sousuke’s couch, curled up and smiling. Sousuke gets to keep him for a little while.
**
Meeting up with Sousuke has become such a natural thing, it feels weird when they go swimming in the afternoon instead of the morning on Saturday. Ai thinks to himself that it explains why he’s early for a change, waiting for Sousuke to round the corner any time now. Sousuke found a small part-time job as a cashier and works the mornings nowadays.
When Sousuke rounds that corner as Ai knew he would, he can feel the ends of his lips curl upwards into a smile. Ai used to be so nervous when they first hung out, like he had back when they had been in high school. By now Ai has learned that Sousuke is never particularly chatty in general, and has learned how to communicate with that silence.
“You’re on time,” Sousuke says, eyes wide with surprise. Ai chuckles.
“Don’t get used to it.”
Swimming in the afternoon doesn’t turn out to be all that different than swimming in the morning was. They fall into their habits like they always do and swim their laps, then return to the lockers. The only exception is that the pool’s more crowded than it is in the mornings. Sometimes Ai takes a small break to catch his breath and watch Sousuke glide through the water as if it was his natural habitat. Ai always ends up staring a little too long and he wonders if Sousuke’s caught on yet.
Ai hopes not.
Once in the lockers Ai wastes little time toweling himself dry and pulling on his clothes. Sousuke’s by his door, asking if he’ll take much longer and Ai flicks it open.
“Just a second,” he says as he reaches for his tube of massage gel and turns around, slipping on the wet tiles and yelping, loud, as he manages to steady himself at the last minute. As if summoned by magic, Sousuke’s through the door and inside Ai’s cabin in the matter of a few seconds.
“Ai?” he asks, looking down. Ai forces a smile and pulls himself back upright, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.
“I’m fine, I slipped,” he explains but Sousuke keeps staring. Ai smooths his fluffy post-swimming hair down with the palms of his hands nervously. “Sousuke,” he asks, unsure what’s happening, “you alright? Is it your shoulder?”
But Sousuke’s still staring, droopy eyes so intense it makes Ai fidget uncomfortably.
“Sousuke?” he tries again, softly and barely getting the word out before his lips are covered. Sousuke’s kissing him and gods, Ai’s wanted this. He’s wanted this for so long. Maybe he’s even wanted this since those nights spent training in the pool with Sousuke at Samezuka. Maybe he’s wanted it for that long, maybe longer. Ai can’t find it in himself to care anymore, his thoughts like water swirling down the drain.
Ai can feel the cabin push against his back and Sousuke’s hands squeeze his thigh, pushing him up as they kiss. They’re kissing, god, they’re kissing. Finally, Ai thinks, they’re kissing. There’s a hand in his hair and then it’s tugging on his locks and Ai grunts with satisfaction. It feels so good, like this, when it hurts. His legs cling onto Sousuke’s waist and his hands reach up to hold onto his shoulders. Sousuke’s grinding into him, his lips finding their way to Ai’s neck as his hands pull at Ai’s silver hair again and again and again.
It’s good. So good. Better than Ai imagined it could ever be.
“Aiichirou,” he can feel Sousuke’s breath against his collarbone before teeth bite into the flesh there. “No,” Ai whines and Sousuke looks up, eyes dark and hooded, “Ai. Call me Ai.”
“Ai,” Sousuke smiles and Ai wants to groan and hide his burning face in the crook of Sousuke’s neck because he’s never seen it that bright before, never that genuine, not when it’s directed at him. Instead he grips onto Sousuke’s shoulder a little stronger, pushes himself up and kisses him. Hard. Except there’s a hiss and Ai leans back, confused when he sees the pained look.
“Sousuke?”
“It’s nothing.”
Sousuke tries to kiss him again, but Ai places a hand over Sousuke’s mouth.
“It’s your shoulder, isn’t it?” he asks. Sousuke nods and glares at him, but Ai’s unfazed. “We shouldn’t be doing this here anyways,” Ai says, his tone final, and Sousuke relents, lowering Ai’s feet to the ground.
Ai can feel his cheeks heat up when they exit the cabin and are met with a scandalized old lady's glaring. It’s alright though, he thinks, because Sousuke squeezes his hand and Ai squeezes back.
**
Ai's touch is soft against Sousuke's skin when he crawls into his lap and places a hand against the back of his neck. Sousuke still can't believe this is really happening, except then Ai's lips are back on his and they taste a little like chlorine and the can of soda he drank on the subway.
It clouds his head and Sousuke kisses the side of his neck, suckling onto the skin to hear Ai moan in that honeyed voice again. Like he did earlier, caught between the wall and Sousuke's body. Now, it's Sousuke who finds himself trapped. In between the blankets on his bed and Ai's body seated on top of him. His shoulder stinging a little still.
Ai lets his head fall back, revealing his neck even more and Sousuke takes the invitation, sinking his teeth into the skin and biting little love bites, rewarded with the hitching of Ai's voice. Ai rolls his hips against his own, and then it's Sousuke whose breath hitches, cursing softly as he tries to steady his breathing.
His hands find their way to Ai's ass, grabbing the cheeks and squeezing hard as he rolls his hips back against Ai's. The whimpers that escapes Ai's throat are louder than Sousuke's had been, and Sousuke smirks against Ai's lips.
It's a flurry of touches and kisses and somewhere in between Ai reaches for the button of Sousuke's pants, reaching inside to pump his dick. Sousuke curses, throwing his head back and opening his mouth as Ai's fingers work on his cock. But it's Ai who ends up a keening mess.
“I've wanted this for so long,” he whispers, leaning his head against Sousuke's good shoulder as he pumps up and down, all the whilst grinding into Sousuke's leg to find friction for his own. Sousuke raises his head again and looks at Ai curiously.
“Yeah?” he asks, voice heavy. “How long?”
Ai whimpers.
“I don't know,” he looks up and leans forward, pressing kisses to Sousuke's lips.
“A while? Forever? Maybe?” he answers in between kisses, sucking on Sousuke's lower lip. Ai's worked his boxers down and when Sousuke bucks up into the touch of Ai's hand, he notices that Ai's lost his own pants along the way as well. Good.
Sousuke's fingers dig into Ai's ass again and Ai grinds against his stomach, eyes lidded and hair sticky against his forehead. A hand reaches up and grabs a fistful before tugging on it, hard, and tilting Ai's head to the side. Sousuke sucks bruises into Ai's collarbones.
Ai retaliates by wrapping his hand around both their dicks, pumping at an increased speed. Sousuke bucks into the touch, fast, greedy, faster still and bites down on Ai's skin as his mind glitches and flares and he ends up cumming, plastering Ai's collarbones with more than just his bites. He kisses Ai's jaw and licks at the mess he's made before he wraps his hand around Ai's and sets a pace, until Ai is cumming too, a whimpering mess against the crook of his neck.
It takes a while before Sousuke manages to level his breathing.
**
Ai texts Momo later that night saying that he won’t be able to walk to the campus with him in the morning. He wakes up to Momo’s reply a short while later.
You finally slept with him, didn’t you? Good for you, senpai! – received at 03:41.
So... Was it any good? - received at 03:44.
Ai groans and stuffs his face into Sousuke's side.
**
If Ai wasn't practically living at Sousuke's place before, he definitely is now. Sousuke can't move a foot without running into something that is Ai's and cursing loudly at the mess the other has made of his apartment. But the mess can't measure against the satisfaction Sousuke feels when Ai just seems to fit against his body; the way Ai nestles his cheeks effortlessly against Sousuke's stomach, the way his leg fits perfectly between Sousuke's own, or the way Ai's arm clings around his body.
Sousuke likes the smell of Ai's shampoo too, and the way he's made Sousuke's place his own – despite the mess – as if he's been living there for years. One Friday evening Sousuke comes home to find the guys from the swimming club in his apartment, drinking a beer around his table. Momo jeers when Sousuke walks in, and when Sousuke raises a brow at Ai, Ai explains he invited them over instead of going to the Drunken Dog, that this could be their new spot.
Ai sweeps into his life and doesn't let go again.
Sousuke even likes the way Ai makes him run late in the mornings. Ai sleeps sprawled half on top of Sousuke sometimes, face glued to Sousuke's chest and Ai's never been a morning person. So when their alarm rings and Sousuke has to get up and dress for the day, he will take a glance at Ai's sleeping figure and turn the alarm off, let himself fall back asleep. He can never bring himself to wake Ai up when they sleep like that.
Ai takes care of him too, always the first to fret about his shoulder and push Sousuke against the bed (their bed?) and massage it until his muscles burn and his gut stirs alive. There will be a knowing glint in Ai's eyes and he will smirk, leaning down and pressing a kiss against Sousuke's forehead. One time Ai tries to cook him breakfast and ends up in Sousuke's arms, twirling through the kitchen laughing as they both agree that he's never to try that again.
Somehow, Ai takes Sousuke's apartment as an empty frame and fills the blanks, turning it into a home.
**
Ai's in class when he receives a text from Sousuke, asking him if he's doing something for the holidays. Ai's overworked and tired from cramming for finals and figures that by the end of the exam period he'll definitely appreciate what little time with Sousuke he'll get to spend. Sousuke hasn't been around a lot as of late, having found a decent job and having to attend training with his coach. Ai looks forward to it already.
Except he's supposed to be going home over the holidays. He sneaks out of class and calls his mom. Once he's finished, he texts Sou. It's fine.
**
On January fourth they go to the movies for Ai's birthday and end up at Ai's place for the night because it's closer. Ai's back is pressed against Sousuke's chest and Sousuke's wrapped a protective arm around him. When they wake, Sousuke presses a kiss to Ai's shoulder and huddles a little closer, only to be met with excited giggling.
“They're so cute, honey, oh my god, look!” a high-pitched, feminine voice squeals with delight. A deep and tired sigh follows up. Sousuke freezes, turning his head to see two blurry figures standing at the other end of Ai's dorm room, just as Ai jumps up in his bed with a loud, “Mom?!”
“Surprise!”
Ai ends up sending his parents out for a while and apologizes profusely to Sousuke, who scrambles to get his clothes together. Once they're presentable and not-so-naked anymore, he sends them back in, his ears and cheeks flushed in dark red colors. His mother is smiling brightly, fidgeting with curiosity as she nudges her husband every once in a while, who looks a lot less excited about the sudden turn of events. He motions towards Sousuke.
“This is... ?” he asks his son and Ai stutters, but Ai's mother huffs at her husband.
“The very important paper he had to stay in Tokyo for, remember?” she exclaims, smiling brightly as she closes up on Sousuke and starts introducing herself excitedly, before interrogating him in return. Sousuke ends up stammering, almost as badly as Ai used to back in the day. Ai's mother tells him so anyways. Ai groans and puts a hand on his mother's arm, tugging her back a little.
“Mom!” he hisses, and she seems to get the hint. “What are you doing here?”
It's his father who responds.
“We figured we'd come cheer up your days of paper-writing to celebrate your birthday. … But I don't think you've been doing a lot of paper-writing recently, have you?”
Ai blushes even harder, if that had been possible, and tries to hide his face in the palm of his hands, but his mother's holding onto them as excited as she first had been. “No,” Ai squeaks, and Sousuke can feel his embarrassment all the way to where he's standing to the side awkwardly.
“Sooo,” Mrs. Nitori inquires, “who is he?”
“His boyfriend,” Sousuke replies for him. This time Ai turns to look at Sousuke in surprise and Sousuke makes an effort to smile. He properly introduces himself to Ai's parents and when they offer to go grab a bite at a restaurant, Sousuke accompanies them like a proper boyfriend would.
Mr. Nitori is a grave man, serious and stern and he fries Sousuke on the more practical subjects, such as his job and his income and what Sousuke thinks will happen to the economy now that the economic reforms have begun, generally not pleased with what he hears. But Mrs. Nitori will have none of it and tuts her husband into silence every ten minutes or so, before pleasantly asking the two how they met, how long they've been together, making general small talk and giggling in much the same manner Ai does when Sousuke tickles him during kisses or cuddles on their couch.
Sousuke is surprised by how easy Ai's parents take the news and finds his thoughts wondering to how his own parents would react to Ai. As for Ai, he is fidgety throughout the day, seemingly annoyed and worried about his parents' appearance and he keeps stealing worried glances at Sousuke all day long, as if he's afraid Sousuke will vanish into thin air from one second to the next. Sousuke links their sweaty fingers together when he can and tries to smile encouragingly.
They can do this, together.
It is nine in the evening when Ai manages to get his parents to leave, and when the door closes behind them he sighs gravely. Sousuke rubs up and down Ai's arms, resting his chin on Ai's head.
“I'm sorry for this,” Ai says, “this isn't exactly how the day was supposed to go.”
Sousuke hums disapprovingly. “I didn't mind. Your mom's nice.”
“My dad was mean to you! Really rude actually!” Ai cries out in objection, turning his head to look at Sousuke. There's that stubborn and fierce little glint in his eyes that Sousuke likes so much, and Sousuke shrugs, smiling lazily.
“He was, a little. I don't mind though.”
He circles his fingers around Ai's wrist and pulls him back to his bed. Sousuke sits down on the edge, grinning as he tugs at Ai's arm.
“But!” Ai objects once more, but Sousuke pulls particularly hard and Ai ends up colliding into Sousuke's chest. They fall back on the bed, a momentary chaos of legs and pillows and blankets.
“I don't mind,” Sousuke repeats, nuzzling his nose into the back of Ai's head and smelling the honey of Ai's shampoo there.
“Fine. Whatever,” Ai pouts and lets the silence wash over them as they lay there and let the day sink in.
**
It's early morning when Sousuke speaks again, a warm smile on his features as he buries his face in Ai's silver locks.
“Do you remember that one night I took you home, after my first get together with the guys at the Drunken Dog?” he asks and Ai nods, humming softly. Sousuke presses a kiss to the back of his head. He feels good, nestled against Ai with their feet entangled and hearts beating to the same pace. It feels nice, knowing that he'll get to return to this from now on.
“Do you remember that we kissed? At your door?” he asks again and Ai takes a deep breath.
“I thought that was a dream!” he cries and Sousuke chuckles.
“It wasn't.”
**
It feels a little like home.