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Enough for a Lifetime

Summary:

Jeff Moreau just wanted to get out of the Academy and fly among the stars. It didn’t matter where he went, or how he got there—he knew he’d be proving himself for the rest of his life regardless. A year in, and everything was going to plan, until someone stumbled in and refused to leave. Like a guiding star, Ashe Shepard was a woman worth following, and Jeff found himself plotting every course in reference to her. He might bear an Alliance rank, but he’ll always be Shepard’s pilot above all else. Other’s may gladly fly her into hell, but Joker would be the only one to risk everything to bring her home.

Ashe Shepard didn’t ask for her scars, but she would bear them for the rest of her life. It was easy to find oneself adrift among the stars, yet she found herself an anchor in the maelstrom. Ashe might take on the galaxy, but Joker was always there to be her safe harbour amidst the blood and the chaos. When the day comes where she must stand on the precipice, Ashe will do whatever it takes to ensure Joker doesn’t fall with her into oblivion. He might be her pilot, but it’s her duty to bring him home to peaceful shores.

Canon-related AU starting at the Academy in 2173.

Notes:

Needless to say, I have *a lot* of feelings about Shep and Joker, figured I might as well get them out on paper. And then the words didn't stop. Wanted to write a less 'in your face while kind of being a bitch' Shepard. (Okay I have a lot of feelings about the character writing in Mass Effect too).

Decided to jettison a lot of canon out the airlock, and also pulled a bunch of lore out of thin air. That's why they call it a 'personal canon' right?

Update: I was just going to edit the manuscript as it was, and ended up doing a whole rewrite. It's *almost* more canon-compliant now, but I played fast and loose with the dates, and am taking the liberty in filling in a lot of blanks. I will eventually post a timeline on my tumblr in case anyone is interested. Other than that, I hope you enjoy the redux of Enough for a Lifetime! ~allegra

Chapter 1: Arrivals

Chapter Text

April 2173

The bustling metropolis of Tokyo was overwhelming even before Ashe had set foot on the ground. Disembarking the shuttle on the outskirts of the Alliance base, the eighteen-year-old wondered how she would ever learn to find her way around. Even aboard the SSV Kilimanjaro, the dreadnought that had been her home for the past three years, Ashe would still manage to get lost. Now she stood dwarfed by the tallest buildings she had seen in her life, and more people than she could imagine, all existing in one place.

The man beside her, dressed in standard Alliance fatigues, placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"I know it's a lot to take in, Ashe. Just take it one day at a time."

Ashe took a deep breath and nodded, before balling her hands into fists as she stuffed them into her pockets. She could already feel her biotics acting up. Keeping busy aboard the ship on the flight from Arcturus to Earth had helped her manage the nerves that had plagued her since accepting the offer to enlist and train at the Alliance Naval Academy, but now there was nothing to distract her.

After another moment of contemplation, she turned to her escort.

"Shouldn't you be dressed for the occasion, sir?"

"By the stars, no. Technically, I'm on shore leave right now–they couldn't pay me to wear my dress blues," the man laughed.

"Didn't know you knew what shore-leave was," Ashe muttered with a grin.

"Careful, Ashe, the instructors at the Academy are notorious for their lack of humour." The older man's eyes crinkled in amusement as he glanced sideways at his young protégé.

"I'm just getting it out of my system now, you know? This is the last time I can make smart-ass remarks to the Admiral Hackett without consequences. Sir," she added with a grin.

Steven Hackett rolled his eyes and strode ahead of Ashe toward the doors of the Academy.

"I'll remember that, kid. Now come on, there will be consequences if we're late. It was hard enough convincing the Board to let you start in the middle of the year, on top of giving you credit for your past two years of work."

Ashe winced and picked up her pace to keep up with the admiral.

"I could have just waited until next year if it was that much trouble."

Hackett shook his head. "It may have been a mess of red tape, but it was worth it. You deserve proper training, not menial work on the Kilimanjaro. Besides, the clock started ticking the moment you turned eighteen, and I'd be damned if I let the top brass kick you to the curb."

"Thank you, Admiral." Ashe had paused by the doors, looking down at her freshly polished boots. "For everything. If you hadn't taken me aboard the Kilimanjaro–"

"Hey now, don't go getting all sentimental on me, kid. If I start crying, it'll look bad," Hackett said, then sighed, "You don't have to thank me. I wasn't about to let the Alliance just hand you off to a team of researchers, let alone BaAT. Besides, you've pulled more weight aboard the Kilimanjaro than most ensigns. Frankly, I think the Chief is going to be lost without you."

Ashe managed a smile as she looked back up at her guardian of the past two years.

"Once Chief Jiang realises she’s how many creds she’s not losing at poker in my absence, I’m sure she’ll lighten up."

The doors slid open before the pair, and Ashe steeled herself as she stepped through. Before she could get swept up in the tide of students going to and from classes, Hackett guided her by the shoulder down the brightly lit hall towards the elevator.

"And I’m sure my XO will appreciate not getting trounced in the ring by the kid that two years ago couldn’t even drop a drunk volus. His pride might even start to recover." He dropped his hand from Ashe’s shoulder with a grin once the elevator doors closed behind them. "Just don't get yourself hurt too badly, or you'll never hear the end of it from the doctor."

"I haven't broken anything in at least three months!" Ashe replied indignantly as the Admiral hit the button to bring them up to the administrative offices.

Hackett's only response was to raise an eyebrow in her direction. Within seconds, the elevator announced their destination and the doors opened to reveal a long sun-lit corridor.

"Alright," Ashe muttered, more to herself than to the Admiral, "here we go. Best behaviour. Use sir or ma'am if you forget their rank, and keep breathing. Knocking people out with biotics won’t make for a good first impression…"

"Ashe."

Hackett spun the young woman to face him, "You're going to do fine. Remember how quickly you picked things up on the ship? This will be ten times easier – you’re not starting from ground zero."

Ashe nodded weakly, "Yeah. Right. You're right. And uh, thanks for taking time out of your shore leave to drop me off, sir."

The admiral smiled fondly at his protégé. Ashe had come a long way from the terrified kid he'd found lurking in the catwalks above the Arcturus maintenance bay. Hackett could still the fifteen-year-old Ashe Shepard greeting him with a biotic light show that had thrown him clean off his feet. The Admiral was pretty sure the catwalk above Arcturus’ main maintenance hangar was now permanently warped because of it. Ashe had grown up a lot in the two years since then—if she'd been Alliance, he'd have seen her promoted already. But there had only been so much to he and the doctor could do to keep Ashe on-board as a civilian once she became an adult, so the Admiral had made the push for her to be accepted for officer training at the Academy. If nothing else, the kid deserved a chance to have some of the normal experiences of growing up.

"Let you brave Tokyo alone? With your sense of direction?”

Hackett’s tone was light and teasing, and succeeded in eliciting a sly grin from the teenager.

“Sorry, sir—did you say Tokyo? I thought this was Vancouver. I’ll have to update my map.”

 “Well, I was going to say the doctor would have my head if she found out I had left you to fend for yourself…but now I’m thinking maybe I should have.”

"A bottle of brandy would have gotten you out of that one, sir,” Ashe quipped.

“When I find out who gave you such a sharp tongue…”

Ashe just grinned up at Hackett, doing her best to look innocent. The Admiral sighed and shook his head, fondness clear in his expression.

"Come on, kid. Time for me to cut you loose so you can terrorize a different sector of the galaxy for a change.”

Ashe took a deep breath and nodded. Hackett was right. Despite how much she had liked her time on the Kilimanjaro, Ashe had known it wouldn’t last forever, and stalling here wouldn’t change that.

The teenager snapped into a salute before Hackett reached out and pulled her into an awkward one-armed hug.

“Make us proud, kid,” he whispered.

Ashe was briefly taken by surprise before she returned the hug. For a moment, she wondered if this was what it would have been like if it were her parents dropping her off. Ashe would never know, and decided not to dwell on it.

“Yes, sir. I won’t let you down.”

The Admiral gave Ashe’s shoulder one last squeeze before he let her go and took a step back.

"I know you won't. And Ashe? Try to have fun."


Meeting the Director had gone without a hitch, much to Ashe’s relief. She left the stuffy office with a datapad loaded with assignments she would have to make up, and directions to her new quarters. Despite being pushed ahead a year because of her time spent aboard an Alliance vessel, Ashe still had a lot of catching up to do.

Hackett's foresight in having her arrival at the Academy pushed to a Friday was already proving to be a blessing: Ashe would have the weekend to get her bearings, and maybe even get some work done. It still felt odd to have solid ground beneath her feet without the vast expanse of space passing by outside the windows, or the occasional shift in balance from the ship’s movement. Above all, Ashe found she missed the noise of the Kilimanjaro. Not that the Academy was quiet, but the hundreds of voices that filled the halls of the Academy didn’t have the same familiarity as humming engines and crew chatter.

The cadet kept her head down as she wound through the hallways, trying her best to find her room. After a series of confusing turns, Ashe stopped at what felt like the hundreth fork in the corridor and took a left, praying she hadn't made another wrong turn. The duffel bag that held all of her belongings was getting heavy. By now, Ashe was ready to just sit and relax for a couple of hours before starting on assignments.

Much to her relief, a sign soon caught Ashe's eye that pointed her towards the second-year’s quarters. She readjusted her bag with a sigh of relief and trudged forward as quickly as she could. Ashe passed a handful of people, ignoring the confused looks shot in her direction, as she made her way to the end of the hall and found the room labelled '1032'. Dropping the duffel bag from her shoulder with a groan, Ashe punched in the code on her omni-tool and waited for the door to hiss open before nudging her bag inside with one foot.

The room was designed for two people, with empty spaces where a second bunk and desk would have gone. Ashe wasn't about to complain about the extra floor space, however. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a full room to herself—back home, maybe, when home had been a colony in the Traverse. Ashe preferred not to think of it.

With a tired sigh, Ashe flopped onto the bed as the door closed behind her. The terminal on the desk lit the room in a dull orange glow, matched by the setting sun outside her window. She laid there for a few more minutes and watched the cars stream by in the distance. When she felt her eyelids begin to droop, Ashe sat up and hauled her bag onto her bed. Unpacking would be a quick job, at least. Living on a dreadnought meant Ashe had little in the way of personal possessions. Most of the space in her bag was filled with books--real ones of paper and ink. Ashe didn't have many—they were expensive and hard to find anywhere but Earth—but those that she did own were her most prized possessions. Taking each one out in turn, she inspected them for damage before ordering them neatly on her desk. It took her a fraction of the time spent with her books to stuff her clothes into the closet. Ashe took one final look around her room, then grabbed her datapad, and headed out to look for a place to study.