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Breathe in, breathe out....
Breathe in, breathe out….
Wait.
Killua slowly opens his eyes, drowsily finding himself face to face with complete darkness. He lifts his arms out immediately, frantically attempting to feel through the fog of the night around him.
Brows furrowing in concern, he murmurs, “What’s going on?”
Bump, bump, bump
Killua's eyes flicker quickly to the sound, the beat echoing through the dark and taking root inside of his ears, pulsating. With the quickening of his own heart, Killua whips his head around fast and hesitantly calls out.
“Hello?”
Bump, bump, bump
It’s louder this time and Killua feels a sense of urgency pulling in his gut, the beat strangely familiar as it beckons him closer, guiding him through the dark. It sounds almost like....
“Gon?”
Silence. Then, “Killua?”
Breathe in....
The sound of Gon's voice causes a massive pressure to develop on top of Killua's shoulders, causing his knees to buckle, bending him over and over and over until he hears his voice again.
"Killua?" Gon frantically calls out. "Where are we, Killua? What's going on?"
Breathe out....
Killua straightens up slowly as the heavy pressure diffuses, blinking his shock away in the darkness.
“Gon? I can't see you. Where are you?”
Where are they exactly? Killua thinks, trying hard to remember how he had gotten here.
Why is Gon here? Isn't he-
The darkness around Killua flows into his head and ravels through his mind, abruptly stopping his thought. It nearly sends him back into the swirling discomfort of the pressure from before. He takes a deep breath.
Breathe in....
“Gon? Where are you?”
“I’m right here, Killua." Gon’s voice thin.
Breathe out….
“Where?” Killua cries out, exasperation twisting in his gut. A few moments pass as he urgently spreads his hands up from his sides, trying to feel around in the dark.
“Killua, are you still there?” Gon asks, his quiet voice echoing softly.
“I’m right here, Gon. Hold on.” Killua mutters, tripping over his feet as he races towards Gon’s voice.
Bump bump bump
The sound of Gon's heartbeat causes the jarring pressure to come back, hitting against Killua's chest and skidding him to a stop.
Breathe in....
“What happened, Killua?”
This is way too much, Killua thinks, breath hitching as the pressure starts sinking into his limbs. The feeling overwhelms his body as he tries to ignore the pain, sliding across the darkness again, searching, searching, searching for a glimpse of light that could lead him to Gon.
“Killua?”
Breathe out….
“Gon,” Killua mumbles, stumbling.
“Why can’t I see you, Killua? I can't see anything. What’s happening?” Gon says, voice fluctuating in concern.
“I’m right here,” Killua replies, reaching out, the darkness thick between his fingers.
“Try to follow my voice, Gon.” Killua adds, loud against the silence of the dark surrounding them.
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
Each beat of Gon’s heart sends a vibration down Killua’s vertebrae until he’s memorizing the sound of each pulse, gentle and muffled.
“Killua, where are we? What’s happened?” Gon says quietly, apprehension thick in his voice.
Breathe in....
All at once, Killua’s lungs cave in. Gon's last question stops him, hunching him over in the dark. Killua's trembling fingers clutch at his heart as the large pressure washes over his body again, rooting him to the spot.
“Killua? Are you okay?” Gon cries out.
Silence.
Wavering, Gon yells, “Killua?”
Bump, bump, bump, bump
Breathe out....
“Is this even really him?” Killua mutters, his eyes fluttering around in the dark.
“What? Killua-”
Killua straightens and breaks into a sprint. The lack of his heightened senses only encourages him to wildly glide his eyes across the darkness, intent on following Gon's resounding voice as it stirs inside of him, body yearning to close the distance between them.
“Killua? Why aren’t you answering me?” Gon implores.
Breathe in....
Frustrated, Gon groans.
“I can’t see anything, Killua.”
“Why are we here?” Gon grumbles, exasperated.
The sound of Gon’s irritation causes a pressure to start building behind Killua’s eyes, Gon's question a trigger for Killua's subconscious as it turns his blood to ice. The memories finally dawn upon him, slowing his steps down to a steady walk.
Breathe out....
“Gon.”
“Killua?”
“Try to come and find me,” Killua whispers, bottom lip quivering. He slowly collapses in on himself, head in his hands as the images of Gon's lifeless body come back, Killua's mind completely overtaken by the darkness. His nen is nowhere to be found as he reaches into a bottomless cave within him, the need to run growing strong as he comes up empty handed.
Bump, bump, bump, bump
A gust of hot wind pushes Killua further down, the sound of it filling his ears and scraping at his skin until he’s lying flat, the darkness cold underneath his back. He can barely hear Gon’s heartbeat anymore until-
“Killua?”
“Gon?”
Breathe in....
“I can't find you,” Gon calls, voice rough with every rushed step he takes towards Killua’s voice.
“Where are you? Killua?”
The pressure behind Killua’s eyes continues to rise until he can no longer keep them open. It brings Killua to his knees, hands flat on the floor, content with letting the darkness consume him, if that’s what it takes to fight against the universe laughing at him, pointing fingers at every fear he’s had since Gon arrived in that hospital bed, his broken body sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.
Flashes of blue and red run down Killua’s spine until he arches back, crying out in pain.
“Killua?!”
Gon begins to sprint, following Killua’s cry. His footsteps are desperate as they echo across the chasm of darkness, muffling the sound of his feet the closer that he gets.
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
Breathe out....
The ache in Killua's back diminishes as the sound of Gon's footsteps get closer, soothing him. Before he even gets the chance to recollect himself, Gon is behind him. His smell is hypnotizing as it raises every hair on the back of Killua's neck, instantly alerting him of Gon's presence. Eyes widening, he stands and turns around to face him.
It’s as though the pressure in Killua’s veins has become liquidized, and replaced with something similar to morphine, filling his body with pure bliss, completely different from the pain of the pressure and-
They both begin to gradually reach out in the dark, their bodies knowing their way to the other’s without even having to look, fingertips pulsing with anticipation and loaded want; want for the warmth of the other, reaching, reaching, reaching.
“Killua? Is that you?” Gon whispers, his voice catching.
“Gon,” Killua gasps, the sound laced with tears, fear, and relief, all in one burning ball at the base of his throat, clogging the oxygen from entering into his lungs.
“Killua,” Gon breathes.
“Where have you been, Gon?” Killua chokes out, voice low and heady with dismay.
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
“I’ve been here this whole time, Killua.” Gon replies quietly, voice growing thick with unease.
The pleasure in Killua’s veins starts to subside. His fingers writhe against each other, Killua's unspoken words of grief not yet allowing his hands to listen to his heart, causing it to slow to a steady beat.
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
“No, you haven’t.” Killua mutters to the darkness.
“You left me, Gon.”
“I found you, Killua.” Gon murmurs, barely audible.
Breathe in....
The pleasure in Killua’s veins continues to wither until it slowly becomes a mere memory.
“Took you long enough,” Killua scoffs, fingers scratching at the skin of his palms.
“What do you mean by that, Killua? I don’t understand....” Gon whispers, trailing off.
Breathe out....
“Never mind, Gon. Forget it,” Killua lowers his head down, turning his body sideways and kicking his feet at the ground. Is this even ground? Frustration rises in his muscles until he’s clenching his jaw, fingers jerking at his sides.
Bump, bump, bump, bump
“Wait, Killua! Please don’t leave,” Gon pleads.
Killua can sense Gon's hands moving around next to him, feeling in the dark, reaching, reaching, reaching, until his fingers find Killua’s forearms, turning him back to face Gon.
Gon’s touch causes a tingling sensation to rise in Killua’s fingers, little butterflies jumping from joint to joint, until they hit the base of his fingertips, begging to take flight. The sound of their fluttering wings begins to overwhelm his hearing until he can’t take it anymore, the depths of him taking control of his body, reaching, reaching, reaching, ignoring all refusal until-
Killua is reaching his hands out too, lifting up to finally touch the distinct sensation in front of him, feeling Gon’s warmth beginning to seep into the skin of his arms, immediately longing for more.
“I’ve never left, Gon.” Killua whispers, tightening his hands around Gon’s chest. His own heart running a race behind his sternum, pleading for him to get closer.
“Killua,” Gon breathes, his palms making their way up Killua’s arms.
Gon’s hands arrive in the area guarding Killua’s heart, causing a small flash of light to occur, encasing their vision with a singular image of their eyes, shining blue and brown, their hair bright in the hot flash. It goes away just as quickly as it appeared though, almost like a match being put out.
“Oh,” Gon murmurs, fingers loosening their hold on Killua. Both of their chests begin to intertwine with the darkness, the night flowing in and out of their torsos like a current of water, unpredictable and shapeless.
Bump, bump, bump, bump
“Gon,” Killua starts, voice hushed. His head slowly moves to face towards the ground, his heart begging him not to continue.
“Do you remember what’s happened, now?” Killua asks, his thoughts screaming at him, wondering why, why, why can’t you just stay quiet and leave it be?
“Yes,” Gon whispers, his voice barely audible in the darkness, its silence cocooning them.
“Why haven’t you come back, then?” Killua mutters, voice cracking. His hair is hanging past his forehead, covering his eyes as he continues to look down, bangs useless in the dark.
“I’ve been here this whole time,” Gon replies weakly.
“No you haven’t, Gon.”
Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump
“I haven’t?” Gon breathes.
Killua's emotions begin accumulating in his gut, scorching him from the inside out.
“No,” Killua says, the echo of his heartache squeezing its way up his throat, suffocating him.
Breathe in….
The sharp pressure starts building behind Killua’s eyes again, his fingers tightening instinctively around Gon.
“You need to come back, Gon.” Killua mutters, his teeth clenched as he squeezes his eyes shut.
“Killua,” Gon starts.
Breathe out….
“No, Gon. Listen,”
“You have to promise me.” Killua pleads, voice hitching.
Bump, bump, bump
The pressure travels to Killua’s ears, blocking out the sound of Gon’s heart, making him feel far, far, away, farther than he actually is. Anguish picks at the muscle of Killua's heart, causing him to bite at his lip until the taste of iron is poignant on his tongue.
Both of Killua’s hands are now gnawing at Gon’s chest, his fingers splaying flat and filling themselves with Gon’s warmth despite the residual cold of Killua’s shivering body.
“Killua,” Gon whispers. His hands slide away from Killua’s chest, gently moving down his arms until Gon’s fingers reach his wrists, wrapping themselves tightly around them.
“You need to come back,” Killua cries, falling to his knees. His hands fall from Gon’s grip, arms wrapping themselves completely around Gon’s legs.
“Please, Gon. I’ve been doing everything that I can,” Killua whimpers quietly, placing his forehead against Gon’s knees, his eyes shut as the pressure in his ears creeps further into his body, traveling all the way down to his toes.
The pressure finally centers in Killua’s throat, blocking his next words. He coughs and coughs and coughs until-
“Killua,” Gon breathes. He crouches forward, breaking Killua’s hold on him as Gon’s fingertips reach out to find Killua’s shoulders, lightly grazing them.
"You saved me, didn't you?" Gon asks, voice gentle as it arrives to Killua's ears, calming him.
The question stops Killua's heart for a second as it tries to gather its strength.
"I'm always saving you, aren't I?" Killua smirks, voice quiet.
"I just don't know why you did it, Gon."
"Why you left me behind," Killua finishes, numb.
There's a pause, and Killua can hear Gon's breath pull.
"Why else, Killua?" Gon asks, voice almost incredulous in the dark.
Killua's lips purse as he silently mulls over Gon's comment.
"I was trying to protect you," Gon whispers.
Bump, bump, bump
Killua pauses at Gon's statement, sniffing.
Then, there’s a quick flash of light again, a little bigger this time.
“Gon?” He looks up. His eyes are wide in the dark, staring hard at the space in front of his eyes, trying to search for a hint of Gon's face, the shape of his jaw, anything.
“Killua?”
Killua hears Gon lowering himself to his knees, his fingertips moving from Killua’s shoulders and sliding down his arms again until they find his shuddering hands. Gon gives them a squeeze before he wraps his arms around Killua’s hunched figure, the darkness a blanket as the warmth of their bodies creates a force field against the pressure encompassing them.
“Gon,” Killua whispers, comfort running through him. He slowly places his forehead on Gon’s shoulder, his fingers lifting to clutch around at his back, strong and sturdy. Always, always, always.
“I’m right here, Killua.” Gon mumbles, fingers tightening on Killua’s shirt.
“Gon,” Killua replies, his hushed voice echoing in the dark. Killua’s mouth is agape, gasping for air as he continues to press his forehead against Gon’s shoulder, his eyes prickling.
The flash of light comes back again, fleetingly.
“Are you real, Gon?”
Killua tightens his fingers around the sensation that is Gon, strong and sure against him in the dark.
Gon laughs wetly. The sound is striking in the darkness, almost causing a fire.
Breathe in....
“What are you laughing at, Gon?”
The abrupt sound brings Killua’s head up, his nose lightly brushing against Gon’s. The breath of the twinkling laughter erupting from Gon’s belly causes Killua’s hair to sway back. His breath hitches at the feeling, the heat of Gon's face electrifying against his own, clearing his mind.
Gon’s laughter slows to a hushed whisper.
“I’m as real as you are, Killua.”
His voice was quiet, quiet, quiet.
What?
The flash reappears, and this time it's stronger than ever before, replacing the chasm of darkness around them with a dazzling and endless light, allowing Killua to glimpse at what’s in front of him.
Breathe out….
“It’s really you,” Killua breathes, his eyes widening at the sight of Gon. The pressure behind Killua’s eyes gathers and succumbs to hot tears streaking down his face.
“Killua,” Gon marvels, his own eyes brilliant against the bright backdrop, the white hospital gown a stark contrast against his glimmering hazel eyes.
“I’ve missed you,” Killua weeps, reaching his hands out slowly to gently caress the scars on Gon’s face, tracing every crevice until it’s been ingrained in his mind. Amazement runs through his bones as Gon’s face lies heavy in his hands, proof that he’s really here, he’s here, he’s here, he’s here.
Gon’s hands reach up to touch Killua’s hair, fingertips brushing at his scalp until they gather at the base of Killua’s nape, fingers tightening in silver hair.
“I’ve been here all along, Killua.” Gon smiles, his own tears a quiet storm.
The light around them starts getting brighter, brighter, brighter, until their visions begin to blur.
Bump, bump, bump
“Gon? Wait,” Killua desperately grasps at Gon, his heart faltering as he gathers Gon’s head entirely in his hands.
“Don’t leave,” Killua pleads, wavering.
Gon gently releases his hold on Killua’s neck until his hands come right up to clasp at the pale ones cradling his face, his hands a protective barrier against Killua’s trembling fingers.
“I’m right here,” Gon murmurs, a smile growing on his face.
Killua notices their hands beginning to slowly dissolve in the light, a steady rush of intoxicating energy replacing the harsh pressure around them, allowing for the feeling of newfound pleasure to creep into his body, his soul, delight bursting from Killua’s chest as Gon’s amber eyes soon become the sole thing he can see.
That is, until a flash of pure white appears in front of his face. The only thing filling Killua’s senses at that point is the sound of Gon’s voice whispering, “I’ve always been here.”
“Gon?” He cries out, blind, trying to reach out with his hands, grasping at nothing.
Bump, bump, bump
“Don’t worry, Killua.” Gon's voice fading, fading, fading.
A familiar gust of hot wind begins to push Killua back again, rushing past his head until Gon’s voice is no longer resonating in his ears, the sound of it nowhere to be found.
“Gon,” he breathes, voice hollow.
And suddenly, as fast as he had accidentally fallen asleep under the hospital lights, Killua sits up with a start. Immediately feeling around him, he realizes he is still sitting in the waiting room, Alluka dozing in the chair next to him with Gon lying down in the room across from them.
“It was a dream,” Killua mutters, his head falling forward. His elbows settle on his knees, hands reaching up to grasp at his disheveled hair, clutching at the ghost of Gon’s fingers on his nape and his scalp, the sensation sharp against his skin.
Breathe in....
Killua’s heart stretches as tears begin to fall down his face, splashing against the floor. His eyes are wide as they trace the lines of the hospital tiles through his blurred vision, cold toes curling inside of his shoes, unadulterated devastation building, building, building-
Bump, bump, bump
The familiar sound reverberates deep inside of Killua’s mind, flickering through him.
Breath faltering, he snaps his head up and stands to rush to the window facing Gon’s hospital bed, pushing his hands flat on the glass surface, nose smushed against it.
The monitor by Gon’s bed lights up, his heart rate showing in the images of the screen, followed by the sounds of beeping, counting every heartbeat.
Bump, bump, bump
The sound of Gon’s heartbeat is exhilarating and warm as it fills his veins, spreading throughout his whole body. Killua holds his breath, tears building behind his eyes as the smallest of smiles begins to show on his face, glowing with hope.
Please let the healing work, Killua thinks, remembering the pain of having to wait for Gon to wake after giving Nanika his wish.
“Please, Gon.” The breath of his whisper fogging up the glass.
Killua curls his fingers against the window, his forehead craning into the surface as he squeezes his eyes shut, begging the universe, the gods, anything, anyone, for this to work.
Breathe out….
“Come back.” he sighs.
Suddenly, Killua hears movement coming from the other side of the glass, causing his eyes to look up and-
The heat inside of Killua rises, spilling over the edge, his lungs compressing.
Gon.
Killua races to the door to the left of the window, struggling with the doorknob as he shoves it open, his feet leading him to Gon’s bedside, already knowing their way back home.
Gon is sitting up, fingers up by his face, carefully unwrapping the bandages around his head. Killua stops by the foot of his bed, blue eyes catching their long-awaited glimpse at Gon’s hazel eyes. Killua is struck by the sight as they look up at him, shining and real under the fluorescent lighting.
“Killua?” Gon whispers, his voice rough and raw, the bandages in a pile next to him.
“Gon,” Killua replies wetly, dazed as his body begins to melt into Gon’s bed, picking up both of his hands.
Breathe in….
“You’re back,” Killua murmurs, looking down at Gon’s tan hands, no longer dark and devoid of life. They have become restored, alongside the rest of Gon.
“I’m back,” Gon whispers, his eyes glued to Killua’s sharp blue ones as he curls his fingers around Killua’s pale hands.
“I’ve missed you so much, Gon.” Killua cries, bringing Gon’s hands up to his mouth, laughing and crying, joy filling his lungs and his mind and his heart, redefining his meaning of happiness by the second. Every teardrop running down Killua’s face holds remnants of the last few weeks, the pain and sorrow of hopelessness, taken away.
Gon tears up at the words as he comes in to place his forehead to Killua’s. The feeling of Gon's touch makes Killua's face heat up, tears bunching up in the corners of his eyes and spilling over the edges, tracing lines right down to his brilliant smile.
Killua notices how the light of the room makes Gon's golden eyes shine just right, reflecting his own face back at him.
“Killua,” Gon breathes, smile growing and brightening the room.
“I’ll never leave again,” Gon whispers, his hands tightening around Killua’s fingers.
Relief fills Killua’s body as the words pass through him, echoing in the darkest spaces of his soul, ricocheting through the nerves and veins of his body until it brightens and brightens, his heart beginning to beat in time with Gon’s.
Killua’s smile widens against Gon’s fingers. He closes his eyes and nods against his forehead.
Behind his eyelids, Killua notices that the light is still able to reach him, even in the dark. He hums deeply.
Breathe out....