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a cautionary tale about mysterious old books at christmastime

Summary:

Crowley finds a strange old book while helping Aziraphale tidy up the bookshop, and when he suggests reading it in front of the fire, it sets off a very, very odd change of events.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"Aren't you supposed to do spring cleaning in the spring, angel?" 

Aziraphale tutted and rolled his eyes, slotting a book back into its place on the shelf. "This isn't cleaning, Crowley, this is inventory. We need to keep a record of what's in the shop so we can move it all more easily, you know that," he admonished gently, glancing over his shoulder to see the demon still going through the shelf behind him. Despite Crowley's half-hearted protestations, he was diligently marking every book on his clipboard, checking off title after title and adding new ones in. Aziraphale smiled to himself. 

A demon with a lovely little streak of niceness in him, and he was all Aziraphale's, no one else's. It was perfect. 

Especially thanks to the lovely wintery atmosphere, with the snow falling outside and the fire burning low in the grate. It was beginning to feel properly Christmassy, and Aziraphale was finding himself quite in the mood for some carols. But before he could bustle off to find one of his Christmas records, Crowley spoke up again. 

"Angel, there's a book here that hasn't got a name or a title, and it's in some weird language I don't recognise. I have no idea how to put it down in the inventory." 

Curious, Aziraphale wandered over and gently took the book from his partner's hands, looking it over. It was a fairly thin volume, beautifully leather-bound in a red so dark and worn it almost looked brown. Although the cover was embossed with all sorts of intricate scrolling, there was no title or name, no clues at all as to where it came from or what it contained. 

Being careful with the delicate pages, Aziraphale opened the book and began to inspect it, finding the language as incomprehensible as Crowley had. "This is incredibly odd," the angel mused quietly, tilting the book to catch the light, taking a closer look at it. "The wearing on the leather and the way the stitching is done makes it look nineteenth century, but the pages and the aging of the ink would suggest it's much more recent. And I'm sure I've never stocked anything I was unable to read." 

"Maybe a customer left it here by accident?" Crowley suggested, his brow furrowed, golden eyes fixed on Aziraphale curiously. 

The angel shook his head slowly, flicking through the mystery book page by page. "No, I'm sure I would have noticed and tried to return it." 

"Well, it's certainly a mystery," Crowley hummed, moving around to stand behind Aziraphale and snaking both arms around him, his narrow chin coming to rest on the angel's soft shoulder. "The characters are Latin, no?"

"Mhm, it looks very much like the English alphabet, it's just...not English," Aziraphale hummed, and Crowley snorted. 

"It looks like something out of a horror movie," he chuckled, turning to nuzzle his face into Aziraphale's plump cheek. "Why don't we read it by the fire? It'll be spooky," he grinned, and Aziraphale rolled his eyes fondly. 

"Fine, I suppose we could do with a break from inventory," he sighed, turning in Crowley's arms to plant a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. "But you're going to be doing the reading." 

"I'd be honoured," Crowley chuckled, gently plucking the book from Aziraphale's hands and stalking over to the rug. He plopped himself down in front of the fire and opened the book on his knees, then glanced over his shoulder at the angel. 

"Come on, Aziraphale! Not scared, are you?" Crowley grinned, and Aziraphale scoffed, walking over to him quickly and primly sitting down on the rug, his back against his armchair for support. 

"Certainly not, I was just surprised you wanted to sit here," he lied. 

It wasn't that he was scared, not exactly, but Crowley had been right - it was spooky. He might even go so far as to say it was creepy, and Crowley hadn't even started reading yet. Something felt off, a tension in the air, the weight of a potential not yet materialised. 

"It's warm," Crowley answered simply, then cleared his throat. "This looks like the start of a chapter, I guess I'll just...read? I have no idea how to pronounce any of this." 

"I'm sure it doesn't matter, my dear," Aziraphale smiled, some of the uneasiness in his stomach settling when the demon shot him a fond smile. 

"I certainly hope not. Alright.." 

The syllables sounded foreign and harsh on Crowley's tongue, his voice a little hesitant as he sounded each word out. There seemed to be a lot of repetition, and, even just a page into the chapter, Aziraphale began to feel a little dizzy. Everything seemed fuzzy and far away, but he did his best to ignore the feeling, just staring at the Christmas tree in the corner through half-lidded eyes. 

As he listened, the sounds seemed to become less harsh, blurring together into a long, unbroken chant echoing in Aziraphale's mind. A stirring in his stomach made the angel shift, and Crowley's voice broke off, his eyes lifting to Aziraphale's quickly. 

"Angel? You okay?"

Aziraphale really should have said no, but there was such a thing as pride, and at the end of the day, he knew he had a bit too much of it. "Just had too much cream on my scones earlier. Or something," he added uncertainly, and Crowley looked at him for a moment, his expression critical. Then he turned back to the book and began to read once more. 

Aziraphale tried his best to listen, to be in the moment with his companion and enjoy the spooky atmosphere, but he was still feeling fuzzy and distant. A cramp in his stomach caught him off-guard, but he brushed it off and kept his composure, forcing himself to concentrate on watching Crowley as he turned the page. 

The words he was reading were indescribably odd, utterly nonsensical in a Lovecraftian manner, some of them seeming to be longer even than the German language had managed to conceive. Starting to feel a bit hot, Aziraphale slipped his jacket off and tossed it over the arm of the chair behind him, then hesitated for a moment before starting to unbutton his waistcoat. Crowley glanced at him curiously, but didn’t stop reading, even as Aziraphale sat there in his shirt and suspenders.

Another page was turned and Aziraphale shifted uncomfortably, then ran a hand over his stomach briefly before settling back and trying to calm his body down. He was sure he had to be imagining it all, his mind taking the horror movie quality to the scene and running with it, and as he took a deep breath, the odd feeling seemed to taper off. Aziraphale smiled to himself and looked into the fire, now mostly smouldering embers in the grate. It was a blessing, really, having been on Earth long enough to have developed an imagination, but it wasn't always the most helpful thing, Aziraphale would be the first to admit.

The soft clap of the book snapping shut broke through Aziraphale's thoughts like a stone breaking through thin ice on a lake, fragments drifting off in different directions. He looked at Crowley, who simply grinned. 

"Wasn't very spooky in the end, was it?" He chuckled, then waved the book vaguely. "Read a whole chapter and it was just absolute nonsense." 

"Yeah, just nonsense," Aziraphale echoed thoughtfully, earning himself an odd look from his companion. But, for once, Crowley didn't make a snarky comment, instead standing up and tossing the book onto Aziraphale's desk chair. 

"Come on, angel. If we get moving, we might actually have enough time to go to that Christmas tree lighting tonight."

Aziraphale arched an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't care about that kind of thing," he pointed out, and Crowley curled his lip in an utterly unconvincing impression of disgust at all Christmas trees everywhere. 

"Well, yeah, but since you like it, angel," he started, but Aziraphale rolled his eyes and moved to get up, then gasped and toppled onto his knees. 

Crowley was beside him in an instant, a hand on his back as he wobbled, quickly gripping onto the armchair for support. His head was spinning, dizziness making him sway slightly, and his stomach really was starting to feel odd. Tight, almost. 

"Angel? What's wrong?" Crowley asked urgently, but Aziraphale just groaned, running his hand over his belly and freezing in shock. It was definitely bigger, he was sure of it. 

"I...I don't know!" He gasped, his knuckles going white as a cramping sensation radiated through him, his belly starting to grow steadily now, already bulging out against his shirt. "Crowley! What did you do?" Aziraphale cried, but the demon was looking just as frantic as Aziraphale himself felt, his hands grabbing at the angel's buttons hurriedly. 

"I didn't do anything!" Crowley snapped, pulling the angel's shirt open impatiently and splaying his hand against the angel's tight, already heavy stomach. "If this is a joke to scare me-" 

"Of course not!" Aziraphale interrupted sharply, snapping his fingers to de-clothe himself before Crowley could rip any more buttons. "Fuck, look at me!" He gasped, his already plump belly starting to look positively huge, already heavy and round as Aziraphale tried once more to get up, panic washing through him. Something rolled inside him, feeling like- 

"Crowley, if you put more eggs in me, I swear to-...I swear you'll be sorry!" Aziraphale snarled, then groaned in fear, rubbing his hands over his still-growing stomach in an attempt to massage away the discomfort. Crowley's golden, slitted eyes went wide and he threw his hands up in a defensive gesture. 

"From across the room? Of course not!" He countered hurriedly, then tilted his head, righteous indignation cooling to make way for fascination. "But you do look gravid," he added thoughtfully, and reached out, stroking his hand over that massive globe, pressing down lightly into Aziraphale's taut skin as the growth seemed, thankfully, to slow. 

"I can barely move," Aziraphale groaned, looking down at Crowley's hand and feeling a shudder of something not quite unpleasant running down his spine. After all, he'd been this big a few times, mainly to house Crowley's eggs, and although he had no idea what was happening to him, it at least seemed that he wasn't about to explode. In the absence of immediate danger, natural curiosity took over. "I...wow," was all Aziraphale could manage, tentatively reaching down and stroking his hands over his swollen belly. 

"Uhh, maybe we should get you in a bed?" Crowley suggested quietly, his eyes still wide and fixed on Aziraphale's stomach. "It...it doesn't look comfortable." 

"Oh, it's not hurting me," Aziraphale said quickly, then smiled at his companion and nodded slightly. "But taking the weight off does sound appealing," he admitted, and Crowley stood up hurriedly, leaning down to take Aziraphale's hands. 

His legs trembling under him, his whole body still feeling weak and odd, Aziraphale managed to haul himself to his feet. He stumbled immediately, but Crowley caught him, humming to him in a low, soothing tone. 

"You're okay, I've got you, it's alright," Crowley murmured, although Aziraphale could hear the harmonics of fear and worry in his voice. The angel turned his head, burying his face in his partner's chest, and Crowley grabbed onto him tightly. 

"Maybe...maybe it was the book?" He said slowly, uncertainly, and Aziraphale pulled away abruptly to look up at him, his eyes wide. 

"Well, maybe there's a way to...to go back?" He rushed out, and Crowley winced, shaking his head slightly. 

"I wouldn't know what I was reading, angel," he pointed out in an infuriatingly reasonable tone. "It might make it worse. Come on, you should be in bed," Crowley added insistently, and Aziraphale sighed, casting one last backward glance at the book before allowing Crowley to help him totter off. 

 

A few moments later, Aziraphale was sinking into bed, his hands cradling his huge belly as he tried to get comfortable. He felt hot and sticky, pushing the blanket away as soon as Crowley tried to lay it over him. 

"No! I'm far too warm!" Aziraphale gasped, and Crowley winced, pressing the back of his hand against the angel's forehead for just a moment. 

"You're burning up, I'll go get some cold water and a rag," Crowley announced before bustling off, and Aziraphale groaned, rolling onto his side and rubbing a hand over his massive swell. As he stroked back and forth, massaging the taut skin lightly, Aziraphale started to realise how good it felt. His tight skin was incredibly sensitive, and if he pressed down lightly, he could feel whatever was inside him shifting, massaging his insides lightly. In fact, the sensation was so pleasing that he could feel an Effort forming between his legs all by itself, opening and blooming already slick with desire. 

Shivering, Aziraphale glanced towards the door, then pressed down a little harder with the flat of his hand, his hips rocking up into nothing as he felt the 'eggs' inside him rolling over one another. A soft little moan slipped past his lips, and Aziraphale gave in. 

He didn't bother with teasing himself or taking his time; the burning need was already getting stronger, and he couldn't stop himself from plunging two fingers straight into his entrance. Unable to keep silent, Aziraphale let out a cry of pleasure, the sensation of his fingers inside him not even beginning to quench the fire of need, instead making it burn hotter as he heard running footsteps in the hall. 

"Aziraphale! Are you okay, I heard-" 

The footsteps stopped abruptly and Aziraphale simply moaned, thrusting his fingers inside himself desperately, already past caring about anything but his need for more and more pleasure. 

"Oh, angel," Crowley muttered, a smile in his voice, and Aziraphale shuddered as the bed sank, his eyelids fluttering closed. He knew Crowley would save him, he'd help him and take care of him, over and over. 

Fingers closed around Aziraphale's wrist and he reluctantly allowed his hand to be pulled away from his entrance, only to be replaced by three of Crowley's long fingers all in one go. Aziraphale arched his back and cried out shakily, bucking on the intrusion, forcing those fingers deeper, practically fucking himself. Crowley's other hand landed on his huge belly, giving it a light slap just as Aziraphale felt breath on his face, and - finally - lips on his. 

Aziraphale slid his fingers into Crowley's hair immediately, dragging him deeper and deeper, moaning into his mouth as the demon's fingers began to thrust. Each push reached all the way inside Aziraphale's slick passage, every slow drag back stimulating every inch of him, and he couldn't help but groan over and over. He broke the kiss suddenly, gasping for breath and burying his face in Crowley's neck, but the demon just hummed to him soothingly, thrusting much faster now, rubbing hard against Aziraphale's sweet spot. 

But it wasn't enough. Even as Aziraphale squealed and sobbed and writhed under Crowley, his short nails digging into the demon's back, he knew he couldn't come. He needed more, he needed to be opened up, he needed something thick and warm and hard inside him. 

"Ahh! Crowley! Fuck me, please, darling!" Aziraphale cried out, hips bucking again, and Crowley just nodded, snapping the fingers of his spare hand. Just seconds later, Aziraphale felt something warm brush his thigh and whined out needily, spreading his legs as wide as they would go. 

Crowley sat back for a moment, fingers slipping from Aziraphale as he moved both hands up to press down on his stuffed belly gently. Groaning in discomfort and pleasure, Aziraphale grabbed onto the sheets desperately, hips rocking again as he begged incoherently for Crowley's cock. 

"Good angel, all stuffed, hmm? I bet you're going to be stuffed quite a lot over Christmas," Crowley chuckled, then shoved forward in one smooth, slick movement. 

Aziraphale threw his head back and screamed.  

Every nerve in his body felt like it had been set on fire, every part of him jerking, twitching, tensing as he came at last, the rolling 'eggs' inside him only adding to the sensation as Crowley began to thrust shallowly. The orgasm seemed to stretch out, making Aziraphale writhe and sob and shake as Crowley fucked him through it slowly, ignoring the way the angel spilled around him endlessly. 

The overwhelming pleasure, so intense it bordered on agony, lasted at least a full minute before ebbing away, leaving Aziraphale weak and out of breath, one hand clutching at Crowley's hair, the other digging short nails into the demon's back. Crowley was already panting softly, a sly smile on his face as he looked down at his angel, his own hands framing that heavy, swollen belly. 

"Look at you," he growled, his voice deep and dripping with lust, those demonic eyes fully yellow now, pupils blown. "You can't wait to be fucked, hmm? You already need more, don't you?" 

Aziraphale whimpered, but Crowley was right. Despite the sheer force of his first orgasm, the exhausted angel was already craving a second, the desperation in his body driving him to thrust down against Crowley, his aching muscles doing their best to force his partner's thick cock deeper inside his passage. "Please! Please, Crowley!" Aziraphale cried out, tears welling up in his eyes, blurring his vision as the need burned away in his stomach, almost painful now. "Please!"  

Apparently taking pity on his angel, Crowley nodded and leaned down, tugging Aziraphale into a sloppy, desperate kiss as he began to thrust properly. The first push nudged his tip up against the barrier deep inside Aziraphale's passage, and the angel gasped in mixed pleasure and discomfort, spreading his legs wider in the hopes of getting that thick cock impossibly deeper. Crowley thrust again, harder this time, slamming into Aziraphale's cervix and making him squeal out again, no longer able to even attempt intelligible words. 

Thankfully, Crowley knew his angel well - inside and out, and changed his body slightly, thickening the length buried inside Aziraphale's slick passage, forcing him to stretch even wider. The angel simply responded with a sound so loud and primal it could only be described as a scream, as another orgasm washed over him, just as intense as the first. 

Crowley grunted and began to build up a fast pace, no longer acknowledging Aziraphale's orgasms as he plunged from one to another, no longer able to summon the energy to even moan. Instead, he just lay there, taking it all, loving every overwhelming second as his hips rocked and his body shuddered. 

He could feel his belly tightening, his passage constricting rhythmically around Crowley's massive cock, but he was well beyond conscious thought. If he'd been able to think about anything other than carnal pleasure, Aziraphale might have noticed the shift in his weight, or the feeling of a stretch deep inside him, but the endless, back to back orgasms made it impossible to realise what was happening. 

Thankfully, although Crowley was rather enjoying himself as well, he wasn't affected by whatever was causing Aziraphale's intense, all-encompassing bliss, and he did manage to notice that something was happening. He pulled out abruptly, scrambling back, and Aziraphale whimpered, crashing down from the high he'd been riding on for what felt like years. 

"Fuck! Crowley!" He admonished sharply, but the demon had gone pale, his Effort having vanished, his eyes widened. 

"Aziraphale, something...you're...you're laying!" Crowley gasped, and Aziraphale frowned. 

"Don't be silly, I'd be able to feel- ahhh!" He squealed, suddenly overcome with the sensation of movement inside him, no longer dulled by those incredible orgasms. His passage was being stretched from the inside, something hard and unyielding pressing through his inner barrier. Fear washed through him and he struggled to sit up, his body weak and trembling with exhaustion. 

"Crowley! G-get it out!" Aziraphale begged desperately, but the demon was already catching him, gently guiding him to lay back, propped up on fluffy pillows. 

"Shh, angel, calm down," he murmured, and Aziraphale growled, shoving at Crowley's chest. 

"Don't tell me to calm down, you-...you fucker!" He exploded, trying to push the demon off him and succeeding only in forcing Crowley's thigh to brush against his entrance. A burst of blinding pleasure scrubbed away all of Aziraphale's apprehension in an instant, and he groaned, his legs spreading instinctively. 

"You've laid clutches before, Aziraphale," came Crowley's voice, gentle but still laced with worry. "Just breathe, okay?" 

"Shut up!" Aziraphale cried, grabbing at one of the demon's hands and shoving it down towards his slick Effort. "T-touch me! P-please, Crowley!" 

Crowley hesitated, but Aziraphale simply growled in desire, the 'egg' finally sliding through that inner barrier into his passage, his breaths coming fast and heavy as he tried to push. But he needed help, he needed to be stimulated. Somehow, deep down inside him, Aziraphale knew that the only way to get out whatever had formed in his now massive belly was pleasure. 

After all, the 'eggs' had shown no sign of moving until Crowley had helped Aziraphale come over and over, and the angel - in some subconscious, rather smarter-than-usual area of his brain - had realised that the contractions caused by his intense orgasms had pushed the orb into position and out of his womb. 

"Fuck," Crowley muttered to himself, and gave in, tentatively pushing two fingers inside his partner and expertly curling them. Pleasure ripped through Aziraphale as his g-spot was stimulated, and his whole body clamped down on the 'egg' instinctively, forcing it lower, stretching him out gradually. 

"M-more!" He pleaded, his fingers curling in the sheets once again, clinging on, grounding himself. "I-it's moving!" 

Crowley nodded and slid down between the angel's legs, fingers beginning to rub over Aziraphale's most sensitive spot in a quick rhythm, his other hand gently spreading the angel's folds. "That's it, cum it out for me, Aziraphale. Come for me," he encouraged quietly, his voice trembling ever so slightly with confusion and worry, even as Aziraphale did as he was told and dove headfirst into yet another orgasm. 

He barely felt Crowley's fingers sliding from him, but he did feel every inch of the ball inside him as it slid, caressing every pleasurable spot inside him on its way out. An audible pop signaled the end of its journey, and Aziraphale cried out in pleasure, fluid spilling after the 'egg' as it plopped onto the bed. 

Crowley went very still for a second, then snorted. 

"What?" Aziraphale demanded, the orgasm already fading, allowing conscious thought to come flooding back, the need to see whatever it was he'd just pushed out of him suddenly taking over everything else. "What is it?" 

Grinning, Crowley reached down and picked it up, showing it to Aziraphale. A large red bauble, complete with a little silver top and still slick with the angel's ejaculate. Aziraphale stared. 

"I...h-how?" He stuttered after a moment or two, and Crowley shrugged, beginning to inspect it carefully. 

"I have no idea, angel, but it...it's very pretty," he said quietly, and Aziraphale gave him a half hearted kick, glowering at the bauble. 

"If you did this on purpose, Crowley, I'm going to kill y- ahhh!" He threatened, rather rudely interrupted with a shifting sensation inside him, another bauble dropping down against his inner barrier. But this time, now that he knew what was happening, it felt good. He could feel the round surface of the bauble grinding against something incredibly sensitive inside him, waves of pleasure washing over him and causing him to rock his hips against the air. "Ohhh, ohhh, G-... someone, that feels good!" Aziraphale whined out, losing all capacity for shame as the bauble slid through his now-loosened inner entrance, popping into his passage and sending another toe-curling shudder through him. 

"Crowley! P-please!" Aziraphale gasped, and the demon nodded, getting up hurriedly. 

"I'll be right back, angel, just relax," Crowley rushed out, and Aziraphale pulled a face as the demon ran out of the room. He was far too desperate to wait, so instead, he let go of the sheets with one hand, sliding his fingers down and over his reddened, flushed little cock - formed like an elongated, hardened clit. The burst of pleasure was so good it blinded him briefly, and he whined out happily, bucking and sliding his plump fingers into himself. 

His passage clamped down and he moaned as the next bauble slid lower, his inner muscles coaxing it further down. 

And then Crowley was back, setting a large mixing bowl down on the bed and placing the red bauble into it. "Don't want them rolling away," he pointed out breathlessly, then promptly climbed up onto the bed and dove in. Aziraphale slid his hand away from himself immediately, more than glad to let Crowley take over, that inhumanly long, forked tongue curling into him, caressing his g-spot relentlessly. Moaning out happily, Aziraphale grabbed the backs of his knees with his hands and pushed, relishing Crowley's satisfied purr as he spilled into the demon's mouth. 

Then the bauble was moving, and Crowley drew back, two fingers gently pulling Aziraphale's folds apart, opening him up. His sweet spot was suddenly assaulted, the bauble grinding hard against it, and Aziraphale squealed as he came, clamping down hard enough to send the ball sliding out into Crowley's hands. 

"Good job, angel," he praised happily, caressing Aziraphale's plump thigh with one hand, the other dropping the bauble into the bowl. "A green one," he announced, and Aziraphale smiled to himself exhaustedly, still coming down from his burst of pleasure. 

But he didn’t have long to rest, as the pace was already picking up. As Crowley plunged his tongue back into Aziraphale's passage, the angel felt another bauble already sliding through into his channel, stretching him again and making him whine as he pulled his legs up higher. A hard push, and Crowley was drawing back, allowing the bauble lower. Just like the last, it pressed hard into Aziraphale's g-spot, causing him to come with a happy, hoarse cry as it crowned for a moment, then dropped out. 

"Silver," Crowley chuckled, then began to lap at Aziraphale's folds, cleaning him up while the next orb dropped into place. The remnants of his orgasm coaxed it into his passage with ease, and Aziraphale moaned, his head tipping back, his mouth dropping open as he gave in completely. Another orgasm, another pop, and a soft announcement of 'gold' from Crowley, and it started all over again. 

As it went on, the baubles moved through Aziraphale faster and faster, until he was once again in a state of perpetual orgasm, barely having to push. Crowley kept dutifully lapping at him in between each bauble, but Aziraphale barely needed the help, completely absorbed in the orgasmic rhythm of his laying. Push, pleasure, pop, over and over and over, until he was too tired to moan, his eyes rolling back in his head, his legs dropping back to the bed. The last bauble slipped from him with a final little plop and Aziraphale whined weakly, running a hand over his still slightly swollen belly. Crowley ducked down between his legs once more, humming contentedly as he lapped every last little dreg of fluid from his angel's Effort. 

Exhausted, but still feeling the pleasure ebbing away, Aziraphale slid his hand into Crowley's hair, caressing the silky locks shakily. "Crowley?" 

"Mmm?" Came the muffled reply, just as lips closed around Aziraphale's short cock, suckling it clean. The angel moaned ever so softly and rolled his hips, making it clear just how much he appreciated Crowley's careful, loving treatment. 

"Be honest, did you do it on purpose?" Aziraphale asked softly, and Crowley looked up, then gave his cock one last lick for good measure before crawling up his plump body and kissing him softly. 

"No, I didn't, angel," he murmured as he broke away slowly, and Aziraphale looked up into those soft yellow eyes. He knew the demon wouldn't lie to him. 

"At least now we have some decorations for the Christmas tree," Aziraphale mused, and Crowley chuckled, sliding off the angel to lay beside him, his body already wrapping around Aziraphale's. One arm snaked around the angel's plump waist, one leg gently trapping one of Aziraphale's, and they both sighed, tired out, but blissfully so. 

"Y'know," Aziraphale spoke up quietly after a short pause. "I wouldn't object to doing that again. In theory, anyway. It...it turned out to be rather pleasurable," he concluded softly, and Crowley snorted, nuzzling at his jaw. 

"You really are a dirty angel, hmm?" 

"And aren't you glad, you filthy demon," Aziraphale retorted with a grin, and laughed when Crowley growled half-heartedly. 

"Shut up, you. And Merry Christmas."

Notes:

This is possibly one of the weirdest things I've ever written and I love it very much ngl
I came up with it with one of my friends and it was a joke at first, but then I decided it turned out well enough that I had to post it lmao
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought ;)