Work Text:
Shin Tsukimi had no faith in the gods.
Most people would pray to them and prepare food or bouquets of flower as offerings to them, but the way he saw it, that was just wasteful.
The way he saw it, even if the gods really existed, they weren’t benevolent gods who helped the people, or else there wouldn’t be so much suffering in the world.
His views made him an outcast among his peers. Not that he was very sociable to begin with.
The only person who would talk to him was Kanna, a young flower girl. One day she tripped and dropped all of her flowers on the ground, and he decided to help her pick them up. For reasons he couldn’t guess himself, she seemed to have taken a liking to him.
Kanna would tell Shin stories about the gods and even bring him on tours to see statues of them. Normally, he wouldn’t care and would just tag along to make the girl happy, but there was one exception.
“Today I’ll talk to you about Sara, the goddess of Wisdom.”
That one goddess was the exception. When he first saw her statue, he was awestruck. She was exceedingly beautiful, and to top that off, she was also very smart and brave according to Kanna’s stories. Whenever he looked at statues of her, he could feel his heart skip a bit, and whenever he heard stories about her, he could feel his temperature rising.
He knew it was weird. He really did. He had fallen for a woman he had never even met, a woman he wasn’t even sure really existed. But he liked to imagine himself holding her hand as he touched the hand of the statues depicting her.
“They say that Lady Sara would come to the mortal realm every now and then to see how her people are doing. How wonderful! Kanna really wishes she’d be able to meet Lady Sara.”
If she really came to the mortal realm and they met each other, she’d definitely see him as a creep. He didn’t want to think about Sara being creeped out by a man who fell in love with her because of some statues and some stories.
“…Wouldn’t that make a scene? This goddess is quite the show-off.”
And yet, for some reason, he felt interested in this story. She didn’t need to see him, but he would like to see her in person. If a goddess descended on earth, there would surely be some kind of ceremony, and he couldn’t confidently say he would stay holed up at home like he always did if such an event took place.
“Don’t say that! She doesn’t want to cause a scene, so she always hides her features and watches others while hiding her identity! She wouldn’t want to trouble anyone…”
“Huh, so like a stalker?”
“No!”
Kanna was getting quite fired up. She seemed to really admire Sara, and his comments put a pout on her face.
Of course, his word didn’t reflect his real feelings at all, so there was no need for her to get so mad. It was just that he didn’t want Kanna to know just how creepy he could be. Maybe she’d stop talking to him altogether.
“One day you’ll understand how wonderful Lady Sara is too, Kanna will explain until you understand…but now she’s busy, so it’ll be another day! See you tomorrow!”
Well, I think I do understand how wonderful she is…
“Bye”
Left with no company, he headed back home too.
But Kanna’s story wouldn’t leave his head.
The idea of seeing her in the flesh didn’t let him sleep that night.
It happened a week after he had that conversation with Kanna.
He bumped into a hooded figure while buying food at the marketplace.
“I’m sorry. I should have paid more attention to my surroundings.”
Normally, he’d simply give a quick “no problem” and get away.
However, this one time, Kanna’s words came back to him.
Or rather, he never stopped thinking about them the entire week.
The hooded figure had a feminine, kind yet strong-willed voice.
Obviously, he couldn’t deduce the hooded figure was Sara just from that.
But what if it was her?
This wasn’t the first time he had that thought the past week.
He would start thinking that of every single person he didn’t know for sure wasn’t her.
Be it men or women, old people or children. Gods weren’t the same as normal humans so maybe she’d be able to change her appearance. Maybe she was at hand’s reach and he just failed to notice.
So…
“Uh…wait a moment…just now, weren’t you looking at the people? It didn’t look like you were buying anything…”
He wasn’t actually paying any attention to this person’s actions, but he figured that if it was her, she wouldn’t be looking at the fruit or vegetables.
“Ah…come with me. I’m not a suspicious person.”
They pulled on his hand and dragged him to a place without many people.
He wasn’t really fond of the idea, but it’s not like he had enough strength to go against this person’s whims.
Fortunately, all they did was pulling out their hood.
And
“Ahhhhhh……”
Shin couldn’t even hear the strange sound he made. His attention was entirely directed towards the person in front of him.
Eyes beautiful like amethysts, glossy orange hair in a ponytail.
It was her.
It was actually her.
In person, she was more beautiful than any statue.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He wished he could stare at her like this forever.
“Uhm…are you okay?”
Her voice brought him back to reality.
“Ah…ahem yes…it’s just…I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. Or rather, I feel like I’ve seen you everywhere before, Miss Goddess.”
He tried to sound as cold as he could. He really didn’t want her to know how he really felt.
He was aware his love…his obsession with her went beyond weird.
So, he’d do everything to hide it from her.
On the other hand, she seemed a bit embarrassed. Probably because she was caught watching people. Or well, he made her believe that at least.
“Well, you are not wrong…but please, keep this a secret. I’m just here to see how my people are doing. If they found out about me it’d be chaos.”
“But you showed yourself to me of your own will…you didn’t even try to hide it. I’m sure a goddess like you could easily change her appearance, but you did not. Are you sure chaos isn’t what you’re really after?”
He knew she wasn’t like that. But if it was any other god, that’s what he’d genuinely think.
“…You have quite the active imagination, and also very little faith in the gods. In the first place, I’m not all powerful. I rule over Wisdom, and my powers reflects that, I can’t do just anything just because I’m a goddess. I just thought you weren’t the type to go talk about it with everyone.”
He was starting to get the feeling that he wasn’t very well liked by her.
“Well then, I’m going. You should have a little more faith in the people protecting these lands.”
“W…wait up!”
She wanted to go, but he didn’t want her to go.
He was finally able to meet the one he wanted to meet the most, to see the most.
He wanted to be able to look at her forever.
Hear her voice forever.
Stay with her forever.
He didn’t care if she hated him.
He didn’t care if she never felt the same about him as he did about her.
He just wanted to look at her, and her about her for as long as he could.
I’m so weird
“What’s the matter?”
She looked confused.
Well, of course
“Uhm…well…you said that I should have faith in the gods, right? So, you should give me a reason why…I can’t change my ways just because you told me to…”
“…”
Her expression grew serious.
Artworks of her barely ever depicted her like this.
“To start with, why do you lack faith?”
“I don’t really…know them…I can’t easily believe the gods act for our sake just because other people think so...I mean, life is full of tragedies isn’t it?”
That wasn’t a lie.
Before meeting her, he doubted they existed in the first place, but that wasn’t a lie.
“…To be honest…I told you to have faith in the gods…simply because that’s what I’m supposed to do. I can understand your point of view.”
He didn’t expect that.
He didn’t expect her to understand that point of view.
But what he expected even less was that she was the type to act a certain way because she was supposed to.
“After all, humans don’t really know anything about the gods. They may know how we look like, and some stories about us but…they don’t really know how we think, what we feel. A lot of those stories about us are made up even. We’re not treated as beings with feelings at all. I know a lot of gods…and you’re right. They’re not all benevolent gods…they’re just idolized…”
Those words struck deep.
“I’m…tired of being idolized myself. I’m really not what many people make me out to be…I probably shouldn’t be talking like this to a human but…I’m glad to have met a sceptic like you.”
Wasn’t he exactly the same?
Falling in love with stories without knowing her at all.
Assuming things about her.
Idolizing her.
Wasn’t he doing the very things she hated?
“Ah well…so…it’s okay if you have little faith. Now I really have to go, I need to watch over my people.”
He wondered if watching over her people was another thing “she was supposed to do”, or if she did it out of goodwill.
Maybe it was a little of both.
“Goodbye then, I might be repeating myself, but it was refreshing meeting a person like you.”
“Goodbye…”
This time he didn’t attempt to stop her.