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The cafeteria is crowded as always, with groups of people huddled into whatever tables they can find. Trying to locate Nalani and the rest, Elpis heard bits and pieces of conversations as they passed by:
“Icebrand is trying to kill us with all the laps he makes us do.”
“Hey, they still haven’t found a replacement for the Orc guy’s team.”
“It’s weird since I moved to the dorms, I keep finding flower decals on my floor.”
They shudder to recall their own time in the dorms. There were so many flower decals. They still weren’t sure where or how those got there, Elpis sure wasn’t the one putting them there. They’d rather have real flowers, but at the time, doing anything that required a more corporeal form was tricky. Elpis wasn’t sure if they would’ve been able to hold a watering can for more than a few seconds.
“Elpis!” Called Nalani, waving over her partner from a corner table. No wonder Elpis had a hard time finding her, They rarely sat at the round tables in the back. They rushed over, putting down their bag and taking out the lunch they made with Azumi yesterday. The two decided to make cooking together to be a weekly event, and god does Elpis look forward to it every week. It’s nice to spend time with their old team.
“Why are we sitting here, gang?” Elpis asked, settling in beside their girlfriend. Peeking a bit over to see that she was using the bookmarks Elpis had made with their pressed flowers. They couldn’t help the smile that grew on their face. Elpis was worried that the bookmarks might have been a stupid gift, but it seemed that Nalani really did love them.
“Azumi and Roland are being gross again,” Suheyla stated plainly, shoving down a Gozleme. Jayce winces beside her, rubbing his forehead. He still didn’t get along with Roland, which is understandable when the guy’s future self had told you that he killed you multiple times.
“So we’re letting them have a whole table to themselves?”
Jayce shook his head, “No, She has Hoshiko and Dullaha there too. I think they’re talking about some sizzlers sponsorship.”
Oh god.
“S-sounds great! So, Jayce, is Ethan joining us?” Nalani asked.
“Yeah, he sent me a text saying he’s bringing Sam too.”
Elpis perked up, clapping their hands together in excitement. “Oh, that’s perfect!”
Jayce sent them a questioning look, cocking his eyebrow up. “It is?”
“It is! I’ve been wanting to talk to Sam about something for a little while, actually!” They beamed at him.
“Oh?” Suheyla tilted her head to the side. “What about?”
“Well…You guys know how I’m nonbinary right?”
“Yep, I remember being in the junkyard when you told me and I told you it was very pog of you.” Suheyla hung her head.
“Why did you say that? I mean, I don’t think I ever heard you say... pog before. I’m not sure what that word even means.”
She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “Sam and Kidd say it a lot, so it rubbed off on me.”
“I keep saying it because Shiloh rubbed off on me.” Came Sam’s voice, Ethan beside them, giving a small wave to the table. Elpis and Nalani jump a bit at their sudden arrival.
“How did you approach so quietly?” Nalani asked, a hand over her heart to calm herself.
“Oh, that? You get used to it. Sam is the quietest motherfucker, they can just pink panther their way into any room.” Suheyla grins, greeting Sam with some elaborate handshake. The two have been spending more time together, sparring and such. Suheyla would confidently call them pretty good friends now. Especially with all the tips Sam gives her on how to deal with being on a team with Shiloh.
“Sam! Hey! I wanted to ask you something, actually!”
They sat down between Ethan and Suheyla, taking out a smoothie and giving Elpis a “go ahead” nod.
“So, You’re nonbinary too, right? How did you figure that out?”
Sam paused, and tapped their drink, trying to put their thoughts into works.
“Well…” They started slowly. “When I was with my father, he made sure I looked as... Hm...unidentifiable? So that included masking what my possible gender could have been. I found that being...well, genderless, or not having the label of boy or girl forced on me, made me feel… comfortable.”
Elpis nodded encouragingly to them, prompting a continuation. “So, eventually that led to me staying in my…costume? More often than not. I felt... Very uncomfortable when I wasn’t… unidentifiable. Which is why I wear my mask.” They tapped the side of said mask. “It helps combat the things that caused my gender dysphoria. Like my voice and such.”
“Huh. Okay, I see.” Elpis said as they leaned back and crossed their arms.
“Can I question what prompted you to ask?”
They sat up straighter at that. “Well… let’s just say that having lived life in a different time has led to me... repressing some things. Not just my status as a metahuman, but also my identity outside of wanting to be a hero. I was wondering what it was like for you.”
“Oh, right, being a metahuman was something you needed to hide. So you had too much to worry about already.” Ethan said, about to take a bite of his unseasoned plain white rice. Jayce stopped him with a grimace, taking out an extra container of meat because he fucking knew Ethan would do this. Nalani offered some of her lunch too.
Suheyla cut in, “Yeah, a total that's too much to unpack, let's toss the whole suitcase situation.”
“I wish I never had a suitcase…” Sam muttered.
Elpis nodded enthusiastically. “I tossed my whole suitcase in the river, never to be seen again.”
“Wait, Ellie, You’re okay with Kidd calling you sister tho, right?” Jayce asked. “But stuff like girlfriend or Mrs bothers you, right?”
Nalani cut in with a smile, “Elpis can have one feminine label. As a treat.” Elpis nodded along with that.
"Yeah, I am learning what sorta triggers my own dysphoria as time goes. But Kidd calling me sister just... feels nice!"
“Wait, that actually brings me to another question for you, Jayce.” They lean forward, reaching Nalani’s water bottle for her. Jayce fluffs up, wondering how this conversation could involve him.
“I hope it’s not rude, but you enjoy… traditionally feminine things. Makeup, fashion, you know. But you’re very confident in your assigned gender, right?” Elpis asked, trying to form their words carefully. They have a habit of being bluntly nosey. They’re trying to be politely nosey.
Jayce bit his lip, brows furrowed as he absent-mindedly fed his boyfriend a proper fucking lunch. “Ah well…”
“I guess I never really felt a need to question it. I never really assigned things labels like that. When I first started doing anger management classes, they made us draw and stuff. I sorta got into that, and when I started watching my mom do her makeup...Well, I guess I saw it as her painting on her face. It made her look beautiful and…” He sheepishly shrugged. “I wanted to be like her. She was sorta a role model for me. Doing my makeup became a relaxing thing for me. Helped ground me and express myself.”
He looks to Elpis and tied to sum it up neatly, “I guess I don’t associate my gender with what I do. I’m a guy that likes to do a lot of things. And society labels some of those things as girly. Not my problem, I know who I am.”
Ethan gave a comforting one-armed hug when Jayce finished. The small speech already drained him of his socializing energy.
“Thank you, that was really informative Jayce!” Elpis praised, and Jayce sunk a bit in his seat with flushed cheeks.
“I’m trying to work like that too, actually,” Suheyla commented. “Remember prom, when Jayce dressed me up?”
Nalani beams, “Oh yes, you looked beautiful Suheyla!”
Suheyla flushed a bit at the compliment, playing with a strand of her hair. “Thanks, Jayce did a really good job...But at the time I was… really struggling to feel beautiful.”
“But why?” Ethan frowned, looking genuinely upset to hear that.
“Because...Fuck, because I sorta struggled to see myself as both beautiful and strong. I felt like I could only be one or the other since I look…” She paused, pressing her lips into a thin line. “I’m not small, or petite, I got a big nose and muscles. I’m impulsive, fight hungry, and clumsy. Nearly everything I was taught that was a beautiful girl just...wasn’t me. So I leaned away from being traditionally feminine. I felt like if I was to be like that...wear skirts, talk pretty, and shit… I would be seen as weak again…”
A hush fell over the table. That tends to happen when Suheyla let herself show vulnerability. Nalani spoke first.
“Well, Suheyla, you can be both strong and beautiful.” She smiled warmly at her as she spoke, “Society may have taught you these terrible ideals of what beauty should be, but society has been wrong many times. And as the future, we can change that, and show what true beauty and strength is. And that is you. You only become stronger and more beautiful as you grow Suheyla. You don’t need to force yourself one way or the other. Follow what your heart tells you.”
Nalani’s hand reached over and held Elpis’s. “It knows what you need and want better than anyone. Even if it takes a while to find out what those things exactly are.
Elpis smiled, looking down at their hands and back up to her friends.
“It’s not a race to find out who you are,” Jayce adds on, glancing at Ethan. “Regardless of your circumstances, discovering who you are and how you present that to the world is something that never really ends, you just… get better at it over time.”
Ethan nodded, cheeks stuffed with rice. Jayce couldn’t stop himself from ruffling his boyfriend’s hair.
Sam put their hand on Suheyla's shoulder, in a matter of fact tone, they quoted words Suheyla told them countless times. "Fuck what society thinks. I have no gender, and you have no bones. They need to deal with that."
Suheyla couldn't help the snicker she let out, playfully elbowing Sam's side.
“I hate to break the moment, but lunch ended five minutes ago.” Sam piped up.
“ Oh fuck ” Nalani whispered before covering her mouth, quickly scrambling with the others.
“Maybe if we offer to get Ms. Loftus pizza we can bribe her out of giving us detention!”
“We already did that to bribe her yesterday!”
“I’m becoming a delinquent! I’ll never get into law school!”