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sunwoo found it ridiculous. why would you let this "soulmate" thing decide who are you going to spend the rest of your life with? he was ten when his mother told him about this soulmate thing. was he too young to know about things like those? definitely not. sunwoo never acted according to his age, he was always very mature and could easily comprehend things and situations. his own parents were actually surprised at how sunwoo sees things, they didn't need to explain further. at such a young age, he's already seeing things outside the box and horizons so, so wide. which is why he hated the thought of having yourself bound by someone you haven't even met. don't get him wrong, he has nothing against love or stuff like that, he just didn't like the thought of having a pre-determined life. he has always believed that one makes their own future and the greater being doesn't and shouldn't have a say on that. it is safe to assume that he was never a believer of the line "fate will lead your life." no, you make and hold your own fate, and just following the flow is simply fucked up for sunwoo. it's an aries thing, the urge to lead straightforwardly and do things according to your desire, the dislike of being ruled by an unknown, the belief that he is greater than anything else.
aside from those, various things about his soulmate worried him. what if his soulmate would be his complete opposite? what if his soulmate doesn't shower that much? what if he wouldn't like his soulmate? what if his soulmate wouldn't like him? although, for sunwoo, that's almost impossible. hell, his confidence was second to none. he was certain he could make someone fall for him if he really wanted to.
see. things like those have already occurred on his mind about this soulmate thingy but it still ticked him off. which is why when he found out that whatever he write on his skin would also show up on his soulmate's, he tried to fuck him up by scribbling anything just to piss him off, not minding if his own skin would all be a mess. don't get him wrong. sunwoo was a really mature person, but that doesn't mean that he's not playful and quirky. on their group of friends, he would definitely always make fun of the older ones in their circle. that's just how sunwoo is. like a magnet. mature but playful and quirky, serious but a softie, straightforward but courteous.
sunwoo's currently a third-year literature student. out of their circle of friends, four of them are still in college, namely, juyeon and changmin, both graduating students, then hyunjoon and him. younghoon and hyunjae had already graduated and were finally facing the real stage of "adulting".
sunwoo's at the cafeteria with hyunjoon, their food in front of them, waiting for their older friends. he snickered while looking at his wrist, contented with what he wrote. hyunjoon looked at him with disgust as he pulled sunwoo's wrist, reading what he have written there.
"really sunwoo? what is your deal?" hyunjoon rolled his eyes and threw sunwoo's hand back at him. sunwoo just stuck his tongue out, then went back to admiring the ink on his wrist.
I hope you have a fine ass, baby.
he wrote it using a marker, with an intention of having it seen by everybody. sunwoo wondered what was his soulmate's reaction. was he embarrassed? he really wanted to know. surprisingly enough, after all the stupidity that sunwoo has been trying to pull off on his soulmate so far, he has never seen any marks on his skin, yet. he came to a conclusion that his soulmate got the patience of a saint, which made sunwoo more agitated to do him dirty, literally.
the scribbles would come off, depending on the tool that they used, whether if it's a pen, paint, permanent marker, or anything. if his soulmate would erase the scribbles, it would also be erased on sunwoo's skin, and vice versa. but the thing that made sunwoo more curious and pissed off about his soulmate was that he never actually erased and cleaned the shit that sunwoo has been doing. sunwoo would just notice that what he did on his skin was untouched. it would only come off when he would take a shower at night or before going to their university. which also kinda made him worry, what if his soulmate was already dead? does that mean that he'd live alone, for eternity? fuck soulmates.
sunwoo took a small bite on his burger, not wanting to finish it as soon as possible. the cafeteria food cost gold. he noticed his friend, changmin, who was approaching them with a pout. the older sat beside sunwoo and immediately dropped his face on the table.
"hey, hyung. what's up?" hyunjoon asked, chewing on his fries. they could see the bags under his eyes, probably because of the thesis and other stuff that they had to finish. sunwoo almost rolled his eyes just imagining the thought that they would have to experience that soon.
"fuck, I just wanna finish this shit and graduate already." changmin sat up properly, heaving a deep sigh as he grabbed the burger on sunwoo's hand. before sunwoo could complain, the older has already stuffed a huge bite of his precious burger in his mouth.
"hyung, that's mine! I can buy you one!" sunwoo protested while looking at his burger that was now all inside the older's mouth. sunwoo groaned in annoyance, all grumpy that his hyung took his food.
hyunjoon just laughed at them and handed his juice to the older, offering him his fries as well. changmin chewed a couple of times before taking hyunjoon's juice, gulping everything all at once.
"thanks for the food!" he sang, hugging sunwoo's arm. he leaned his face closer and flashed his eyelashes at the younger, acting all cute. hyunjoon was just laughing at how the two ridiculed each other.
sunwoo was disgusted, he almost pushed the older's face. he never liked cute stuff like those, those are definitely making his skin crawl. no one could even ask him to act cutely. "I hate you." sunwoo muttered.
changmin laughed, his dimple showing, "I know you can't hate your adorable hyung."
sunwoo just rolled his eyes because he knew that it was true. no one could actually resist changmin. he may act cute and all but aside from that, he's actually scary and creepy. changmin could smile sweetly while cursing at you as if he's not saying anything sinful. that shit totally scared sunwoo most of the time. instead of thinking about his precious burger, he just took some of hyunjoon's fries and ate it.
"oh, by the way, where's juyeon hyung?" hyunjoon asked, wiping his fingers with a tissue. sunwoo just scrolling at his phone.
changmin looked around the cafeteria, eyes squinting, searching for something before pointing at the left side of the place. sunwoo and hyunjoon directed their gaze at where the older was pointing. he saw juyeon eating with someone. he couldn't really see who's with his hyung because juyeon's build and back was literally blocking their view from the boy.
sunwoo sipped on his juice before continuing to scroll through his phone. he just probably thought that juyeon was with his classmate, or a friend, or anything like that. he honestly didn't want to press about it. for all they know, juyeon's one of the kindest and most gullible people and everyone just wanted to keep him.
hyunjoon, on the other hand, was still looking over the two boys, trying to figure out who's with their friend. he snapped his fingers in front of changmin when he finally remembered who that person was, "is that chanhee hyung?"
sunwoo lifted his head and saw changmin nod, "he's apparently juyeon's 'friend'.", emphasizing the word 'friend', followed by a roll from his eyes. hyunjoon slyly-eyed sunwoo, testing his reactions. sunwoo just pressed his lips firmly and pretended to do something on his phone. the two just continued to chat about things that didn't matter for sunwoo.
of course, it's the choi chanhee.
chanhee and sunwoo are not exactly friends. they are acquaintances, he'd like to call it that way. they've known each other since high school, they attended the same school. and maybe, just maybe, sunwoo studied at his current university because of this certain someone.
sunwoo knew some things about chanhee. it's a basic fact, chanhee has always been kind. sunwoo could remember how the boy volunteered to tutor him and hyunjoon in their sophomore year because they almost failed their math class. he was so patient with them, explaining things the easiest way to be understood and remembered as possible. he gave them reviewers that he made himself. until now, sunwoo had kept them. he also knew for a fact that chanhee doesn't like to do things that would take so much from his energy or could make him sweat. sunwoo could remember that time when he saw chanhee in his PE class at the corner of their gymnasium, trying so hard to hide, not wanting to play basketball. but he didn't succeed though, he was so clumsy and cute. sunwoo could actually go on for days to reiterate all the things he knew and observed about chanhee. but the most important thing amidst all of those was that he's been crushing on chanhee ever since.
sunwoo felt a kick from under the table. he could still hear changmin ranting about his instructor. sunwoo lifted his head and sharply eyed hyunjoon. the latter didn't care and stared at him with the same intensity, subtly tilting his head in the direction of juyeon and chanhee. he kicked hyunjoon back, trying to prove a point. shut up. they could understand each other just by looking at their eyes and their body language.
hyunjoon gave up when he realized that sunwoo wouldn't do anything which made him roll his eyes, "idiot." he lowly muttered.
"right? he's an idiot! he gave us the task last night and he wanted us to submit it the next day, right away!" changmin blurted out, filled with exasperation. hyunjoon just cooed their older friend for him to feel better, still eyeing sunwoo. sunwoo sighed and just rested his chin on their table. he knew what his friend was talking about.
he's been crushing on chanhee since that time he tutored them. he just found himself completely in a trance whenever the boy's around. he enjoyed just watching the boy from afar. he just liked him. and that's all to that. he didn't want to pay more attention to his feelings. what for? he'd end up with a different person, anyway, he didn't want to invest in something that wouldn't last that long. another reason why he hated the thought of having a soulmate. they'd be deprived to love somebody else in the process while waiting for their soulmate to come. what's the point of liking and pursuing somebody else if they know for a fact that they'd be separated because they weren't 'destined' to be with each other? it's futile, at least for sunwoo.
hyunjoon, on the other hand, has been telling him to do something. he's always being bugged by the latter to confess his feelings or find another crush and have fun while it's not yet time for his soulmate and him to be together. hyunjoon and sunwoo see things very differently, which explained the difference in their perspective about love and the whole soulmate thingy. to hyunjoon, he just wanted to enjoy himself while waiting for his soulmate, willing to risk everything. which was stupid for sunwoo. he really would never understand his friend.
"they're coming, they're coming." hyunjoon stated, trying to sit casually before kicking sunwoo's foot once again. as if on cue, sunwoo sat properly, as well.
"hey guys!" juyeon cheerfully greeted them as he patted his shoulder. the man who's with him just smiled at them and shyly waved his hand which was almost covered by his hoodie. he looked so small. sunwoo didn't want to look rude, so he smiled in return despite being nervous that his crush was in front of him.
"hey chanhee, why don't you just join us during lunchtime instead of eating separately?" changmin asked, pouting.
sunwoo had noticed how chanhee held juyeon's arm before answering, "I already told him about that, but he won't listen."
changmin glared at juyeon, the latter just scratched his nape, "I just don't want things to be awkward." he defended himself, caressing the small hand on his arm.
sunwoo's eyebrows formed a line, but he's still trying to maintain a straight face. he clenched his jaw. hyunjoon has been staring at him with a sly smile and he just wanted to ruin his face.
"dumbass, what do you think of us?" changmin screeched, rolling his eyes at juyeon.
"I was just kidding! don't worry we'll eat with you guys for the next few days." he assured to calm changmin. he looked at his watch then on the man beside him, "let me drop chanhee on his next class. see you around, guys." he waved his hand as he casually landed his other hand on the latter's small back.
chanhee smiled at them once again before storming off the room. sunwoo was sure that chanhee said a little "bye" at him. and maybe, it made his heart skip a few beats.
-
sunwoo was at the library, in an almost hidden part for only a few students chose to go there, cramming for a project on his major subject. he decided to do it there instead of staying in his dorm because he knew he wouldn't be able to accomplish anything there, he would just spend his time playing video games or the likes.
he sighed for the nth time while staring at his laptop. he's running out of vocabulary to fill in his essay. he still needed to accomplish at least 3 more pages for his narrative but he's already losing his mind. he firmly closed his eyes as he rest his face on the pile of books in front of him. he was planning to use those books to get some ideas but he couldn't really connect and digest any of it.
"fuck, what's wrong with me?" he mumbled while repeatedly banging his forehead on the books, trying to get himself together. he's been doing that for a couple of minutes already but he was stopped mid-air as cold hands held onto his head.
"don't do that, you'll hurt yourself." sunwoo froze, shocked because he could recognize the voice. he slowly lifted his face to see the person. "chanhee hyung," sunwoo bit his tongue, afraid that he might stutter.
the latter smiled at him and slowly patted sunwoo's head before pulling the chair to sit beside him and put down his things. "hey there, what's up?"
sunwoo cleared his throat before straightening his back to sit properly. he showed him his laptop and the books in front of him, "a report that I have to submit days from now."
sunwoo observed chanhee. the latter was wearing a white oversized shirt, tuck into fitted and ripped jeans. he was also wearing thin specs. it's not the first time that he has seen the older wear specs but sunwoo still felt things.
chanhee pushed his specs to his nose and scooted closer to the younger to take a clearer look on sunwoo's laptop. the move made sunwoo's breath hitch. they were never this close before, arms brushing each other. he felt a lump forming on his throat. sunwoo was also distracted at the older's intoxicating sweet smell.
chanhee did himself a favor and scrolled through sunwoo's laptop, reading what sunwoo has squeezed from his brain a while back. he was amazed at how wide the younger's ideas were. however, sunwoo was embarrassed, he didn't want anyone to read it but he didn't know what force was that he couldn't do anything to stop the older.
"this is good, you just need to add more details on some parts." the older said and started typing on sunwoo's laptop. he paused when he realized he haven't asked the younger yet, "is it okay?"
sunwoo lick his lower lip and ran a hand through his hair before nodding. chanhee delightedly clapped his hands. sunwoo placed his laptop in front of the older just so he would feel more comfortable. or maybe sunwoo just couldn't handle their close proximity. chanhee scanned the manuscript that sunwoo did a few moments ago before typing, doing it simultaneously. sunwoo just sat there, watching the older. sunwoo was amazed at how fast and gentle chanhee pressed on his keyboard. he could see how chanhee's occasionally creasing his brows to form a line, or when he would just stare at him out of nowhere and continue typing again as if he saw vocabulary on sunwoo's face.
more than an hour has passed and none of them have spoken ever since. sunwoo's nervousness had died down already but he wasn't really that comfortable at all. all he could hear was the sound of his keyboard and chanhee's soft grunts when he's thinking.
sunwoo cleared his throat as he tried to open a topic, "why are you here, hyung?" he asked, not knowing whether the older would answer him as he was too immersed in doing his narrative for him. sunwoo felt even more embarrassed, he deadass just let the older finish his work. he should pay him back.
"there." chanhee smiled to himself then he stretched his neck and arms as he returned sunwoo's laptop, "I returned the book that I borrowed last week. then I saw you. it was painful to watch you." the older chuckled as he fixed his specs before it falls down from his nose.
"oh." was sunwoo could ever say as he read through his narrative. chanhee have really finished it for him. "oh my god, hyung. thank you, I should definitely treat you." sunwoo was sure his cheeks were flushed red.
"silly, I don't really mind. I just wanna help." the older chuckled as he looked at his watch and took his bag, "time to go. don't push yourself that much." chanhee stood up, smiling and ruffled sunwoo's hair before leaving the younger lost on his thoughts.
sunwoo couldn't digest anything. he just spent an hour with his long-time crush. not really 'spent' because they were literally silent the whole time, but sunwoo decided to call it like that. he was contemplating whether to tell hyunjoon or not, but he settled on the latter. he didn't want the other to annoy the shit out of him. his bed felt soft on his back as if he hadn't laid on it for years. he heaved a deep sigh. it was a long day. he looked at his wrist and he realized he didn't bother his soulmate the whole day. he couldn't, he was so tired and occupied by the thoughts of his major subjects and chanhee. he sat up and took a pen from his study table and started writing on his arm. he look at it with satisfaction as he brought himself back to his bed and doze off.
I hope you had a nice day.
-
true enough, chanhee had spent most of his lunchtime with them. although there were still times that he would eat with his own group of friends. chanhee and sunwoo grew closer, close enough that he could annoy him as much as he's annoying his soulmate. he didn't expect that he'd form such a bond to the older, which made things harder for him. he didn't want his feelings for the older to flourish especially now that it's clear that juyeon and chanhee had something. he made sure that he'd move on without telling chanhee about his feelings for him.
sunwoo pulled down his watch and looked at his wrist, wondering what his soulmate was doing right now. he hasn't been annoying him that much lately, he would only write or draw small figures, something unusual unlike what he has down from the past.
smile a lot.
until now, his soulmate hasn't done anything against him, yet. sunwoo and hyunjoon just concluded that sunwoo's soulmate's already dead, which explained the lack of response, to which they got a huge smack on the head from changmin, saying that it's not possible to be bound to a dead person.
sunwoo snickered when he saw how chanhee accidentally spilled the sauce of his food on his shirt. the older squeaked at his clumsiness, lips pouting.
"what are you, choi chanhee? a baby?" changmin teased before handing him the box of tissue. juyeon took it and carefully cleaned the stain on chanhee's shirt, telling him to calm down, "thank goodness you're not wearing something light." changmin added, he could imagine the horror of cleaning a shirt with a stain.
sunwoo's brows flinched, and maybe his heart too. this should have been a normal scene, he's seeing it almost every day but it still felt new for him. he felt a pinch from his side and he bit his lower lip to stop himself from screaming. he glared at hyunjoon who was meaningfully eyeing him. he kicked him from under the table as a response. hyunjoon groaned. sunwoo knew it wasn't because of the pain, it's because of the fact that he stepped on hyunjoon's new shoes but he didn't care. he's glad that his friends didn't notice their small and subtle commotion.
"maybe our chanhee hyung here should still be baby fed." he teased to join the conversation, trying to hide the indistinct feeling.
chanhee just glared at him before rolling his sleeve. sunwoo just stuck his tongue out as he watched him. chanhee was really white, pale, rather. he squinted his eyes when he saw a glimpse on chanhee's wrist when he raised his hand. sunwoo felt cold sweats on his palms, he felt restless. he didn't want to jump to a conclusion, he really didn't see it clearly but the certainty is high. sunwoo was quiet the whole time, just looking at chanhee's wrist, hoping he could see what was written there. he was certain he saw it. he was certain he saw the same text on chanhee's wrist.
the possibility was high. chanhee could be his soulmate.
-
when sunwoo had a hunch that chanhee was his soulmate, he tried to write things that would be more obvious and visible. one time he wrote a huge, "hi." on the back of his hand, but the older didn't show up. until he didn't show up for more than a week now.
sunwoo sighed, he just wanted to confirm if chanhee was really his soulmate. he thought that the older was avoiding him, then he realized that juyeon and changmin hasn't been hanging out with them that much, as well. they might have been so busy with their majors since their graduation was just right around the corner, that they couldn't find time to hang out. sunwoo and hyunjoon didn't complain, they understood how painful and stressful it must have been for their older friends.
sunwoo almost freaked out on his shower when he saw a mark on his pinky finger on his left hand. he didn't know how long has it been there since it was so tiny, almost invisible unless you'll take a closer look at it. sunwoo blinked, once, twice, thrice, but the mark was still there. he tried to scrub it until his skin got red but it remained there. he looked at his finger and the permanent mark there. fuck, his soulmate just got themselves a tattoo.
he went to school with his pinky finger covered by a bandaid. he didn't want anybody to see it. he just wanted confirmation about his soulmate. sunwoo was already itching to tell hyunjoon about it but he stopped himself. sunwoo didn't have any idea if the older would be with them today, that's why he was shocked and he slightly panicked when he saw chanhee and juyeon walking together in their direction.
he cleared his throat and sat properly when his friends sat in front of them. sunwoo noticed that chanhee had a new haircut. his hair looked cleaner and softer now.
"long time no see." hyunjoon said while laughing. changmin just rolled his eyes whereas juyeon and chanhee just chuckled in response.
"i'm glad our midterms is over, i was dying." changmin said with exasperation. sunwoo could really tell that his friends had a tough time judging from the bags under their eyes. but to sunwoo, chanhee still looked pretty. after catching up for a few minutes, hyunjoon, juyeon, and changmin stood up to buy their food. hyunjoon commented that it will take them a while to have their food since people have gathered up already. sunwoo just nodded at them since he already bought his own. chanhee reminded juyeon to not put tomatoes on his burger.
sunwoo took this chance to have the confirmation he needed. before he could even speak, the older already spoke first, "sunwoo-ah! i got myself a tattoo." he proudly smiled and showed sunwoo the tattoo on his left hand, pinky finger.
a cross.
sunwoo clenched his jaw as he unconsciously hid his hand in his pocket. he wanted to jump in joy, he wanted to scream. he wanted to boast to everyone that he finally found him. he got that same tattoo. it's really him. chanhee's his soulmate.
sunwoo spoke before a lump would form on his throat, "wow hyung, when did you get that?" he tried to sound as casual as he could, he didn't want the older to know that he was flustered by the sudden information.
"two days ago." chanhee's smile flew away as he looked on the direction of their friends. chanhee waved at them, at juyeon, specifically. sunwoo could see the faint sadness on his eyes. he bit his lower lip, he already knew who his soulmate was but he felt like he shouldn't be happy about it.
"i wonder what my soulmate is doing right now," chanhee trailed off as he searched for sunwoo's eyes. sunwoo just stared at him, making sure that the older wouldn't feel awkward around him, "i hope he's happy, because i am now. i am happy, but not because of them." chanhee smiled sadly as he looked down to caress his tattoo.
sunwoo felt a pang on his chest, fist balled in frustration and in pain. he firmly closed his eyes as he took all his courage to speak up, "do.. do you love juyeon hyung?" he asked, even if he already knew the answer. he still asked, even if chanhee's answer might hurt him more. he still did even if it might ruin him. he did.
"very much. i love him so much that it is hurting me to know that we're not meant for each other."
there, sunwoo felt his heart break. he literally felt like it was shattered by a thousand pieces, he couldn't breathe. he couldn't say anything, he couldn't comfort the man in front of him, because he, too, was in pain. so he sat there in silence, staring at chanhee's tattoo.
sunwoo could still remember that his mother once told him, that if his soulmate found a love greater than he could offer to him, they could wish to break their tie.
sunwoo bit the insides of his cheek as he felt a burning sensation on his pinky finger. he didn't have to look at it, he already knew what's happening, but he still did. he pulled out his hand from under the table and watched as the ink left his hand. he smiled, a desperate one.
his friends have finally brought their food. sunwoo expectantly looked at juyeon's left hand. his pinky finger now had a cross tattoo.
i wish for chanhee and juyeon hyung to be happy together.