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G’raha Tia is not the same as he was when you traveled together in the Source, the young man who accompanied the Warrior of Light through the Crystal Tower, the once full of energy Miqo’te is now more reserved, much more quiet and mellow.
And yet, you cannot help but feel like he is exactly the same as he was before, you can feel it in his gaze, in his smiles, in his gentleness; there is warmness to G’raha Tia that is inherently his and his alone.
You are most certainly not the same either; you’re the Warrior of Darkness here, slayer of Eikons, savior of worlds, the bringer of shadows. Still, you feel incredibly inadequate for those titles, you don’t actually feel you deserve the praise people give you for what you’ve done… what you’ve failed to accomplish, who you’ve failed to protect.
G’raha reprimands you for thinking that way, even though you don’t outright say what you feel, he just knows. He knows you far too well and you’re grateful for it, if not a bit embarrassed as well; for all the time you’ve spent with the Scions, they can’t seem to be able to read you like he does, Alphinaud tries, but he’s much too young to fully grasp certain things, for as much loss as he’s experienced, he has never truly lost someone he loved.
The loss you’ve felt is far too great, forced yourself to build walls around your heart so no one could reach the place where he wormed his way and decided to stay, even after death. You loved him too much too fast, and just as fast, he left your side.
You don’t want to feel that loss ever again, you’re scared and for once in your life you truly feel the coldness of dread creep on your back, weighing heavily on your shoulders like a shackle. Yet, you must push forward, you are the Warrior of Light and Darkness, you must be victorious no matter the loss and despair you have to go through.
Haurchefant would probably be mad at you for thinking this way, after all, a smile better suits a hero, you think to yourself in a bitterly.
“You seem rather deep in thought, my friend.” A familiar voice shakes you out of your thoughts.
“Raha.” Your voice is softer that usual, the faintest tinge of a blush on his cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed at the mention of his name and you can’t help but feel a tinge of something at the pit of your stomach at the sight. “I’m just…Remembering.”
You smile at him from your seat near the beautiful lilac tree close to the rookery. These days you tend to wander around the Crystarium pretty aimlessly, doing whatever mundane jobs you can find, helping people out, your usual everyday, keeping yourself busy as to avoid unnecessary thoughts very much like these.
His ears twitch slightly, drooping a bit as he lets his crimson eyes wander away from yours. He knows what you’re thinking about, your insides churn unpleasantly because you know, you both know that there’s something unspoken between you, something you want to ignore with all the self-control you may have left because no, you cannot afford to lose someone you love again. Never again.
“I’ve come to realize you never look happy when you remember,” The Exarch says just as softly. “Maybe you should focus more on the now.” He smiles sadly and takes a seat next to you, keeping a small distance.
It hurts because you know he’s right, you should and yet you’re trapped in the past, chained by your own expectations of what a hero should be, but you’re not quite that.
“Maybe so,” You give a light chuckle. “It’s hard to let go of your mistakes, especially when you know so many are looking up to you.”
G’raha turns to look at you again; there’s a fire in his eyes that makes your stomach do a backflip. “You might be a hero,” He frowns. “But you’re human still, you’re allowed to be imperfect just like the rest of us.”
You’re taken aback by the fierceness in his voice; you raise a brow at him and can’t help but smile. Yes, he’s changed, but he’s most definitely still him.
“Is this a piece of wisdom from the great Exarch himself?” You tease.
His tail stiffens and his ears perk up, the redness in his face much more evident now. You can see him struggling with his own words until he finally tries to compose himself. “Yes,” He finally stutters. “I don’t like it when you put yourself down like that.”
You feel your heart skip a beat and before you can register what you’re doing your hand is already on his head, you feel him tense up a bit against your touch, it would be weird to retreat now so you just go with it. You pet his hair lightly, avoiding his ears as much as you can.
It’s this moment when you realize how small G’raha is in comparison to you, his form starts to relax at the pleasant touch and before you know it he leans into your hand that somehow found its way to his cheek, you both realize what is it that you’re doing when you feel several eyes on you.
You clear your throat and lower your hand to his shoulder instead. “Thanks for worrying about me,” You say with a smile as you stand up. “I really am fine though.” It’s not exactly a lie, but it’s not entirely true. The hurt is there and will always be a part of you.
“Leaving already?” G’raha asks and you can hear the obvious disappointment in his voice. You want to stay, but if you do you know your self-restraint will waver.
“Busy day,” You shrug and smile at him. “Still have errands to run, a hero never rests!” You say and turn around, your smile instantly dropping into something more neutral as you try to suppress the urge to just stay.
It’s late, and as per usual you cannot sleep no matter how much you try, it must be past 2 in the morning at least; you toss and turn in your bed and shut your eyes in a useless attempt to force yourself to actually rest.
Then there’s the faintest knock on the door, so faint you wonder if you imagined it, but it comes again, a bit louder this time. You get up and walk towards the door; you open it slowly to greet a fidgety Miqo’te that barely reaches your shoulder.
“G’raha?” You ask a bit incredulously and open the door wider. He had visited your chambers before but never at this ungodly hour of the night. “Everything alright?” There’s obvious worry in your voice.
“I—“ He stutters and looks down at you, you’re out of your armor and pretty much in just your underwear. “I’m really sorry about this I just—“ He blushes all the way to the tip of his ears. “I couldn’t sleep and for some reason I thought maybe you couldn’t as well you know? I had a feeling that—“
“Raha calm down, breathe,” You say as you place a hand on his shoulder and move aside to let him in. “Come on, let’s talk.” You chuckle lightly. “I mean, you were right, I can’t really sleep.”
G'raha just stands awkwardly by to the doorway as you close the door behind him. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have come at this hour.”
“I don’t mind at all.” You say reassuringly and walk over to your bed and sit down, patting the spot next to you. “Sit with me.” You say and immediately want to punch yourself in the face. There are fucking chairs in the room for god sakes; did you have to tell him to come to the bed? Of course you did because you’re an absolute fool.
Much to your surprise G’raha doesn't even hesitate and sits close to you, very close to you and now it’s your time to tense up.
“What’s wrong?” You frown worriedly at him. “This is quite unlike you.”
He starts fidgeting as you notice something in his hand, a leather-bound book with a dragon engraved on it. You are immediately filled with dread and you feel your hands clench around the sheet below you. “Raha—“
“It’s because of him isn’t it?” He asks softly.
You suck a deep breath and feel your mouth run dry.
“I’ve read this book many times, you know?” He speaks tenderly and you cannot for the life of you understand why. “But I could never quite put my finger on it until now.”
“G’raha, I—“
He shakes his head and turns to look at you, his eyes are clear and full of emotion, you can’t quite put your finger on what it is but it makes you feel like you’re about to burst into tears.
“Will you tell me about him?” He asks with a sad smile. “Lord Haurchefant.”
You feel what must be guilt in the pit of your stomach and feel a knot forming in your throat. You don’t want to hurt him, you don’t want to see him make that expression ever again in your lifetime.
…And yet you feel like you owe him this.
“He was a good friend,” You sigh and give him a sad smile. “He did a lot for me when no one else would,” You place you hand gently over the book and trace the letters adorning the cover. “I loved him.” You say simply.
You see G'raha’s face instantly turn away from yours; you can see the faintest of tears in the corner of his eyes even though he tries his best to hide them, to force them back.
You hate yourself.
“I’m sure he must have been a great man, to deserve your love.” G’raha says, his voice quivering slightly.
“He was one of the best,” You tell him. “He was kind and brave, ready to jump to battle—“ You grit your teeth. “Ready to die for me.”
You see him tense at that.
“I don’t think I could handle losing someone like that ever again,” You tell him. “Raha, I don’t want to lose you too…” You take his hand in yours and lift it to your lips. “Not again.” You breathe out and place a gentle kiss to his crystalized fingers.
“When I saw the Crystal Tower’s doors close right in front of me I wished—“ You hold his hand tightly and press another kiss to it. “I wished I could have stopped you.”
You hear him breathe out shakily and make up your mind.
“Raha I love you,” You tell him looking at him directly in the eyes. “I am so afraid of losing you, I—“ You take a deep breath. “I didn’t want to let myself feel this way again.”
“You won’t,” He speaks up, finally, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes. “You won’t lose me. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done what I did back then,” He sobs. “I was just so desperate to save you that I didn’t stop to think that—“
“I know.” You say. “I would have done the same,” He chuckle bitterly. “I’m a hypocrite aren’t I?”
He shakes his head vehemently. “Never.”
“I’m sorry,” You say before pulling him flush to you, “I’m sorry for being such an egoist fool.”
You feel his arms wrap around you tightly. “No, I’m sorry for being so stubborn,” He breathes your scent in. “I love you,” He relaxes into your embrace. “I’ve loved you since back then.”
“I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again,” You confess, burying your nose in his hair, rubbing his ears in the process. “I was so glad when I met you here.” You feel him shiver in your arms.
“I’m sorry I didn't tell you it was me.”
“Are you kidding me?” You laugh wholeheartedly and pull away to look at him in the eye. “I knew it was you from the first time I saw you,” You see his eyes widen. “Did you think I wouldn’t recognize your voice? The way you carry yourself’?” Your eyes soften and wander over his face. “You lips?” You breathe out as your gaze lingers on his mouth.
G'raha is impossibly red by now, his ears flat against his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks as he notices your stare.
“It was fun to see you act as if you weren’t,” You speak, softly and lean forward. “It was cute when you denied it so I decided to go with it.” You smile and press your lips to his.
You can feel him relax completely in your embrace, his arms curl around you tightly, and your hands find their way to his greying hair, tangling themselves and pulling slightly. A moan escapes G’raha’s mouth and you can feel your self-control fly out the fucking window.
“Raha,” You breathe out against his mouth and bite on his lower lip, running your tongue over them afterwards. “I truly am the worst.” You say and push him down on the bed.
He looks up at you, trying to catch his breath. “Why must you say that?” He asks and pulls you closer, he hugs you lovingly as he buries his face in your neck. “Is it so bad for us to love each other? To feel happy?”
“I feel like I don’t have the right to move on,” You admit. “I don’t deserve this happiness.” You can feel the tears threatening to fall from your eyes. The guilt would always be there, the image of the man you loved dying in your arms would always haunt you until your last day.
“You don’t really believe that,” G'raha hugs you tighter before pushing you slightly away to look at you and run his hand over your cheek, wiping at your tears. “We’ve both been through so much,” He says breathlessly. “We deserve our happiness too…” He says as his eyes well up. “I know I can never replace him, but—“
You press your lips against his to stop him form saying anymore. “Raha,” You look at him tenderly. “You’re not a replacement,” you smile and kiss him again. “I love you for you, G’raha Tia, there’s nothing else to it.”
A sob breaks out from him; he removes his arms around you to cover his face with his hand. “I’m so sorry,” He says between sobs. “I don’t even know what I’m crying about.”
You smile tenderly at him and take his hands in yours, revealing the most adorable blushing face you’ve seen him make. “I honestly hope they’re happy tears.”
“They are tears of absolute joy, my friend.” He laughs softly. “I have wanted to hold you like this for so long,” He admits embarrassedly. “I know it’s not been that long for you since we last met, but I have dreamed of this moment for a century.”
Your heart skips a beat at his words. “I really do love you, Raha,” You lean forward, closing the distance between the two of you. “I’m sorry I made you wait for so long.” You press your lips together and let out a sigh.
G'raha pulls at your shirt, trying to bring you closer, you grunt softly as you feel your hips brush against his and realize just how compromising your position really is. You try to pull away but he wraps his arms around your neck, deepening the kiss and bucking his hips up.
You let out a hiss and press your forehead to his. “Raha—“ You try to protest, but he shakes his head.
“Please,” he begs, eyes shut tight. “I need to feel you against me,” He says with a shaky breath against your lips as he grinds against you. “I need to know this is real.”
You gasp and return the favor, pressing down on him for the much wanted friction, you can feel yourself getting harder against him. Your breathing gets heavy and labored and suddenly all the restraint you had left is forgotten.
You straighten yourself up and start clawing at his robes. “I want you,” you say, almost a growl. “Do you really want me?” You tease breathlessly as you begin undressing him, revealing his pale skin, the contrast of the glowing crystal making you go breathless at the sight, you lower yourself to trace the line where blue meets flesh with your tongue until you reach his neck. G'raha’s moans sound absolutely delicious and only fuel your desire to ravish him.
“Please,” He begs again. “I want you.” He moans loudly as you suck on the sweet spot on his neck.
Your hand travels downwards and finally pull the rest of his robes off along with his smallclothes, his erection springing up, already covered in precum, you admire him and feel your mouth actually water and the sight. “You’re beautiful.” You manage to say between breaths before going down and promptly taking him between your lips.
You feel his body immediately tense up as he lets out a loud, long whine. “Raha,” you mutter against him. “Someone might hear.” You tease while you run your tongue from the base to the tip of his dick before taking him whole again.
“Ah—!!“ His hips buckle involuntary and you dig your fingers on his hips, keeping him in place. “That’ is not fair, “ he says with a shaky wanton voice. “H-how can I control myself, when you’re doing that?” He says and then bites the back of his hand to keep himself from moaning any louder, crystal fingers tangling in your hair, scratching at your scalp in the process. “P-Please.” He gasps and pulls at your hair.
You grunt deep in your throat, taking his as deep as you possibly can, twisting and turning your tongue as you do so. You feel his hand pulling at your hair and you feel like you couldn’t be more turned on than you are now. He pants your name over and over and with a final buck of his hips he comes deep in your throat, you try to swallow it all but a few stray drops find their way out and drip down unto him.
You pull away, licking at your lips, you look up to G’raha and you feel like you’re about to burst as well, he’s looking at you with glazed eyes, his mouth hanging half open, he’s trying to regain his breath and before you know it he’s pulling at your undershirt and crashes his lips you yours in a sloppy, wet kiss.
His tongue probes your mouth open, his sharp teeth biting at your lower lip. “Please,” He pants into the kiss. “More.” He gasps and starts pulling your shirt again, trying to pull it over your head.
A shiver runs down your spine and you happily oblige, helping him get you out of the now damp with sweat shirt, you pull it swiftly over your head and throw it on the floor, next to G’raha’s robes.
“Are you sure?” You moan and kiss him again, your hands traveling down his sides, caressing him tenderly until you reach his thighs, you dip your hand between them and spread him open.
“Very,” He shivers. “Please.”
You hum and lower your face close to his. “Whatever pleases the Exarch,” You tease him and stand up form the bed, leaving him with a baffled look on his face, you smirk at him. “We need something to make it better,” You say simply and produce a bottle of oil from your belongings. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
His face gets even redder that it was before. “Oh,” he gasps softly and you start lowering your underwear and drop it on the floor. “I-I—“ He stutters and you can see he can’t take his eyes off your now completely naked form. “Um.”
“Cat got your tongue?” You smirk. “Or maybe it was me?” You tease and make your way to the bed again, you crawl on top of him and lift one of his legs up.
A small gasp leaves his lips again when you spill some of the oil over his half-hard cock before placing the bottle on the bedside table. “Tell me if you don’t like anything I’m about to do.” You whisper in his ear as you grab his rapidly hardening member, coating your fingers in oil in the process.
G'raha squirms beneath you, hissing slightly at the touch, his dick still sensitive from the orgasm. “Ah—!!”
“Too much?”
“No,” He shakes his head. “More.” You see him biting his lip and place a small kiss to his temple.
You take this chance to press your middle finger to his entrance, and start pushing in slowly, you wait for him to adjust to the sensation before pulling it out and pushing it back in, several times before pulling out completely and adding a second finger. G'raha lets out a deep sigh and you feel him pushing back against your fingers. You smirk.
“Someone’s liking this.”
“Of course I am,” He snaps and looks at you with a pout, much like the ones that adorned his face back when you were venturing through the Crystal Tower. “I want more.” He groans and pushes further down.
You chuckle and decide to add a third finger, which earns you a hiss from the Miqo’te. He bites his lip in an attempt to quiet down.
“Let me hear your voice, G’raha Tia.” You murmur in his hear, voice deep and heavy with desire.
You feel him clenching around your fingers at the mention of his name.
“Do you want more?” You murmur against his skin, biting at the flesh in his neck, sucking and leaving a trail of kisses until you reach his mouth, locking your lips in a passionate kiss.
“Don’t make me beg.” He whines against your lips. “Please.”
You smirk into the kiss and pull away, reaching for the oil once more, dribbling some on your now painfully hard cock, you pump once, twice and revel at G’raha’s eyes on you, traveling over your body and finally settling on your member, licking at his lips, his eyes full of undeniable lust and want.
“Raha—“ You grunt and all but pounce on him, placing your hands on either side of his head on the mattress. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself.”
“Don’t,” He gasps as he feels the tip of your cock brush against his. “Just take me,” He groans and bucks his hips against yours. “Make me yours.”
You shudder and lock an arm under one of his knees, pulling his leg up and aligning yourself at his entrance, you start pushing in until the tip is in, your eyes are fixed on G'raha’s face, his eyebrows knitting together at the painful pleasure you’re giving him. You grunt and start pushing in slowly as to not hurt the man below you.
You definitely don't expect G'raha’s legs to wrap around your waist and abruptly pull you in, all at once with a loud moan.
“Raha!” You moan loudly at the unexpected warmth enveloping you and bury your face in his hair. “Gods—“ You grunt as you try not to move.
“Contrary to what I look like,” He pants against your shoulder. “I’m not actually made of glass.” He moans and starts a small grinding motion against you.
“You’re gonna be the end of me.” You grunt and pull out almost completely, pushing back in with a resounding slap, repeating the motion over and over looking for that sweet spot inside him. You want to ravish him, to mark him as your own; you grunt and place your teeth over the tender flesh of his neck and bite down hard enough to bruise.
He throws his head back, moaning your name loudly into the night. “Yes!” He screams. “Like that!” He moans and starts meeting your thrusts halfway, moving his hips in absolute harmony with yours.
You can feel yourself getting closer, the knot in your stomach getting tighter as your thrusts become erratic and desperate; you angle yourself slightly and suddenly he arches his back off the bed with a silent moan, spilling his seed over his stomach. There it was, you think to yourself as his muscles tense up tightly around you.
It only takes a few more thrusts until you feel your orgasm washing over you, spilling deep inside him, moaning his name against his neck before feeling yourself lose all the strength you had left, laying sprawled over him, trying your best not to squish him.
The only sounds in the room are heaving breathing and the beating of your hearts.
You roll over and bring him on top of you, still inside him, not wanting to miss the warmth of him just yet.
“I’m sorry if I got carried away.” You say sheepishly. And run your fingers through his hair lovingly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
“I could say the same,” He murmurs and buries his face in your chest, the embarrassment finally catching up to him. “I-I don’t know what overcame me.”
You laugh. “A century of pent up sexual frustration.”
He stutters and pushes himself up on his elbows to look down at you with the funniest face you’ve ever seen him make. “T-That might be right,” He manages to squeak out. “But you don’t have to say it out loud!” He blushes to the tip of his ears and looks absolutely mortified.
You laugh yet again and caress his cheek. “I love you, Raha.” You say, almost in a sigh.
His eyes soften immediately at the words, a shy smile on his lips. “I love you too.” He says and leans down to press a tender kiss to your lips.
You sigh into the kiss and feel like the weight of the world isn’t so bad anymore.