Archive of Our Own

Chuuya has hauled Dazai out of the river one too many times. He’s tired of this shit and refuses to do it again. That’s what he said last time though. And the time before that and the time before that. This time though, he’s really had it. He’s taking this straight to Mori, etiquette be damned. He’s never been one for manners anyways.

He doesn’t bother drying either of them off as he drags Dazai straight from the water all the way into headquarters and up to Mori’s office. He ignores the looks of annoyance and confusion they get every step of the way there.

Once they’re granted access to Mori’s office, Chuuya tosses Dazai inside and onto the ground.

“This can’t keep happening.” Chuuya says firmly, crossing his arms over his chest. “It shouldn’t be my job to keep this waste of bandages alive.”

“In all my years of knowing Dazai-kun, I’ve learned there is no good way to deter him away from his quest for death.” Mori says with a sigh. “Time and again he finds a way.”

“Yeah well don’t come to me when he’s dead. I’ve lost enough sleep worrying about his stupid ass.”

“Aw! Chuuya worries about me!” Dazai pipes up for the first time since they’d entered headquarters. “So sweet.”

Chuuya opens his mouth to retort but the words die in his throat. He does worry about Dazai and whether or not he’s alive.

“Shut up and be grateful you’re still breathing.” He scoffs. Dazai is standing now, wringing out his shirt. The water puddles on the floor of Mori’s office.

“I just had the floors waxed yesterday morning, Dazai-kun.” Mori pouts, watching him as he continues to squeeze out excess water.

“What did you think you would accomplish by bringing me here?” Dazai asks, ignoring Mori and looking to Chuuya. “Mori-san can’t command me not to die. If he did, even if I disobey, it’s not like I can be punished for it.”

“I don’t give two shits if you die or not, asshole. I only wanted to show him the shit you pull and why it won’t be my fault when you finally succeed in your never-ending mission to die..” Chuuya spits back.

“Mori-san is more than aware of what I do.” Dazai says darkly, his unbandaged eye staring daggers into Chuuya. “That’s how we met, after all. Isn’t it, Mori-san?” He calls over to him. Mori’s been watching them from behind his desk, letting their argument play out. He’s learned not to interject too much when it comes to the two of them. A hands-off approach with a firm guiding hand every now and then seems to do the trick for managing them.

“I believe I recall you were one of my patients before, right?” Mori asks, though both he and Dazai know exactly that he was. “You were admitted after a suicide attempt. One that almost succeeded, I’m afraid.” He adds.

Chuuya’s eyes widen for a split second. He didn’t know that. He’s never known how Mori and Dazai met. He’s never even thought to ask. The reason doesn’t matter anyways, but now that he knows… it doesn’t sit well with him for some reason. Hearing that Dazai had almost succeeded makes his stomach turn.

“Heartwarming.” He manages to say with as little emotion as he can muster.

“Why the water, Dazai-kun?” Mori asks, not missing a beat. “Drowning is not exactly the most pleasant way to die. So I’ve heard.”

Dazai blinks, as if he didn’t consider that. Then he says, “I don’t know how to swim, so the chance of me succeeding is quite high, if I didn’t keep getting pulled out by my mutt, that is. He’s become far too attached to me.” He smirks at Chuuya.

“I am not your mutt!” Chuuya exclaims, taking a threatening step forward towards Dazai.

“Can’t swim?” Mori repeats, his icy tone cutting through their squabble. “How dreadful.” He sighs and opens a drawer in his desk. He pulls something out and holds it up.

“Take this. It’s the key to the penthouse. There’s a pool there where you’ll begin taking lessons immediately.” He says to Dazai.

“Mori-san?” Dazai asks, walking over to his desk to take the key from him, suddenly resigned.

“It’s an essential skill, especially considering Yokohama’s location. You’re never too far away from water, as it seems you’re already aware. However considering much of the Port Mafia’s territory is near the waterfront, it would do you good to know how to float at the very least. You know how missions can often go belly up. You may end up in the bay against your will one day.” Mori says with a dark glint in his eye.

Something unspoken passes between them that Chuuya doesn’t understand. He does understand that Dazai is going to do it. He’s going to learn how to swim. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that if he tries to drown himself again he still won’t swim to save himself. Not if he truly wants to die. It seems pointless, but Mori didn’t often bring up things that were pointless.

“I hope my instructor will be a beautiful woman. Maybe I can convince her into dying alongside me.” Dazai says wistfully, turning away from Mori and walking back towards the large double doors of the office.

“Your instructor will be Chuuya-kun.” Mori says matter of factly. His tone indicates there is no room for argument.

The room erupts into yelling and protests anyways.

*

“You look fucking stupid.” Chuuya says when he enters the penthouse pool room later the next day. Dazai is leaning back on one of the poolside chairs in swim trunks and a shirt, bandages still covering his arms and legs. He’s wearing sunglasses to boot.

“This whole thing is stupid.” Dazai reminds him, sitting up. “Why can’t you and Mori-san just accept when it’s my time to die?” He sighs, looking up at Chuuya as he approaches him.

“Take those off. We aren’t even outside.” Chuuya swats at the sunglasses on Dazai’s face, ignoring what Dazai said.

“If you do your job right, I’ll learn how to float and won’t even get my face wet. They stay on.” Dazai tells him stubbornly.

Chuuya rolls his eyes and walks to the edge of the pool. He slips his sandals off and pulls his shirt up over his head, tossing it onto one of the tables. He slides into the water next, holding back a yelp at the cooler temperature. Once he’s more submerged his body starts to adjust, allowing him to relax. He doesn’t know the last time he’s properly been swimming.

He floats onto his back, staring up at the ceiling before closing his eyes. It’s relaxing, being in the water. He wonders if maybe he can come here even when he’s not teaching that damned mackerel to swim.

Which reminds him….

Groaning, he stands back up and turns to look at where Dazai is lounging. Except he’s not lounging. He’s standing at the edge of the pool, watching Chuuya. There’s no hint of teasing or mockery in his eyes. There’s something else. Something that makes Chuuya irritated and strangely self conscious. Dazai shouldn’t be looking at him like that.

“Are you getting in or what?” Chuuya asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s not sure of Dazai’s true skill, or if he was just bullshitting both Mori and Chuuya about not being able to swim. That leaves Chuuya unsure of how much he will actually have to teach Dazai.

“We can just say you taught me, you know.” Dazai says, sitting down on the edge of the pool. He pulls his knees close to his chest while still letting his feet dangle in the water.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid.” Chuuya scoffs.

When Dazai doesn’t reply, Chuuya can only stare at him. No way is this waste of bandages actually afraid. With all the times he’s jumped into the river, how can be possibly be afraid of the water or of swimming? It doesn’t make sense.

Until it does.

Dazai goes into the river with the intention of dying. He probably hopes the impact alone is enough to knock him out so he won’t even realize he’s in the water by the time it’s too late. The thought of it makes Chuuya feel sick. Half of the time he isn’t even sure if Dazai’s attempts are genuine or if they are just cries for attention. Or maybe a mix of both. He probably wouldn’t mind if any of his attempts are successful, even if he goes into them half-heartedly. That thought also makes him sick.

Truthfully, Chuuya has always thought that maybe Dazai goes into his attempts only kind of wanting to die. He always seems to try something when he knows Chuuya will find and stop him. Or Mori or anyone else, really. There are so many ways for Dazai to actually succeed that if he truly wanted to, he could.

That doesn’t stop Chuuya from stopping him whenever he’s presented with the chore. Even if he knows the bastard knows Chuuya will be there to save him, Chuuya still does. It’s playing into Dazai’s hands but Chuuya can’t bear the thought of losing him. No, not losing him, but being the one who let it happen. (So he tells himself).

When he heard yesterday that one of Dazai’s attempts was actually almost successful and had landed him in Mori’s hospital bed...that thought still shook him to his core. Dazai dead before Chuuya would have even met him. He can’t imagine it, can’t describe why he feels like that would have been a loss.

He shakes those thoughts away and focuses back on the task at hand. He doesn’t have time to think too deeply about someone as annoying as Dazai Osamu, the bane of his existence.

“I don’t give a shit if you’re scared or not. Get in here so we can get this over with. We’ll work on floating today.” Chuuya grumbles, looking to Dazai expectantly.

When he doesn’t make any effort to move, Chuuya sighs. He still can’t really believe Dazai is afraid. Of what, he still isn’t sure. Of the water or swimming or both of those things.

“Dazai, I’m not sure what it is you’re afraid of, but I’m right here. You trust me, don’t you?” He asks, holding out his hand. “It’s still shallow here. If I can touch the bottom then you definitely can.” Using his own lack of height to coax Dazai into the water is the most painful thing he’s done all day.

Dazai reacts to that, giving Chuuya a smirk. “I guess if even a shrimp like you can handle it then there’s no reason I can’t.” He lets go of his knees and slides down the side of the pool into the water, ignoring Chuuya’s hand.

“We can just float today.” Chuuya tells him. “I’m not really an expert at this so I’m not sure what Mori-san thinks I can teach you. Or that I can teach you effectively.” He says. “Especially when you act like an ass everywhere you go.” He adds, watching Dazai playing with his shorts as they balloon out a little under the water.

“Show me how again.” Dazai tells him, looking at him, his eye big and expectant. “You made it look so effortless.”

“It’s not hard.” Chuuya says. “Just lay back on your back and kind of just...let go.” He realizes he isn’t very good at explaining it. “Like this.” He lies back onto his back, pulling his legs up so he’s no longer touching the bottom. He tries to process how everything feels so he can try to explain it to Dazai when it’s Dazai’s turn.

“How do you know you won’t sink?” He hears Dazai ask, his voice muffled by the water. Chuuya raises his head up, standing again.

“Uh, well…” That is a good question. It’s just natural to Chuuya. “Here, you try it and see how it feels.” He suggests. Dazai gives him a wary look. “I’m right here. I won’t let you sink.”

“I’d let you sink.” Dazai points out.

“And I’m not you.” Chuuya shoots back. He can tell this is actually a big deal for Dazai. He isn’t going to make it even worse for him.

Dazai sighs and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. He stays still, every once in a while making a move to lie back, but ultimately never does. Chuuya decides to move closer.

“Here.” He says, pressing his hand into Dazai’s back. “Give me your hand.” He takes one of Dazai’s hands and slowly starts to lower him onto his back. “You won’t sink. I’ve got you.”

Dazai lets himself be tilted backwards before he jumps up, pulling away from Chuuya.

“What the fuck!?” Chuuya exclaims, surprised.

“You were going to drop me!” Dazai cries, looking a little shaken.

“I was not! Do you fucking trust me or not?”

Dazai takes a moment to think that over. Chuuya knows he does, but he also knows this is clearly something Dazai is truly afraid of. The fact he’s letting his weakness be known to Chuuya at all is a testament of how much it’s affecting him. If Dazai can’t hide it or put a mask over it, it must be substantial.

“Come on. Let’s try again.” Chuuya says gently, moving back into position beside Dazai. He places his hand behind his back again and slowly starts to lower him. He can feel that Dazai is tense, which will make it harder for him to float. Right now though, he just needs Dazai to be able to feel what floating feels like so he can mimic it later without Chuuya’s help.

This time, Dazai allows Chuuya to get him completely onto his back. Chuuya thinks better than to take his hands away. So they stay like that for as long as Dazai allows it. He keeps his eye closed the whole time. Chuuya watches him. He realizes he’s never seen Dazai sleep before. He isn’t sleeping now, but this must be what he looks like when he does.

Vulnerable. It’s a really strange thought and he doesn’t know why something like that occurs to him. How annoying.

Dazai squeezes Chuuya’s hand, indicating that he’s ready to come back up. Chuuya helps to push him back up, giving him a small smile once he’s back to standing.

“How’d that feel?”

“Nice. Like I was floating on clouds.” Dazai says. “I think I’d sink if you weren’t holding me up.”

“Then we should try again. We can’t leave until you can float on your own.” Chuuya tells him. That’s not entirely true, but now it is. He’s decided that’s how they’ll know they did enough today. It’s a nice small goal to work towards. There’s no way Dazai can learn to swim if he can’t float on his own.

“So mean!” Dazai protests with an exaggerated pout. “We already did a lot today.”

“Nope. Not enough. Come on. Again. I won’t let go.” Chuuya says, taking hold of Dazai’s hand once more. Dazai doesn’t protest this time and allows himself to be gently lowered onto his back again. They stay like that for awhile once more until Dazai is ready to come up.

They continue on like that for a long time. Long enough that Chuuya loses track of time. Dazai still hasn’t let him remove his hands, but he’s allowing Chuuya to gently pull him across the surface of the water as he floats.

By now, Chuuya feels pruney and cold. He hopes Dazai is almost ready to try it on his own. Or maybe he’s biding his time so Chuuya calls it a day due to his skin shriveling up due to how long they’ve been in the water.

“Let go this time.” Dazai says quietly as Chuuya starts to lower him again.

“Are you sure?” He asks, guiding him onto his back again. Dazai nods, taking a deep breath.

Once he’s fully on his back, he gives Chuuya’s hand a small squeeze. Chuuya takes his hand out of Dazai’s first before slowly pulling his hand away from Dazai’s back. He can’t help but smile when Dazai doesn’t flail or immediately stand up. He takes a step back so Dazai is completely floating by himself with no help. He doesn’t stray too far though, in case Dazai starts to panic.

He doesn’t. He floats on his own for another minute before he stands up, a smile on his face. Chuuya feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest. Whatever fear Dazai was fighting against, he’d overcome it in that moment.

“Thank fuck, I’m getting out of here.” Chuuya says once the bliss of the moment has passed. He’s freezing and in need of the hottest shower he can take. He moves past Dazai towards the steps but is pulled backwards. For a split second he thinks Dazai is dragging him underwater simply because that’s absolutely something Dazai would do to him.

Instead, he’s pulled back into Dazai’s chest. Dazai has his arms wrapped loosely around Chuuya. “Thank you.” He says softly.

The moment is over as quickly as it started. Dazai is halfway to the steps before Chuuya is able to process what happened.

“Hey! Bastard!” Chuuya shouts after him, sprinting through the water to catch up.

*

Over the next month they meet at Mori’s penthouse swimming pool. It’s slow going. Sometimes Dazai arrives and refuses to participate, other times he doesn’t show at all. But when he does show up and agrees to get in the water, he makes good progress. They work on floating most often and even move into learning to kick.

The pool has kickboards, a board made of lightweight material that a swimmer can hold onto with their arms while their legs kick back and forth, moving them through the water. Dazai seems to enjoy those most of all since his head doesn’t need to get wet and he can move at his leisure.

Last but not least, they briefly work on freestyle strokes. Dazai is not still not a fan of his head going under, so work on this skill is minimal. Chuuya finds himself frustrated after many attempts to get Dazai to try it. Not because Dazai won’t, but because he’s an ass about it, per usual.

In the end, Dazai can float and kick with proficiency. Not bad for a bandaged bastard who only sometimes comes to his lessons. Still, the whole experience leaves Chuuya feeling a little closer to Dazai in an unexpected way.

*

A pain. That’s what their next mission is. Dazai groans when their assignment is given to them. It sounds pretty standard, so he doesn’t know why they’ve been tasked with handling it together. Especially considering they’ve been given a generous squad to help deal with the aftermath. It seems like a waste to send them both there together for a simple bust. Considering both of them have been given a lot of solo missions, or rather missions without the other lately, it seems like an odd mission for them to be assigned to together.

They’ve been tasked with intercepting a stolen shipment of Port Mafia goods, likely weapons. According to their information, a local group has gotten their hands on it and is trading or selling it off to another group down by the port later this evening. Their mission is to gather further information regarding the two gangs involved as well as take back the stolen contraband.

“At least it gives me something to do, even though you could handle it yourself.” Dazai sighs after reading the mission brief, handing the paper to Chuuya.

“As if you’ll actually do something.” Chuuya replies, rolling his eyes. Dazai watches him as he reads, thinking back to when he watched Chuuya floating so peacefully in the penthouse swimming pool. The serene look on his face….that look has haunted Dazai ever since.

“Oi, bastard, what are you staring at?” Chuuya asks, placing his hands on his hips, a scowl on his face.

“I forgot chibikko can read.” He smirks. “It’s surreal to see it happening right in front of me.”

Chuuya rolls the mission brief paper up and swings it at Dazai’s head. Dazai anticipates it and easily jumps out of the way.

“Tch, come on, let’s just get this over with.” Chuuya scoffs, crumpling the paper and throwing it away.

As much as it’s a waste of his time, Dazai can’t help but be a little excited it’s a joint mission this time.

*

“Are you even listening to what they’re saying or are you just planning your grand entrance?” Chuuya hisses. They’re currently hiding a little ways away from where the two gangs of interest are meeting. Any moment now and they can waltz right in, give the signal for their squad and be on their way.

“Unlike you, I can listen and think at the same time.” Dazai shoots back with a grin. He’s heard all he needs to hear. Their enemy has revealed enough about themselves that Dazai can make a full report with all of the information Mori wants and expects.

“Shut the fuck up. Let's go already.” Chuuya says impatiently, cracking his knuckles. Dazai sighs. Chuuya is always so feisty, always ready to start a fight. They won’t even need to lift a finger to complete this mission and yet he’s practically baring his teeth like an animal.

Maybe he’s exaggerating that last bit, but Dazai can’t help it. Chuuya has always fascinated him. Ever since he came barreling into Dazai’s life like a hurricane, Nakahara Chuuya has been a constant storm of fists and fury, or maybe more accurately, kicks and fury. And yet when they were at the pool together all those times….he was patient and gentle. Dazai might even go as far as to say he was kind.

These are all traits Dazai knows Chuuya possesses. They just aren’t often directed at Dazai. He had found he liked being the recipient of those more gentler moments with Chuuya. That isn’t to say he’d milked their time together. He’d really struggled with being in the water at all, but with Chuuya it felt possible. He’d felt safe.

Feeling safe is such a strange and foreign feeling to Dazai. Even stranger is that Chuuya is the person who elicited that feeling. The only other person who’s ever made him feel that way is Odasaku. And Odasaku and Chuuya couldn’t be more opposite kinds of people.

“Still listening and thinking, asshole?” Chuuya growls lowly, kicking lightly at the backs of Dazai’s legs to make him move.

“Ah, ah. You ought to be more patient, Hatrack.” Dazai teases, already stepping out from the shadows before Chuuya can shoot back a retort, or more likely, an expletive.

“Good evening, gentlemen.” Dazai says as he walks toward the trade currently taking place. “I’ll be taking back what’s ours. You’re more than welcome to stick around, though I would suggest taking this opportunity to turn and run. My boss doesn’t take kindly to those who steal from our organization.”

He’s already assessed the situation and knows that each side has six members present with likely two or three more hiding for each gang. No one ever plays fair in negotiations such as these.

“Shit! It’s the Port Mafia!” One of the thugs calls out.

“It’s just a kid. Grow a pair and shoot him!” Another voice calls. Dazai smiles darkly as a dozen guns are aimed at him. Within the blink of an eye their triggers are pulled but Dazai feels no pain. No bullet reaches him, stopped just short of him, captured in midair, glowing a faint red. The bullets clatter to the ground.

“Chuuya~! You really cut it close this time!” Dazai whines, turning around to where Chuuya is now standing. He hears more gunfire, turning around to see yet another wall of bullets stopped in midair, caught by Chuuya’s Ability.

“Your grandstanding pisses me off. I should let you get shredded one of these days.” Chuuya threatens with a sneer.

“They need to know who they’re dealing with, right?” Dazai asks, his usual playful lilt in his voice. “We can’t just barge in and defeat them without them knowing who they’re losing to.”

Chuuya scoffs, dropping the second round of bullets onto the pier.

“Just give the fucking signal so we can get out of here.” He shoves his hands into his pockets.

Dazai opens his mouth to say something else when he hears the familiar sound of a radio walkie talkie buzzing to life.

“I have eyes on him right now. It’s definitely him, the gravity manipulator.” Dazai whirls back around to see the two gangs now standing side by side, guns still trained on he and Chuuya. His eyes widen when he realizes it was a trap all along.

“Now!” He shouts, raising his arm, giving his men the signal. There’s more gunfire, this time coming from behind them as well as in front of them. Their men are there and Dazai’s never been more grateful for back up in his life.

He ducks away out of the line of fire. As much as he wants to leave, their mission is to get the stolen weapons back. Normally he *would* leave, leaving the real dirty work to their team, but he knows Chuuya won’t. He won’t lie and say he’s not a little shaken this whole thing seems to be a ploy to get Chuuya out into the open, anyways. He doesn’t have time to process that right now though.

His mind is spinning, wondering if Mori knew the two gangs weren’t actually separate. They were the same gang posing as two to lure the Port Mafia out. Specifically to lure Chuuya out. Had they gotten one over on Mori, on the Port Mafia? Or has Mori left some crucial details out of their mission briefing?

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts. He really can’t focus on that right now. He needs to stay out of the line of fire and he needs to make sure Chuuya doesn’t fall into their hands. That’s when it dawns on him. The contraband isn’t likely to be contraband at all, but merely part of the ploy to lure Chuuya to it.

And in all of the chaos, Chuuya has fallen for it. It’s likely Chuuya has figured out what Dazai has, that it’s really one gang behind all of this rather than two. But he hasn’t figured out that their objective to retrieve the stolen weapons has been compromised and needs to be aborted. Or he’s just that curious as to what it could be.

Dazai hopes that isn’t the case.

In all of the mayhem, he’s lost sight of Chuuya, only spotting him as he’s confronted by a man twice as tall as him and and least three times as wide. He’s massive and he manages to land a walloping punch to Chuuya’s gut. At first Dazai thinks Chuuya manages to absorb the hit by using his Ability, but he doesn’t.

Instead he goes flying into the air, landing hard onto the dock. The air’s been knocked out of him as the bigger man comes around again, this time kicking Chuuya’s side as Chuuya struggles to stand. Dazai has never felt so small and so helpless then he does in this moment. Even if he makes it over to where they are, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop the assault. They’ll both just be beaten to a pulp.

Still, he has to try. He hates to admit it, but he’s afraid. He’s never seen Chuuya take such a beating before. Something is very wrong for Chuuya not to be using his Ability to help him here. Even without it, he’s more than capable of fighting on his own without the aid of For the Tainted Sorrow. Even someone the size of this attacker.

If they are an Ability user, Dazai needs to get there to nullify whatever they’re using. If they aren’t he still needs to get there to help Chuuya. The genuine fear that something is terribly wrong grips onto him tightly, so much so it’s almost hard to breathe. He can’t remember a time this sense of urgency was so overwhelming.

Before he can get there, Chuuya’s attacker kicks him again, this time all the way off the dock. Dazai can see from where he’s standing that Chuuya is out cold. His body hits the water with a sickening splash. Dazai feels fear take over him. He can’t remember when Chuuya had actually been in real danger like this, to the degree that he couldn’t defend himself. He’d looked like a ragdoll. Dazai’s missed something in all of this, but he’s not sure what.

The man peers over the side of the bridge, looking for Chuuya and anger wells up inside of Dazai alongside his fear. He draws his gun and aims for his head. Something at the last minute makes him decide to aim lower, giving the man a small chance of survival. Maybe Dazai doesn’t want to make his death an easy way out for him.

He pulls the trigger and watches as the man falls forward off of the bridge and into the inky water below. Dazai makes it to the edge of the bridge, looking over the side, eyes frantically searching the water for any signs of Chuuya. He doesn’t see anything. Once again he’s gripped by fear, but this time it’s a different kind. This time Chuuya is the one in need of a rescue and it’s Dazai who has to do the rescuing. No one else saw what happened. They’re all preoccupied with the firefight happening a few yards away.

The problem is Chuuya fell into the water and Dazai can’t swim. Or rather, he can’t swim well and he’s terrified of that. But the fear of losing Chuuya is even greater. Losing Chuuya. He doesn’t know why that makes him feel as empty and hollow as it does but the feeling is so raw he can’t ignore it.

Dazai throws off his coat and dives into the water without much more thought. Wasting any time debating on what he inevitably had to do would only compromise Chuuya further. It might already be too late….

It’s this thought that drives him. It’s this thought which forces him to open his eye in the murky water until he’s found Chuuya floating underneath the surface. He grabs hold of his wrist and pulls with all of his strength, bringing them both up to the surface. Chuuya is nothing but dead weight, making it hard for Dazai to keep both of their heads above the water. His limbs burn with the effort of dragging both himself and Chuuya to shore. Right now though, shore is docks and piers and railed off walkways that Dazai won’t be able to get them both up on to. Not like this. But under the bridge there are mounds of earth and grass supporting the pillars of the bridge.

Dazai aims for this instead. All he needs is hard ground he can get Chuuya to until he comes to. It’s difficult, but Dazai manages to get them there. He’s swallowed too much water and feels sick because of it, but right now he’s more concerned about Chuuya. Somehow he finds the strength to haul Chuuya up onto dry land before he pushes himself up as well. He drags them both further away from the water, propping each of them up against the pillar of the bridge. He doesn’t think lying down after nearly drowning is a good idea.

Dazai has to turn to the side and retch up the water he’s swallowed. He feels lightheaded and his body feels like it’s on fire. The gravity of what’s just happened hasn’t quite hit him yet and he hopes it never does. He isn’t so lucky though, and as he catches his breath it all replays again in his mind.

Chuuya coughs up water, his eyes opening a little as he starts to come to. Dazai’s heart leaps in his chest at the realization that Chuuya is alive, but he almost hadn’t been. Dazai almost lost him and it’s hitting Dazai harder than he thought it would. Harder than he thought it could.

Chuuya has been a constant presence since he quite literally flew into Dazai’s life. He is a lot of things to Dazai. This is something Dazai has always known, but something he’s been loathe to admit, even to himself. But faced with seeing Chuuya so lifelessly taking a beating like that before being thrown into the water like a ragdoll...it’s hitting Dazai particularly hard.

Chuuya coughs again and again, doubling over with the force of it. Dazai watches, not knowing how to help. Chuuya takes a shuddering breath before looking up at Dazai, wiping his mouth against the back of his sleeve.

“Is this where I say ‘thank you’, bastard?” He rasps, though his words lack any bite, still wheezing for breath.

“No thanks needed. Isn’t that what partners are for?” Dazai manages to get out, doing his best to keep the shakiness out of his voice. They’ve come to each others rescue countless of times by now, but somehow this one feels different. Despite the danger they’re constantly in, this time felt all too real and it’s a feeling Dazai can’t seem to shake.

“I do have to ask, Chuuya.” Dazai continues, taking a shuddering breath, lungs burning. “I’ve never seen you take an enemy’s punch so terribly before. There’s no way he got the jump on you.” He knows something else had to have happened.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Chuuya replies, not meeting Dazai’s eyes. That means he does know. Why he doesn’t want to tell Dazai is something Dazai doesn’t want to guess at.

They sit in silence, save for Chuuya still struggling to breathe, for a moment before Chuuya speaks again.

“Looks like those swimming lessons came in handy.”

Dazai realizes suddenly they really did. He wasn’t sure if things would have gone as swimmingly if he hadn’t had them.

The thought of what could have happened if he hadn’t worked through some of his fears in the penthouse pool makes his stomach drop.

“What happened?” Dazai asks quietly despite knowing Chuuya doesn’t want to tell him. Chuuya is quiet, breathing shallow and mind working through whether or not he should tell Dazai. Dazai will know if he’s lying, anyways.

“If I say he just got the jump on me, you wouldn’t believe it, would you?” Chuuya asks, voice quiet. Dazai shakes his head.

“Not a chance, chibikko.”

Chuuya sighs as loudly as he can muster. Dazai has no idea what it can be that has Chuuya so reluctant. Maybe if his nerves weren’t so frayed and his brain weren’t so fuzzy right now, he’d be able to take a proper guess at it.

“He did get the jump on me.” Chuuya says. “Pricked me with something and it made my Ability…” He looks away, like he’s ashamed. Dazai’s eyes widen at the implication. They’d used some kind of Ability suppressant to make Chuuya more vulnerable.

“Even so, you fight perfectly fine without it.” Dazai says, thinking back to all the times they’ve sparred together.

“I was just caught off guard, I guess. I’ve never felt my Ability feel so far away like that before. It wasn’t like No Longer Human. Your Ability quiets mine. Nullifies it completely. This...it just felt like it was blocked. Like it was still there, I just couldn’t reach it when I tried to.” Chuuya explains.

Dazai nods, his heart racing a little too fast. The whole thing had been a ploy to get to Chuuya. That thought still unsettles him deeply. Maybe it’s because they’d almost succeeded. If Dazai hadn’t been there to see and to act… he shivers at the thought of what could have been. He needs to get back to headquarters to find out more about this group and what they know about Chuuya and why they could want him. Until then, his mind won’t quiet with all of the many possibilities.

“Thank you.” Chuuya whispers after awhile. Dazai can see he’s shivering ever so slightly. “I thought...I really thought…” He trails off.

Dazai doesn’t think next. His body moves on it’s own, separate from his mind. He can’t stand to hear Chuuya say he thought he would die, say he thought they’d gotten him. He turns and presses his lips against Chuuya’s.

He doesn’t think about how this is his first kiss or about how he’s probably doing it all wrong. All he can think about is Chuuya and how long he’s wanted to do this, how he almost lost his chance. He thinks about how he shouldn’t be doing this. It’ll ruin everything, won’t it? But then Chuuya is kissing him back, his small frame still shivering against Dazai from the chill of the river.

The kiss is messy and warm, despite the chill running through them both. Dazai is running on adrenaline and desperation, allowing himself to fall victim to his own desires. He falls further when Chuuya pulls him in closer, hand curled tightly into his soaking wet shirt. He promises himself it won’t happen again, that this will be the only time. And yet it doesn’t feel like enough.

All too soon, Chuuya is the one pulling away. Once again he’s able to stop Dazai when Dazai has started to lose himself in something he shouldn’t.

“T-take me back, asshole. I’m f-freezing.” Chuuya stutters, shivering even more.

There’s no way for Dazai to get them both back from where they are sitting underneath the bridge right now, still surrounded by the river. Someone would come looking for them eventually. Instead, he pulls Chuuya into him, wrapping his arms around him to try to keep them both warm. They sit like this, in silence, until the early morning when they’re finally found.

*

Dazai has a terrible cold for a whole month and Chuuya never hears the end of it.