Chapter Text
It starts with small, intrusive thoughts. They’re nothing, really. Beverly can almost ignore them.
It starts with staring at Riley Summer’s lips in third period. It’s not that Bev even likes Riley. She doesn’t think they’ve ever said more than two words to one another. And she would never really want to date Riley, who she has basically nothing in common with… Other than the fact that they’re both girls. And that small fact confuses the hell out of Beverly. She knows that girls can like other girls (of course she does), but she’s never even questioned if she might herself.
It came on slowly. She’s been staring at girls for weeks before it really hits her, sitting in third period, that she isn’t looking at girls in the way that straight girls probably do.
But Bev has always liked boys, right? Otherwise she would’ve realized this before she was a freshman in high school, right? So, maybe she’s not gay after all. She must be bi, right? Because she likes guys, she thinks. Why wouldn’t she like guys?
But, then again… She loves Ben and Bill. And both of them have told her that they’ve liked her at one time or another. But it just made her feel awkward. It would be easier if she liked one of them, she thinks, because then she could just date one of them and ignore this. But thinking about dating them, or any boy for that matter, makes her stomach sink. It’s not complete disgust, though, it’s more like resignation.
And she’s always thought that she could end up with a boy. Because what else could she do, right? But after only a few weeks of high school, she knows that she will never be happy dating boys.
She watches two senior girls at a lunch table on the other side the room hold hands. It’s such a small thing, but she looks for them every day, and every day that she sees them, she feels infinitely better. Her heart soars with happiness. Seeing them doing something as simple (as brave) as holding hands makes Bev realize that this is exactly what else she could do.
She comes out on a Friday. It’s been a month since school started, and she’s seen the two senior girls hold hands for twenty lunch periods. She’s known with certainty that she likes girls for about ten of them. She’s known she’s a lesbian for about five of them.
She doesn’t wait long once she’s sure to tell the others. After she comes to the conclusion, it’s practically bursting from her every time she sees them. So, when Bill asks if anything interesting happened that day at school, Bev answers.
“Well, I’m a lesbian now,” she says. As certain as she is, she can still hear a slight unexplainable quiver in her voice. She isn’t worried about the others judging her, and she knows with certainty that this is the truth. A weight has been lifted from her shoulders and she can finally breath... and yet her heart’s still beating out of her chest.
The boys all smile, some sooner than others.
Richie gives her a high five.
Mike tells her how happy he is for her.
Ben says he hopes that it didn’t seem like he was trying to pressure her into something by telling her that he liked her. And Beverly assures him that it never did.
“Guess that explains the hair, then,” Richie jokes, because of course he does. And they laugh, and Bev can't disagree.