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    Ilya chuckles. “You don’t know why the team might be scared of you? You cannot think of any reason?”

    “Scared? Of me?” Shane says.

    “Yes. They adore you. But they are terrified.”

    “But – but why? What did I do?”

    Ilya pretends to think. “Hmm. What did you do? Maybe it was the first Stanley Cup. Or the second. Or the third. Or your MVP wins. Or every single fucking game you have ever played in your life. You are Shane fucking Hollander. Did you forget?”

    ---

    Or, five times Shane scares the Centaurs, and one time he (accidentally) terrifies them.

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    14 Jun 2026

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    In the offseason, a steamy video of Shane and Ilya dancing at a club goes viral. Already out and married for years at this point, the first husbands of hockey can't believe this is news. For once, it's Shane whose media responses blow it up even further. Ilya’s not about to let an opportunity to compete with Shane go to waste.

    Or

    The rivalry still hasn't died, they just find new ways to keep it going. Why choose silence when you can choose violence?

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    14 Jun 2026

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    “Go?” Rozanov repeats, and Shane thinks he manages to nod, thinks he manages to spin some kind of excuse that he knows Rozanov doesn’t really buy, but he needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He needs to find somewhere quiet and calm where he can ride out this panic and painful tightness until he can catch his breath again. He needs-

    He needs to go.

    “I’m sorry,” he says, turning heel and resisting the urge to just book it right for the front door only because he’d rather not have to explain to Hayden why he returned from a hookup with Boston Lily in men’s clothes that he certainly didn’t leave in.

    It’s not until he makes it halfway up the stairs to Rozanov’s bedroom that it occurs to him in a cold rush that it isn’t just anxiety that makes it this hard to breathe.

    “No,” he tells himself firmly, white knuckling the bannister and trying to take a deep breath just to prove that he can.

    It wheezes.

    (how the tuna meltdown is averted through the power of food allergies and anaphylaxis)

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    12 Jun 2026

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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    10 Jun 2026

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    “If I gave Jackie a day of getting to have sex with me whenever she wants as a thank you for tidying the living room, I think she’d divorce me,” Hayden says.

    “Nah, man, she’d kill you,” J. J. says, which is probably true.

    Shane shrugs. “That sounds like a straight people problem.”

    Hayden is truly glad that the times of Shane torturing himself by being in the closet are over. But. Well. This conversation is kind of making him miss those days.

    ---

    Finally, after everything, Shane is a happily married man. Incredibly happily married. It only becomes a problem once he thinks it qualifies him to dispense relationship advice.

    Or, five times Shane gives relationship advice his friends disagree with, and one time he doesn’t.

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    09 Jun 2026