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  1. Tags
    Summary

    What if there was another Dochas Sidhe around who could break October out of the koi pond much, much earlier? In this timeline, Toby found herself freed from the pond in a year and a day by a strange, secretive young man with an unmistakable family resemblance.

    Everything unfolded from there.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,791
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    66
    Kudos:
    80
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    1,218
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Dutch opens Mike’s comm line on the way back, says, “Look, no one thinks you’re useless, okay? I don’t know where you got that from, but it’s totally not true. I mean, we’re all worried about you right now, but we just— we want you to get better— look, nobody would be in top form having nightmares all the time, okay? That’s nothin’ about you.” God, why can’t he find the right words? He means everything he’s saying, but even to him it doesn’t sound persuasive.

    “Sure,” Mike says, low and defeated. “Nothing about me that I can’t keep it together for the simplest things anymore,” and he closes the line.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    91,684
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    172
    Kudos:
    353
    Bookmarks:
    64
    Hits:
    5,835
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “Hey, dude, language,” Mike says.
    “Fuck you!” Chuck snaps. “Alex, you wanna go catch the next showing of this thing I was gonna take my asshole best friend to because for some crazy reason I used to like hanging out with him?”
    “Yes,” Alex says.
    “Oh,” Chuck says. “Okay, cool. The next performance is in two hours, though.”
    “I’ll take you to dinner?” Alex says. “My night’s free.”
    Mike is making a really weird face right now: not the usual defensive annoyance with Chuck trying to take him away from work, but a startled, unsettled look, like he just missed something important and can’t figure out how.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,156
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    72
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    745
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Rich has been living in this body for three months now, and he hates it. The people around him like it plenty, which isn't so great when they're gross old men. When Julie Kane and her two newest directors show up, though, Rich encounters allies in unexpected quarters and the possibility of escape from the nightmare he's been living. Of course, that’s before the aphrodisiac spell backfires...

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,969
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    70
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    834
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “Oh my god,” Julie says again, and paces in a little circle. Then she paces in a bigger circle, trips over a wrench, falls over, and lies on the floor in total defeat. It’s been an hour since she and Chuck got their brains or minds or souls or whatever put in each other’s bodies by a crazy old machine in some buried ruins and things haven’t improved from the initial, disastrous explosion.

    “Maybe we should have lunch,” Mike suggests. “And like, think about this.”

    “I am really tired of thinking about this already,” Chuck says grimly.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,679
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    79
    Kudos:
    301
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    2,931
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Chuck grabs a big fistful of Mike’s hair, yanking his head back and away from Chuck's coils, and Mike can only hope his choked-off whine sounds more pained than— anything else, because he’s suddenly thinking about way too many anything elses.
    Stop moving,” Chuck hisses in Mike's ear, low enough to be inaudible under the noise of the Terras.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,806
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    278
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    3,196
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “I’m on errantry,” Mike says finally. “Sir Smiling Dragon, of His Majesty the Lord Vanquisher’s realm, the kingdom of Raymanthia, let me UP.”
    “Mmm, no.” The girl runs an insultingly lazy claw up his breastplate, slitting the metal like it’s paper. “It’s been a long time since a mortal king sent us such a sweet gift, little dragon, I think we’ll take our time unwrapping you.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,322
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    92
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    1,436
  8. Tags
    Summary

    In the bright fluorescent light of the coffee shop, Chuck’s eyes don’t really show from behind his overgrown bangs. He’s about Mike’s age, and just kind of looks like a regular homeless kid, though not one dressed for Detroit in November. His hair’s shaggy and kind of greasy, and he’s got really rough-looking hands, all scabby and chapped-looking under a layer of dark grime. The seams on his faded blue shirt look uneven, hand-stitched or at least hand-repaired, and Mike’s pretty sure the soles of his shoes are cut from tires. There are long, thin pale scars that stretch along his arms, under his sleeves, up his throat and over his face to his eyes, straight and stark as wires, and almost invisible until they catch the light just right. Scar art or cyborg tech, Mike couldn’t guess.

    The future is looking like it’s a bit more Terminator than Jetsons, unfortunately.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,979
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    224
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    1,763
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Mike's never been on a mission that involved wearing glitter before. Or shorts this tiny. On the upside, Julie and Chuck seem happy about it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,687
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    163
    Bookmarks:
    34
    Hits:
    2,311
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Through a dark ritual, Draco Malfoy is sent back in time, from his seventeenth year to his eleventh. Now he has the chance to use his superior knowledge and skill to change everything and save all his friends and family, but there's a terrible complication: it turns out that not even time travel can cure a case of lycanthropy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,307
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    1,366
    Kudos:
    6,573
    Bookmarks:
    1,810
    Hits:
    89,459
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “Hey, hands off!” Mike snaps, and reaches for the Duke. The man just grins, dodging around to Chuck’s far side, one of his long, thin arms wrapping around Chuck’s shoulders. He smells good, weirdly enough. Some weird rich guy cologne, peppery and distracting.

    Enticing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,364
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    189
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2,274
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “Technician 2160,” Mike says, hauling the guy up by the scruff of his shirt. “You’re out of bounds. Please cooperate with me in returning to your assigned station in Detroit Deluxe, and—”

    Fuck you,” the techie pants, high and hoarse, and wrenches away. He gets two steps and Mike trips him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,210
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    188
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    2,283
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Chuck belongs in Deluxe. He has always belonged in Deluxe. He's never met the Burners before in his life. He's definitely not the infamous traitor Mike Chilton's dead boyfriend.

    And he's going to make it back home if it kills him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,232
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    102
    Kudos:
    457
    Bookmarks:
    100
    Hits:
    6,584
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “Never have ever I kissed someone in character,” Mike says, and laughs triumphantly when everyone else groans and drinks.

    “We’ve gotta change that sometime, Smiling Dragon,” Chuck grins, and Mike’s heart goes hot and sharp in his chest all of a sudden.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,166
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    346
    Bookmarks:
    57
    Hits:
    3,741
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Dutch’s hands shake now. All the time. Even when he can sit up, it’s a struggle just to hold a tablet. A stylus is an impossibility. His parents catch him trying to draw a circle with just his fingertip in a touch-pad program and he’s not sure what he’s more ashamed of: that he’s trying to do what’s always gotten him in trouble, or that he can’t do it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,846
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    126
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    932
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Mike bounces with excitement. “We’re gonna fight!”
    “Yeah.” The new boy looks weirdly unenthusiastic about basically the best part of Mike’s whole life.
    “It’ll be fun,” Mike assures him. “Combat’s the most fun. It’s what we’re for.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,244
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    226
    Bookmarks:
    38
    Hits:
    1,834
  17. Tags
    Summary

    SBURB II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,366
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    257
    Kudos:
    1,104
    Bookmarks:
    198
    Hits:
    42,379
  18. Tags
    Summary

    “Is he frightened of me?” she asks abruptly, impolitely, when the secretary finds her still in the courtyard, lopping the blooms off of rosebushes with her sword.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,726
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    90
    Kudos:
    1,410
    Bookmarks:
    216
    Hits:
    9,223
  19. Tags
    Summary

    This apartment, these walls and corners, these floors and doorways, they’re Dirk’s refuge. His shell, his armor. This place is light and warmth in an endlessly empty dark sea, a piece of the past to cling to in the wreckage of the future. A gift from his brother, a birthday present, the present of having birthdays, of being a human in a place meant for humans. Dirk could go out on rocket board, on rap-bot, on rafts, following the gulls, living free out under the sky, sailing by the light of the stars, but always he’d return to his sanctuary, his roost, his home.

    This apartment is Dave’s cage, and he spent thirteen years crammed up against the bars by a man who did not love him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,986
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    105
    Kudos:
    2,053
    Bookmarks:
    476
    Hits:
    14,312
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Dave says, bouncing his heel on your thigh for attention, “Are you drunk? Holy shit, are you— like, are you tripping out? Did Rose just roofie you with her pretentious fuckin’ leaf water? Oh my god.”

    “Oh my god,” Rose repeats, and colors brilliantly across her cheeks, blood coursing bright and close under her skin.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,680
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    1,004
    Bookmarks:
    186
    Hits:
    8,415

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