problemsloth
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IN WHICH A STUDLY CHERUB USES THE DIRK HUMAN AS HIS OWN PERSONAL "PORN STAR". AND HAS NOTHING BUT CORRECT, MANLY FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
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TG: u heard me
TG: that thing in ur loverboys belly? egg -
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Sometimes Dirk reminds you of someone else you once knew.
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After a mere eleven years of marriage, Caliborn comes to a stunning realization.
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won't abscond, bro by the meat machine (problemsloth) for Midnight_Disasters
Fandoms: Homestuck
02 Mar 2025
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There's plenty of perks to being a beta, really. Assloads of 'em. It's pretty much all perk, in your opinion.
But getting to stay cool as a cucumber when mating season rolls around and your stoic asshole of a brother goes out of his mind with rut? Yeah, that's the biggest perk of all.
Recent series
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It's always been you and Lil Cal against the world.
- Words:
- 10,280
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 20
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"You won't have a choice once that belly is swelling and your tits start aching." You tut Dirk as you walk him backwards, up until his legs hit the bed frame. Dirk lets you lead him and place him wherever, almost hypnotized by you.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
09 Jun 2026
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Dave and Rose find an apartment, and the three of them get to work settling into life in Southern California. Slice-of-life stories that take place between Dirk's fourteenth and seventeenth birthdays.
Series
- Part 10 of The One Where Dave's a Vampire
Bookmarked by problemsloth
29 May 2026
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Dave goes to Dirk for advice on how to talk to Karkat about his feelings, among other, more awkward things...
Dirk has some unconventional suggestions.
Bookmarked by problemsloth
27 May 2026
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- Part 9 of Homestuck Art
Bookmarked by problemsloth
19 Apr 2026
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D knows something is up, and tonight, he is going to find out what.
Series
- Part 1 of Anon's Stridercest Fics
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,425
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 15
- Kudos:
- 60
- Bookmarks:
- 14
- Hits:
- 795
Bookmarked by problemsloth
13 Mar 2026