omletlove



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane: Hello?
    Unknown Caller: Is this bird professor?
    Shane: …uh yes?
    Unknown Caller: Cool. Do humming birds have legs?
    Shane: What?
    Unknown Caller: Do humming birds—
    Shane: No, I heard you. Yes they have legs.
    Unknown Caller: [loud cheering in the background] I win! Thank you bird professor.
    Shane: …uh you're welcome?
    Unknown Caller: Goodbye.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,418
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    292
    Kudos:
    4,390
    Bookmarks:
    549
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    23 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane and Ilya trade favorite porn videos. Somehow it’s very romantic.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,568
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    183
    Kudos:
    5,324
    Bookmarks:
    870
    Hits:
    52,983

    06 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Rozanov spins his stool to face Shane fully. “That is it? No warm hello? No fond embrace? No sorry I shot you in the fucking chest?” The thing about Roz is that his native Russian accent is only ever on display when he’s off the clock. He’s even better with languages than Shane, which is infuriating.
     
    “You threw me off a cliff,” Shane replies mildly, that weird feeling in his stomach growing claws.
     
    Rozanov wields the cocktail umbrella like it’s a sword. “Ah. No. You were wearing parachute. I was wearing very cute, very non-Kevlar Lululemon! Is not the same thing!”

    Or, Spy!Shane and Ilya have very strong opinions on who gets to kill each other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,302
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Comments:
    116
    Kudos:
    673
    Bookmarks:
    183
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    6,853

    05 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Jaw Man flicked his middle finger up at Ilya, who didn’t seem to mind, and gestured towards Shane and Hayden with raised eyebrows. “The f*** are you even doing right now, man.”

    Ilya said briefly, “Orgy.”

    “Uh,” said Shane, “no, that’s not—”

    Ilya grinned at him. It was a mean-edged grin but something about it seemed to suggest that he was joking with Shane, rather than about him. “Oh, he speaks.”

    “We’re not here for an orgy,” Shane said to Jaw Man. “We’re missionaries with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,138
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,142
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    4,513
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    1,536
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    42,556

    02 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Were you thinking of also bringing clothes?” Shane asked, glancing into Ilya’s suitcase.

    “Do you think we will need them?”

    “I’m just saying you might want the option of going outside,” Shane said, dropping a kiss on Ilya’s shoulder and wandering into the closet.

    Ilya was obviously going to pack clothing, he just had priorities. Like making sure their whole sex toy collection would fit into his suitcase, not to mention two of the biggest bottles of lube he’d been able to find.

    “Take the batteries out of anything that vibrates,” Shane called. Ilya rolled his eyes. What was he, an amateur? “Do you think I should bring two pairs of walking shoes or is one enough?”

    “How many walking tours are we going on?”

    “I don’t know.”

    “How do you not know? What have you been doing for the past month?”

    “Research! But I didn’t book anything yet in case we decide we want to just sit by the pool for ten days instead.”

     

    Or: Shane and Ilya Go Honeymooning. Set after The Long Game.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,785
    Chapters:
    5/6
    Comments:
    451
    Kudos:
    5,491
    Bookmarks:
    1,861
    Hits:
    118,483

    27 May 2026