hansalk



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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     “I need your help.” 

    Ilya peers up again and raises an eyebrow. He pauses the video he was watching. “With?” 

    Shane fidgets. “I, uh… I can’t– I mean, I can but I’m not very good– Fuck, listen, just– Ineedyoutohelpmewithsex.” 

    A pause. A long pause. Ilya blinks a couple of times, mouth twitching at the corners. Then,

    “You need me to teach you how to fuck your girl, Hollander?”

    Shane needs help satisfying his girlfriend, Jessica. He turns to his roommate, Ilya, for help.

    Language:
    English
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    10,079
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    1/1
    Comments:
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    04 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    @mensicehockey2k
    Hopefully Hollander and Rozanov make statements about this soon. Lots of young kids look up to these guys. Super disappointing if it’s true.
    11:58 AM ᐧ 18 Jan 2017 ᐧ 399K Views

    @starweavergia
    this is like the opposite of being told your parents are getting divorced #hollanovwedding
    11:12 AM ᐧ 18 Jan 2017 ᐧ 86K Views

    @rizzanov_official
    GOOD MORNING GIRLIES HOW ARE WE ALL FEELING TODAY #hollanovwedding #hollanovnation #hollanovontop
    11:09 AM ᐧ 18 Jan 2017 ᐧ 570K Views

    Shane and Ilya get drunk that night in Tampa and wake up married in Vegas.

    Language:
    English
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    1/1
    Comments:
    438
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    7,375
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    1,611
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    29 May 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    “And you’re sure there’s nothing for you?” David says suddenly. “You’re not—you’re feeling okay? You’re not sick? Shane wouldn’t have any reason to think that you’re sick?”

    Ilya blinks and turns to him. “I am fine. Totally fine. Better than fine, even, before today.”

    “It’s just—Shane’s acting like you’re dying, Ilya.”

    “Not as far as I’m aware,” says Ilya. “And I do not think he would learn this before me.”

    The summer before Ilya joins the Centaurs, Shane wakes up nervous. It doesn't stop from there.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,949
    Chapters:
    6/6
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    29 May 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 45

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    * Previously unfinished and was to remain that way, but silly author changed their mind.

    Helga G. Pataki wasn't someone you'd want to make angry. And, boy, was it easy to make her angry.

    Or at least, for most people, it was. However, it wasn't hard to notice that there was one football headed boy she seemed to go easy on. To those who didn't know her, it probably wasn't obvious at first. The classmates that were with her since preschool, though? They knew better.

    Language:
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    9,300
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
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    265
    Bookmarks:
    45
    Hits:
    3,062

    25 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 42

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    A plastic bag rustling as Gerald pulled out a plethora of things; Popsicles, chilled sodas, oranges, and…

    Before she could even register the box of red fruit, it was being smacked out of the boy's hand, spilling all over the street. Helga and Phoebe gaped at Arnold, as Gerald stood there flabbergasted.

    “Dude!?” He gestured down at his strawberries, scattered over the dirty asphalt— ruined. “What was that for?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,192
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    308
    Bookmarks:
    42
    Hits:
    2,248

    25 May 2026