dilfpickles
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Recent works
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Newton's Fourth Law by dilfpickles
Fandoms: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston, Red White & Royal Blue (2023)
15 Jan 2024
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Summary
“Alex?”
Oh. Okay. Henry is a lot hotter in person. Like, way hotter. That should be illegal. He’s probably breaking the laws of physics or something. Alex is pretty sure one of Newton’s laws is along the lines of “an object cannot appear more attractive in person than in a photograph.” Yet, here Henry is, looking like a Greek god so, what does Newton know? He died a virgin, anyway.
“Hi,” he says because apparently, Henry’s attractiveness melted his brain, and he no longer has a functioning vocabulary. How the fuck is he supposed to live with this guy? He’s going to flunk out at the end of the first semester because seeing Henry every morning will make him forget everything he has ever learned about Constitutional law. This is ridiculous. Alex isn’t even gay.
In which Alex meets his new
very attractiveroommate through Reddit, downloads Grindr, and discovers some things about himself and his roommate in the process. -
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Summary
irl chaos demon
yk he plays right
hes gm just like us
just play with himme
youre hilarious
that is genuinely the funniest thing ive ever heard
over my dead bodyirl chaos demon
im dead serious lmfao
pez made him download it bc he wanted to stream it but didnt want to play alone
hes rly well rounded toome
nora whyd i just get a friend request from a “bishopfox”
nora
do not tell me that you gave my battlenet id to henryirl chaos demon
k i wont tell you thenme
NORAShe chooses that moment to promptly stop responding. Looking at his SR, Alex swallows his pride, accepts the request, and messages Henry in the Overwatch chat window.
A drabble made up of my best friend's Wordle guesses from yesterday.
Series
- Part 1 of wordle works
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Summary
ok can we PLEASE go back to the fact that there is a very cute very hot bi guy sleeping on my shoulder. i think im in love.
Right as Charlie pressed send, he heard a low laugh from his left. He froze and slowly turned his head towards the boy residing on his shoulder, praying to every god imaginable that he did not see his messages, or else Charlie would literally die of embarrassment. Thankfully, he was met with the sight of a sleeping Nick with his eyes tightly shut and subtle snores escaping his mouth. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and relaxed back into his seat. His friends had stopped responding, probably fallen back asleep due to the ungodly early hour it was, so Charlie decided to follow suit by putting his sleep mask back on. Sleep was about to take over Charlie’s body when he heard a quiet raspy mumble from the boy next to him.
“You’re cute and hot too,” punctuated by snores.
Charlie was wide awake for the rest of the flight.
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converse, conventionality, and confessions by dilfpickles
Fandoms: Heartstopper (Webcomic), Heartstopper (TV)
28 Jun 2022
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Nick’s wasn’t too far from his, just a few blocks, but Charlie did not have the patience to unhook his bike from the rack. So here he was, running as if his life depended on it through the streets of Leeds, still in the ratty old gym shirt and Nike shorts he had slept in the previous night because, honestly, he was too busy self-isolating and self-loathing in his bed to do anything other than wallow in self pity. That was until ten minutes ago when Nick had called him “Char” again, giving Charlie the slightest bit of hope that maybe not all was doomed, and then Nick sent the following messages and all Charlie knew was that if this was going where he hoped it was he could not waste even a second.
(It did go where he hoped it was going.)
a missing scene from my social media au on twitter which can be read here
Series
- Part 1 of your account has been locked!
Recent series
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- Words:
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your account has been locked! by dilfpickles
Fandom Heartstopper (TV), Heartstopper (Webcomic)
28 Jun 2022
- Words:
- 1,853
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 3
Recent bookmarks
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Angel in the House by apricating
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
27 Mar 2026
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Ilya's hand falls away from the lid of the blender and hangs uselessly at his side as he rereads the words over and over, scanning his phone screen like a madman.
@hollanov4lifee they're so adorable omgg
@boodrambaby bro actually the way shane talks to ilya is so cute and hot and !!
@hollanov4lifee i know lmao like shane is his mommy
Oh.
Oh no.
Ilya Rozanov and the awkward, uncomfortable, all-encompassing experience of discovering calling his husband Mommy.
- Language:
- English
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- 20,746
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by dilfpickles
22 Apr 2026
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Shane Hollander is an alpha, and to the rest of the world, so is Ilya Rozanov.
- Language:
- English
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- 40,608
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- 11/11
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- 886
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Bookmarked by dilfpickles
22 Mar 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
realized i didnt have this bookmarked which is just a crime
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“I’m right here. And you are okay, and you are safe, and healthy, and you are at home, yes? It is quiet, and nobody is there, nobody is bothering you. And the world is full of stupid idiots, but you are not one of them. And I am here. When you need me, I am here.”
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or: The whole world thinks Shane is gay because of some stupid internet rumors, and he doesn't even have to confirm it. He's losing control of his entire life and he needs somewhere to put what little he does have.
Ilya has open hands.
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i can't help it, i want you by lizee
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
27 Jan 2026
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Summary
“You like it, right?” Shane whispered against his lips.
“Hm?” Ilya tried hard to focus on Shane’s words but Shane felt too good, the pressure of his ass on Ilya’s crotch too maddeningly distracting.
Shane leaned in so that his mouth was now right on Ilya’s ear, stilling his movements. “I said,” he breathed hotly, “you like it? Being my dog?”
And this was new. The words sent an electric shock down Ilya’s spine, making him involuntarily thrust up into Shane. Ilya swallowed, closing his eyes and nodding furiously, as Shane nibbled on his ear lobe and sucked sweetly at the skin there.
“Speak,” Shane said simply, the same tone he used when talking to Chiron or Anya. When talking to dogs.
“Fuck,” Ilya choked out. “Yes, da, yes, I like being your dog.”
or, Ilya discovers a new kink about himself.
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He pointed to the carpet between his spread legs. “Sit."
Ilya sat as if a leash was wrapped around his throat. Sometimes, he felt like a tamed animal. Like Shane's dog. The great Ilya Rozanov at this man's feet, domesticated. He nuzzled into his warm thigh and wondered if Shane was aware of what he was doing. If it was obvious how Ilya felt, or if Shane just knew him so well that he was acting on instinct with no thought.
He wondered if Shane would think it's ridiculous, too.
Series
- Part 1 of Sit At Your Feet and Beg