cucumberpeer
Fandoms
Recent works
-
growing pains and body aches: the slow, complicated act of living again by cucumberpeer
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
20 Jul 2025
Tags
Summary
At 42, Lan Xichen ends his seclusion, discovers his sexuality, and lays his ghosts to rest.
Approximately in that order.
(Alternate title: The Lan Xichen Guide to Losing Your Virginity in Your Forties)
-
3XXX Fleshlight FULL, HONEST Customer Review, First Impressions *NOT SPONSORED* by boynextdoor (cucumberpeer)
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
21 Jun 2021
Tags
Summary
so, here’s the thing.
jeongguk loves bottoming. but honestly... preparing is a lot of work. the other matter is that jeongguk’s boyfriend, kim seokjin, singer, dancer, nation’s son-in-law and walking wet dream, has a massive dick.
luckily for them, there’s a mutually agreeable solution!
(the fleshlight fic.)
-
three kisses to victory by boynextdoor (cucumberpeer)
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
15 Jun 2021
Tags
Summary
In hindsight, Seojin should have known that Jeongsuk was up to no good.
“Anyway, unnie,” Jeongsuk forges on, valiantly, “I just wanted to test something. With you.”
“As long as it doesn’t interfere with my game, I’m game.” Seojin giggles a little. “Heh. Get it?”
Jeongsuk huffs a little breath of laughter, hot against Seojin’s skin, but doesn’t admit how funny Seojin is because she’s a brat. Seojin will take it, though. And then Jeongsuk inhales deeply and goes:
“Okay. Unnie. Can I have a kiss?”
That’s it?
“Sure,” Seojin says easily.
-
bicker like a married couple by cucumberpeer
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
22 Mar 2021
Tags
Summary
“Is it me?” Jiang Cheng says bluntly.
“What?” Lan Xichen blinks.
“Is it me, I said,” Jiang Cheng says again, this time growing more short tempered. “Lan Xichen, we’ve been married for almost three weeks now.”
“Yes,” Lan Xichen says, not only confused but cautious now. (After all, the Jiang clan elders did warn him that Jiang Wanyin inherited his mother’s temper.) “That is true.”
“Then how come,” Jiang Cheng snaps, “you haven’t even tried to have sex with me once?”
(Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen work on their communication.)
Recent bookmarks
-
Tags
Summary
Draco's a hot mess. Harry's lovin' it (hell yes).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,110
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 260
- Kudos:
- 9,167
- Bookmarks:
- 1,722
- Hits:
- 231,690
Bookmarked by boynextdoor (cucumberpeer)
22 Jul 2025
-
Hope Springs Eternal (But Love Springs in the Forest, Unannounced) by lettered
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
31 Aug 2012
Tags
Summary
Draco falls into a love spring. Harry saves him! And now they’re bonded for life. Draco is horrified. Harry thinks it’s kind of neat.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,394
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 199
- Kudos:
- 10,240
- Bookmarks:
- 1,810
- Hits:
- 177,809
Bookmarked by boynextdoor (cucumberpeer)
22 Jul 2025
-
Tags
Summary
Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,117
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 715
- Kudos:
- 17,233
- Bookmarks:
- 5,854
- Hits:
- 372,273
Bookmarked by cucumberpeer
16 Jul 2013
-
Tags
Summary
Harry, Draco, and Hermione go to a pub. Harry, Draco, and Pansy go to a pub. Harry, Draco, Pansy, and Hermione go to a pub. Harry, Draco, Hermione and Ron go to a pub. Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ron, and Pansy―you guessed it―go to a pub. I could go on. In fact, I did. Harry, Draco, Hermione, Pansy, Ron, Blaise, Luna, Goyle, Neville, and Theodore Nott go to a pub. In various combinations.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 65,482
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 1,014
- Kudos:
- 15,648
- Bookmarks:
- 5,275
- Hits:
- 301,870
Bookmarked by boynextdoor (cucumberpeer)
22 Jul 2025
-
Tags
Summary
Harry Potter will fall in love with the first person who kisses him. Draco knows what he must do. A Christmassy Hogwarts fic, this.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 46,434
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 289
- Kudos:
- 16,788
- Bookmarks:
- 3,752
- Hits:
- 313,204
Bookmarked by boynextdoor (cucumberpeer)
22 Jul 2025