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A collection of mini-fics and short scenes about Vimes' and Vetinari's...whatever-ship, linked by the theme of touch. Some of them are inspired by book events, the rest are random.
The smut in this is entirely contained within the last chapter; the rest is pretty much teen and up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,119
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 216
- Kudos:
- 307
- Bookmarks:
- 46
- Hits:
- 3,169
Bookmarked by PheeBB
02 May 2025
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Vimes realises someone is trying to poison lord Vetinari and deals with it the way no one expected, Vetinari then deals with the cosequences.
Series
- Part 1 of Poison
Bookmarked by PheeBB
31 Mar 2025
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Catharsis by toby_or_not_toby
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
21 Jan 2018
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Todd had his fair share, of course. It had been a rough year, and there was no shortage of crap to fuel his subconscious. Many a night he had fumbled into wakefulness, Suzie Boreton’s laughter wrapping around him like barbed wire as he slithered backwards through time.
...
But Dirk’s nightmares were worse, in their own way, because there was no sound, just the tightening of Dirk’s hand in Todd’s grip, the hushed gasps, and the endless, silent tears.
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Or, Dirk is broken as heck, so why not have him cry it out? That's it. That's the whole story. You can all go home now.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,361
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 46
- Kudos:
- 443
- Bookmarks:
- 31
- Hits:
- 2,863
Bookmarked by PheeBB
12 Mar 2025
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I will lead you where you need to go by Bumblie_Bee
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
02 Feb 2019
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“This is like some sort of prison maze,” Todd complains about ten minutes and three forks in the tunnel later. “We’re lucky you work as some sort of holistic compass.”
“A holistic compass, Todd,” Dirk scoffs breathlessly. “You must be concussed to come out with that sort of nonsense.”
In which a cave explosion leaves Dirk and Todd trapped whilst Farah goes in search of help. It isn't long before Dirk realises waiting for rescue may not be a viable option and takes matters into his own hands.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
10 Mar 2025
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everybody's [getting sick], bitch. now let's get you some [love and support] by trash_mammall
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
12 Jun 2021
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"Despite the multitudes of injuries he’d received over the course of his life, Dirk was not someone who got sick. It seemed as though the universe had figured out that it was difficult for someone to get people where they needed to be or solve the mysteries unfathomable to the average eye when that someone was bedridden. Or delusional. Or neither, but too dramatic to be anything less.
But when he did get sick? Oh, it hit him like a goddamn truck."
The one in which Dirk Gently doesn't know how being sick works when you can rely on other people, and Todd is a good and loving friend.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
08 Mar 2025
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Just like he always does by Bumblie_Bee
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
15 Nov 2020
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Most of the time, Todd wouldn’t give up his life as the best assisfriend of a slightly psychic detective with his own investigatory agency for anything. It’s incomparable to his old life of lies and poorly paid work and monotonous days and angry landlords and has left him so much happier and healthier and better as a person. It has given him friends and a purpose and a new family.
Then there are the odd moments, the one in a million, where Todd would rather his life wasn’t quite as exciting as it is.
This is one of those moments, and not even for his sake.
In which Dirk gets into trouble and Todd comes to his rescue.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
28 Feb 2025
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and what we're taught as kids by clockworkcheetah
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
06 Sep 2022
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5 times Todd takes care of Dirk and one time Dirk returns the favour.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
16 Feb 2025
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Arrows and Amanda by Arisprite
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
20 Apr 2017
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These two things belong on two very different lists. Arrows on Things He Very Much Dislikes, and Amanda goes on Very Favorite People. Though perhaps not Very Most Top Favorite Person. There was only one person on that list. And he hated him.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
14 Feb 2025
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‘Could you stop sniffing my hair? It’s distracting.’
‘Sorry, just…nice herbs. Garden herbs.’
‘I see the brandy’s kicking in at least.’ Havelock is surprised, Downey sounds for all the Disc as though he's trying quite hard not to laugh. ‘You have the better end of the deal, by the way, you smell of blood and lilacs.’
(His chest feels too empty for recrimination, this minute the spades are eating the earth as they dig Keel’s grave.)
Bookmarked by PheeBB
21 Nov 2024
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Wunderkammer, noun. Translated from the German as wonder room and more commonly known in English as a cabinet of curiosities.
HELP WANTED: Maintenance Worker (late hours)
Seeking a person of steady disposition and keen intellect. Generous compensation. Room and board available upon request. Not suitable for those possessed of a delicate constitution or nervous temperament. Mechanical aptitude a must, fast runners strongly preferred. Priority will be afforded to candidates with no dependents or other living relatives. Applicants may report to Mr. Edwin Payne, acting head curator and recondite warder of the London Athenaeum.
Office hours: 11:30pm – 5:30am, Mondays only.It’s the weirdest bloody job interview Charles has ever done.
Series
- Part 1 of Wunderkammer
Bookmarked by PheeBB
22 Sep 2024
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"We should find a name for your orb selves."
The two friends had exchanged a glance before turning towards the white-haired girl with a - frankly impressive - bedhead sitting behind them, still half-buried under the blankets.
"What?"
"We should find a name for Edwin and Charles when they are in their orb forms!" Niko had exclaimed, getting increasingly awake and excited by the second.
Charles had let out a brief bark of laughter before asking, incredulous, "Why would we need to do that?"***
Or; Edwin's an orb for a little while, Charles looks after him and the girls look after Charles. They make a pillow fort, watch movies and play board games.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
14 Sep 2024
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After returning to London, Crystal tries to find her place in her new old life. Charles hands over an important task. Edwin may finally accept that new furniture is necessary.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
21 Aug 2024
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Mom Says It's My Turn to Jump on the Grenade by RoseGanymede95
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
19 Aug 2024
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Charles tried to pay attention, because Edwin was really upset, and Charles still didn’t understand why, and it seemed like this might be important. It was just, they’d been at this for a while, and Edwin kept asking him the same questions and not leaving him time to answer, so. His mind may have wandered a bit to how he would reinforce the next cricket bat.
His attention snapped back to the present when Edwin said, “This can’t happen. You can’t risk this, I can’t be the reason you risk it. You have to move on.”
“Move on?” Charles repeated blankly. “Move on from what?”
“From here, Charles!” Edwin shouted, suddenly furious again, suddenly shouting even though his eyes were filled with tears. “You have to go with Death! You have to leave!”
“I don’t want to go with Her,” Charles said, nonplussed.
“Fine, that’s your business, but you can’t keep hanging around me!” Edwin snapped.
Charles’ world suddenly tilted on its axis, sending everything askew. “I can’t?” he asked, his voice small, his heart wide open and exposed.Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,631
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 1,042
- Kudos:
- 1,448
- Bookmarks:
- 290
- Hits:
- 21,102
Bookmarked by PheeBB
19 Aug 2024
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St. Hilarion University was going to be a fresh start for Charles Rowland. He had an eccentric but brilliant roommate, a stable part-time job, and good(ish) marks. What could go wrong?
Many things--apparently--and all dealing with the strange woods that surround the campus. And the things that lurk within.
((Modern day werewolf AU at a University, because one AU wasn't enough))
Series
Bookmarked by PheeBB
14 Aug 2024
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He’d explained to her once that ghosts were able to do manifestation magic somewhat easily. Ghosts generally didn’t delve further than that, though Charles had broadened his magic use to include enchanting objects, mostly to make them easier for himself to interact with, and to make them stronger to hit something with. But Edwin had gone in a different direction, he’d said, learning spells that could conjure fire, shield from an attack, banish demons, or cause damage or an effect to spiritual creatures.
It was that last one he was using now.
Crystal witnesses Edwin using too much magic at once, and the effects afterwards
Series
- Part 1 of Payneland Week 2024
Bookmarked by PheeBB
08 Aug 2024
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Summary
During a frustrating case, Edwin and Charles are left without any leads. They are forced to act without a lot of information in order to save someone's life. Charles is hurt and pinned down during the fight and it is up to Edwin to figure out a way to defeat the big bad and get them to safety.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
04 Aug 2024
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The Case of the Hellbound Souls by JUBE514
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV), The Dead Boy Detectives (DC Comics)
01 Aug 2024
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Edwin blinks, his hair in disarray, his clothing all rucked up from being carried. His blue eyes are blown wide open, looking around frantically.
Charles untangles himself, doing a little ungraceful flip-roll across the floor to get his legs and head the correct way around to actually face Edwin, scooting forward on his knees to grab ahold of Edwin’s shoulders. “Are you okay, mate?”
Edwin’s eyes lock onto Charles. There’s something weird in his gaze, looking right at Charles but not right at Charles. There’s ink on his shirt, half hidden by his blazer, smeared in with frantic motions of a fingerprint. He’s got a little sizzling mark right at the divot of his collar, already disappearing slowly, Charles can’t help but run his thumb over it, trying to wash away the pain like a smear of dirt on a cheek.
Edwin flinches.
Charles rips his hands away, still hovering only inches away. “Edwin, please, mate, you’re scaring me.”
Edwin looks confused, right into Charles' eyes, and asks—
“Who—who are you?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,890
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 62
- Kudos:
- 936
- Bookmarks:
- 229
- Hits:
- 8,345
Bookmarked by PheeBB
02 Aug 2024
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Edwin is exhausted from a complicated case and too much research and Charles just wants to take care of him and maybe realises some things because of it.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
24 Jul 2024
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The Horrors of London by wesperwarrior
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV), Lockwood & Co. (TV)
09 Jul 2024
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The Dead Boy Detective Agency receive a mail call offering them a case at St. Hilarion's School for Boys. Coincidentally, Lockwood & Co. also receive the same advertisement and they decide to take the job in order to earn more money and publicity. This specific case unearths loads of trauma and eventually forces the dead boys to face their demons and return to where their afterlives began. Also forced to work side-by-side with Lockwood's gang, they must rid the place of paranormal activity forevermore.
Bookmarked by PheeBB
13 Jul 2024
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Lost and Found by Laucha_512
Fandoms: Doom Patrol (TV), The Dead Boy Detectives (DC Comics)
11 Mar 2022
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Summary
The boys argue, it doesn't end well. Not exactly as you would expect
Bookmarked by PheeBB
29 Jun 2024