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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    It figures that even half-way across the world Ilya's dick manages to ruin Cliff's day. The real surprise is that it isn't the only dick involved in this mess.

    Featuring an ill-timed outing, a supportive but clueless team trying its best, panicking over Russia's LGBTQ laws, too many group chats, an unhinged 3am brainstorming session on how to get your captain a new citizenship (asking for a friend) and Roz' inability to answer his fucking phone.

    Or: Ilya disappears in Sochi. Half-way across the world his team does its best to help. Their best is more than anyone could have foreseen.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,693
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    12
    Comments:
    1,066
    Kudos:
    5,872
    Bookmarks:
    1,448
    Hits:
    58,031

    23 Jul 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Several MLH players have their phones hacked.

    Most people find embarrassing photos.

    Ilya Rozanov accidentally leaks five years' worth of sex reviews.

    -

    You know that TikTok trend where people rate how good the sex was in front of their partner?

    Yeah. It's that.

     
    📢📢📢
    UPDATED: (second chapter) July 12, 2026

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,045
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    921
    Kudos:
    23,350
    Bookmarks:
    4,288
    Hits:
    181,183

    23 Jul 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    From:
    [email protected]
    To:
    [email protected]
    Tuesday, February 17, 09:48 PM


    Subject: Photo Credits
    Good evening, Mr. Rozanov.

    While I’m flattered by your continued attachment of my photography, crediting photographers is generally considered basic professional etiquette.

    Considering this is now the fourth time you’ve used one of my pictures without proper credit, I figured I should finally mention it.


    Best regards,
    Shane Hollander
    Social Media Manager — Montreal Metros


    Rozanov was an asshole. An asshole who wrote articles that managed to insult everyone in the league.

    Shane was not an asshole. He wrote informative articles, ran the Montreal Metros’ social media, and mostly minded his own business.

    All he wanted was proper photo credit. He definitely hadn’t expected it to turn into months of emailing back and forth.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    31,254
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    839
    Bookmarks:
    297
    Hits:
    16,845

    23 Jul 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Rozanov made a dismissive noise. “No, no, I will pick you up. Send me your address.”

    “I’m not giving you my home address.”

    “Why not!”

    “Because you’ll probably post it on social media to psych me out before our next game.”

    That made Rozanov laugh. “It is good idea,” he said. Stopped laughing. Started again. Blew out a breath like he had to get himself together. “I might do this to you,” he allowed, “but you have nice boyfriend living with you now. I would not do this to him. You are safe.”

     

    In which Ilya Rozanov adopts himself into Scott and Kip's household and refuses to leave. Kip finds this very sweet. Scott is going to kill him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,878
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    2,584
    Kudos:
    13,813
    Bookmarks:
    4,140
    Hits:
    130,617

    23 Jul 2026

  5. Public Bookmark 83

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    Crowley was as bad at being a demon as Aziraphale was at being an angel. The difference was he didn't particularly mind.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,708
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    53
    Kudos:
    275
    Bookmarks:
    83
    Hits:
    3,432

    23 Jul 2026

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Scent patches were mandatory for anyone participating in World Junior's, but a lot of the Russian guys Shane saw in the hotel or around the rink had them loosely attached to their necks or not quite centered over their scent gland. Shane had been on his way to his parents' car when the wind shifted, and he smelled that Rozanov, leaning against the wall and not-at-all-surreptitiously fishing a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket, must have been one of them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    87,410
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    1,066
    Kudos:
    4,730
    Bookmarks:
    1,747
    Hits:
    82,985

    23 Jul 2026

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    “Oh, I’m not sure you’re supposed to smoke here,” Hollander said as Ilya grabbed his hand. He had forgotten he was even smoking.
    “Okay,” replied Ilya. With his other hand, he quickly pulled the cigarette from his mouth and let it hang between his fingers. He didn’t let go of Hollander.
    “You’re an awesome player to watch,” Hollander’s eyes shifted to their hands.
    “Yes,” Ilya said.
    There was a silence then, and Hollander withdrew his hand slowly. Ilya’s eyes didn’t leave his cheeks, admiring how his freckles look with a rose tint.
    “Anyways, I should-”
    “Have you eaten?” Ilya interrupted

    OR

    What if Shane and Ilya had each other from the start?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,750
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    396
    Kudos:
    4,635
    Bookmarks:
    1,143
    Hits:
    78,245

    23 Jul 2026

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    SHANE: Lily.
    LILY: Hello
    SHANE: Dead to me.
    What the actual fuck?
    LILY: ??
    SHANE: what. The. Hell. Did. You. Do.
    LILY: ahh
    I am in trouble
    Yes?

     
    Or Ilya's teammates add "Jane" to the Boston WAG group chat in the height of their "no, we aren't falling in love, whatever do you mean" era (2014-2016-ish?).

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    65,141
    Chapters:
    29/?
    Comments:
    4,447
    Kudos:
    16,765
    Bookmarks:
    4,230
    Hits:
    398,562

    23 Jul 2026

  9. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Go?” Rozanov repeats, and Shane thinks he manages to nod, thinks he manages to spin some kind of excuse that he knows Rozanov doesn’t really buy, but he needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He needs to find somewhere quiet and calm where he can ride out this panic and painful tightness until he can catch his breath again. He needs-

    He needs to go.

    “I’m sorry,” he says, turning heel and resisting the urge to just book it right for the front door only because he’d rather not have to explain to Hayden why he returned from a hookup with Boston Lily in men’s clothes that he certainly didn’t leave in.

    It’s not until he makes it halfway up the stairs to Rozanov’s bedroom that it occurs to him in a cold rush that it isn’t just anxiety that makes it this hard to breathe.

    “No,” he tells himself firmly, white knuckling the bannister and trying to take a deep breath just to prove that he can.

    It wheezes.

    (how the tuna meltdown is averted through the power of food allergies and anaphylaxis)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,169
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    490
    Kudos:
    10,762
    Bookmarks:
    2,415
    Hits:
    77,205

    23 Jul 2026

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Finally, something dawns on him, a way to handle two goals simultaneously. He’d seen Hollander’s mother flipping through papers rapidly when they first got here, seeming calm and in control and more than a little frightening in a way that made Ilya mildly glad he wasn’t one of the people responsible for a clipboard. If anyone can tell him if the long list of “Prohibited Items” he’d been sent in his email a few days ago is just standard practice for big shoots, it would be Yuna Hollander.

    Or, hopefully, her son.

    “Crazy we cannot even have peanut butter, eh?” He asks. “You also got giant list?”

    Hollander stiffens, almost imperceptibly, and Ilya tilts his head, just slightly, confused, wondering if he’s stumbled somewhere unexpected.

    (how ilya learns about shane's allergies) (and shane's sexual awakening tragically hits a speedbump in the process 😔)

    (chapters can standalone but will be updated as inspiration strikes)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,497
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    1,521
    Kudos:
    7,577
    Bookmarks:
    1,545
    Hits:
    80,226

    23 Jul 2026

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “Hollander,” Ilya urges, voice deceptively level. “Who did this to you?”

    ----

    Shane stumbles back to his apartment, bruised and battered, after a grueling night of patrolling Montreal as Spider-Man. He finds Ilya waiting for him on his bed, shirtless and cocky and woefully uncaring that Shane warned him not to come by tonight.

    Lying to the world is one thing. Lying to Ilya, the one person he truly trusts, is another.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,102
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    105
    Kudos:
    4,198
    Bookmarks:
    775
    Hits:
    41,706

    23 Jul 2026

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Shane had told his manager, verbatim, that he “trusts her judgment” to pick the opener for his first ever world tour.

    Her “judgment” shows up to soundcheck with a parking ticket in his hand and a crimson hickey on his neck. Her “judgment” is Russian DJ, Ilya Rozanov.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,347
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    674
    Kudos:
    5,497
    Bookmarks:
    1,622
    Hits:
    83,418

    23 Jul 2026

  13. Public Bookmark *

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    “Oh, we’re on this again, are we? In the middle of my plight?”

    “Just telling the truth,” Phil shrugged. “I can hear you stressing in your mind, you know?”

    Dan shook his head, his eyes gleaming.

    “Right,” he said. “Except our fucking neighbours can probably hear it too, with how loud I’m projecting my misery.”

    Phil can read thoughts. Dan doesn't believe him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,814
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    203
    Kudos:
    1,585
    Bookmarks:
    256
    Hits:
    7,943

    24 Jun 2026

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    Phil stays quiet, his lips pressed together, until they’re all sat in their living room, Dan next to Phil on the sofa with far more space between them than they usually have, looking around helplessly.

    “Just what exactly do you remember?” he asks Dan.

    “Uh,” makes Dan. “I know my name is Dan. They told me.”

    Dan has a ski accident and loses his memory. Phil can't do anything but offer him a home - Dan finds that said home is quite obscure.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,517
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    86
    Kudos:
    927
    Bookmarks:
    174
    Hits:
    4,710

    24 Jun 2026

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    For six thousand years, Aziraphale did his best to exist within the strictures of Heavenly conduct. It wasn’t a perfect practice; his relationship with Crowley, just for example, was never exactly what one might call “officially sanctioned,” or even, “particularly wise,” but the important thing was that Aziraphale tried. He wasn’t a very good angel, but he did his best, more or less. Wasn’t that all anyone could really ask of him?

    It doesn’t really feel fair, is the point, that in reward for saving the world, Aziraphale seems to be having something of an existential crisis.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,132
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    385
    Kudos:
    1,677
    Bookmarks:
    894
    Hits:
    33,989

    24 Jun 2026

  16. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Crowley has started to take a proprietary interest in Aziraphale's bookshop.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,447
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    4,686
    Bookmarks:
    868
    Hits:
    60,972

    24 Jun 2026

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    A love story about angels and demons. Also, fish

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,620
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    221
    Kudos:
    5,311
    Bookmarks:
    1,244
    Hits:
    47,998

    24 Jun 2026

  18. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "I'm in a bit of a pickle, my dear," Aziraphale said over the telephone.

    Crowley was seized by immediate fury. Not even a decade, and they're at it again, he thought viciously. You'd think they'd be embarrassed enough to stay out of things for a few centuries at least, after botching the apocalypse like that.

    "Who's done something to you?" hissed Crowley.

    "Ah," said Aziraphale, in the quiet tone of someone who didn't mean to learn someone else's secrets and was mildly sheepish about it. "This crossword clue -- I'm stuck -- 1980s French fencer, thought you might know. It's eight letters and has a Q in it."

    "Trinquet," Crowley snapped, in the tone of someone who had revealed one of his secrets and was annoyed about it.


    An account pertaining to the cultivation of figs, the ecstasy of St. Theresa of Avila, the ontological uncertainty of mammoths, the nature of temptation, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and the ten years following the end of the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,728
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    294
    Kudos:
    3,175
    Bookmarks:
    1,327
    Hits:
    39,112

    24 Jun 2026

  19. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “You are planning to rob me or what?” He hears Rozanov call, and he can’t help but smile slightly even as he rolls his eyes, closing the door to the linen closet and feeling strangely lighter than when he opened it, reassured that he’s just trying to read into a blank page, that today doesn’t mean anything more than Rozanov doesn’t mind him being around, which is strangely flattering.

    “I don’t know,” he calls back. “Don’t Russians like diamonds and fur and stuff? Where should I start looking if I want to know what my options are?”

    He hears Rozanov laugh, and it makes him smile.

    When he joins him in the living room once more, Rozanov tugs him down to lean against him again. Shane goes easier this time, settling into it, knowing it doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that he just happens to be the closest warm body, the person on Rozanov’s roster who filled today’s slot.

    (the tuna meltdown doesn't happen) (this does not mean they get ANY better at communication)

    (or: how shane didn't realize he had a boyfriend for several months)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,094
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,337
    Kudos:
    22,585
    Bookmarks:
    6,383
    Hits:
    206,718

    24 Jun 2026

  20. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "You'll change your mind one day," says the innkeep. "The road can't love you back."

    What a strange way to flatten something so beautiful, Jaskier thinks. What a small way to love.

    Or: When Jaskier is hit with a curse that prevents him from having sex, he's lucky that the first person he meets is a Witcher. It's even luckier that Jaskier is used to hitting the road, because Geralt isn't waiting up.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    61,234
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    480
    Kudos:
    5,048
    Bookmarks:
    1,767
    Hits:
    52,549

    24 Jun 2026

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