Emjpuff92
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Your Evil Pet Butt Plug: A Guide to Proper Care and Handling by CopperCatbird for BlueBeards_Wife
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
19 Feb 2026
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Summary
What Harry wanted: to spend a lazy Saturday morning in the garden, with his cup of coffee and nothing to do. What Harry got: a cursed butt plug, sent by a vicious owl and accompanied by a threatening note. A cursed, semi-animate pet butt plug that hovered at arse-level and veered wildly between ominous and adorable.
Or: Harry avoids the embarrassment of going to his crush (one Draco Malfoy, a curse-breaker, who could certainly help him) by developing a new hobby as a sex toy investigator.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 63,454
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 105
- Kudos:
- 259
- Bookmarks:
- 53
- Hits:
- 5,578
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
13 Jun 2026
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Harry doesn't care about Snape beyond having to sit detentions with the man despite being of age. He doesn't. He asks him out for a drink just to get out of detention. So what if it's... nice? So what if they become friends? So what if Snape *is* lonely?
It's not Harry's problem - at least not until he realises he's accidentally befriended the man, and just how much he cares for Snape.
Well, shit.
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Harry Potter and the War That Never Was by Tobias444
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
07 Jun 2026
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Summary
Harry Potter already lost one war.
When he comes back, he hides in plain sight at Hogwarts: secret name, adult magic, and a determination to turn survival into curriculum.Severus Snape sees through him immediately.
Instead of exposing him… he steps closer.Their attraction unfolds like a duel: strategic, restrained, and far too mutual for either of them to admit.
Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley are another problem entirely. They do not negotiate desire. They crash into it.
One romance is predator vs predator.
The other is obsession with no safety measures.Terrible ideas in wartime.
Warning: now featuring… terrible author notes and high levels of filth.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 277,512
- Chapters:
- 57/65
- Comments:
- 1,487
- Kudos:
- 900
- Bookmarks:
- 282
- Hits:
- 32,758
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
02 Jun 2026
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“I don’t know what your problem is with the man,” Draco said primly from where he had curled up on the back of the sofa, watching Harry and sipping tea from a saucer Harry had placed there. “He sounds lovely, if you ask me. Discerning. Elegant.”
“Caustic.” Harry said. “Snarky.”
“All very fine qualities indeed,” Draco said, preening a little bit. He slumped. “Is he really so terrible?”
Harry slumped too. “No, Draco’s … Merlin, I just wish he weren’t so fucking pretty.”
Draco jerked so hard that the saucer slipped and crashed to the floor.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
31 May 2026
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Summary
“So. How can I help you? Oh, don’t look so stricken; I’m not going to to tell anybody about your sordid little sex games, not that I think anybody cares. Anyway, who'd believe me? For that matter, do you really think my customers would continue to patronise my establishment if I was gabbing about them? Use your brain, Potter; I do know you have one.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, I think,” Harry said.
Malfoy crossed his arms. “It’s been six years; I’m out of practice. Now tell me what you need.”
Harry stood there for a moment. He hadn’t really thought this through before he knew that it would be Draco Malfoy he was talking to. He felt utterly unprepared for the conversation.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was there.
“Harry wants a prostate orgasm and his boyfriends are all terrible,” Ginny said.
Draco’s eyebrows shot up. Harry’s face got hot. Ginny made a face at him and said, “Look, it was going to take you forever to say that.” Then she turned and walked away, leaving Harry alone, with Draco Malfoy, who knew that he wanted to have a prostate orgasm.
Bookmarked by Emjpuff92
30 May 2026