CaptainCalamity3



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    After the tuna melt meltdown, Shane meets Rose Landry, has several deeply inconvenient revelations, and decides to do the only sensible thing: win Ilya back with sincerity, logistics, and a frankly alarming amount of emotional effort.

    Ilya, meanwhile, mistakes every tender gesture for the kind prelude to an inevitable goodbye.

    Or: Shane is living in a romcom. Ilya is living in a Russian tragedy.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    75,307
    Chapters:
    5/5
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    16 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Following the internet success of Shane and Ilya's presentation at the NHL Awards, ESPN decided to contract with them to do a whole series. It goes far better than anyone could have dreamed.

    -or-

    “When you think about it,” Jackie said, when Shane had dinner with her and Hayden a few days later, “hockey’s basically already reality tv.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,863
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Comments:
    1,485
    Kudos:
    8,990
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    3,024
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    208,662

    15 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    In which Ilya comes back to room fourteen ten.

     

    Canon divergent from, and following directly after, s01e01 when Ilya leaves Shane's hotel room. Contains Ilya being a provocative dick, Shane being unable to resist rising (ha) to it, too much discussion of chicken, some David Attenborough, Shane negotiating his feelings and interpersonal relationships with all his classic suavity and skill, and as much sex as two nineteen year old professional athletes can fit into one evening.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,436
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    817
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    4,601
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    1,399
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    35,120

    15 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    In another timeline, Shane and Ilya hook up in room 1410, nothing goes wrong, and everything plays out exactly as we know it.

    In this one, Yuna Hollander walks in before Ilya can leave—and the seven-year situationship never gets the chance to start. Instead, through the power of miscommunication, Shane and Ilya start dating in 2010. With better support, they make better decisions. Their rivalry fizzles out before it ever has the chance to fully ignite, replaced instead by a beloved “bromance". In 2015, they come out to the NHL and the world.

    No one believes them.

     

    Or: Somehow, despite Shane and Ilya being out for two years, Scott Hunter is still considered the first openly gay player in the NHL, much to Ilya’s horror.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    62,053
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    877
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    2,073
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    739
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    32,467

    14 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “You're being cruel, Ilya. Please just— stop.”

    Pain blooms across Ilya's expression, a brief lapse in form. He's quick to recover, furrowing his brow and pursing his lips, like Shane’s made more than a simple request, like he's got Rose Landry here in his lap, parading her around like Ilya has with all his women since rookie year. Like he has any right to that pain.

    “Oh, so this is what it takes to make you say my name without freaking out.”

    Or: Shane does not go home with Rose after the club.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,083
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    213
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    6,250
    Bookmarks:
    1,461
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    45,156

    14 Jun 2026