Chapter Text
The air in the room was thick and oppressive. Castiel could see how uncomfortable Sam was, chewing his lip like a guilty child caught stealing cookies. But it was nothing compared to his best friend. Cas could see how visibly shaken Dean was. His face was chalk white, making the freckles across the bridge of his nose stand out prominently. His moss green eyes were wide and terrified. His breath came in short bursts, like someone who'd been punched in the gut. Castiel was both heartbroken for Dean and angry with him at the same time.
"Um, yeah, so I think I'm gonna just go," Sam said, heading for the door. He was in such a hurry, he managed to jam his hip into the side of the big brown sofa behind him.
"No Sammy, you can stay."
"Yes Sam, I believe that would be best." Dean and Cas said at the same time. Castiel leveled his stare at Dean, daring him without words to contradict him again. "Your brother and I have much to discuss," Cas said, his eyes never leaving Dean's face. He barely registered the sound of the door closing.
Dean didn't even know where to begin. All he could do was look at Castiel. His hair was a damp, unruly mess, his square jaw unshaven and covered with a light stubble. His pink chapped lips were drawn in a tight line, and he was staring at Dean with angry, cobalt eyes. You would think being in a pair of low hung sweats and Dean's own shirt would make him appear softer, but no. Right then Castiel was intimidating as fuck. Dean couldn't take it anymore.
"Look Cas, I'm sorry, okay? Really. I never meant for you to find out, or make you uncomfortable. We can just pretend this whole thing never happened."
"Seriously? Pretend that I didn't just learn you've been in love with me for fourteen years?" Cas said harshly, arms folded over his chest.
"Please Cas," Dean whispered, "nothing has to change," he stressed the words.
Cas threw his head back and laughed maniacally, and slowly started pacing. "Nothing has to change? Are you kidding? Of course it does!" he was yelling at this point and Dean flinched. "It changes everything Dean!"
Dean said nothing for a moment, just took a second to collect himself, then cleared his throat. "I'll, um, I'll leave, okay? I'll leave money for the next few months rent and go stay with Sam. I can come get my stuff while you're at work," He started to walk away, but Cas was having none of that.
"Dean Winchester, if you even think of walking out that door right now, I will tackle you to the ground," Castiel growled. "Do you even get why I am so pissed off right now? Can you even comprehend? How could you not tell me? How could you hide something so important from me, about me, for years?"
Dean snapped. "Why do you think? To avoid this! To save myself from ever seeing that look on your face! It was fine! Everything was fine. And now everything is all kinds of fucked up, just like I knew it would be if you ever found out!'
"Okay, first of all, do you even know how insulting that is? Regardless of my feelings on the matter, when have I ever given you reason to think anything you could say would ever make me turn you away, or stop being your friend? How can you have such little faith in our friendship?" Castiel's voice wasn't just angry now, Dean could see he was clearly hurt, and that sucked the wind right out of his sails. He dragged a hand down his face and sighed.
"I was too afraid to risk it. I didn't want you to be creeped out, or to second guess if every time I touched you, or, I don't know, hugged you, that I was hitting on you or something. It was just easier if you didn't know."
For a moment, they were both quiet, just processing each other's words.
Calmer now, Cas asked, "Why didn't you? Make a move, I mean?"
Surprised by the question, Dean sat on the couch. Cas sat down next to him, angled towards him. "You're my best friend. I didn't want to ruin that. It's not like you ever seemed interested anyway. I mean, you never even blinked when I came out, so why would I think you would be? Hell, I always thought you were straight till you brought Alfie home. You never said a word. And that right there made it pretty clear you didn't think of me that way," Dean was horrified to hear how broken his voice sounded and took a shuddering breath. Before Cas could respond, they were both startled by a knock on the door.
A voice called out as the knob turned. "Cassie, darling? You home?" As Balthazar's British tones filled the room, Castiel watched Dean, fascinated. He could actually see it as it happened, Dean pulling on the mask. His face was suddenly clear of all distress and a cocky smile graced his features. It was like flicking a fucking switch. Castiel ached to think of the years of practice that had perfected that move.
"Hey, Gordon Ramsey, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Dean asked jovially.
The tall blond Brit sighed heavily. "Ah, Dean. I just adore that high school drop out humor. But pardon me, the adults need to speak now," He turned his eyes to Castiel. "I believe I left my brief case in your room love. I just wanted to grab it, and see if I could steal you away for lunch."
Dean clapped his hands and started to rise from the couch. "Well, I think I'll just leave you to it then," He didn't get far because Cas gripped his wrist hard and pulled him down.
"Balthazar, now is not a good time. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't speak to Dean that way, especially in his own home."
"Oh, come on Cassie, he started it! " Balthazar whined.
"Well I'm finishing it. Get your brief case and I will call you later."
"You know, I don't need you to protect me from your douchebag boyfriend," Dean said petulantly, after Balthazar had left. "His words mean nothing to me."
Castiel still hadn't let go of Dean's wrist and his thumb was running slow circles on the skin. "Oh really? Is that why you are under the impression that I couldn't possibly fathom a relationship with, what was it? Ah yes. A grease monkey with a GED and Daddy issues? Or that in order to be happy I need fancy dinners and stimulating conversations about art? Am I really that much of a snob, Dean, that you think that is all I need to be happy?"
Dean sighed and looked at Cas directly. "It's not just about what you need. It's about what you deserve Cas. You deserve someone you can be proud of."
Castiel sucked in a breath at that. "Damn it, Dean! You can be such a...such a...God...such an assbutt!" Dean couldn't help but chuckle at that.
"Man Cas, you really need to work on your insults," But Castiel wasn't listening.
"Dean, there is no one I am more proud of than you. You are the most caring, most self-sacrificing human being I have ever met. I knew the day I met you, that having you in my life was a blessing. That being able to call you my very best friend was a blessing. And now?" Castiel sighed brokenly, "Now all I can think about is all the wasted time," Cas reached up and cupped Dean's cheek, gently caressing his stubble.
Dean forgot how to breathe for a moment, then it all rushed out in a whoosh. "Cas," he whispered, "what exactly are you saying?"
Cas stared into Dean's wide green eyes. "I'm saying, did it not ever occur to you that I could feel the same way? That maybe I've been in love with you all this time as well? I'm saying it's you, Dean. It's always been you."
And that was it. Game over. Dean surged forward, cupping Castiel's face in his hands and captured his mouth. Cas whimpered against his lips and it was the most beautiful sound Dean had ever heard. He licked into his mouth, stroking his tongue against Cas'. He tasted of cinnamon toothpaste and it was like ambrosia. Castiel's hands moved up to fist in Dean's honey colored hair and nimbly straddled Dean's waist as they continued to suck and nibble at each others lips. When Dean finally broke away to suck in a breath, Cas just continued to grind down on his lap and proceeded to suck and bite along Dean's neck. Dean didn't want to stop, but he had to.
"Wait, wait, wait," Dean tangled his fingers in Cas' hair, God it was as soft as he'd imagined, and pulled his head back to meet his gaze. Castiel looked sinful, his pink lips slick with spit, his eyes lust blown and nearly black with arousal. Hell, he could feel Cas' arousal rutting against his. "As much as I love where this is going, cause believe me, I do, but your boyfriend just walked out of here. The boyfriend you were having sex with last night. Should we maybe talk about that before we go any further?" Dean was proud of himself for being a mature adult about it all, but he was pretty sure his cock wanted to punch him in the face.
"Dean," Cas said as he started to slowly unbutton his best friend's flannel shirt, pushing it off of his shoulders to reveal a plain black tee-shirt underneath, "Balthazar and I have never had sex," With that, Cas went back to sucking a mark into Dean's neck, while running his long fingers up under his shirt to stroke at his nipples.
Dean groaned. "Cas, ah, fuck, I am pretty familiar with the sounds of sex, and I know I've heard them from you so... damn your tongue is awesome...so I'm gonna need an explanation here."
"Fine. But then I'm gonna need you to shut up and fuck me because I have waited too long for this."
Dean nodded eagerly, still not quite convinced this wasn't a dream.
Castiel slid off of Dean's lap and held out his hand. Dean grasped it and Cas silently led him out of the living room and into his bedroom. He pushed Dean back onto the bed, then casually stood upright and began peeling off his borrowed shirt. It took everything Dean had just to keep his hands to himself. As Cas knelt down to untie the laces of Dean's boots he spoke.
"You're right. Balthazar and I did date for a little bit, but for awhile now we've been just friends. It's really not my place to say, but," Cas paused to tug one boot off, then the other, "I think in this case it's necessary. Balthazar is asexual. We had kissed a few times, but it never went beyond that."
Dean looked down at Cas kneeling before him, and God was that a beautiful sight. As Cas tugged off his socks Dean stuttered. "B-but I've heard you! I've heard you, like, alot."
Castiel rose and smirked at him. "Ever heard of masturbation, Dean?" he asked, then proceeded to drop his pants and boxers. Dean couldn't hold back the moan, because Cas was naked and his cock was hard and dripping and all Dean wanted to do was lick. "But see, you wouldn't know that Balthazar is never in here with me, because you are always in your room by the time he leaves. Or on the rare nights he does stay over to watch a movie, you have gone to Sam's or Charlie's," Cas pushed Dean flat on the bed and went to work on his fly, and Dean instinctively raised his hips so Castiel could pull his jeans and briefs off. As Dean pulled his shirt off, Cas was busy licking his lips at the sight of Dean's dripping length and asked with a wide smile, "Are we done with the questions now?" Dean just nodded and Cas climbed over him, straddling his hips. He leaned down to take Dean's lips in a hot kiss. Their cocks slid against each other, slick from their juices, creating a delicious friction, but Dean wanted more. He deftly flipped them over and Cas chuckled, low and throaty. Dean lavished his collar bone with kisses and his fingers traveled down to pinch and pull at Cas' nipples.
Cas arched up. "Uh, god yes," Dean slowly slithered down Cas' body, paying special attention to his hip bones. He could spend hours on those hip bones, especially if it garnered the exquisite moans and whimpers he was drawing out of Cas now. But that thick cock was calling to him, like a siren.
"Do you wanna know what I think about when I get myself off, Dean? Hngh, ah, ah, I think about this," Cas grunted as Dean's mouth tongued at his leaking slit. He swirled the head in his mouth before going all the way down.
"Oh fuck!" Cas yelled as he felt his cock hit the back of Dean's throat. Dean hummed appreciatively around it and Cas couldn't help but pump his hips into Dean's mouth. "You, ah, you have to stop, ohhh fuck. I'm too close Dean, ah."
Dean slid off with a pop and laughed. "Don't worry, I've got you, sweetheart," he said, and Cas whimpered at the endearment. Dean reached up to grab a pillow and slid it under Castiel's ass. Cas pulled his legs to his chest, and Dean parted his firm cheeks. Dean blew a hot breath over Cas' pink puckered entrance. "Do you ever think about this when you're getting off, Cas?" he asked, then proceeded to tongue and lick at his hole. Castiel howled obscenely.
"Oh, oh, oh, yes, hmm. Eat me out, Dean, just like I, oh fuck, fuck, just like I imagined."
It was a miracle Dean didn't come from that alone.
"Cas, sweetheart, where's the lube?" Castiel motioned to the night stand with a clenched fist. After grabbing the lube out of the drawer, Dean paused for a moment to slick up his fingers, before slowly sliding one in Cas' hole up to the knuckle. "Relax Castiel, relax," Dean said as Cas panted. God, he was so hot and tight Dean thought as he carefully worked him until he was three fingers deep and brushed over that special area inside that had Cas crying out and riding back on Dean's fingers.
"Dean! Dean, I'm ready, please. Nnhgn, need your cock, now."
"Condom?"
"I'm clean. You?" Cas asked breathily. Dean answered by slicking up his cock. He leaned forward and Cas hitched his legs over Dean's shoulders. Dean slowly breeched Cas' entrance and they both moaned loudly when he bottomed out. Forehead to forehead, they panted into each others mouths. Cas pulled Dean's head down for a biting kiss then said "Now fucking move!" Dean didn't need to be told twice, and started slowly stroking in. Cas was nearly bent in half and Dean thanked God for yoga.
"Faster, Dean please, I need it. Ah ah, harder!"
"Sweetheart, I'm not gonna last," Dean moaned, and when he angled his hips up to go harder, Cas screamed.
"Oh God, right there. Right FUCKING there Dean!" Cas was a writhing mess, and Dean made sure to keep nailing that spot on every other thrust. He could feel his balls drawing up tight when suddenly Cas arched up. He was coming, untouched on a silent cry. The sight alone was enough to push Dean over the edge.
"Oh fuck! God, I love you. I love you, Cas!" Dean slumped forward, burying his face in the crook of Castiel's neck. Cas carded his trembling fingers through Dean's sweat soaked hair.
"I love you too, Dean, always."
They dozed off after that, and when they awoke, their limbs were still entwined.
"I have to ask, why did you get so mad at me for keeping my feelings a secret, when you apparently did the same thing?" Dean's chin was propped up on one hand, looking down at Castiel. He trailed the fingertips of his other hand across Cas' lips and Cas playfully nipped at them.
"Well, you kept it a secret because you insanely thought you weren't good enough, whereas I just thought you weren't interested. I just never let myself entertain the thought that you would want this with me so... I kind of buried it."
Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh, so that makes it alright then?" he asked, voice laced with sarcasm. Castiel just smiled and pulled him down for a deep kiss.
"Can't we just both agree that we wasted enough time, and move on from here? Please? Is that okay?"
Dean cagily fell forward so his body was lying flush over his love, his best friend, his world. "Yeah sweetheart, I'm okay with that."
The End