Chapter Text
You, Dave Strider, are a terrible boyfriend.
Dirk may be an asshole... But you also kinda think he had a point. John is so great and nice and sweet and just amazing, he doesn't need you. You're so not good enough for him, it's not fair for him to stick around with someone like you.
You're gonna stop this before John get's too into you or anything, it's just what's best for him.
You're interrupted from a rough sketch of a commission someone paid you to draw by a vibration of your phone, you look over and sigh as you see John's name above the message.
"hey, hope you had a nice day and i can't wait to see you again, babe. :)"
You bite your lip a little, your heart flutters as your eyes pause on that last word, "babe." You shouldn't have done it, you should have stuck with your original plans last night, school. You're fucked, aren't you?
You click your phone off and sigh as you get up, walking around your now dark studio. What is it now, 9:50? You're tired as all hell but also hungry. You walk over into your makeshift kitchen (A microwave and mini fridge on some counter with a small sink attached into it along with two cabinets on the wall above it.) You pull out a top ramen pack and a bowl, putting some water in the bowl with the noodles pack, then you microwave it. You tap your hands rhythmically on the sink as you hum some dumb harmony that would match the beat as you await.
You make the ramen and eat it, not really caring about how god damn hot it is before you go off into your room and up to your turntables. You sit down in front them and lay down a fresh record, you smile to yourself as you begin to mix up a few beats and use your humming harmony for violins.
You love music so much, laying down all the right tracks for it to turn into one amazing creation, and how just one small change can affect a song so greatly. No matter what anyone tells you, you will always believe that music is a science, a great and beautiful science.
Once you have the majority of the song already edited to your liking, you glance back at your alarm clock. It's already one in the morning, you get so caught up and immersed in the music you lose track of time sometimes, tomorrow you have work and then school so it's off to bed for you.
After shutting off everything still running in the house, you go over and plop into bed. You sigh to yourself as you think.
John doesn't need you... He deserves better than what you are and what you have, you gotta stop while you still can..
You sigh and slip into a light and uneven sleep.
The next day, you actually woke up on time. You clean up a little then slip your iPhone in your pocket before making your way out of the studio and into your car. You drive over to your university, only a five minute drive but you hate walking so you drive anyway. When you get to school, it's ten o'clock on the dot and you have about five minutes to get to graphic designing class. Then it's photography/filmography class, and lastly is animation class (your favorite.)
You actually really like college, it's a good change from high school and since you go to a mostly arts school almost everyone there is really cool and nice and just overall better. You had to turn in some landscaping pictures you took over the weekend as well as begin a thirty second clip project in animation that you're pretty excited about. Graphic design had nothing that interesting assigned so yeah, the teachers kind of a hardass anyway.
You're still glad when you leave school and drive over to Precision Ink again, you have two appointments today and then three consultations. You'll probably have some walk-ins today too but that's normal so you don't really care.
Work was fine, you got paid money and everything and you and Dirk are not on speaking terms at the moment apparently. Bro thinks you both are being stupid and childish but what does he know? He's like... old, and still watches kid's cartoons and acts twelve all the time (well, maybe not all the time but still.) What Dirk doesn't know is that two can play at that game, and you don't even want to talk to him anyway so it doesn't even matter.
You sigh, walking back into your studio. You set your keys down, followed by your shades and you kick off your shoes and socks. You walk over into our room and sit at the turntables spinny chair as you take out your phone and begin scrolling through your Instagram... before you get another text from John.
"hey dave! uh, i heard you got in a fight with dirk and i wanted to know if you were okay?"
You just sigh and clock your power button, plugging your phone into the turntable speakers then you put on a playlist. You set the volume just above "too loud to think" but also a little bit below "noise complaint from neighbors," then you walk out and into your art room again.
You spend around four hours doodling or working on/finishing commissions and at about midnight, you start finding it hard to keep your eyes open so you go to bed relatively early for it being you.
Tuesday is the same as Monday but classes are a bit more boring for some reason and you can't help feeling sad as you think about John and stuff going on at the moment, it really sucks.
After you get home, you get another text from John.
"work was so boring today, i wanted to know if you wanted to go on another date on saturday?"
You shake your head to yourself, no you can't. You'll bury yourself in work if you need to. You're gonna be at Precision all day anways. Your phone vibrates again.
"btw i don’t know what days you work so sorry if you do work that day… and if you were at work for the last few texts i’ve sent you.”
You bite your lip and turn your phone off. You eat again and work on that song from Monday night. It's finished by ten and then you finish up the two other commissions you had to paint for two people. You go to bed at eleven, still feeling down.
Wednesday happens, fuck Wednesday. One teacher embarrassed you in class because you didn't seem to be paying attention and god knows how much attention she needs on her. All of it. She needs all of the attention. Then at work, some chick wouldn't stop hitting on you and making you feel really uncomfortable and stuff, then she got mad at you when you didn't give her your number, claiming she'd tell the manager that you should be fired. Good luck with that one honey, the manager's my brother.
You just feel so done with the day by the end of it, once you get home (later than usual, at ten) you just go to your room, strip to your boxers, and plop into bed. You (regrettably) check your phone again. Two texts from John.
“oh god i bet i’m being so annoying but i’m getting kinda worried about you. sorry.”
“and goodnight, hope you’re sleeping well and having a good day.”
You frown at your phone and throw it away from yourself onto the foot of the bed. You shut your eyes and lay still as you try forcing yourself into sleep.
You'd guess it's an hour before you finally fall into another uneasy sleep after many guilty and sad thoughts of John.
You don't go to school today, not work either. You need a day to yourself.
You spend almost all day on your laptop listening to music, you drive through McDonald's for lunch and then get subway for dinner. So basically you ate well and did nothing.
At about ten you get another (lovely) message from John.
"...you know i can see that you've read all these messages almost directly after they send, right? i hope i don't sound obsessed with you or anything, i'm just... worried i guess."
You groan. Is he going to stop? You don't want him to but you need to, for his sake. It's gonna be okay, you'll live... Maybe.
Friday, thank god indeed.
Bro said you could take the rest of today off as well because you have no appointments and he can handle any walk-ins. So you're driving home from Burger King, where you got dinner, and Target because you needed more food (and you got a fuck ton of candy, hell yeah.)
You walk inside your place once you get there and walk in, going to the "kitchen" and you set your few bags on the counter, putting away your stuff and then you take out some starbursts and then walk over into your art room, looking around and thinking of what to do. You go over and sit down as you munch at your chewy candies, you set aside the bag and grab a pencil before taking out your sketchbook and beginning to draw.
You start out by just drawing bare torsos and shoulders, then you move on to drawing random faces with different hairstyles... Which ends up with you starting to draw John as one of them. Stop, no John. Draaaaw... some fanart instead. Yeah, fanart.
You sigh and turn to a fresh page, starting to draw your favorite character from Steven Universe (your new favorite show), Pearl, and it ends up kinda cool you guess. Then you just sigh and flip the page and start drawing John again since it's all you seem to have inspiration for.
You draw probably ten small Johns in different poses and angles as practice and you sigh as you stand up, eating another Starburst before walking out and grabbing your camera. You go to check your phone for John's usual message then remember it's only just after nine, he's still at work and it's Friday so it's probably busy. You also remember what a selfish asshole you are for expecting John's text.
You let your phone stay put on your kitchen counter and walk out of your studio, taking a way up to the roof where you take lots of pictures all the time or you just go to relax. You sigh as you sit down on the ledge and face the sunset, sighing contently. The suns almost all the way down now and you lift your camera to your unshaded right eye before you begin to snap some pictures.
You take pictures of the sunset and then of the city lights that can be seen as far as the eye can see seemingly. It's California so of course there's a lot of them, you're just glad that you don't live in any of the cities where it's so crowded you can barely breath safely anywhere. And out here you like it more than Texas, it's hot there and full of gross homophobes, you and Bro and Dirk didn't belong. You three needed a change of scenery.
You stay out on the roof for over three hours, the sky is pretty dark as you finally come back down, feeling content with your shots. You come inside and put your camera down, walking over to the kitchen and you grab a bottle of apple juice before checking your iPho- oh, it's dead. You should go plug that in, which is what you do, you set it on your turntable after plugging it in and then you take a seat, turning it on and you set it to play the latest song you made.
You lean back in your chair with your arms at your sides and sigh, feet tapping along to the beat as you listen closely to it. Feeling out each rhythm and beat, you hum along so it and sigh contently, a small smile curving at your lips as the last climax of the song begins to slowly come i-bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt!
You sit up and glance at your iPhone, you pause your music and pick it up. Two messages and two voice mails from John... Oh no. You guld a bit and click on the texts first, wondering why you're so nervous.
“look i know i’m probably pestering you, but i’m getting kinda worried with how you aren’t texting me back... are you okay?”
”i’m sorry if i said something wrong.. or like, scared you off. i didn’t mean to.”
You sigh, furrowing your eyebrows. God you're so stupid, you need to talk to him asap. You then hesitantly his the voice mail and hold your phone up to your ear, after a few moments you hear John's voice, but it's quite slurred and... Drunk sounding.
“Heeey Dave… It’s me John, did you expect me? I bet you did! Because I… I have been worried about you, but I dunno if you have been worried about me, maybe it’s because like, I fucked up or something, or because all I did was message you n shit, sorrrrryy. I know I’m annoying, I should of taken a himt, himt… hint, yeah. I mean like I’ve been cheated on an’ fucked over before, my heart is like… it’s like a tiny lil piece of heart and all I did was give more an more of it away and now… I think I like gave you my last piece dave, And it was like the biggest piece I had dude, because like I mean, we did some stuff together and shit… ohhhhhh myyy goooood, Dave?? Dave. Did you just have sex with me because sex is great, an then you stopped talking to me? is.. is that waht happened? I’m srory man, this guy that I was like in LOVE with cheated on me, the whole time i thought he was dating me.. He lied to me for two years Dave, two years! Ohmygooodd that fucked me up so bad, you have noideaaa, and then like i didn’ wanna date anymore but the ni saw you and was all like shit yes pls, and i thought you were too but… I guess you weren’t like that so, uh.. I’m sorry. Oh shit there’s beeps I think that means I’m taking too long so uhhhh, yeah I’ll T-T-Y-L! hehe”
Your eyes blink, they're blown wide as you bite your lip to stop yourself from frowning or possibly even crying? No, of course not crying. Striders don't cry.
You gulp and tap on the second voice mail, John's voice is still slurred but it's also apparent that he is and has been crying.
“Dave… Did i do something to upset you? like… Like have I offended you some how?… Are you ashamed of me man? ‘Cause I mean, if I have then I’m sorry.. ‘Cause I was really hoping… I mean… I kinda thought… I think I love you dave, and with how you’re acting… I’m not sure if you feel the same feels that I think I’m feelin’…”
You hear him pause to let out a small sob, and after a moment, he starts talking again. Your eyes are welling up. God damn it Dave, get a hold of yourself.
“I-I’m sorry Dave, if i caused you troubles.. I didn’t m-mean to do it I… I swear… If you don’t like me anymore, and that I was jus' a one night stand to you, could you like, like tell me? ‘Cause I need to know if I should still say I got a bf.. and if i should keep a date in my insta bio an shit… I need ta know Dave… I fucked up again.”
You hear him pause to sniffle and a small tear slips past your eyelids.
“I always find a way ta fuck up things that I.. really care about.. Don’t I?.. I’ll leave you alone now Davey, love yah.. Bye bye.”
The voice mail ends and you silently sniffle and let out a gasp for air as you didn't know you were holding your breath. You set down your phone. This is why you shouldn't of fucking gotten into his life, you fucked him up and now you've gone and broken his already broken heart. You're a sad excuse for a Strider or anything for that matter.
You sniffle and walk into your room and slam your door shut behind you. You yell because right now you just need to, you need to scream and cry and punch something and... Breath, you need to breathe. All the memories of your last relationship that you crashed and burned because you devoted too much to him when all he wanted was attention come flooding back, you sigh shakily as you attempt to somewhat contain yourself.
Once your breaths are even, you feel tired and you just drag yourself into bed. No more talking to John, You fucked him up too much already.