Chapter Text
Varian spent three, whole, days, stuck in that house with that fucking bug. Three days of being reacquainted with the wonders of being sick, three days of playing jump rope with fucking death itself. Three days, stuck with her.
He was man enough to admit he wasn't a fan of vulnerability. Ask anyone who’d known him in the past two years and they’d all tell you it takes getting him fucked up to high heaven just to open up. But well a guy isn't really left with much of a choice in the independent department when he’s left with his head in a bucket. It was what he hated the absolute most about being sick, the choice of either fuck off and deal with it by yourself or sit there and look like a pathetic idiot. He was so ready for Rapunzel’s endless babying and to despise it with every fiber of his being
She… surprisingly didn’t do that.
Yes, she pulled a whole hospital act with mountains of blankets and meds (score) and every kind of soup you could ever dream of. She— gave him space, while he was sick. She spent her time on the sofa across from him, working on lesson plans, doodling in a sketchbook, doing her own thing. She stayed there binging cheap horror shit even when he saw how squeamish it made her, she asked when he wanted her instead of asking every five seconds. He— felt calmer around her.
Varian, frankly, was taken aback. He hadn’t been taken care of by anyone other than himself in years. Yet here Rapunzel was, taking care of him without making him feel suffocated. Firm on making sure he rested of course but understanding his desire for space.
She kept him company when he was feeling nauseous and shitty, helped him go back to sleep after countless feverish nightmares without asking too many uncomfortable questions, and even tried her hand at teaching him some basic crochet stitches, which resulted in him now being the not-so-proud creator of a very lumpy beanie. No matter how much he bitched and moaned and pushed her away at every turn, she gave him time, she waited.
Surely, she had to be sick of him by now.
“Rapunzel I’m fine” he groaned, forcing another spoonful of cinnamony oatmeal in his mouth to prove his point, immediately regretting it and wincing as it burned through the roof of his mouth.
“Are you sure?” Her voice was laced with doubt, keeping Varian at the corner of her eye as he slather toast with jam, “I trust you, but I really don’t want you giving that nasty bug to any other students, and you’re still looking a bit pale.”
“I’ve been this pale for about two years thank you very much,” you go one morning without makeup and it’s all anyone can notice apparently. “I’ve missed enough class as it is and I’m assuming you have work too, Princess.”
Rapunzel still looked incredibly hesitant, this wasn't working. Vex was gonna think he died again.
“Please?”
Weather it was the big blue eyes or the babyish tone he put on, it didn’t matter. The princess caved. “Alright alright, but if you feel even a little bit sick you tell the nurse and we’ll come home okay.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He saluted as he scrambled upstairs, freedom, finally.
Hopefully the football players were selling some kind of painkiller.
Percs successfully scored, with only the minor inconvenience of being called a twelve year by the squad of jocks. He shut them up pretty quickly with a healthy wad of fives and a classic flying finger salute. The trip while annoying made the first load of classes bearable, winning him back the favor of the history teacher. Maybe he’ll actually bothering skimming through the homework.
Things were actually going pretty decent.
“Hey!” That voice, annoying, loud distinctively blonde, “Look who’s back!”
Nope, never mind, he takes it all back ,he wants to go home.
“Hi Hugo” He couldn’t possibly sound more disinterested, and yet Hugo still took this as an invitation to strut up next to him. The dingy hoodie wrapped lazily around his waist barely covering any of his way-too-short-for-the-dress-code shorts.
“Where were you all week? Got sick or something?”
“Yep” Go away.
“Still mad at me?”
“Yep” Fuck off.
Hugo pushed his way in front of Varian, waving his hands half apologetically, “Okay so I know I might have twisted the truth a little bit last time—”
“A little?” It was straight up manipulation you cheese string looking bastard—
“But I know you had fun~” He sing-songed, smirking as he titled his head around Varian’s middle finger, eyes gleaming with satisfaction.
This bitch was dancing on a verrrrrry fine line.
“Buuuuuuut, we have a very important meeting today. Mr. Dizznee will be attending —and counting all those who don’t attend btw— plus, if that wasn’t enticing enough for ya, we have a fun little surprise~” He punctuated his sentence with jazz hands, Kandi bracelets and bangles jingling on his wrists.
“…did you actually just say ‘btw’ out loud?”
“Forget about that”
“White ass motherfucker—”
“Come on Goggles!” He nudged Varian just slightly earning and ignoring a glare cold enough to feeze over hell, “You’re one of us now. It’ll be fun.”
Plus, us foster kids gotta stick together.
Varian still hadn’t forgotten about that, every time they words found their way back into his head the pit in his stomach would gnaw at him relentlessly. Anxious and angry. Hugo knew something, something he didn’t want getting out. How he found it out was irrelevant to the fact the blonde had the power to spill that info everyone Varian didn't want it going.
He turned his glare to the ground, picking at his nails inside his pockets till he felt the skin break just the slightest amount. “If I end up wasting another hour of my life fixing your dumbass mistakes then you're in for it four eyes.”
Hugo only grinned as Varian sighed, pausing, “What’s the surprise?
“Eh better than whatever sulking sesh you’ve got planned, thatch for sure”
“Oh fuck you—” The bell blared loudly over their heads, saving Hugo from being strangled.
“See you at three then Sweetcheeks?”
Hugo shot him another smirk, crossing down the other hall while Varian bit his lip and swore death upon the universe if he blushed.
“Yeah… whatever.”
The end of last period rolled around, releasing him from the homophobic bitch of a french teacher with a voice so quiet he could cry. He lurked around the halls as long as possible, dragging his feet down the halls trying to slow down the journey to the chem room but alas he still found himself nearing the sound of intro music blaring up and cheers of terrible Italian accents…
That, did not sound like science. Maybe Rapunzel hadn't left yet—
Before he could turn and bolt, he felt a small hand catch his arm, whipping him around with an almost manic energy. “Varian! You’re here! Guyssss~ I found Varian!”
Hugo stuck their head out the door, wearing his usual shit-eating grin and holding video game controllers that he couldn't even ask about as he was pushed inside the room by a calloused palm on his back, hoodie sleeves slipping back slightly to show the skin covered in burn scars.
Well, guess that's why Hugo calls him ‘Firecracker’
“Welcome to our chaotic weekly meeting Goggles!” Hugo announced, gesturing around to room dramatically, “Might I interest you in some of our finest store brand appetizers?”
“What’s uh…. what’s going on here exactly” He scoffed back as he gaped around the room, lit with the soft color-changing LED’s that lined all the cupboards and ceiling. All the tables had been pushed to the back and formed a makeshift buffet table holding a ginormous variety of stale looking sugar cookies, chips, cupcakes, soda and enough total sugar to knock out an elephant or two.
The front of the room had been turned into the ultimate teenage chaos fort with tossed blankets and ratty old bean bag chairs that looked in desperate need for new stuffing all in a half circle in front of the swaying projector sheet. Dozens of multi-colored switch controllers in a neat little row like battle weapons for the picking.
“Varian, you’re back! Glad you could join us.” Nuru called over the head of a carrot-topped girl currently sharing a bean bag and Miraculous LadyBug blanket. Hugo hadn’t previously mentioned her to be part of the loser cluster of a club. But then again, he didn’t really care.
“Hey.” The girl waved and wrapped an arm around Nuru’s waist with a smile and thick country accent. “I’m Amber”
“Oh um— cool, hi.” He wrapped his arms around himself nervously, a pit of discomfort settling deep in his gut as he looked around the room with it’s flashing rainbow lights and droning music all churning together to make him wish he could be anywhere else but here when he felt a hand come down on his shoulder without warning.
He flinched back like he’d been shot, head turning at the speed of a bullet and nearly raised his arms to protect himself when he saw Hugo quickly pull back his hand. Sending him a nervously apologetic and knowing smile that made him shrink back further with embarrassment.
This was going great.
“Well, pop a squat Freckles, let’s get this epic tournament started shall we?”
He hesitated for a second but plopped down in a kindergarten criss-cross-applesauce with his hands on his knees between Hugo and Yong’s bean bag chair once he saw out of the corner of his eye Mr. Dizznee —just like Hugo promised— sitting in the back near the piles of junk food grading through mountains of papers and being the designated Guardian of the Nintendo Projector Settings, snuffing out his hopes of dipping this shitshow. Wonderful.
“So um… we’re playing 200cc right?”
“Duh! We call this our Super Challenge Science Tournament for a reason!” Yong replied energetically, oblivious to Varian’s nervously uncomfortable tone as he pulled up the character selection screen and immediately selected Dry Bones before handing him a controller. “Feel free to grab some snacks and stuff before the awesomeness begins!”
“Okay, I guess, thanks.” he mumbled as they all picked their cast of characters with Nuru and Amber picking Rosalina and Pauline both in their respective motorcycle outfits (and not-so-quietly gushing about how hot they were, fair) and Hugo speadran his customization on Daisy and wasted no time to judge Varian on his own choice of racer.
“Really Hairstripe? You’re picking the straightest character in the game besides effing Mario” the blonde scoffed as he scrolled through car options at a dizzying speed and Varian rolled his eyes, crinkling his nose in mock offense.
“Um, fuck you. I’m bi for one and two Koopa Troopa has some of the best stats in the game Glasses.”
At least he thought so, he hasn't touched a controller since he and Vex placed a bet on a tournament at with some college losers over a shit blunt and way too many Corona Lights.
He still kicked their high asses, so it had to mean something.
“If you’re picking your character for the stats Goggles, then you and I are just simply not the same.” Hugo shook his head solemnly, settling on the most ridiculous clown car for his choice of vehicle. “Oh yeah? Why’d you pick Daisy then smart ass?”
“Cause her voice is super whiny and annoying so it drives Nuru insane!” Yong chirped back as he shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth and Hugo cackled with evil laughter until he suddenly choked on a breath of air and laughter turned into painful sounding coughs and Nuru just rolled her eyes and reached forward to pat him on the back in either some vague attempt to get him breathing again or just taking the opportunity to slap him for fun. “Yeah yeah laugh it up Mr. Tar—for—lungs, I’m still gonna kick your ass in Rainbow Road.”
He swatted her hand away as soon as he regained his breath and flipped her off with another cocky smirk. “Like you could ever be me in Rainbow Road princess.” He finished with a smirk gay‐af limp wrist.
Varian snorted a laugh, then promptly turned bright red and stumbled to come up with an excuse but Hugo beat him to it.
“Well glad to see someone appreciates my incredible comedic genius. Why don’t you pick a course so we can hurry up and kick these losers asses already?” It was hard not to return Hugo’s smile as Varian settled on a vehicle of his own, squinting once more on the screen before settling on the…Mushroom cup.
They played round after round and jumped between conversations at each turn, admittedly, this game was pretty fun even without being high (and easier without all the colors swirling together) and Varian was quite good if he did say so himself, he breezed past every course with casual ease even when he got hit by a dumb bomb by an npc and his controller “mysteriously” bugged out mid final race with a sly smile of a certain blonde he still left that cocky bastard eating his dust when he got a bullet bill and hit him with a blue shell just before the finish line.
He found himself actually laughing at Hugo’s stupid jokes, and rolling his eyes along with Nuru and Amber at each and everyone right after, even pumping his fist whenever he won and didn’t flinch too much when Yong offered him a victorious fist bump, actually let himself bump the little dude back with a smile. (But he totally didn’t catch Hugo smiling at him out of the corner of his eye at this, nope, no comment).
It was… fun.
At least until everyone remembered this was still a science club meeting.
The screen flashed with Yong’s third winning trophy of the afternoon and Hugo clapped his cheese—stained fingers to bring them into attention. “Alright gang, before Yong cheats yet again with those stupid star power ups we still need to nail down a final project for Regionals next month.”
Great, now I remember why I hate it here. “W–what Regionals?”
Hugo licked the fiery-red dust of his fingers like a barbarian as Yong rolled up another tournament. “To bring you up to speed Goggles, The Interstate Science Expo Regionals are coming up in rapid progression and we still need to work out some kinks on our project”
Fuck, a science competition, and not just any science competition.
He still remembered he’d been to one, these incredible yearly events hosted by DIAK with only the best of the best science students getting to participate, he’d been their youngest participant back when he was twelve. Almost would’ve won too if it wasn’t for that suck—up girl who’s machine did nothing but sparkle and won by passing out chocolate (cause cheap chocolate was better than a newfound element apparently). His dad had been so pissed when Varian signed up behind his back… the thought of competing again made his stomach drop.
“The kids from Galcrest kicked our asses hard last year and we haven't been able to figure out that new compound yet—”
Yong leaned in and whispered to Varian’s ear with a smirk. “You missed some awesome explosions last week.”
“Can it Sparky— so, we got around four more weeks to figure out what the fuck is the problem with it and make it better.”
Nuru jumped in, quickly sparking an argument about some new formula she wanted to try/ Hugo fought back with his own ‘better’ ideas. Yong spoke over them both with whatever comments of his own. Varian didn’t know, didn’t care, they all slowly muffled into each other. Turning into nothing but painful buzz and static in his head.
If he was just two years younger he might’ve joined in, would’ve been arguing just as much over the calculations and ideas being thrown around and words they tripped over from excitement. They would’ve made him light up with fiery spirit instead of cower back into the corners of his mind. Quiet, yet wanting to scream.
Know-it-all nerd, no one cared about you bullshit then no one cares now, all your ideas were ever good for were for getting people hurt—
Just two years ago he would’ve never felt like this, never would’ve had the world go glitchy and numb just to escape his own damn guilt.
No but you ruined everything didn’t you. You always ruin everything you touch.
Disgusting little murderer.
What was he doing here? He didn't deserve to be here, doing this, having fun.
Looks like you just forgot about him then didn't you, didn't you, DIDN'T YOU—
“Goggles, you good?” The voice felt far away, laced with a fuzzy static but it was enough to snap him somewhat out of it. Snap him out of it enough.
“Yeah,” he blinked, focusing on his fleeced fists and the little painful crescents his fit left behind, “fine.”
He mumbled back through gritted teeth, tossing his remote to the floor and pushing himself up, “I'm going out for air”
Varian stumbled out the back door of the school, the pit in his chest feeling like it was burning him alive as he threw his bag down from over his shoulder and dug through it like a starving wild animal clawing for food, producing a measly pack of cigarettes and cursed as his stupid lighter reduced to spark for an annoying amount of time. When he sunk down to his knees at a curb hopefully far enough away as it finally caught flame—
A hope that was quickly crushed by the sound of Doc Martins crashing against pavement.
“Hoped I might find you out here Goggles.”
I swear to fucking God— “Fuck. Off. Hugo. I don’t wanna see you right now, let alone talk” Varian snarled back, voice dripping poison as he raised the lit cigarette to his lips, before it was plucked out of his fingers with a yoink and his head snapped back up to glare at the boy.
“Hey!”
“Sorry, but those aren’t exactly good for you Freckles. ” He kept the annoyingly casual composure as Varian stood to stare daggers at him properly, but the boy’s voice came out tense and strained, like it hurt to speak of the smell of stale smoke lingered in the air even after Hugo crushed the perfectly good roll under his boot. “Being pissed at the universe isn't gonna get fixed by throwing a hissy nicotine fit.”
Varian was just about ready to add Murder to his criminal record as the now weirdly paler blonde pulled a water out of his bag and guzzled half of it down in two large gulps and gasped softly as he put it away, clearing his throat once more.
“Plus, you’ve been giving me really bad cravings with all this shit okay?”
What the fuck is he going on about— oh…
Oh
Fuck… so not only was Hugo a bitchy asshole, but he was also a massive fucking hypocrite.
“N-no! Not okay!” he snapped back, shoving both whatever feelings he just had and Hugo aside and the flimsy twig of a boy nearly toppled over with a strangled cough as he pounded his fist against his chest trying to regain his composure.
“I needed that you prick!”
“You think you do, I know. But I promise it'll go better without them right now—”
Empty goddamn promises, all of them fucking lies “Well it sure as hell dosnt fucking feels like it!” He turned his back to him, pulling another cig from the creased box but Hugo’s stupidly lengthy arms reached over him, rudely snatching it from him yet again and Varian’s anger lava was dangerously close to boiling over and destroying everything in its wake.
“What part of ‘fuck off’ do you not seem to understand Hugo?!”
The bitchy life-sized cheese stick just dodged Varian’s attempts to grab it back and threw it over to the trash can near the door like a goddamn basketball player but he grabbed his wrist before he would even try and storm off again.
“No— fuckin— stop it, already!” Hugo tightened his hold, nearly pulling off his hoodie as Varian struggled against him, panic and anger rising to dangerous levels at his tight hold.
“You were having fun back there, a good goddamn time so stop with this self-destruction bullshit for just one fucking second and listen to me!”
He forced a breath, “Nobody back there's gonna judge you for whatever shit you’ve been through, trust me! We all suck! W-we've all done all sorts of stupid shit but we don't hate each other for it! You don’t have to keep up this act—”
“IT’S NOT AN ACT!”
The silence of tears burning up in his eyes finally let Hugo loosen his hold and he pulled it away angrily, taking a step back as he felt the hot tears drip down from his cheeks and voice still boomed with anger.
“It’s who I have to be now! Whatever kid I was before died in that stupid car wreck that landed me in this mess! This, is who I am now! It's— it’s all that's left of me anymore…” His eyes burned with strained tears, blurring the sight of Hugo looking drowned with guilt as he let the pain explode with the volcano. “It’s how I’ve survived through all of this, t-the only thing that’s kept me going when everything else in my life went to shit… ”
This was all that was left now, an aggressive, cruel, coked-up, meth-head junkie ass addict.
The only thing that erased those broken brown eyes, put a bandage over the torn, bleeding heart barely beating in his chest, the only thing that let him feel his dad again without jumping off a goddamn roof into his arms.
“I lost everything, I destroyed everything, s—so now I get high, cause then at least I don’t have to think about how much I hate it all, how much— how much everything hurts...”
He sank down to his knees, not being able to bear the weight in his chest as he curled into himself. Digging his nails deep into his arms while the hot tears stained his jeans. Ignoring the rustle of fabric as Hugo sat down beside him, still quiet.
“So, what did you even want from me?” His voice cracked, holding back a sob, “You know the stupid truth. What, did you think you were gonna be able to try and fix me?”
“No... I used to think the same way” he said, not looking at him as he fiddled with the silver rings on his fingers and chuckled sadly. “Did a whole buncha ‘fun’ shit to survive on the streets, stuff I regret… just to try and to forget that it was my own damn fault I was there. Hell— I smoked so many of those expensive-ass cancer sticks that both my goddamn lungs collapsed.”
He tilted his head up from the cave of his knees, looking through his bangs at Hugo with slight curiosity yet still boiling with guilt and weighed down by the black hole in his chest.
Hugo didn’t look back, just stared down at his own shoes and cracked a sad smile. “I’ll be lucky if I don’t die from lung cancer or some shit before I’m thirty,” He stood up, leaning against the wall and staring him down with the same tried look Varian wore everyday, “But why does it matter, right?”
“We're just the kids parents warn their eight year olds about. ‘Be nice or you'll turn out like that punk!’ Shaking on the streets all drugged up or whatever. They like to talk all that shit about helping our local teenagers and saving childhoods but no one really gives a shit about people like us… not really…” Hugo’s voice was so empty, so knowing, so unlike the boy who’d been laughing over speed-boost mushrooms and shitty snacks with these words that felt stolen straight out of Varian’s own head.
“And it’s intoxicating, or at least numbing. To forget for a bit, a quick easy repair. Forgetting the shit that happened to us and the shit we regret— some memories worse than others… I never forgot that feeling.”
Varian tucked his head back into his knees, digging his nails into the dirtied denim of his jeans as his knees muffled his words. “It’s just— it feels so fucking hopeless…”
“Cause your whole life is wrecked, and deep down it’s your own damn fault. And now? You’re nothing but another washed up foster kid.”
His heart throbbed deeper, choking his breath as he let out the smallest nod and shrunk back and heard Hugo chuckle.
“You’re a whiny little bitch, that’s what you are.”
Varian’s head snapped up from his knees with a confused look like he’d just been slapped by a monkey. “Wait what—”
“Drinking and smoking and whatever-ing yourself to death ‘cause you’re mad at the world and don’t wanna face shit sober.” The blonde jumped up to his knees with a small groan and offered him a hand up as Varian’s anger quickly bubbled under confusion. “A junkie, washed up loser in torn skinny jeans and terrible concealer.”
He slapped Hugo’s hand away and stood up on his, flipping him off with both birds. “Well thanks asshole.” He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes when the bitch did a couple dumb jazz steps around him and smiled, twirling before holding his hand back out to Varian. “A loser… just like me.”
The frown on his face dropped and he let his arms drop to his eyes— away from Hugo’s but he still looked into the others dazzling emerald eyes. “So under this very original not-an-act, what’s your shit with chem?”
The words felt stuck in his throat, millions running through his mind but only a few were able to make their way through. “My— ideas have never really had the best results…”
Destroying his dad’s garden with faulty fertilizer. Exploding the pipes of his neighborhood. Making bombs and drugs and whatever the fuck Andrew asked him to just to try and avoid another beating or earn a meal.
Killing his dad.
His heart clenched at the last thought, and he dug his nails deep into his palms as the memory flashed through his mind for just a second before he felt Hugo slowly and carefully slip his lanky fingers into his and pulling him out of his mind, reeling him back in with his cold hands and warm smile. “You still love it though.”
“I…”
No, no. Science ruined his life, over and over and over again… all he could do was mess things up and make things worse. Science was poison, he was poison.
All he did was hurt people, kill, his mind was poison to everything it touched
“I could tell, we all could. And you’re still fucking great at it Hairstripe. No matter what that silly little head of yours is saying.”
He didn’t say anything. Couldn’t say anything, Any words he could come up with wouldn’t be enough to clear the ache in his chest.
But he didn’t let go of Hugo’s hand.
“I’m just saying, I get it. And while I can’t make you do anything you don't wanna do, if you want to make it to your twenties without wrecking your lungs, maybe try dropping the smokes?”
Varian snickered. “For what, Nicotine gum? I can’t afford shit like that Beanpole.”
“You can afford percs from the bathroom.”
“Wh— how—?”
Hugo rolled his eyes with a smirk and took his hand lightly again, “Come on, you still owe me a rematch at rainbow road”
A faint flush burned across his cheeks at his cold hands and butterflies danced in his stomach, but that was probably just the stomach flu…
“We're still not friends blondie”
“Okay,” Hugo pushed the door open, smiling softly down into his eyes with the fainted flushed of his own, “as long as we're losers.”