Chapter Text
After crying for almost 20 minutes, Izuku had calmed down and he felt a little lighter. Once he got him a glass of water, Aizawa spoke up
“Do you think we could talk a bit though? about what happened and why?
Izuku didn't want to, but he felt like he owed it to his teacher, and he kinda sorta maybe might trust him. Only a little though.
“Um sure”
“Awesome, do you want me to ask questions or do you want to just talk and let me know what happened? It's entirely up to you.”
His teacher’s voice was so soft, it was out of character for him.
“Um can you a-ask me questions, p-please?”
Maybe he would regret it, but it was better than explaining things that his teacher didn't even want to hear.
“Sure that works. Firstly, do you know what a panic attack is?”
Ok, that was easy enough to answer, maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
“Y-yeah”
“That's good, did you know you had one last night?”
“K-kinda?”
Would he be mad? Was that a bad answer? Of course it was, that was so vague.
“Kinda? Like you weren't sure, but you were suspecting it?”
Izuku was a little surprised, his teacher explained his thoughts perfectly without any explanation from him, and he wasn't at all angry at his vague answer.
“Y-yeah, exactly”
“That’s ok, do you know why that happened?”
And that was a much more complicated answer that Izuku really didn't want to tell his teacher.
“Um I… well- I- it's um…”
Shit, he didn't answer, he was definitely gonna get yelled at.
“You don't have to answer if you don't want to, it's up to you what you do and don't answer.”
Aizawa spoke as if talking to a scared cat, like he was trying carefully, so very carefully, to gain their trust.
But even worse, he… wasn’t mad… again, he wasn't mad at him even though he messed up. Why was he so nice, why was he always being so nice. Why did he care?
“Why?”
Aizawa looked at him curiously
“‘Why’ what?”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
The look of confusion turned into one of sadness, and one of old understanding, understanding from years ago, that he thought would never come back.
“Because you deserve it.”
Izuku’s mouth moves before his brain does
“No I don't”
Shit, was he gonna get in trouble?
To his surprise Aizawa’s response came just as quickly as his own.
“Why do you say that?”
His response wasn't angry, it was hurt. Not his own hurt, but someone else’s that he felt as deeply as his own. Izuku’s hurt that he felt as if it had been his at some point.
“Well i- um i don’t um i don't deserve it”
“But why dont you deserve it? Did you do something for you to not deserve it?”
Izuku didn't know how to respond. It had always just been that he didn't deserve kindness, no one questioned it so neither did he.
“Well I um no? But i- I never um earned it?”
His teacher had an exasperated look of sadness on his face. He spoke calmly, doing little to veil the sadness in his eyes.
“What makes you think you have to earn it?”
And this makes Midoriya stop and think, why did he think that? Did someone tell him that, or did he just accept it as the truth when no one was nice to him? He didn’t know. It was just… the way it worked.
“I don’t um I don’t know.”
He admitted guiltily. His mom always hated when he said that, because he should be able to understand and explain everything he says. Because if he didn’t, he deserved to be punished.
But Aizawa sensei was different, never once did he hit him, or yell at him. Not the way his mom did. The way his old teachers did.
“Is it ok if I tell you what I think? Why you might think this way?”
Izuku nodded. No one had ever been so gentle with him.
“I think that maybe, for whatever reason, people didn’t show you the kindness you deserved, and instead of being angry, you tried to make your brain understand why, and the most logical explanation you could come up with was that it had to be earned somehow, and that the reason you weren’t treated nicely, was because you didn’t know how to earn it. Does that sound right? Or do you think there’s a different reason?”
Izuku shifted nervously. He felt like an open book written in a language he didn’t know. But Aizawa was such a good translator.
“I um… maybe?”
Aizawa wasn't mad, he was so patient.
“I think, and please correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you don’t believe you deserve kindness because you think you haven’t earned it”
Izuku responds so confidently for someone so unsure.
“I haven’t”
Aizawa’s response came so fast that it took Izuku a few seconds to process what he said.
“You don’t have to”