Chapter Text
The sounds of birds chirping slowly filtered into my awareness, along with the warmth of being snuggled under the covers. I slowly stretched out like a cat in the sun and yawned while blinking open my eyes to the sight of the wooden peaked roof. I was never going to get used to that.
I dragged myself out of bed to begin preparing myself for the day. Luckily, today was going to be a pretty slow day, although we were heading for the Hinterlands tomorrow. Packing could wait until later as I had a final lesson on defence after lunch with Solas. I spotted a bucket of hot water near the fire with a cloth hanging over the lip of it. Stripping out of my sleepwear, I picked up the cloth soaking it in the water and began to wipe away days of sweat and grime. I was already desperately missing hot showers and I hadn't even been here two weeks yet.
After having cleaned myself as best as possible, I looked around for the little jar with the elfroot paste. Seeing it on the desk, I picked it up and grabbed the brush next to it. I stuck my pinky into the little jar and rubbed some of the paste onto the brush, proceeding to clean my teeth. Finally having gotten cleaned and dressed, I was ready for the day.
Leaving my little cabin, I headed towards the tavern. As much as I hated the smell around there, I had to eat. As the door swung open, the smell of alcohol nearly knocked me off my feet. Even this early the smell was strong as I’m sure the ale had soaked into each piece of furniture and likely the floor along with the frequent patrons. I took a few steps in the room before I was practically ambushed by a very hyper, definitely teenage, male elf, sporting a grin a mile wide. I stumbled back a little, trying to keep him out of my personal bubble but he kept stepping closer to me.
“Hey, you're the Herald right?!” Silently overwhelmed, I just nodded my head. This kid was way too hyper this early in the morning. “And a Dalish at that?!” Nodding again with bewilderment, I continued to back up until he pretty much had me up against the wall trying to avoid him. He had a spark in his eye that I couldn't quite put an emotion to. Luckily that's when Varric appeared out of practically thin air, saving my ass from the overenthusiastic elf-teen.
“Hey Sparky! Come have some breakfast!” I nodded my apologies to the elf, and quickly slid around him. I walked over to where Varric had laid claim to a table in the corner and thumped down on the open chair. He waved his hand to the barkeeper, signaling her with a wave and a wink to bring some food over. She laughed when she dropped this mornings food for the masses in front of us and returned the wink flirtatiously. Varric chuckled right back, and pulled a deck of well used cards out of his jacket pocket.
“So, Sparky, want to learn a bit of Wicked Grace?”
A small smile crossed my face as I nodded. While we ate our breakfast he gave me a rundown of the rules. It was, as a lot of fanfics described, a lot like poker, but just different enough to be confusing. I could understand it alright but it just didn't seem to be sticking very well. There were too many variables. Varric laughed at me often during our game, and told me I was a terrible liar. Considering the secret I was hiding, well, that posed some problems for me. I was way too easy to read, like an open book on a pedestal with a light on it.
Once our food was finished, we chatted for a while before I bid him farewell. I really needed to get some gold to pay him back. He kept paying for my food, though he never protested or mentioned anything. I slipped out into the cold morning, and as I walked around Haven I couldn't help but be pulled back into my thoughts. I was feeling the pressure of my secret already and with no one to talk to… I was beginning to feel desperate. I had always had my sister to go to if we were troubled. Now there was no one. Not really. My footsteps were slow as I moved along, sighing with my plummeting mood. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid sitting on one of the inner walls, swinging his legs and kicking the stone. He was hunched over a small box in his lap with what looked like paper on it, a quill clenched in his fingers and his tongue caught between his teeth in focus. He was writing, or maybe drawing. A spark of an idea suddenly filtered into my head. A diary. I could at least organize my thoughts that way, even if I couldn’t share them. I turned back and made my way to the forge, the only location I could think of for something like this. I asked Harritt if he could make me a blank book to write in, and he grudgingly agreed to do so. I perched on the little half wall by the forge, waiting, when I saw Leli approaching.
“Hey Lelianna, anything you needed from me?” I jumped off the wall, the snow crunching underfoot as I landed.
“I wanted to ask you a question.” He eyes were sharp, watching me, but her tone was polite. “You said your clan name was Fenmyelan, but there is no such clan by that name, there never has been according to Clan Lavellan. Why did you lie?” She tilted her head slightly, studying me.
I knew I would have been made sooner or later on this, I guess now was as good a time as any. “It… It's complicated, my clan were followers of the Dread Wolf, Fen'harel. We were shunned, discarded and forgotten. It's no wonder you never got anything out of them, they down right refused to acknowledge that we existed, and in turn we avoided them as much as possible.”
Her eyes shifted past my shoulder onto something behind me. Looking around I saw Harritt approaching us and looked skeptically between us, probably wondering at the tense atmosphere. He shrugged when no explanation was forthcoming and tossed a little leather bound book at me.
“Here, make sure not to throw it about.” He said gruffly and promptly turned and walked away, back to the forge.
I mumbled my thanks to his back but I wasn't sure if he even heard me. Leli also turned after a moment and left, and I scuttled off to my cabin, placing my diary inside. I would probably write in it before I went to sleep tonight. I quickly grabbed my shoulder and leg guards, attaching them with little fumbling, and awkwardly managed to get the gear belt on me, slipping the dagger into the back along with the staff. I picked up the little hand mirror and studied my reflection. My hair was a mess. With a sigh, I grabbed the leather strap I used as a hair tie and tied it back again. I headed out towards the clearing Solas had taken me to over the past few days. I liked spending time out there as it was quiet and peaceful. Except for the druffalos. They apparently still haven't forgiven me from the last scuffle we had.
I walked in circles around the clearing as I waited, kicking up small flurries of snow as I went. I had unconsciously adopted Solas' stance with my hands behind my back and my thoughts directed inward. I hadn't heard any approach, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when he coughed.
“You appeared to be in your own little world. I did not want to disturb you, but we have another lesson before we leave tomorrow, do we not?” A slight smile played on his lips, cocky bastard.
“Yeah, sorry. I'm a little worried about tomorrow… what if we run into trouble?” I swept my hand over my hair, shoving loose strands out of my eyes.
“Do not concern yourself with those thoughts, Telahn. Plus there will be Cassandra, Varric and I accompanying you. We will protect you.” He suddenly kicked his foot under me, knocking me off balance and I landed in an ungraceful heap in the snow. “You need to stay alert. You do not want the enemy to catch you unexpectedly.”
I climbed to my feet, huffing and dusting the snow off me. There really wasn't a point though. I knew I would have a face full of snow again at some point. We went back and forth for a bit, him knocking me off my feet, and me trying to dodge or strike back, but failing every time.
We went back and forth like this for a while. He wasn’t gentle either. He used hard, fast and precise strikes. I tried replicating them but I was having difficulty with my flexibility. It appeared that me being a bit unfit traveled to this world too. I had always been a bit slow when it came to exercise and the like, tending to steer towards reading a book, over taking a morning jog.
Solas sighed, shaking his head “I think it is time we retire for the night, Talehn. You are exhausted and we have a long trek to the Hinterlands tomorrow.” He slowly turned around beginning to head back to Haven. Now was my chance. It had nothing to do with revenge for getting dumped on my ass so many times that day, I swear. I sprung up, quicker than I thought I could, and kicked the back of his leg, it sent him off balance as he stumbled forward slightly, but he quickly recovered before I could hit his second one, swinging round towards me, he grabbed the bottom of my leg, pulling it from underneath me sending me to the ground once again.
“Better, but you made too much noise. If I had not heard you, you may just have succeeded.” Holding out his hand for me to grab, there was a slight smile on his face. I was getting way too used to seeing it there, and it always caused fluttering in my stomach. I took the hand he offered, pulling me to my feet. I suppressed a flinch at the pain in my leg where he had grabbed me. At this point though, I felt like I was more bruises than person, so I didn’t say anything. I brushed the snow off and took a few steps forward, before I stumbled over my shaking leg and nearly fell. Solas managed to catch my arm and tug me towards him to help me keep my balance, but now he had a frown etched into his face. I stilled in his grasp. “I may have grabbed your leg too hard, I apologise.” I felt his magic flare a bit and begin to soothe not only my shaking leg, but also the bruises and scrapes I had received throughout the day.
I was vastly aware of how close he had pulled me to support me, our bodies were almost touching. His left hand was at my waist, while the right one was on my shoulder. I blinked at a fading bruise on my wrist and then looked up into his face. The frown was all but gone, and he was watching me with intensity that belied the situation. I noticed his gaze shift down to my lips for just a second, and then back to my eyes. I felt the butterflies flutter around even faster, my heart pounding in my chest, but the moment was broken as he looked away, turning around muttering in unintelligible elvhen, he sighed.
“Let us get back, before it gets too dark to see anything.”
I almost scoffed at his excuse for escape. We were elves. We have excellent night vision. But I had the feeling that wasn’t really his reason for wanting to go back. We wandered through Haven, my mind still in that moment. Had I just imagined it? Before I realized, he had walked me to my door and suddenly I was inside, alone with my thoughts. I absently started to pack my things, throwing in the spare outfits that had been brought to me over the week, along with all the bit's and bobs I thought I might need. I didn't have much to my name, but there wasn't much I could do until we got to the Hinterlands, and I could start searching around.
After everything I could think of had been packed, I sat down with my new diary in front of the tiny fireplace, and begun to write. Immediately I noticed it wasn't in Common, or English for that matter, it was automatic in the way I wrote, as if it were muscle memory. Reading back, I noticed I could understand it too, and I started to see parallels between what I was writing, and words I clearly knew to be Elven. It slightly unnerved me, that I appeared to be writing in a language that I only knew a little of from the game. The plus side was that anyone who wasn't Solas wouldn't be able to understand it.
I sat for roughly what I assumed was half an hour, in front of the fireplace, writing out my thoughts, and stresses. Jotting down notes of the future that I wanted to remember and concerning things I hoped to change. It was eerie to watch myself write. It was so elegant and free flowing. A lot nicer than the handwriting I remember. But I wasn't complaining. I pulled myself up off the floor, put the diary in my pack with the rest of my stuff, and setting it at the foot of the bed. Stripping out of my gear I flopped down onto the bed, letting sleep take me.
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I jerked awake to the sound of pounding on my door, and to be honest, it wasn't really the best way to wake up. Yawning, I sat up on the edge of the bed, just as Cass busted in, not even caring that I was just in my small clothes. She looked around the room for a moment, grabbing this and that and shoving them into a bag that was in her hands, she dumped the bag next to mine and threw my clothes at me.
“Get dressed, we have to get moving soon.” She turned on her heel, slamming the door behind her. Flinching, I mumbled under my breath about it being too early for this shit, but I stood up and groggily managed to get into my gear, and grabbed the bags. I slipped out into the cold, holding back a shiver, and closed the door behind me a lot less violently that Cass had. Making my way down to the gates, she was waiting there with the advisors, Solas and Varric. Both of which looked like walking zombies. I could tell neither of them were morning people either.
I sighed, moving the backpack's strap back up my arm.This was going to be a long trip without horses. We checked through our supplies one more time, and went over our objective again, before heading out, towards the Hinterlands.
It was awkward for the first few hours, having nothing to talk about. It caused this awkward silence to spread within the group. After a while Cass started to chat with Varric, but I honestly wasn't paying much attention to their banter. I was more interesting in the scenery. This was part of the game we never got to see, the traveling, the little details that would be usually overlooked in the interest of time. Before I knew it, the sun was setting and we made camp in a tiny clearing off the road. I tried to help set up but I mostly just got in the way.
Cass was setting up the tents with Varric, and Solas was setting ward's around the place. I gave myself the duty of setting up the fire. Looking around I spotted two huge logs that were a little into the tree line. I sluggishly made my way over and began to drag them back to camp. They were pretty heavy but nothing I couldn't handle. Once they were in place, I grabbed some branches and stones, setting up a little fire pit. Once I felt confident about it, I reached for my new found magic and just let a tiny spark of it dance over my fingers. The dry wood caught quickly and the fire was crackling cheerfully in no time.
Once the tents were set up, Cass slumped down on the log next to me, letting out a huff of air. She peeled her sword belt from her hip, and leaned the blade against the log next to her. I shifted my eyes to the side, not wanting to appear as if I was staring at her, she fiddled with her gauntlets for a few moments before peeling them off, placing them on the log between us.
“So, Herald. I was wondering something, if you do not mind me asking.” She turned her body half towards me, looking into my face for answers to a question not yet spoken.
“Sure, I don't mind. Ask away.”
“What… what is it like? Living as a Dalish?”
“Well...it's nothing like living in a city. We travel in numbers for safety, but not too many otherwise it would become a problem. Everyone tends to know everyone else and friendship is a natural part of being in a clan. Although there is the occasional asshat but that can't really be helped.” I sighed, I didn't actually know what it was like living in a clan, so I had to spin it as I went. “Mostly, it's just like having a very huge extended family. There's a lot of travelling too, and people tend to be assigned to specific jobs based on their skills.”
“May I ask what your job was?”
“I mostly just tended to the halla and wolves.”
“You had wolves with your clan? I find it strange that you would have wolves...considering.”
“That was mostly the point. Our clan was different. We're followers of the wolf, and wolves tended to be attracted to us. It only made sense we kept them with us, they helped when the clan was in trouble too.” I smiled, remembering my friend's husky back home, she was a lovable dog. Just another thing to add to the growing pile named 'I miss this, but I'll never see it again', the thought made me dizzy for a second, Cass let the subject drop for now.
After we had eaten I excused myself, getting into my tent and stripping out of my armour, getting into the sleeping bag. I rubbed my hand over my eyes and let sleep take me, hopefully this trek wasn't going to be too long.
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We reached the Hinterlands forward camp in a week or so, and I admit it was nice to finally arrive. One of the first things we needed to do was to find Dennett for the horses. I was not making that trip on foot again. Harding notified us about the conflict at the Crossroads and after about an hour we set off, it was best to get Crossroads “on the map”, as it were, as soon as possible.
The path down was filled with rocks and some overgrown tree roots making it somewhat treacherous footing. As we got closer I could hear fighting. I had totally forgotten about that before, only being reminded by Harding’s warning. Pulling my staff from my back, the others followed suit, as we all hurried the rest of the way. Coming out from behind the rocks, I felt a wave of nausea hit me, the smell of burnt flesh filled the air, likely caused by the mages.
Cass charged into battle, swinging her sword at anything that came near her. Varric had taken up position on a rock for height advantage, firing off his bolt's into unsuspecting enemies. I was next to Solas, who had us in a barrier. Occasionally I would throw an odd fireball at mages or templars that got too close, it had been the only spell I had learned, although limited to it, it did do quite a bit of damage.
Out the corner of my eye, I saw a templar stalk towards me. He swung at me with his sword, but I quickly blocked it with my staff. I was extremely thankful in that moment that Solas had taught me defence. I shoved back against the templar, throwing him off balance with force. Quickly he recovered, coming at me again but I rolled out the way, pulling out my dagger. Without really thinking about it, I assessed his armour, looking for a break in it, a weak spot. As I spotted one at his side, I lunged towards him, ducking his sword again, and the dagger sank into his flesh. I heard his grunt of pain as I pulled back and he attempted to swing at me again. He was a little more sluggish than before. I backed up against a tree, quietly hoping that it would work like in the movies. I ducked as he swung his sword sideways, getting it stuck in the tree. Swiftly, without thought, I plunged the dagger into his throat. He yanked back from me and my dagger, his hands going to cup his throat as he fell to his knees, slumping forward. A few gurgling sounds and a lot of blood later, he was dead. I stared vacantly at his body… I had just killed another human.
Feeling a hand touch my shoulder, I flinched back from the touch, quickly spinning around. I raised my dagger in front of me, only to be faced with a very worried Cass and Solas watching me. I slowly lowered the dagger and dropped it. My hands were shaking violently.
“I...oh my god, I killed him...I killed...” A quiet squeak surfaced from my throat, as the tears streamed down my cheeks. Cass stepped forward slowly and placed her hand on my shoulder again. She silently guided me to the stone steps, pushing me down as Solas knelt in front of me, checking me over for injuries. When he found none, he sighed. Sitting next to me on the steps, he put his arm over my shoulder, and pulled me into a half hug.
I don't know how much time had passed, but when I looked up the light was fading, and the shaking in my hands had stopped. Raising my head from Solas' shoulder I sighed, looking around. Varric and Cass looked like they were busy helping out the refugees. Solas rubbed my shoulder and gave me a soft smile. I tried to smile back but I’m sure it came out more as a grimace than anything. He stood up and went to help out Cass as she was tending to an injured refugee.
Just as I slowly stood up and dusted myself off, someone who I assumed to be Mother Giselle approached me.
“I did not want to interrupt your grieving. It must have been difficult to face killing someone for the first time. Not to mention, the other elf that was sitting with you would have killed anyone who attempted to talk to you. He gave his fair share of glares to anyone who even so much as looked towards you.” She had a slight smile on her face and I couldn't help but let out a breath of a laugh, a small genuine smile surfaced on my face.
“You must be Mother Giselle.”
“Yes, and you must be the one they are calling the Herald of Andraste.”
“Not by my choice, but yes. That’s what they're calling me.”
“We rarely have much choice in our fate.”
“Yeah…. What did you need from me?”
“I know of the Chantry's denouncement, and I happen to be familiar with those who are behind it. I will not lie, some of them are grandstanding, hoping to increase their chances of becoming the new Divine. Some however, are simply terrified, lives senselessly taken from us.”
“What happened…I.. it was horrible… if I could have prevented it I would have.”
“I do not doubt that Herald, it is clear that you care for people's lives, even if they are the enemy. But fear makes people desperate. Go to them in Val Royeaux, convince the remaining clerics that you are no demon to be feared. They have only heard frightful tales of you, give them another tale to believe.”
“Where would I even start with that? I'm just me.. a Dalish elf who happened to be thrown into a bad situation.”
“You do not need to convince them all, you just need to cause doubt, and the rest will do the work.”
“I.. thank you Mother Giselle.”
“I honestly do not know if you truly are the Herald of Andraste...but I hope, and sometimes hope is all one needs. I will go to Haven, and provide Sister Leliana with a list of people who will be amenable to a gathering. It is not much, but I will help where I can.”
I let out a sigh as she walked off. Cass approached me, with Varric and Solas trailing after her like puppies. Oh the irony of calling Solas a puppy. I tried to suppress a snort at the thought but if the dirty look Cass gave me was an indication, I’d say I failed to hold it in. We headed back to the forward camp for the night and I skipped supper. I’m pretty sure if I were to eat anything I'd probably just throw it back up. Sleep took me instantly and I fell into the dreamless darkness that only exhaustion can give.
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I heard people moving around camp as I slowly opened my eyes. Looking to my left I expected to see Cass, but I did not expect to see Solas, sitting up reading a book. In my tent.
“Ah, good morning Telahn, did you sleep well?” He closed his book and set it to the side as I blinked owlishly at him.
“I thought Cassandra was sharing the tent with me?”
“Originally yes, but she thought it best I share with you. I cast a spell to keep the dreams away. I did not want you to have… nightmares. But the spell requires close proximity.”
I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. ‘Great, they're worrying over me now.' I must have showed some of my thoughts on my face, as Solas sighed and looked at me seriously.
“We are only worried about you da'len. Killing someone for the first time... it is hard.” He sighed, rubbing his forehead like he was driving away a headache.
Standing up in the small space, I bent over and dug around in my backpack for a fresh undershirt and pants. Pulling off the dirty one, I slipped the clean one over my head, and quickly pulled the dirty set of pants and climbed into the new ones.
“Are all Dalish as free about changing their clothes in the company of another?” I turned to face him and he had a smirk on his face, his eyes clearly trailing down my body. My face turned red and I quickly spun around, deciding not to answer. In truth, I hadn’t thought about it. I picked up my armour and begun to don it, ignoring the heat in my face, I picked up my staff and quickly left the tent.
After breakfast, we headed back to the crossroads, going in the direction of Dennett. We would have to pass the mages and templars, so may as well deal with them now. We passed under a tunnel of sorts, coming out the other end to dead bodies, burnt down buildings and charred grass. I tried not to think much about it and almost instantly swung a right, heading towards the mage hideout. If the ice shards poking out the ground were any indication, we were getting closer to the mages. I wasn't looking forward to having to be faced with possibly killing someone again.
We eventually came to the cave entrance where the mages were holed up. There were several of them outside patrolling, but they were quickly dispatched by Varric with a few well aimed shots from Bianca. I walked up to the barrier and poked it and it sent a tiny wave of ice up my arm.
“Shit...” I shook my hand trying to dislodge the feeling.
“Here, let me take it down.” Solas stepped in front of me, placing his hands just over the barrier, as heat emanated from his hands, melting the barrier down. The second he did a bolt of electricity whizzed by his face, and we were shoved into yet another fight. It was a difficult one as they were all mages flinging fire and lightning and ice, but after a while they were just bodies, littered around the cave. I quickly ran outside and threw up.
“Ugh... I'm never going to get used to that.”
“Most likely not Sparky. Neither am I, but you learn to shove it down.” Varric patted my back as he walked by, with a slightly sad look on his face.
We continued on towards our destination, picking off groups of templars and mages along the way. Somehow we ended up finding a shortcut that bypassed the templars hideout entirely, while I was glad we wouldn't have to fight them now, it was only delaying the inevitable.
As we reached the farms where we would find Dennet, 2 huge wolves ambushed us, but were quickly killed. They had been rabid and sickly, and I was happy they were swiftly dead.
“These wolves are not a normal size...”
“No Sparky, you don't say.”
I glared at Varric from over my shoulder but he just smiled at me. We moved into the little farming area, passing a few abandoned houses on the way, and a few with wary eyes watching us from windows. Finally, we reached Dennett's place and I knocked on the door a few times.
“Come in!”
We stepped through the door into a spacious house. It looked big in the game but it was even bigger here. Though from my experience so far, that seemed to be the case with most things.
“So, you're the Inquisition, eh? I heard you're trying to restore order to this crap. High time someone got off their ass and did it. Didn't think it would be one of you though...” Dennett's voice was gruff and his looks all but screamed farmer.
“Yeah, we're the Inquisition… and what do you mean by 'one of you' ?” I glared at him, I knew what he meant but after the run in with that soldier when I first arrived in Haven, I had been uneasy with those kinds of comments. I know he didn't mean any harm by it though because of what he says in the game. Still, it made me defensive.
“I just meant...you're an elf. I didn't expect an elf. Name's Dennett. I’m the best damn horse master around. I served Arl Eamon for years. I hear your Inquisition is looking to get your hands on some mounts.”
“Yes, that’s right. Can you help?”
“No, not right this moment. I can’t just send a hundred of the finest horses down the road, like you'd send a bloody letter. Every bandit between here and Haven would be on them like wolves on a carcass… speaking of wolves. We have an issue here that needs attending to, if you speak to my wife Elaina, she manages the farms, and while you're at it, talk to Bron, he's in charge of my guards.”
“Alright, we'll see to the issues you're having right away.”
“One more thing, you guys are going to need better than whatever nug humping fur they gave you. As a goodwill offering, there are 4 Chestnut purebred Fereldan Forders outside in the barn. Take care of them and they'll take care of you.”
We nodded our thanks and left the house. Once we were out, I led the group to the stables, taking the 4 horses he said we could have. It was better than nothing. Leading the horses down by the river, we set up camp for the day. Idly sitting around the fire, Varric passed stories around, which brightened my day up considerably. It was nice to just sit back and enjoy a good story once in awhile, without thinking about how I was living in one.
Just as the Inquisition scouts got to camp, darkness was starting to fall around us, the stories slowed down, eventually dying out as Varric went to bed. I sat and stared into the fire for a while before heading to sleep myself. Finding Solas in my tent again was really no surprise, so I stripped out of my armour and slipped easily into sleep once more.
Tomorrow we would tackle the wolves and templars, something I wasn't really looking forward to.