Archive of Our Own

Go see him, let him spend the night alone, go see him…. Ianto half-wished for a flower so he could tear off petals and leave the choice up to fate. Not that there was a choice, really. He'd go. He'd go, and probably there would be sex, which was fine, well, no, sex wasn't fine, sex was good, sex was a good thing. A good thing he hadn't had in months. There were multiple reasons to walk down the hallway into Jack's room, but there was no reason sex couldn't be the main motivator.

He didn't have to forgive Jack yet. The three month hiatus would hang in the air between them for some time, but they would fuck anyway.

His mind made up, Ianto shoved his room key in his pocket and made his way down the corridor. Jack's door was slightly open, as if he'd been waiting for him. The bastard, Ianto thought. He knew I'd come. Well, Jack was welcome to be a step ahead. Ianto didn't have to be polite, then. He shoved the door open and entered the room.

Jack leaped up and stood by the bed in a defensive stance, breathing heavily. "Ever hear of knocking?" he said, trying to keep his tone light, but Ianto could tell Jack was shaken up.

"Door was open," he countered. "For me, I assumed. Was I wrong?"

Jack shook his head, his body relaxing slightly. "I'm just on edge."

"We should do something about that," Ianto offered.

Jack looked down and mumbled, "I don't think…not tonight. I just—" He stopped, unable to continue.

Ianto reached for him. The rejection was slightly surprising, but Jack looked very much in need of affection. He hadn't counted on Jack leaping backwards as Ianto's hand touched his shoulder, shoving the nearest piece of furniture—a chair—between them, and putting his back to the wall, snarling, "Stay back!"

Okay. So obviously something severely bad had happened to Jack. Imprisonment? Abuse? Ianto put his hands up and spoke in a calming tone, "It's okay, Jack. It's just me, Ianto. You're safe here." He wasn't entirely sure what accepted procedure was for this kind of situation—but then, in Torchwood, most situations didn't have guidelines. Muddling through was standard.

Jack's shoulders slumped. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. This clearly isn't your fault." He took a small step closer to Jack. "Can I touch you?" he asked softly.

Jack stiffened but took two steps towards Ianto, grasping his hand tentatively and slowly allowing more contact before finally letting the younger man put his arms around him. "This is stupid," Jack muttered. "I was fine today, and now I'm freaking out."

"Sometimes things hit later," Ianto said quietly.

"I guess I had to deal with John before…." He shook his head and buried it in Ianto's shoulder.

"What happened?"

Jack looked up and caught Ianto's gaze for half a second. "No." He pushed him away. "No, no, no. Go away."

"If you need me to go."

"Fifteen minutes. Just…go." He picked up a room key and handed it to Ianto. "Come back in fifteen minutes."

Ianto nodded, feeling slightly sick. He returned to his room, falling onto the bed. There was no way to guess just how long Jack had been gone, not now that he knew the man couldn't die and was a lot older than he looked, but his continuing affection for Ianto suggested that it had not been too long. Still, something or someone had chewed him up and spat him out during his vacation.

The phone rang. Ianto answered it.

"Mr. Jones?" the receptionist asked politely.

"Speaking."

"There's a visitor for you in the lobby. He says he works for the NHS."

"I'll be right down." What? he thought. Who in the hell would know I'm here?

Ianto quickly made his way to the lobby. He didn't want to leave Jack alone any longer than necessary.

Only the fact that he was surrounded by strangers kept Ianto from having a more dramatic reaction to the sight of the man sitting in an armchair waiting for him. As it was, Ianto felt sure that someone must have noticed the way he froze and clenched his fists. Breathing through his nose, he walked stiffly over to the visitor and took a seat beside him.

"Ianto Jones."

"Doctor," Ianto acknowledged icily. He had seen him once before, and less than an hour later, Ianto had been dragging his partially converted girlfriend out of the burning building. Her screams echoed in his head still.

"I'm here to apologize, I suppose. I think I'm returning a rather damaged man to you."

"I noticed."

"He wouldn't admit it in front of me. He's proud, you know. And very strong."

"I know."

"He's been through a lot. I don't know the full extent of it. And technically the rules state that you're not allowed to know, although I won't reprimand him if he tells you. I…." He looked down. "I am sorry, truly. He was brilliant, at the end. Saved the world, of course." The Doctor attempted half a smile.

"Of course."

"You can't tell him I was here. He'd hate to know that I know he's not jolly and fine. But…he may need a great deal of support. We used to run, you know, but…he won't do that anymore. Apparently he left some people behind that he never meant to abandon."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Ianto asked.

"Because I actually care about him, and I'm not oblivious to the sufferings of my friends, whatever he thinks."

"Why me? Why not Gwen, or any of the team?"

The Doctor looked to the side, deliberately not meeting Ianto's gaze. "I hope you never find out what this means, but he chose you." He stood quickly and walked away without a farewell.

And don't come back. Ideally he would have yelled it, but there was no point making a scene. Jack's bloody Doctor had sent his stress level through the roof. Ianto wasn't even allowed to be angry at Jack for disappearing because Jack was much too damaged to handle it. What I wouldn't give for a few tokes right now, he thought. If I could just stop by my flat.

He shook off the thought of herbal soothers as the lift carried him back to the third floor. Dealing with Jack's trauma would require a clear head. Pity.

This time, when he approached Jack's room, he knocked gently and said, "Jack? It's Ianto. Would it be all right if I came in?"

"Come in."

Jack was standing by the sliding glass door that led to the balcony, staring at the city outside. He said, "Sorry about earlier. I'm all right now. Just a temporary glitch." He turned and flashed a toothy grin at Ianto, but he couldn't hold on to it. As it slid off his face, he looked back at the city.

"Can I touch you now?" Ianto asked carefully.

"Have I ever asked you not to?"

Ianto wondered how much longer Jack would keep pretending as he put his arms around the man's waist and pressed his cheek against Jack's. Jack was probably hoping he'd say something nice or perhaps expecting him to try and dig out whatever was wrong. Instead Ianto said, "You stink."

"Don't be ridiculous. I always smell fresh as a daisy."

"Nope."

"What are you suggesting, Mr. Jones?"

"There is a very large bath with jets in your bathroom. Could be rather comfortable."

"And then I would smell better, is that what you're saying?"

"Might be a side effect."

"Well, if you insist." Jack turned his head toward Ianto. "Mind helping me with these pesky clothes?"

"Thought you'd never ask." Ianto's fingers nimbly made their way down Jack's shirt front, unbuttoning as they went. "Actually, you might as well handle the rest while I run the bath." He released Jack and escaped to the bathroom to start the water. Hot, but not painfully hot. He sat on the edge of the tub for a minute, calming himself. He was angry with Jack. Angry that Jack disappeared without a word, not even "I'm off, I left of my own accord, I'll be back." Angry that Jack hadn't even bothered to mention to him that he couldn't die. That was a fairly big omission. Then again, Ianto had known he wasn't likely to be Jack's partner, or true love, or some fairy tale bullshit like that. Until yesterday, or, no, it would be later this evening, when Jack asked him on a date. But was Jack trying to placate Ianto for leaving him without notice so he could continue to have a convenient shag, or did he genuinely want to take things further? Funny how this coincided with Gwen getting engaged, too.

Please let it be the second one. Please. Ianto's wild side, his romantic and crazy side did want to be with the man. When had the sexual attraction and admiration morphed into such powerful affection? You'd think I'd learn, he thought ruefully. Affection led to—no. Definitely not. He was not—would never be—in love with Jack. Love led to pain. Love led to blindness. So no. He wouldn't let himself fall in love with Jack. Not after Lisa.

And still there was a quiet voice that whispered, On the upside, he can't die. But the sane part of Ianto disagreed. That's not an upside. You're living in two different worlds. It can't go anywhere.

Besides, he was still angry with Jack, wasn't he? How dare he come back so ruined that Ianto couldn't even be mad at him? He sighed as he realized that he wasn't angry anymore, at least not at Jack personally. Hurt, yes, and confused, but not angry. Although he was certain he could find some rage if he happened to run into whatever monsters had hurt his lover.

Jack interrupted his thoughts by entering the bathroom naked. "Water ready yet?"

"Just about," said Ianto, offering as much of a smile as he could muster. Seeing Jack bare made him realize just how unhealthy the man looked. Five, maybe seven kilos lighter? Ianto checked the temperature and turned off the tap. "I'll get the jets."

Jack tested the water before hopping in. He sighed pleasurably, and then he peered up at Ianto, who had returned to his seat on the edge of the tub. "I know I asked before, but how are you?"

"My answer hasn't changed, sir—Jack."

"Yeah, but it wasn't much of an answer, either." His expression saddened. "Are you mad at me?"

Oh, there it was, the shameless "kicked puppy" face. "Nope."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Why not?"

Ianto was fairly certain telling the whole truth would just make Jack close off more, so he offered only some of the reasons. "I never owned you. I never expected anything. I knew you were waiting for the Doctor. I didn't realize quite how long you'd waited, but I'd be lying if I said I was surprised when you ran off."

Jack stared at him. "How did you know I was waiting for the Doctor?"

"I worked for Torchwood London; it's not as if I'd never heard of him. And Jack, 'the right kind of doctor'? You're hardly very cryptic." A small smile tugged at the corner of Ianto's mouth. "Anyway, didn't you know? I know everything."

Jack grinned at that. "The others are mad, aren't they?"

"They'll get over it."

"I hope so." Jack glanced hopefully up at the young man. "Will you join me?"

The tub was more than a little inviting. So was Jack, for that matter. "I suppose I could be persuaded."

Jack watched with interest as Ianto began stripping. He did it slowly and deliberately, folding every article of clothing neatly. Waistcoat, tie, shirt, shoes, socks, trousers. As Ianto began pulling off his undershirt, Jack suddenly made a horrible gurgling noise in his throat. Ianto paused. "What's wrong?"

"The…oh god, Ianto, your back."

"What? What's wrong with my back?"

Jack had returned to the state in which Ianto had found him earlier. Wide eyed with hurt, pain, fear, and anger, he tried to articulate what was upsetting him, but he choked on the words.

Ianto moved toward him, but Jack managed to growl an order. "Stop."

Ianto stopped.

"Take off your shirt."

He did.

"Turn around."

Ianto turned, exposing his bare back to Jack. When Jack spoke again, his voice was low with relief but still colored with agony. "Come. Please."

Ianto hurried to take off his pants and slid in the bath beside Jack, who immediately touched his back, running his hands all over it.

"Jack…."

"Ianto." Jack spun the younger man around so that they were face to face. "Ianto, I…I can't…I don't know how to tell you…I'm not supposed to tell anyone…I…."

"Shh," Ianto murmured, taking Jack in his arms. "I'm here. Anything you need, I'm here." He waited a minute while the man calmed down a bit. "Hygiene?" he asked, picking up a little bottle of rosemary mint shampoo.

Jack smiled weakly but dutifully wet his hair and let Ianto shampoo it, enjoying the feeling of long, gentle fingers massaging his head. Ianto conditioned the hair as well and then did his own. The rest of the bath was silent except for the sound of the jets, but Jack did seem to take comfort in Ianto's ministrations.

"You always take care of me," he said quietly when they were both mostly dry and stretched out on the floor in front of the gas fireplace.

"Someone has to," Ianto pointed out.

"I'm glad it's you," Jack said. "Ianto, you—" He stopped, unable to get past the lump in his throat. He breathed slowly, willing himself not to cry. A minute passed before he was able to speak again. "Ianto," he whispered, "I have to tell you. And you'll hate me, because you shouldn't be burdened with this." He couldn't stop the tears this time. "And you'll hate me because of what I did."

"I won't hate you."

"I…I killed Gwen."

There was a long silence until Ianto finally spoke. "Jack, she's just down the hall. Alive. Safe. I'll go check on her if you want."

"You don't understand."

"You'll have to explain it to me, then."

Jack took a very slow, deep breath. "Do you know what a paradox machine is?"

"I'm sorry to report some bad news today, Captain." The Master's tone was mocking and cruel. Jack stared back at him dully, his body supported by the chains that held his wrists. He was too dead inside to respond. He'd been imprisoned for over ten months, and the Master played with him nearly every day. Jack had lost count of how many times he'd tried to escape, tried to get to the Doctor, and tried to get away, or save one of the Joneses. No success yet.

"Aren't you going to ask me what it is?"

"I'm sure you'll tell me nothing you don't want to." No smart-arse remarks. Not today.

"The Toclafane ran into five people the other day. I forgot to mention that they shouldn't kill them, so I'm sorry to report we lost two of them. You may recognize them." He held up a photograph of a dead body.

"Owen," Jack whispered.

"And this one. She killed one of my Toclafane before she died, which wasn't very nice." The second photo showed Toshiko's splayed body, her eyes open but unseeing.

Jack's fury gave him strength to rip a chain out of the wall. Yelling, he made to grab Saxon's neck, but bullets peppered his chest before he could reach that far. As he lay dying, the Master laughed. "Don't be dead too long. I have your three other friends. They're so eager to see you again, especially that young one. He's yours, isn't he? I do hate to mislabel things."

Jack barely heard the last words as he fell into blackness.

When the life returned to his body, the chain had been rebolted to the wall. The Master stood before him with an odd expression. "You are so very strange, Harkness," he commented. "How is it that you defeat death every time?"

"Is that what this is about?" growled Jack, pulling himself to a stable standing position. "Are you jealous of me? Because I can tell you, this is no picnic."

The Master snorted. "You are so very wrong, Harkness. Your existence is disgusting to me. You are the last thing I would ever want to be."

"That's really fucking rich coming from a man who converted the TARDIS into a paradox machine. Talk about disgusting."

"You still don't know why I did it, do you?"

No, Jack didn't. He was counting on Martha to figure it out, but he planned to destroy the thing whether or not he knew why. "Why don't you leave me alone? I can't do a damn thing in here. Why do you keep finding new ways to hurt me?"

"Ah yes, speaking of that…." The Master beckoned to someone outside the cell. "Bring them in."

Jack's breath caught as the guards led his three friends into the cell and forced them to kneel. Gwen looked up at Jack, then the Master, and then down to the floor. Rhys fixed Jack with a firm stare before he too dropped his eyes to the floor. Ianto was the only one to gaze steadily at Jack. His face was unreadable as usual. The three had their hands cuffed behind their backs.

The Master patted Ianto's back. Ianto inhaled sharply, but smoothed his features quickly. "This one is yours, Captain?"

Jack shrugged, as much as he could with his arms raised above his head. "I sleep with everyone. Doesn't mean anything."

The Master looked down at Ianto in apparent disappointment. "All my work for nothing," he said, shaking his head. "The Captain here can sure be a bastard sometimes." He turned back to Jack and pointed his gun at Ianto's head. "Well, if you don't want him, I don't see the point in keeping him around."

"No! Please." Jack slumped against his chains. "Please don't kill him."

The Master grinned and replaced his gun in his belt. "Let's play a game, Harkness. It's called 'Which one shall I kill?' This one?" He pointed at Ianto. "Or this one—oh, no, that's no fun. I know, shall I kill the boy or the couple?"

"You can't…you can't ask me…you can't make me choose that."

"You don't like the wording, do you, then. Hmm, would it be nicer if I asked which one you want to save? The pretty catamite"—Ianto raised an eyebrow—"or the adorable, loving couple? Choose."

"No."

"Then I shoot all three."

"Please don't do this. Whatever sick game you've been playing with me, leave them out of it." Jack was terrified. The only hope he had left was inside the TARDIS, but whether he would ever have the chance to reach it, he didn't know.

"Let me make it easier for you, Captain." The Master drew his gun and shot Rhys through the head before Jack could even yell.

Gwen screamed. "No!" she shrieked. "Not again, you bastard, not again, why, why does he get dragged into this!"

"You've still got a choice to make, Harkness."

Gwen raised her tearstained face to look at Jack. "Just…just do it," she whispered.

"I can't!" Jack yelled. "I can't just—I don't know what sick world you live in but I can't just choose a friend to die."

"Fine. Shoot them both," the Master ordered the guards.

Gwen and Ianto closed their eyes as the guards moved in with weapons cocked.

"Ianto." The word was so soft it was almost a whisper.

"Stop," ordered the Master. He beamed at Jack. "Knew you could do it."

"I'll make this right," Jack said desperately, but the look in Gwen's eyes was burned in his memory.

"Spare us the posturing," the Master said before shooting Gwen through the forehead. "Well, Jack, I'll see you tomorrow, or perhaps next week, whenever I feel like it." He gestured to the guards. "Take the bodies out; throw them down to Earth."

After the guards cleared Gwen and Rhys's bodies from the cell, the door slammed shut, and Ianto's and Jack's handcuffs clicked open. Jack fell to the floor. Ianto crawled to the waste disposal and threw up. When everything in his stomach had evacuated, he dragged himself over to Jack, who hadn't moved since being released from the chains.

"Don't touch me." The lifeless words cut deep.

"Don't you dare reject me," Ianto said angrily.

"I don't deserve nice things."

"I'm not a thing. I haven't seen you in nine months, I'm in pain, and I don't want to be alone."

The last words were said with so much feeling that Jack raised his head, but he couldn't meet Ianto's eyes for more than a second. "I…I'm so sorry—"

"If you are about to apologize for what just happened, shut up."

"But I—"

"Because that would imply that you had any control over the situation, and you didn't. You have to understand that."

"I was supposed to save them," Jack said miserably. "Rhys—he never agreed—he didn't know what—"

"Stop it."

Jack turned away.

Ianto put his arms around Jack, ignoring the grime and dried blood. "You don't know what has been happening down there. Everyone fights back, hides, or is enslaved. It's hideous. Rhys was strong. The five of us have been leading a terrorist rebellion, and he was amazing. We weren't just captured because we're your friends. We were fucking shit up, and Saxon wanted us out of the way. Unfortunately we trusted someone we shouldn't have."

"They're all dead," Jack said.

"Yes," Ianto confirmed. "Owen and Tosh." The last word came out as a whisper, his throat constricting around the name. He couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"Did I make the wrong choice?" Jack asked.

"I can't ever answer that."

"I was just thinking that…I mean, she'd lost Rhys, we'd both be without partners, or else you and I would be together, and I just—God, I'm selfish. I didn't want to lose you."

"Please stop," Ianto whispered.

Jack whispered, "I'm sorry," and pulled Ianto closer to him. As his hands touched Ianto's back, the younger man hissed in pain. Jack jerked his hands back. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Ianto lied.

"No, it's not. What is it? Did he hurt you?" Jack reached to lift the shirt up.

"You don't want to see."

Jack ignored him and moved behind him.

"Jack."

"Just let me look."

"You won't like it." But he let Jack raise the shirt carefully.

"Oh my god."

"I told you not to look."

"Who…?"

"Saxon. Who else?" Ianto answered wearily. "Carved it with a knife. Used a soldering iron to cauterize the damn thing. He made sure it would stay."

Jack didn't answer. He was staring, sickened, at the words on Ianto's back.

property of
CAPTAIN
JACK
HARKNESS

"Ianto, I—"

"Don't. I didn't want you to know, and I don't want you to apologize for it."

Jack put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to keep things like that from me. I'd never think less of you—"

"No, no, no." Ianto turned around. "I didn't want you to know because I knew you'd blame yourself, which you are doing, and you shouldn't. This isn't your fault; none of the rest was your fault."

"You're wrong."

"How can you hold yourself responsible for the works of a deranged lunatic?"

"Because he would never have had the chance to be here if I hadn't chased the Doctor that day I left."

"What?"

"The TARDIS ran to the end of the universe to get away from me because I'm broken. Even the Doctor said I was wrong." Jack explained as best he could about the chameleon circuit, the watch, and the way the Master had stolen the TARDIS and changed it into a paradox machine.

Ianto was unmoved. "That doesn't make you responsible. He's still the one hurting people, not you."

"But if I had just stayed—and I should have; I shouldn't have abandoned you after being dead for three days—none of this would have happened." He stood up. "I led you all to die!" he snarled, slamming his fists against the unforgiving wall of the cell. "Tosh, Owen, and god, Gwen should never have been in Torchwood. What the fuck is there for her? I lured her in and killed her. Suzie, of course, Suzie wouldn't have killed herself, wouldn't have been a murderer. And you! You should have left us. I would have retconned you if you'd asked, set you up somewhere nice. You wouldn't be locked up. You wouldn't have that…that…on your back." He punched the wall again, and again. "I"—punch—"doomed"—punch—"the"—punch—"world!"

"Stop it!" Ianto yelled. "You think you're so bleeding important that everything is your fault? Grow up!" Jack turned around to reply, but Ianto shoved him into the wall. "I know, okay? I know you're hurting. I know you're scared. I know you don't want to be abused anymore. I know you blame yourself for everything, but Jack Harkness, it is not your fault. You are not a freak, you are not broken, you are strong, and you have saved the world before, no doubt you will again, and right now, I need you." He tried to control his face, but they were both weeping. "I need you. Please."

Jack left his arms hanging by his sides, but he responded to Ianto's touch, pressing his face into the man's shoulder. Minutes passed. Neither man spoke, trying to take comfort in the affectionate human contact. Eventually Ianto sat down, tugging Jack down with him. Jack looked sheepish as he said, "I think I broke my hand."

"Will it heal properly if it's not set?" Ianto asked, peering at the swollen extremity.

"Yeah. Just takes a bit of time if I don't, you know, die."

Ianto tensed. "How do you know you'll always come back?"

Jack look surprised. "I guess I don't, um, I mean, induction. I've always come back. Hey." He reached his good hand up to cup Ianto's cheek. "I will always come back."

"Would you have come back to Torchwood if this mess hadn't happened?"

"I'm coming back to you, to all of you, once I undo this mess."

Ianto sighed. "I never understand what you're saying."

"If the paradox machine is destroyed, the universe has to take the path of least resistance. The paradox can never have occurred. I don't know what the paradox is yet, but he needs the machine for something, and I'm going to destroy it one way or another."

"You think it'll undo everything? Reverse time?"

"If we're very, very lucky."

"So we'll get everyone back?"

"And you won't have that…that…."

"Label," Ianto supplied. "Bit of a moodkiller, that."

"Ianto, you shouldn't have to live with that," Jack said softly.

"No," he answered wryly. "I'll probably die with it."

"I'll make this right, Ianto, I swear I will," Jack repeated.

A full week passed before the Master returned to see Jack and Ianto. The prisoners blinked in pain as the cell flooded with light.

"I was feeling rather generous, lads."

"So kind of you," Ianto retorted.

"Yes, well, I'm afraid my kindness has run out. You're a nasty little terrorist, Jones. I'll have to make an example of you."

"Leave him alone."

"Yes, Harkness, your threats are terrifying. Back against the wall, boys."

Neither Ianto nor Jack moved.

"Against the wall, or I electrocute you both."

Glaring, they moved back.

"Chains, Captain."

"No."

"Then I kill him here and now."

"As if that wasn't your plan anyway."

"Don't be silly. I'm not going to kill him. Not unless you make me. Chains, now."

Jack hated the helplessness he felt as he placed his wrists back in the cuffs and felt them click into place. The Master opened the door and entered. Ianto watched warily.

"I'm sending you back to Earth. Be a good boy and don't commit any more acts of terrorism while you're there."

"I'll try to remember that," Ianto said insincerely.

"Well, I intend to make it a bit harder for you." The Master smiled pleasantly as he pointed a device at Ianto's leg. There was a horrible cracking sound, and Ianto fell to the floor.

It took all Ianto's self control to keep from yelling. His leg was shattered. Endorphins raced to dull the pain, but they could only numb it so much.

"Say goodbye," Saxon said.

There was a flash of white light, and Ianto was gone.

"I don't know what happened to you after that," Jack said quietly. "I did manage to destroy the paradox machine. Um, obviously."

"What was the paradox?"

"The Toclafane were descendants of humans."

"They were killing their ancestors?"

"Yeah."

"But that's impossible—oh."

"Right. Martha Jones figured it out." He scooted closer. "Can I touch…?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Jack stroked Ianto's back, enjoying the smoothness.

"I'm not mad at you, you know. I don't think you did anything wrong. And I don't think you should have kept it to yourself. It's a lot to carry." Why tell me? Why not Gwen? Isn't she the one you confide in? The Doctor's words came back to him. He chose you. Jack chose him.

Ugh. Feelings he didn't want to face pushed at his mind, trying to be noticed. Ianto shoved them into a box. He would deal with them later, if at all. He cared about Jack, well, no need to pretend he didn't. But he didn't need to deal with…whatever was now locked inside a vault in the back of his mind.

"Jack, when did you last eat?"

Jack shrugged. "I had a lot of algae paste over the last year."

Ianto stood up and took a hotel menu off the desk. "Food," he said, handing it to Jack.

Jack half-heartedly opened the menu. He had no real motivation to order anything. If he were honest with himself, all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry forever. The third time his eyes looked over the words without actually registering them, Ianto gently took the binder from him. "I'll do it." He looked over the menu for a minute, picked up the phone, and ordered from the kitchen. Jack's eyes followed him the whole time.

"Luxurious, isn't that?"

Ianto half smiled. "I'll write it off as an expense."

"Won't your boss take issue with that?"

"I do most to all of his paperwork and let him think he actually runs the place. It's rather adorable, actually."

"You fiend."

"Quite," Ianto agreed. He opened the closet and removed a robe, tossing it at Jack. "Try not to be naked when the food comes. I don't want to scare anyone." He retrieved his trousers and T-shirt.

Jack said automatically, "More like you don't want a third tonight."

"Actually…."

"Oh, you do?"

"That's not what—Never mind." Ianto pulled his trousers on.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

Ianto looked hesitant, but said, "You look…sick. I know you can't die, or something, but you have lost weight, and you look…not good."

Jack opened his mouth to disagree, changed his mind, stood up, and walked to the full length mirror next to the bathroom. He stared at himself. It was actually something of a shock to see how thin he'd become. He had been too busy to notice. For a normal person, weight loss would have been an expected outcome of the last year, but Jack wasn't normal, and his figure had remained relatively unchanged since his GameStation experience. So his weight could change. That was a new discovery, and Jack was more than a little surprised by it.

Ianto sat on the bed, watching Jack with some concern. Jack finally tore himself away from the mirror to sit beside him. "I didn't even know I could lose weight," he muttered.

Ianto put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jack flinched, but Ianto didn't take his hand away. The silence hung in the air for several minutes until Jack finally spoke. "I didn't thank you for coming to see me."

"You knew I would."

Jack shook his head. "I wasn't in any position to expect it."

"Well," said Ianto quietly, "that's never really been the point, has it?"

Jack met Ianto's eyes. The unspoken words flashed there for only a moment before his face was smooth again, as usual. But it was enough time for Jack to understand. You were there to give me comfort, affection, and warmth when I needed it most.

There was a knock at the door. Jack jumped.

"Just the food," said Ianto calmly. Jack acknowledged and crawled all the way under the covers. He heard Ianto talking with someone, but he didn't listen to the words. The bed was so damn soft. After a year of sleeping on a floor or standing up with his wrists chained, he wasn't even sure whether he'd be able to sleep in it. On the other hand, it did feel extremely nice. He suddenly wondered whether Ianto had a soft bed. Did Ianto even have a double bed? Ianto had spent the night at the Hub a few times, but Jack had never even been to the younger man's flat. He suspected it was tidy and smelled like good coffee. Although…sometimes Jack thought there was more to Ianto than organizational skills, coffee, and a surprising zest for sex. He always wore suits to work, but that leather jacket that he'd worn when they'd first met fit him so well.

"Jack."

"Not coming out," Jack said petulantly. The covers were warm and safe. The rest of the world could go fuck itself.

"There's hot food."

"Don't want it."

"Filet mignon, baked potato with chives and butter, soft bread, cheesecake…are you sure you don't want any?"

"Nrmph."

"Salmon?"

With a groan, Jack threw back the covers and rolled off the bed. Ianto had arranged several plates on the floor in front of the fire. The smell of the food had enticed him more than anything. A tall glass of something beige was fizzing. He raised his eyebrows at Ianto.

"Ginger ale. Good for the stomach if you ignore the sugar."

Jack nodded. He tentatively picked up a fork and cut into the salmon. He was almost scared to take a bite. It had been so long since he had eaten for pleasure. He glanced at Ianto, who was doing a terrible job of pretending he wasn't watching Jack. Jack took a bite and tried not to cry. Food. Actual fucking food. And he was so damn hungry. Suddenly feeling a lot better, Jack attacked the food with zeal. Even cheap bread would have been luxurious to a man who had eaten nothing but prison swill for a year, but this was a five star repast.

"Careful," said Ianto, who was steadily eating a potato. "You're going to shock your stomach."

"I've got a strong system," Jack replied through a mouthful of salmon. "God, this is fantastic. You have to try it." He held out a forkful, and Ianto leaned forward to accept the fish.

They shared the meal, Jack feeling slightly overwhelmed but actually happy just tasting good food. When they were finished, Ianto cleared the dishes.

"Bed?" he asked. "It's nearly midnight."

Jack nodded agreeably. "You are staying, right?" he asked, suddenly feeling worried.

Ianto reassured him quickly. "As long as you want me."

Jack looked slightly sheepish. "Guess we shouldn't've wasted money on your room."

"I don't plan to dwell on it." Ianto rearranged the covers on the bed and beckoned Jack to join him. Jack turned off the lamp and slid between the sheets with Ianto. Ianto gently put an arm around the older man, stroking his back. Jack tried to calm himself, but the tears came unbidden. Ianto held him as he wept. At last, Jack drifted off, and Ianto allowed himself to sleep as well.

"Hey! Wake up! What's wrong with you?" The words were whispered loudly in his ear, startling Ianto into consciousness. A teenage girl was tapping his arm. "You're awake. Thank god. You can't stay out here; it's not safe!"

Ianto looked around. She was right. They were in an open area, barely sheltered by the topography of the land. "Fuck."

"Get up, we've got to go!"

"I can't," Ianto said, the pain in his leg hitting him full force. "My leg, it's broken."

"Bullshit. Look." She felt his shin. Ianto yelled. "Sorry. God, it's fucked. Listen, I'll get you some help. Stay still, try not to let the Toclafane catch you. Have you got a gun or anything?"

"I've got…it's okay. I'll be fine. Just get out of here. There's no point bothering with me."

"Shut up," she said angrily. "I know who you are. I recognize you, Torchwood. If you give up, what in the hell have we got to fight for?"

"The rest of them are dead. I can't fucking move," he spat. "I'm no use to anyone. Just go."

"Don't get killed," she said, ignoring his last statement. "I'll be back."

Ianto leaned back against the rock he'd been passed out against and tried not to faint again. He was not successful. When he woke up, his leg was throbbing even worse than before, hands were jostling his body, and a voice whispered, "Quietly."

"What's…what's…"

"Shh. We're getting you to safety."

The trip was a blur of pain and vertigo, but Ianto was vaguely aware of being laid in a vehicle. Finally they arrived at a house where he was taken to a soft bed. Voices worried over him.

"He's one of the terrorist leaders, Selene recognized him. Cardiff's Torchwood."

"Has anyone got any painkillers? Narcotics?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Heroin, marijuana, cocaine, I don't care. His leg is shattered. He needs drugs. Go ask around. I'll do what I can."

"Yes ma'am."

"Hey. Hey. Can you hear me? Are you awake?"

Ianto focused on the face above him. His head was spinning, but he managed to reply. "Yeah."

"What's your name?"

"Ianto Jones."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad—"

"Ten," he gasped.

"I'm going to try and find painkillers for you, Ianto. I'm a doctor."

"Doctor," he muttered darkly.

"That's right."

The first voice he'd heard came back. "I have moonshine, well, grain spirits, marijuana, and liquid dilaudid."

"Dilaudid, thank god. Have you got a syringe?" There were clicking sounds, and the doctor said gently, "This may pinch." It did, but Ianto was well past the point of caring. His head quickly transitioned from dizzy with pain to pleasantly dizzy with narcotics. The throbbing in his leg lessened to a dull, manageable ache. Finally, he was able to focus on his surroundings.

"How are you feeling?" asked the doctor gently.

"Better," he sighed.

"Is that enough? I can't give you much more dilaudid, but if you need anything else…."

"No," Ianto said. "It's enough for now anyway."

"You said your name was Ianto Jones, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, maybe we're long lost cousins." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Martha Jones."

He mustered up a smile, registering the name and remembering who she was as she talked more.

"I'm checking your leg. This might hurt. Tell me if it feels wrong." She felt gently along his shin. He watched fuzzily, wincing slightly. "Okay, this isn't…well, we don't have a way to x-ray your leg, which is bad. But, from what I can tell, you have six breaks along this shin. They're miraculously all closed fractures, but your kneecap is also broken, and I'm not sure I can offer an optimistic prognosis. Hold still, this might hurt."

"Don't sugarcoat things. I've been through a lot of shit. I can handle the truth."

"Okay, hold still, this will hurt a lot." Martha steadied his knee with one hand and set the kneecap quickly. Ianto grunted through clenched teeth and gripped the sheet. "Sorry," she said. "I wish I had local anesthesia. It's actually lucky we've got narcotics at all."

"Yeah," Ianto managed. The pain was flowing away nicely now.

"I don't want to be blunt, but if you don't like sugarcoated things, well…. I don't know if you'll ever be able to put weight on that leg again. And with things the way they are, good luck getting a wheelchair. I'm sorry."

"At this point," he said heavily, "I'm just hoping someone gets close enough to the paradox machine to destroy it."

Martha looked at him sharply. "How do you know about that?"

He held out a hand. She took it and helped him sit up. Ianto lifted the back of his shirt. Martha looked at it and inhaled sharply. "Oh my god."

"Seems to be the general consensus."

"How…."

"Compliments of the Master. Who is probably still looking for you. Watch your back."

"But I don't understand. Why would he write that on you?"

"Because he's a sadistic lunatic," Ianto answered.

"No, but…why you? Why that?" Martha tried to articulate her query. "Who are you to the Master and Jack that he did that to you?"

"I've slept with him?" Ianto posited bitterly. "Jack and I are…have been…were…I worked under Jack at Torchwood Cardiff. All of my colleagues were murdered by the Master and the Toclafane. I was spared; for what reason, I don't know, unless it's to fuck with Jack's mind further. I spent some time locked up with him. He told me everything."

"I…."

"So I know who you are. I hope you have a plan. I'd want to help, but…." He gestured to his ruined limb.

Martha inhaled heavily. "Is Jack…okay?"

"No, but something tells me he'll make it through this one alive."

"Right, of course, but, is Saxon hurting him?"

Ianto looked away and quietly said, "Yeah."

"And the Doctor?"

"I didn't see him. I'm sorry."

"If he dies…."

"Don't. Bloody don't. If he's the savior everyone thinks he is…just don't."

"I'm scared," Martha said suddenly.

Ianto looked at her sharply. "Who isn't?"

"It's just, well, I've been given a task, and I don't know if I can do it. I'm just scared."

Ianto slumped forward. "I'm scared too. I'm scared knowing that if I ever get Jack back, he won't even be the same. And I won't remember a damn thing, and that's the best of all possible outcomes."

Martha and Ianto looked away from each other in silence for several minutes before Martha finally said, "I need to immobilize your leg."

"Right."

"Can you lie on your back or is that too painful?"

"It's all right." Ianto lay back and let Martha set his broken leg with a heavy makeshift cast-splint hybrid. When she finished, she said, "There's something I have to say to everyone in the house. I'd like you to hear it too. Do you mind if I let people in here?"

"Don't care. Can I sit up now?"

"Yeah, here." She helped him up again. "I'll be right back."

Ianto suddenly realized how very hungry he was. He hadn't eaten in at least thirty-six hours, and before that, nothing but algae paste. Fucking algae paste. If he ever got out of this, he was going to make it a personal mission to destroy all the algae paste in the world. In the galaxy.

People started filtering in, trying to find a space to sit or stand. The teenager who had found Ianto hopped up next to him and handed him an expired box of fish crackers. "Hungry?"

"You angel," he said, tearing into the slightly stale snack. It tasted heavenly. He ignored the sodium levels. Hell, they'd probably help. Algae paste probably didn't have much salt.

"Don't hurt yourself," she said. "I'm Selene, by the way."

"Ianto," he replied through a mouthful of knock off Goldfish.

"I know."

He swallowed the snack. "Thanks for finding me."

"Thanks for not dying."

Ianto continued to nibble on the crackers, attempting to be quiet about it as Martha entered the room and began talking. It was an interesting and moving speech about how Jack's Doctor was always saving the earth from aliens, although Ianto felt that Martha downplayed her brilliance too much. She had been walking the earth with this message for nearly a year now, and that was no small feat. The last bit was instructional, though, and this was completely new to Ianto. Martha told everyone in the room to think of the Doctor and nothing else when Saxon's countdown finished, a month from now. Right then.

It sounded like bullshit to Ianto. Then again, Clarke's third law probably applied. What sounded like magic was in fact technology. He attempted to interrogate Martha further about the science behind this scheme, but she retired very quickly after the speech and left before he woke up the next morning.

Selene became Ianto's constant companion. They got on very well, but he knew she was disappointed that he wasn't the dashing hero she wanted him to be. The fact was, with Tosh gone, he felt fairly dead inside. She'd always been the strongest, smartest, and most courageous of them all, although she didn't seem to know it, and her absence made it difficult for Ianto to push forward. Any plans Torchwood Three had made were fucked now, anyway. The Master had gotten all the information he needed from an informant whose family had been held hostage. Saxon had used the woman, released her family, and murdered her in cold blood while Gwen, Rhys, and Ianto watched.

Ianto was so damn tired. He helped the people who'd saved him to plan small acts of terrorism, but they were just token rebellion. Still, Selene insisted they helped, and he knew she was right. Any acts of rebellion would give some heart to the people, and that would help Martha's plan work. Ianto knew they shouldn't rely on that. It was hard not to hope, though.

The countdown had only minutes left. Selene and Ianto were waiting. Everyone else was in other houses, making sure as many people as possible knew what to do. Ianto sat on the couch, his healing leg propped up on an ottoman.

"You scared?" she asked.

He opened his mouth to say "Yes," but he suddenly realized he wasn't. Ianto Jones had run out of fear. He was angry. Angry at what this monster had done to humanity. Memories of Toshiko with unseeing eyes, Owen's arteries spurting blood, Gwen and Rhys with their brains blown out, and Jack, his face colored with agony all gave Ianto the rage he needed to drown any fear he should have been feeling. "No. I'm ready."

"Good," she said. "'Cause I think I'm going to shit my pants. If Martha's plan doesn't work, it's the end, isn't it?"

"Probably."

"Thanks," she said dryly. "That helps."

He laughed, but there was no real humor in it. "Just focus on what you have to do."

"Right. Focus on—" She stopped suddenly as the front door exploded with a horrible crash and three Toclafane flew in. Ianto scooted forward and shoved Selene behind him, hoping they would remember that he was to be kept alive.

"It's the Captain's plaything," one said, giggling.

"What do you want?" he asked coldly.

The second creature laughed. "The Master has known where you have been all along. Did you really think you could hide again?"

"He sent me here alive. I'll ask again. What do you want?"

The thing sounded surly. "The Master desires that you know we have found Martha Jones. Her plan is ruined. The weapon is destroyed. She will never find the fourth component. She will be executed in minutes."

Ianto's expression didn't change, although he was slightly confused.

The third Toclafane piped up. "He never said anything about that one! Can we kill it?"

"Over my dead body," growled Ianto.

It circled around him, trying to get a clear shot at Selene, but Ianto kept his body between the monster and his friend. "This is no fun," it pouted, but the first one took advantage of the situation to attack. Selene shrieked as her arm opened and blood poured out. The three creatures laughed. Ianto grabbed a nearby blanket and pressed it over her laceration.

"Get OUT!" he yelled, but they just giggled and tore up the furniture. Ianto reached under the couch cushion and withdrew a handgun, which he pointed at one of the Toclafane. "You have five seconds to get out of here," he said icily.

"He's so scary!" one mocked.

Ianto shot it. The bullet did little, if any, damage, but it did send the creature spinning into the wall. The other two were advancing on him when Selene whispered, "The countdown."

It began slowly. Ianto was too focused on the immediate threat to play his part right away, but Selene began sighing, "Doctor." Her eyes were closed. Ianto felt a strange connection to…well, he wasn't sure what. He tried to keep the gun aimed at the monsters and think of the Doctor simultaneously, but he lost his ties to the here and now as psychic waves washed over him. "Doctor," he thought. He may have said it out loud. It was the most peaceful Ianto had felt in over a year. He even felt…happy. The last time he'd been this happy was in Jack's arms, Jack alive, Jack ignoring his proffered hand and pulling him in instead, Jack kissing him, Jack forgiving him.

The Toclafane, for their part, were confused. They could not connect with the humans, not in this way, so they were forced to watch to attempt to understand this bizarre phenomenon.

Ianto knew he was bonded with most living humans right now, and most living humans should logically include his lover, but it was rather shocking to actually be able to feel his presence. He was one of the last to join, and Ianto noticed. He suspected that a lot of people noticed. Jack was a powerful presence. It made sense. Ianto was pretty sure by now that Jack had been born in the future, so he probably had advanced mental capabilities.

And suddenly the Time Lord was drawing on all this psychic power, and he was going to save them all. He was going to win.

"Doctor," Selene said again. She still hadn't opened her eyes. Humans, working together in such a perfect way.

It was beautiful.

And then it was over.

The Toclafane were nervous. "We should return to the Master."

Ianto laughed.

One turned on him. "What is so funny?"

"You," he said, still laughing. "You think you can escape. You can't. Your very existence will be erased, just like you were trying to do to us. Whatever you are, you aren't supposed to be here."

"We are here," it said angrily. "We have come from the end of the world—"

"What in the hell are you?" Selene demanded.

"We were once like you," said the second.

"Human." Ianto inhaled sharply. "They're…they're human."

"What?"

"They're our descendants," he said, shocked. "That's the paradox. Oh god. Humans, put inside machines, like…like Lisa." Cybermen, but different. It wasn't their fault. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what's been done to you."

"We are happy this way," insisted the thing. "We have fun. We play with the humans here."

"Please," Ianto said. "Don't hurt us." Come on, Jack. Finish it.

"We won't," the third sphere assured him. "We'll just hurt her." It rounded on Selene, who had retrieved a cricket bat from behind the couch. She slammed it into the Toclafane, who went spinning off, but it quickly recovered. Ianto fired off several shots, some of which glanced off the spheres. One of the monsters managed to hit Selene, who screamed but continued to batter it with the bat. Suddenly the front door flew open and people poured in, yelling. They attacked the creatures with whatever was at hand. The shells were nearly impenetrable, though, and the Toclafane were only kept back, not hurt. They had just accidentally shot Ianto in the shoulder when, quite suddenly, they vaporized. Everyone was so surprised that they simply stared until Ianto said, "None of this ever happened."

They all turned to look at him. He had a calm smile on his face. "We're saved," he said quietly, and everything was gone.

"No Rift activity," said Tosh, yawning. "Looks like today will be dull." She decided not to mention that the anomaly—something feeding off of Rift energy—that had shown up when Jack disappeared was back. It hadn't lasted very long, and it might mean nothing. No point getting everyone's hopes up. If she mentioned it, and Jack didn't return, Gwen would be fidgety, Owen would make everyone want to punch him, and Ianto would pretend not to be miserable for a week. Better to play it safe.

"Good," Owen said. "I might actually get to go out tonight."

"No, you won't," Gwen disagreed, passing by him. "You've got night watch."

Owen grumbled. "I've been here for days straight."

"No, you haven't," she called.

"Well it feels like it."

Gwen ignored him. She passed Ianto and stopped, noticing his white knuckles gripping the rail. "What's wrong, love?"

He was breathing oddly. "I don't know," he muttered. "I just had this horrible feeling, like…I don't know." He blinked and shook his head. "It's gone."

Gwen was still watching him with concern.

"I'm fine, really," he reassured her. "I'm going to go make coffee." He moved toward the kitchen. Gwen shrugged and let him go.

It was only a few hours later that Tosh noticed a blowfish driving a sports car on street camera feeds.

Jack woke up quite suddenly, sweating and feeling queasy. He went into hyper-alert mode, looking around in the dark and trying to figure out where he was.

"What's wrong?" a voice slurred.

Jack nearly punched him. Ianto caught his wrist, winced as the force of the blow strained his arm, and pushed him back. Jack rolled off the bed, his arms held out defensively. Ianto slid off his side and managed to find the lamp switch. As the room flooded with light, Jack remembered where he was and felt incredibly stupid.

"You okay?" he asked sheepishly.

"I'm fine," Ianto answered, but he was shaking slightly.

"I really…you shouldn't…um…maybe I should sleep alone." Jack's eyes betrayed him, however, and Ianto knew perfectly well that Jack very much did not want to sleep alone.

Ianto took a seat on the bed and patted the spot next to him. "Sit."

Jack obeyed, sinking gratefully into the younger man's arms.

"I still have horrible nightmares about the Cybermen," Ianto said quietly. "And Daleks, and Lisa, and the fucking cannibals in the Brecon Beacons. You know that. We've both woken up to the other screaming about something."

Jack said nothing. It was certainly true, but he'd only had to comfort Ianto once in such a situation. He had suspected that it happened more often, but at the time, Ianto had lied. They all needed therapy. There wasn't a single member of Torchwood who didn't suffer or hadn't suffered from some form of PTSD.

"I'm going to stay," Ianto announced. "I'm not leaving you alone. I can handle it."

Jack was relieved and worried at the same time. "Ianto…I don't mean…You aren't…well…I'm stronger and heavier than you."

"Yes, and I'm smarter," Ianto deadpanned, although, Jack thought, he probably was right, even if he wasn't serious. "I'll be fine."

"Well," Jack said in mock annoyance, "I'm prettier."

"I'm younger."

"I'm—now just a minute," Jack argued. "That's not fair. Everyone is younger than I am. Except—never mind."

"Never mind?"

"No one."

"Your…"—Ianto shrugged casually—"…ex-boyfriend?"

Jack didn't answer right away. Ianto had a way of acting playful while attempting to obtain information he wanted. He should have known the younger man would suspect he and the Doctor had been intimate. Finally he decided to be honest for once. "Not really. They—Rose and he—liked each other more than they liked me. We had…fun, but I mean, I guess I wasn't as important to him as…." He trailed off and stared at the duvet for a moment before turning his head to look at Ianto, who was wearing an expression of affection that was both terrifying and exhilarating to Jack. It only lasted a split second, though, and Ianto quickly offered him a smile that made his genitals excited. That was more comfortable. That was what they did well. "He didn't want me," Jack finished lightly.

Ianto kissed him and began touching him gently, stroking his back and shoulders, running his hands down Jack's sides, and gradually making his way up his thighs. "I want you, Jack," he whispered. Jack shivered and took comfort and pleasure in the closeness. He didn't want to be so vulnerable, and he didn't want to get caught in this trap again, but he needed Ianto so terribly much right now, and he was here, giving. They sank backwards onto the mattress, and Jack let himself think that maybe, just maybe, the pain of his entire life wasn't so bad, because it had brought him here, to this point, with this man, and maybe, for once, he had found something—someone—worth holding on to. He wouldn't think about the future, he wouldn't even think about tomorrow, because right now, he was sharing something good with someone amazing.