Chapter Text
You woke up , covered in cold sweat, heart pounding roughly against your chest , to a point you thought it would tear up your ribcage. You blinked, yet every time you did so your vision remained dark, you could not see anything.With a deep exhale,you pushed yourself out of the bed, blindly walking to your window and in one swift motion moved the curtains to the side.Light enveloped the room, small particles of dust immediately became visible in the air.
You opened the window, and slowly positioned yourself against the sill ,allowing yourself to breathe in the fresh air. The city was quiet at this hour, less traffic, less noise, less people— something that almost felt whimsical, straight out of a book.
Minutes , passed rather quickly. You took a cold shower to ease whatever nerves had been triggered and wash away the bad energy that still clung to you after your rather poor sleep. Your feet took you to the fridge right after, scanning whatever ingredients you had left that would make a proper satisfying meal that would not require much time to cook. You got to work, a playlist of old songs echoing in the empty walls of your apartment , you lip syncing to the music as you prepped the food. You found yourself craving something rich in taste and nutritious so you ended up filling four containers with what was known as a Buddha bowl.
You blamed none other than Shen. Typically, you only cooked enough for yourself and in cases you found yourself not exhausted ,you loved to food prep in advance and just let it sit in the fridge, saving yourself some energy or money to not resolve to take out.
“Switch?” Shen cocked an eyebrow as he pointed between your meal and his. Frankly speaking, the pizza he had ordered from the Italian restaurant down the street seemed very tasty— so temptation, and gluttony accepted in a heartbeat.
You enjoyed your pizza, as he gobbled down your homemade food and he kept making appreciating sounds, complimenting your food.
“Family recipe?” He asked ,wiping his lips with a napkin while keeping his eyes on yours.
“Internet one.” You chucked softly, enjoying the last slice of the pizza. “Remind me to book my next vacation to Italy. It’s a shame I’ve yet to try the authenticity of their exquisite cuisine.”
“You’ll love it!”
“What will she exactly love?” Cut the voice of none other than your silver fox attending, Doctor Abbot as he was passing by, getting himself a bottle of water.
“Italian cuisine.” Shen answered lazily, then what could only be perceived as one mischievous smirk from his side, took over his face. “One the other hand, you’d love her cooking. It’s to die for, really.”
You made yourself some coffee, the black kind today. It felt like it would be one of those days, and you wanted to be prepared in advance. You strolled to your couch, made yourself comfortable and carefully placed your phone on your side , ‘ In my head ‘ by Bedroom played in the background. You crossed your legs, flipping through the pages of a thick notebook that you use to keep track of your dreams. Your therapist had suggested you do so, as it would help you both explore your subconscious and process hidden feelings that would be difficult to articulate or so she said.
You closed your eyes, trying to remember as many details you could from the dream that haunted your sleep. You definitely blamed everything on your childhood friend, J for having suggested the German series ‘Dark’ and having you question your literal existence, a crisis that was not very much welcomed . You recalled characters from the series being present in your dream, sometimes you would inhibit their bodies and see the situation from a different pov. You saw dead bodies, burnt wounds that tracked from ear to ear having fried the face to a point behind recognition ,crows dropping dead from the sky, time was an illusion, everything was was.
A voice whispered in your ear constantly “not where, but when.” A faceless man, always observed you from a distance. You got stuck in a loop, and the part that made you jolt awake was none other than that creepy machine being placed against your will on your eyes, a song constantly playing in the background torturously spiking your anxiety, the spinning started and the burn felt real. Too real.
The hospital, was only a good twenty minutes walk from your apartment. You let yourself get lost in a Spotify playlist, containing a series of songs that Doctor Abbot had suggested to you throughout the time you had spent on the night shift. His music taste, was elite but you would not very much accept it out loud, especially after he openly criticised your generation for its bland music.
He was right, very much so but something in you stirred every time people of his age criticised your generation and well the whole topic later on had shifted into political views about the difference about said generations and there had pretty much been no winner ,given that an ambulance had arrived at the bay with a patient that had been in a critical condition.
“Hi ,there sweet cheeks.” Dana warmly smiled at you.
“Dana.” You returned the smile,nodding at her.You crossed your arms, taking a look at the board. Okay, your favourite night crawlers shared the shift with you, Shen, Ellis and Abbot. It’s not like you were not on good terms with the rest, but you felt like the night went by faster if these three tagged along. “Ton lots of patients today.”
“They will be your problem in around—“ she flicked her wrist upside down, peaking at her watch and nodding “ ten minutes or so.”
The night was quiet, something you dared not to say out loud as everyone in the medical field believed the jinx that followed the words. The treated patients were stable, the line outside felt like it got shorter just for you to blink and suddenly new faces popped up shortly after. You loved being ‘a night crawler’ a nickname that was suggested by Doctor Abbot, who apparently had been called a holy man for the longest time, as back in the day when it originated they considered the nickname baptism.
Your early weeks as an R1 had been only on the first shift, supervised by Doctor Robby. It was chaos, not due to his fault by any means because he was one hell of a talented doctor but in general the worst cases cursed the day. The nights were a bit quieter, the people were tired so the conflict that one tended to create during the day from the many circumstances ,seemed to die down due to the hazy feeling that overwhelmed the body at night. There was barely any spark of adrenaline.
Of course it was not a ray of sunshine either ,harsh cases flooded the night as well, deaths lingered on the halls, ambulances sirens were never not heard but working with this team, that did not need to verbalise lots of things, that avoided cherry picking cases made this whole ordeal a tiny bit better.
You had taken care of whatever patients had been appointed to you by both Shen or Abbot. Even though this was your final year of residency you had so much more to learn, knowledge that they always were eager to share. You were ambitious, after all had you not been ,all those years of hard work would have been worthless so that’s why they trusted you more, they pushed you more.
“Finish up checking on the case in South 17, and join us for a quick bite.” Abbot’s voice was low, looking straight ahead at the board, arms crossed on his chest.
“Mhm.” You nodded absent minded, lip caught between your lips as you had been engrossed in your thoughts.
“What’s on your mind? You’re unusually quiet today.” He moved his eyes to yours and after a few seconds, you shifted your attention to him. “Not that I’m complaining.” His lips curled upwards and you could not help but roll your eyes at that. He seemed to find that pretty amusing.
“I’m thinking about the said patient in South 17.” You throat felt dry, and your voice came out somewhat raspy. You coughed lightly, clearing the latter and speaking more clearly. “I just do not understand how some family members can be so dismissive towards their kids. He could have died, would have had they brought him here even one hour later.”He did not speak, he listened. It was not uncommon for you two to discuss cases, it was not always the objective aspect you talked about.
Alex, a seventeen year old boy had had an accident since the early hours of the morning. He had lost control of his bike, accidentally riding straight into high pavement which made him fall from his bike, the latter’s steering wheel having fallen straight down to one of his ribs, which had punctured his spleen, leading to internal bleeding.
The parents said he had come home with pain, but after an hour or so after some pain killers they had decided that he was okay and the poor boy had slept it off, or so they said. His eyes had formed dark circles and obviously with the turmoil inside his body , it was guaranteed that he did not sleep a wink.
Noticeably, his abdomen had changed colour. A dark shade of purple which had alarmed them into calling the emergency services to bring the boy to the hospital.You and Abbot performed the surgery and after you were done so, it felt like you had butchered an animal as the second the spleen got removed, a clogged blood clot exploded, covering the two of you in blood. The boy’s stats dropped, you almost lost a pulse but he made it through. He did.
“He’s one lucky kid. The chances of surviving internal bleeding with a punctured organ throughout the night are very slim.” He bit the inside of his cheek, eyes looking at you with an intensity that he only saved for you…or maybe that’s what you liked to believe. “He made it through the worse part, he got another chance at life… a luxury that maybe most people who walk inside these doors do not have.”
“Do you think we’re good doctors, Abbot?” You looked at him under your lashes. He sensed your hesitation, he noticed the way you tried to make yourself seem smaller, he noticed the vulnerability in your voice.
“We’re the best they can find.” He sighed, dropping his hands to his pockets, fixing his posture so he could face you. He took a step closer, eyes never leaving yours,trying to read more into you, about what you were exactly thinking about. The proximity between you, was close, yet neverimproper. It was—professional. Your tongue poked your oral commissure, thinking about his words.
“True.” You rubbed your temples, stretching your left hand on your face, easing some of the tension that built there.
“Self-doubt does more to sabotage individual potential than all external limitations put together.” His voice was calm, firm , and unshaken.
“Mark Twain.” You let his words sink in. He was right, he always was and sometimes you hated that he was. You were not found of the idea that he was the only person you knew that could say exactly the kind of words you needed to hear, no matter the situation.” Thank you.” Your voice was soft, gentle, genuine.
“For?”
“Always saying the right words.”
“I’m merely citing them.” He chuckled, offering you a kind smile.
“De-li-cious!” Shen hummed, stuffing his face in the food you had prepared.
“Abso-fucking-lutely!” Ellis agreed immediately. “While Shen is a pathological liar, now he speaks nothing but the truth. Your cooking has to be the best one I have tried.”
“How am I a liar?!” Shen revolted, and you shared a look with Abbot who just nodded dismissively as he ate his food.
“You’ve cheated more times than I can count on the betting board.” He squinted his eyes , as he dared Ellis with a look. “Inside information is cheating as far as me and my ten bucks are concerned.”
“Get off my neck, you’re only mad because your source had the information wrong.” He let out a full on Belly laugh, purposefully trying to agitate Ellis which led to an argument between the two of them that lasted for what felt like decades.
While those two were busy, Jack had finished his meal and was ready to dismiss himself. He almost did.
“Woah —woah.” Shen put his hand on the air, stopping Jack on his track. “Now hold on ,Abbot.” Jack’s features hardened, his face visibly showing his confusion. He tilted his chin up, awaiting for Shen to speak. “No comment on our lovely resident’s cooking?”
You felt your cheeks heat up, as you felt all three looking at you. You felt like you were back in high school and the teacher called you out in front of the class to talk about a lesson. Though this was different, ever since you switched to night shift Jack’s opinion has always been of importance no matter what trivial thing it regarded. You seek his approval, attention and validation in a way that perhaps crosses professional boundaries.
“The chef knows I keep her in high regards.” Three pair of eyes were looking at you, yet only one made your stomach clench, heart beat faster and make you feel like a teenager girl with a stupid crush. Gosh, you felt awful. Then he ran a hand through his curls, biting his lip as he suppressed a smile. “ Do not fall for their flattery , they’re trying to make you cook for them again.”
You squinted your eyes at both, lips forming into a thin line, head tilting slowly.
“They got twenty bucks on whoever convinces you to do so.” Oh. So this is why they had been showering your food with compliments before they even got to taste it. You couldn’t believe them, and betting on that was ridiculous. If they asked nicely you’d so but now that that money was on the table you definitely wouldn’t.You flipped off both of them and mutter unbelievable under your breath.
“Never cooking for you two again.”
Shen and Ellis were one second way from going off at Jack but the latter, just pointed at both of them ,then with a smile plastered on his face he held his hand on the air. They sighed, then each of them handed him twenty bucks, he looked pleased with himself.
“And then, I’m the cheater!” Shen looked annoyed. You were confused for a good minute. Trying to understand whatever the hell was happening.
“That’s low even for you , Abbot. “ Ellis placed both hands on her hips, scrunching her nose and curling her upper lip up in disapproval.
“Pleasure doing business with you two.” Jack pocketed the money, smirking like he just won the lottery. “Let me treat you to a drink ,later.” He pointed at you with his chin. You stood there, tutting as you kept your eyes on his.
“You’re just as bad as those two y’know.” You sighed in disbelief after you understood what happened.
“You love me.” He teased. His words are said so casually, yet you could not help the way they made you feel. The idea of how those words would feel if he said them from heart…it was stupid really.
He was your attending, your mentor, a figure of authority you looked up to. His career was in its peak, he was older so surely someone so well accomplished would not bother himself twice with the idea of entering himself with someone like you.
“Cheapskate.” You shooed him with your hand.” Trying to bribe me with forty bucks.” His eyebrows shot up and Ellis and Shen’s synchronised laughter almost infected you. You bit your lip. “Double the price, and I will think about it.”
He gently patted you on the back, voice low, intimate. “Just give this old man some company, money is not an issue.” You felt your cheeks heat up, yet tried not to show the way he affected you.
“Abbot’s on some sugar daddy behaviour.” Ellis laughed, making the lot of you join her, even Abbot.
“Just daddy.” He paused. “Ladies do not ask for sugar while in my lovely company, really.” He winked at Ellis and your body literally malfunctioned for a good minute. Daddy, he definitely seemed like a man who’d get off on that kink, and was the sex so good women never asked him about anything in return? You had no doubts, just by looking at him you could definitely tell.
“I owe Santos ten bucks.” You rolled your eyes, and suddenly Abbot fixed his eyes on you, a curious look lingering on his eyes.
“You didn’t-“ Shen gasped, uncontrollably laughing now, tears streaming down his face.
“On my defence-“ you shrugged, eyes on Jack—who was definitely expecting an explanation.
“On your defence…” Jack pushed, mouth slightly agape,eyes half lidded.
“I didn’t peg you as the type with the kink.That’s all.” At least that was what you told yourself when Santos opened the topic. You got flustered and she had already been teasing you about him, since her first weeks of being here.
”He definitely loves being called daddy in bed.”You both had been catching up with your charts, Jack was being hit on by a patient who was flirting rather loudly. “Ew by the way, she got that same desperate look in her eyes, that you do when he talks to you.”
“I do not look at him like that” You emphasised, glancing in his direction, a pang of jealousy making you tap on the keyboard with more force than intended.
“So you do agree, he’s definitely got a daddy kink.”
”No he doesn’t.” At this point you just wanted to change the topic.
“I say this calls for a bet.” She rubbed her hands, mischievous smile on her face.
”You haven’t even paid me for the last three bets I won.”
”I told you I will.”
“Is that what residents discuss in their free time now?” Abbot questioned yet there was no ill intention on his voice, on the contrary. He was apparently enjoying the topic. “Next time all you have to do is ask , sweetheart. I don’t shy away from my sex life.”
His hand found his jaw, slowly scratching it with the pads of his fingers. It was unfair, the way his words made you feel weak at the knees, the way your body started feeling hotter. Fuck him, like literally…or maybe not so literally…this was complicated.
”I smell an HR hearing for both of you.”Shen stated, but nevertheless he seemed to be enjoying the topic as much as Abbot was.
“Close your nose shut, before HR hears about the extracurricular activities you and that new nurse in the upper floor were doing in the hospital last week.” You teased him, and his eyes widened.
”Yup, message received. Keeping my mouth shut.”
“Woah—Woah!” Jack started laughing.” I definitely want to know what happened now.”
”You tell a soul, I take yours.” Shen pointed at you, his voice had an edge to it.
”I’m afraid I will have to corrupt her.” Jack spoke, his eyes finding yours once again,his voice sultry.” In the most non—perverse way ,I will make sure you’re drunk enough and then have my way with you till I make you spill all of your secrets…” he paused “regarding Shen.”
”That definitely sounded very ‘non- perverse’.” Shen formed air quotes with his fingers.
“Trauma one, we need an attending!”
“We shall continue this later-“ Jack exchanged a look with you, then was the first one to take off, the rest following right after.